True Detective Stories

I cannot stand this paste eating imbecile.

Diego the Idiot Detective asked, and was approved for a vacation day Saturday. I was overjoyed by this, because weekend day work is usually not as hectic as weekdays. The bosses aren’t around, the drones all have the day off, and it’s usually quiet until noon.

I arrived at 6:30 – yes, I always arrive early on day work – and started entering the day’s jobs. I was entering a job when Diego walked past my desk. I looked up and asked, “What are you doing here?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you are in the book as being off vacation today.”

Diego pauses, turns around, and looks at the vacation book. His name is right there with the letters “VAC” next to it. Diego then actually says, “Oh, I forgot I took the day off.”

Diego then takes a few steps toward the door, as if he was going home to enjoy his day off, and stops. He puts his hand to his chin – as if he could think without a brain – and stood there for maybe a minute and a half. Finally, he turns around and says, “Eh, I guess I’ll stay.” Lucky me.

Diego then walked to the vacation book, grabbed my Wite-Out, and used it to cover his entry. I asked him what he was doing, and he said, “I don’t want anyone to know I forgot I had the day off.”

Moments later, the lieutenant came in and asked who was off. One detective was on Military Leave and the other was Diego. I told the Lt. the story and he looked at the book and started giggling. “He really thought no one was going to remember he had off?” The lieutenant was still laughing as he walked to the office.

About a half hour later, Diego comes up the sergeant and has the balls to ask for Sunday off. Sunday is usually busy because the domestic violence detectives and the shooting teams are off. The sergeant tells Diego that we’re short and don’t have the special teams in, but Diego has a terrific excuse. “I want to see my daughter play softball.”

The sergeant just looks at him. After a moment, he says, “I’d like to see my kids too, but I need to be here, doing my job.” The sergeant then says, “You know we’re going to be busy tomorrow, and you’re screwing over your squad.” Diego actually starts giggling, which didn’t help matters. I think the sergeant was about to deny him the vacation day when I decided to put in my $0.02.

“Sarge, I’ll gladly pick up any slack Sunday if you give him off. I’d rather him be home than working here.”

The sergeant approved dummy’s vacation day.

8 thoughts on “True Detective Stories

  1. Did Diego have any reply to your remark or did it go flying right over his head? What an idiot!! I laughed out loud at your comment to the sergeant.


  2. Ronni – He ignored it, because he would receive even more sarcasm.

    Cathy – Entirely possible, but he’s too stupid to know what it was. The best part is we had four jobs all day. If he came in, he could have watched TV all day.


  3. He was probably going to steal someone’s food. Maybe whoever’s at home told him he needs to go on a diet?


  4. I remember an old saying back when I had a “normal” job: A day that the boss takes off is like a vacation day for us.

    In your case, swap “Diego” for “boss” and you’re there!


  5. MelP – On our last night work shift, we brought in potluck dinners. Diego brought in brisket. Again. I’m convinced that’s all he eats.

    TXNick – Normally I would agree, but my supervisors were off one day last week, and guess who had to play supervisor?


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