True Detective Stories

Allow me to regale you with a story about my good friend Diego. Obviously, Diego is not good, not a friend, and not named Diego in real life. He is, however, a pustule on the rear end of humanity.

One of the first things I do when I walk into work is check the court notice queue. Our Soros-installed DA has been sending unnecessary court notices to detectives, so they are stuck downtown all day instead or working on cases. It’s been their plan all along; if there are no cops or detectives working, chaos will reign.

Anyway, Diego the Idiot Detective receives court notices almost every day, and they are usually cited as “Must Be Tried”(MBT). We assume he gets so many notices because he’s a screw-up, and he needs to appear in person to explain his idiocy. Anyway, he had two court notices Friday morning. One was for a stolen auto – which was not MBT – and another was a gun arrest, which was MBT.

I always check Diego’s notices because he uses the occasion to stay downtown all tour so he doesn’t have to actually work. When I checked the gun notice, I noticed something rather strange. Diego received the notice on August 24th, but the notice was canceled on October 20th. By this time it was 7:15am, and Diego still wasn’t in the office…

Shortly thereafter the sergeant walked in and asked who had court. Since no one had a Must Be Tried, I replied, “No one. Oops, wait a minute, Diego still hasn’t shown up for work.” I explained the canceled notice and may have, possibly, maybe, mentioned that his MBT notice was canceled three weeks prior.

The sergeant immediately called Diego.

Sergeant: “Diego, where are you?”
Diego: “I’m headed to court for a Must Be Tried.”

Sergeant: “Not anymore. Your notice was canceled last month.”
Diego: “What? Really? I didn’t know that.”

Narrator: Diego absolutely knew, but wanted to scam the system. Again.

Sergeant: “Get your ass back to work. Now.”
Diego: “Okay, I’m headed back.”

On a bad day, it takes a half hour to forty-five minutes to get from the Criminal Justice Center to our division. It took Diego two hours to drive 6.6 miles, and according to Google Maps. it should have taken twenty-nine minutes at that time.

I don’t think I have ever seen someone work so hard to get out of work.

6 thoughts on “True Detective Stories

  1. RG – He had a MBT this morning, and when he arrived at 8:30, the ADA told him he was not needed. He walked into the division at 10:52am. So he sat down there doing nothing for well over an hour and a half.

    Cathy – F Diego? I like it.

    Like

  2. “I don’t think I have ever seen someone work so hard to get out of work.”

    I’ve encountered many people like that in my travels.

    Like

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