True Detective Stories

There is no question I think Diego the Idiot Detective is the dumbest person I have ever met. It’s not even close, and I would say the illegitimate president is galactically smarter that this imbecile.

Let’s take example 3,879.

On Monday, there was a gun arrest waiting for us. The overnight shift got stuck with two shootings, so they had to hand it off to us. Diego the Idiot Detective was up for the first arrest – which made me smile – and that meant he would be busy most of the tour.

According to the report, two thugs were sitting on the offender’s steps smoking weed all night. The offender, an Asian man who is in his 70’s, has to sleep in his lviign room because he cannot climb stairs. After a few days of this, he apparently had enough. The “victims” claimed the man walked out the door, threatened them with a shotgun, and said, “I’ll kill you.”

Diego and the sergeant went to the scene and to search for the alleged shotgun. When they arrived, the neighbors all came out and told Diego these two thugs do this all the time. They’re menaces to the neighborhood, and they have long rap sheets.

Diego obtained a search warrant, and he and the sergeant searched the offender’s residence. After searching the residence, no shotgun was found. Considering the neighbors’ testimony, and the fact no shotgun was found, the sergeant concluded there was no way we could arrest this frail old man. The sergeant told Diego to include the neighbor’s statements in the report and keep the case open, since there was no way the Charging Unit would believe there was enough evidence to charge the offender.

Anyway, Diego comes back to the division, and for some inexplicable reason, he brought up the offender and interrogated him – completely ignoring the sergeant’s advice.

Now remember, there was no evidence a shotgun was used or even shown. The only witnesses were the two thugs who have been tormenting this man. Cameras in the area did not show the man accost the thugs, nor did it show a shotgun. But that wasn’t good enough for Diego.

During the interrogation, Diego asked the man if he pointed a shotgun at the thugs. The man allegedly said, “No, I pointed a pistol at them>.” Now considering the man’s age and frailty, I have no idea if this was the case. The thugs claimed he pointed a shotgun, which looks nothing like a pistol, and no pistol was recovered from the man’s house.

That’s okay, though, because Diego got his arrest, and he removed a violent Asian terrorist off the street.

4 thoughts on “True Detective Stories

  1. It is my sincere desire that you retire peacefully with your family instead of spend your days in the slammer after murdering this asshole. Remember that he is not worth it. I, on the other hand, would probably not be able to refrain from making the world a better place if I had to put up with the guy.


  2. He doesn’t even follow basic orders he is given. Not certain he makes things safer for people. Is this clown married? I find it hard to believe there is someone out there who would want to spend time with this guy once he opens his mouth and tries to compose and voice a thought.


  3. RG – Literally everyone in the squad hates his guts. One of the first things they tell you in the academy is we have the power to remove someone’s freedom, and that should not be abused. Diego must have missed that day.

    Ronni – He is actually married and has kids. I never met the wife, but I assume she has some serious issues.

    Cathy – hard to believe he’d be worse than our current mayor, but it would be close.


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