I. Hate. This. Mother. F**ker.
So Tuesday night was an enthralling experience. Halfway through the tour, the generator crashed, which in turn, crashed all our computers. Those working on assignments had their screens wiped, and the Deskman crashed. Because the captain’s aide was gone for the day, I was unable to enter the rest of the jobs for the tour.
Thanks to our slipshod internet, I had to enter all those jobs Wednesday, in addition to the incoming jobs. I was furious because 1. the captain’s aide still refuses to give me a key to her office – which would allow me to reboot the Deskman – and 2. because I had to play catch-up Wednesday evening.
All of that eventually went by the wayside, after Diego the Idiot Detective decided to start acting like a galactic jackass…
First, a little background information. We have two cleaning people assigned to the division; Carol and Mark. Carol usually takes our floor, and Mark does the police district on the bottom floor. Carol is a saint – nicest person I have ever met – so when we are on night work, we go out of our way to keep things clean.
So I’m sitting at my desk when we hear something big and heavy drop in the kitchen – sadly it was not Diego. Diego starts throwing out some “sentence enhancers” as he’s stomping in the kitchen, and one of the detectives goes in to take a look. Diego had a giant vat of lobster bisque, and dropped it on the kitchen floor. To quote Sean Connery in The Untouchables, “The kitchen smelled like a whorehouse at low tide.”
So Diego is frantically looking for paper towels, and there are none to be had. So dummy decides he would go into Carol’s closet and borrow the mop and bucket. Now since Diego is completely useless, he did one quick sweep with the mop and left it at that. Everyone was gagging from the lobster bisque, and telling Diego he may want to do a better job.
So, this fat piece of detritus rolls the mop and bucket back behind my desk, and pushed it into Carol’s closet. He closes the door and starts walking away. Seriously.
Being a Carol fan, I stopped Diego in his sluggish tracks. “Yo, are you seriously going to leave the bisque-covered mop in the bisque-filled bucket? You’re going to leave that for Carol tomorrow?”
Diego looks at me like I have two heads, so I decided to take things into my own hands. “Go away, Diego. I’ll get it.” So I wash the mop and rinse the bucket out a few times, while this fat slug waddles back to his desk. At the same time, one of the other detectives grabs a spray bottle, douses the kitchen floor, and cleans the area better than Diego would have done in a week.
The story gets around the division, and people start walking by to witness Diego’s complete lack of self-awareness. This POS was going to leave a dirty, smelly mop and bucket for Carol to clean on Wednesday morning, while he pretends he had nothing to do with it.