True Detective Stories

It’s been a while since I posted about Diego the Idiot Detective; not because he isn’t still stupid, but because none of the dumbass things he has done lately really angered me.

So much for that streak.

The division was stacked Friday, with nearly every detective in my squad present. Within an hour, three detectives were called to court, two more detectives had to go to Trenton, NJ to get an interview signed, and two detectives were catching up on jobs which were due a week ago. For most of the day, four of the eleven detectives were in the building – one of which was Diego.

Around noon, the phone rang, and while Diego hadn’t picked up a phone the entire day, he decided to answer this call. After a few minutes, he came up front to talk to our supervisor, claiming a man was arrested after breaking into a house and there was a crime scene. The supervisor, who knows how stupid Diego is, asked him to give the phone to the assigned detective. After a few minutes, the assigned detective came up and said, “It’s a residential burglary, and there is no scene. I don’t know what Diego told you, but as usual, he got the story entirely wrong.”

The supervisor was livid, as doesn’t appreciate being lied to. He called Diego to the front.

The supervisor, visibly angry, started questioning Diego about the call he took. Diego hemmed and hawed, but stood behind his inaccurate account of the incident. The supervisor reminded Diego that we do not process residential burglaries unless the stolen value is over $25,000. Because Diego is a moron, he went to his favorite line, “Oh, I know that.”

No Diego, you actually do not know that.

The supervisor then asked what was taken from the residence that demanded the scene be held. Diego replied, “Uh, I don’t know.”

No Diego, we know you don’t know.

Flustered, the supervisor finally told Diego it was not his place to secure the scene if he was not the assigned detective. Again, he replied, “Oh, I know that.”

No Diego, you do not know that.

Finally, Diego decided to turn the tables and seemed to blame the supervisor for his idiocy, claiming, “Well, I came to you and told you what happened.” Moments later, the supervisor effectively told Diego to get the hell away from me. Just another day with Diego the Idiot Detective.

1.237 days.

5 thoughts on “True Detective Stories

  1. Pretty soon you’ll be under 1200. Something to look forward to surpassing. I’m not sure why God made so many really stupid people. I’ll ask Him when I see Him. Hopefully not in the near future.


    1. I commend you for the restraint you show. It’s why I left police work so long ago. It got to the point I could not tolerate the stupid people at all, which didn’t leave much room for error. I’m sure I’d have ended up in jail if I stayed longer and lost my temper.


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