True Detective Stories

So Friday night, we embraced two shootings in less than two minutes, which is actually not surprising for a summer night in the big city. The first shooting was approximately four blocks from the division, and two people were shot. The second shooting was maybe six blocks from the division with one person shot.

Again, none of this is breaking news. We have shootings literally every day in our division, and every victim claims he don’t know nuthin’. Once in a while, however, we get a true gem of a victim. Someone so galactically stupid that we stop, pause, and rub our eyes in the face of such idiocy.

The victim of the second shooting arrived at the local trauma center, and when the officer asked how he got to the hospital, the man gave the most ridiculous answer I have ever heard.

The man claimed he called a Lyft, and had the Lyft driver take him to the hospital.

Who the f**k calls a Lyft when they’re shot? Does this jackass not know the number for 911? What Lyft driver would allow a bleeding gunshot victim in his immaculate car? Who would believe this b.s. story?

My supervisor, who is right far more than he’s wrong, suggested this alibi. “The victim was probably shooting at someone else, and he needed time to run home and stash the pistol before having one of his friends drive him to the hospital.”

Yep, that sounds to be the more plausible answer.

5 thoughts on “True Detective Stories

  1. Cathy – Thankfully, he was off our last two days, so the IQ of the division went up forty points.

    Mike AKA Proof – With this economy, it’s a good business decision.


  2. Now, in a rational police investigation with prosecutor support you could take his lies, and use them to tear his story apart, and get him to admit the truth.

    Now, even if you did, and were successful, it doesn’t matter because you will not get any charges made, and the prosecutor won’t do anything. Make sure you file all the proper paperwork and drive on.


  3. RD – We’ve earned 267 homicides already, none of the bosses in the department give a damn, and they expect us to be gung-ho for the job as they thwart us at every turn.


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