This Guy Can Lead The Tickertape Parade!

A patriotic New York vagrant decided to yank his doodle, it’s a dandy in the middle of Times Square. Holy crap, it’s like Ed Koch and David Dinkins are back in office!

A 43-year-old vagrant was slapped with public lewdness charges Tuesday after cops said they caught him brazenly masturbating in the middle of a crowded Times Square.

Deaven Russell was busted in the Crossroads of the World around 12:30 a.m. for allegedly pulling off the grotesque act while sitting outside American Eagle Outfitters on Broadway, just feet from passersby — including a young girl with her mom, disturbing video of the incident shows.

I mean, if you’re going to flog the dolphin, you want to do so outside someplace classy, amirite?

Russell, who lives in a Brooklyn homeless shelter, was hit with one count of first-degree public lewdness and an additional lesser count of public lewdness, a police spokesman said.

The lesser count was for the size of Russel’s miniscule penis. Boom!

6 thoughts on “This Guy Can Lead The Tickertape Parade!

  1. “I mean, if you’re going to flog the dolphin, you want to do so outside someplace classy, amirite?”

    May I suggest in front of the Mayor’s Mansion?

    Like

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