True Detective Stories

You know, in a little more than a month, I will be “celebrating” twenty-seven years in the police department. In those twenty-seven years, I spent twenty-two in two of the worst, most violent parts of this wretched city. As a result, you would think I have seen everything.

You would be incorrect.

On Wednesday evening, a patrol sergeant called the division and stated they pulled over a driver for the ridiculously unconstitutional – in my opinion – crime of having tinted vehicle windows. Personally, I usually tried to stop vehicles blowing red lights, swerving in and out of traffic, or otherwise committing actual crimes. But I digress.

When the officers approached the vehicle, the defendant refused to roll down the window, or exit his car. Stupefied, these two super cops called a patrol supervisor to give them guidance. (If they had called me, I would have told them to release the guy because their probable cause was bullsh*t.) The supervisor arrived on location, and the defendant still refused to exit the car or roll down the window. The supervisor’s next move was arguably the dumbest thing I have ever heard.

The supervisor declared the scene a barricade.

Obviously, a barricaded person call almost exclusively pertains to an armed person holding up in a residence or a business. They refuse to come out of the structure, and the barricade is announced by the ranking supervisor. In nearly thirty years of policing, I have never ever heard someone call a barricade in a vehicle, because there is no such thing as a barricaded vehicle.

It’s ludicrous to even call a barricade in a car, because you can see exactly what the defendant is doing at all times. But hey, I guess the supervisor wanted to earn a Valor medal or some such nonsense.

This idiot supervisor then declared a staging scene, notified the upper-echelon bosses – who likely laughed all the way to the location – and frantically gave out information over police radio describing how the defendant was still inside the car.

Eventually the defendant’s wife came to the scene and asked him to exit the car – like the South Park “Trapped In A Closet” episode. The supervisor later claimed there was a firearm inside the vehicle, but by that time I didn’t care anymore.

This department is surrounded with people who shouldn’t be allowed to carry a plastic knife, let alone a firearm, and I anxiously await for one of these geniuses to declare a barricade at a hot dog stand.

1,148 days.

9 thoughts on “True Detective Stories

    1. If I had a dollar every time a patrol sergeant called me for advice, I could have retired already. Dude, you get 14% than I do. Why would you be asking ME for advice?

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  1. Does anyone remember in Bryn Athyn about 10 years ago an armed robbery was chased to a parking lot at Huntingpike and Pine Rd and the offender refused to exit the car and was brandishing a firearm. Local PD Swat shot him. Some idiot hostage negotiator from PHILA PD was getting his face all over TV news screaming how the Township was wrong and they should have declared a barricade at the car. I’m sure he’s a boss now😩

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