True Detective Stories

Allow me to beguile you with a tale. It’s a sordid story emanating from the big city, where one man was stabbed and another man was interrogated.

While both men are the focus of the investigation, another man is the subject of this story. In this case, that person is a slow, dim-witted man the big city thought was worthy enough to wear a badge. Let’s call him Barney.

Barney is a member of the new breed of super cops; the kind of officers who take two hour lunches, pull over vehicles for sliding through a stop sign, and whine when they don’t get their way. In other words, the kind of cops everyone hates. But I digress.

Shortly after I walked into the division, I received a call from a sergeant claiming they had a stabbing victim outside a residence. The victim was stabbed multiple times in the torso and the arm, and collapsed on the sidewalk while fleeing his attacker. He was transported to the hospital and his last condition was critical.

The only other man in the residence was detained for questioning, and since he had several prior arrests, he knew the game. The suspect spent the entire time either lying or refusing to answer. Par for the course in the big city.

The suspect – who we believe was the attacker – was brought in by Barney, uncuffed, and virtually unguarded. The current policy is no one is brought upstairs because of Covid, but Barney is special, and brought him right up. The sergeant, to his credit, immediately told him to take the suspect downstairs… and that’s when Barney showed his true colors. “I’m day work. I’m supposed to be leaving soon.”

The sergeant was having none of it. “I understand that, but right now you need to take that person downstairs.”

Barney sheepishly walked the man downstairs and sat with him until we figured out the man’s involvement in the investigation. Eventually we had Barney bring the man upstairs and placed him in an interview room. Two detectives questioned the suspect with Barney looking stupid outside the door.

At one point, the detectives left the room to speak with the supervisor. A few moments later, the freakin’ suspect was walking down the hallway! Barney was standing by the door and let a potential murderer walk right past him without saying boo. We saw the suspect and got up to grab him just as Barney yelled, “Hey man. Hold up.”

Hey man, hold up? He’s a f**king prisoner, you jackass! A group of detectives grabbed the suspect, just as he was about to make a call on his phone. (Probably telling his boys to get to the house and remove evidence.) While we were securing the suspect, Barney just stood there with a dumbass look on his face; as if it wasn’t HIS job to make sure a suspect doesn’t walk right out the front f**king door!

The only solace in this idiot’s ridiculous, dangerous actions is the fact his captain and I are friends. I cannot wait to tell him this story. Barney will be on a permanent foot beat until the end of his miserable career.

1,277 days.

8 thoughts on “True Detective Stories

  1. I’m not even in the law enforcement field and I know better than to let a suspect walk out the door and down the hall. No wonder people are leaving the big, liberal cities in droves. Scary that someone so stupid or lazy or both can get fulltime employment anywhere.


  2. Ronni – The guy has maybe three years on the job, and apparently he hasn’t learned a thing. He does have a terrible attitude, which is exactly what you want in a patrol officer. /sarc


    1. A bit of personal news. Can you believe after losing my husband 14 years ago, I have someone in my life. I feel like a 16 year old with a school girl crush. He is, of course, in law enforcement. He does pre-sentencing reports for the Scott County judicial system. Who would have thought!!

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Hey! This is big news. I’m really happy for you. I hope it develops into a great relationship. Congrats!


  3. At least Diego now has some competition for worst cop ever. I’m sure we’ll be hearing from him soon. Maybe he and Barney can partner up at some point. Do you guys still have those four hour shifts for special partnetships? They’d fit right in. Come to work at 10, leave by 2. Everybody else can cover the slack.


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