True Detective Stories

Occasionally I start these True Detective Stories with something along the lines of, “This doesn’t mean to be a bitch post…”

This post is exclusively a bitch post, so if you don’t feel like reading it, that’s cool.

Yesterday ended my two weeks of night work. As one of the pretty police officers downstairs always says, “Last day, best day.” Sadly, yesterday was nothing of the sort. I walked into the division at 2:40pm, and the floor was a ghost town. There was one detective left from the early shift, which was odd because there are usually a handful of detectives at that time of day.

I didn’t lose my mind about the lack of manpower, because screw them; if they want to run a skeleton crew, that’s on them.

Sadly, it was on us.

My desk was covered with paperwork from the early shift, which usually gets placed into their inbox. The only time we have to handle jobs from a previous shift is when they are priorities. Unluckily for me and my squad, there were three robbery reports on the desk. One of which was taken at 12:25pm, which was two and a half hours before my shift began. Where the f**k were the detectives, and how can they get away with leaving us three robberies which occurred on a different shift?

As the aneurysm was traveling through my brain, I decided to simply assign the cases to my detectives, and apologize before doing so. We had six detectives on the floor, so we could manage the workload. Or at least I thought we did. One of my supervisors had a detective finish up a job from the previous day, and the administrative lieutenant took another detective for his pet project.

For the record, the admin lieutenant has a bevy of his own detectives, but why use them when he can steal them from me?

So now I’m down to four detectives, and only two were present. So I gave the two detectives the robberies, and the third one could pound sand. It’s from the worst district in our division with the worst cops in the state. I went over radio and effectively told them to sit and spin until we get there.

So now I have no one available until 4pm, but the jobs keep coming in. A commercial burglary, a stolen gun, a robbery/rape that Special Victims passed onto us. My bosses are asking, “Who’s up for this job? Who got that job?” and I’m trying to explain that I have no one available. So, as I’m at my wit’s end, one of the admin detectives stop by me desk, and she’s carrying a lot of paperwork. I know how this conversation ends.

“Oh hey, we have COMPSTAT on Wednesday, and all these jobs need to be entered, mmm-kay?”
“Okay, how many of them are from my squad?”
“Yeah, that’s what I figured.”

So now I have to put in jobs from the other shifts because these cock-holsters won’t do their job. And this is a constant proposition; whenever something needs done, head to Wyatt, because he won’t say no.” The supervisors are asking, “Oh, what’s that job?” and I have to tell then they aren’t our jobs, but the captain’s office need them entered.

The bosses give me a look, and actually say, “Why didn’t you say no?”

“Gee, I don’t know; maybe because I don’t feel like heading to Internal Affairs for ignoring an order?” Or maybe I want to stay on until 2024 so I can get every single cent this horrible city owes me, and sitting out for a five-day suspension may seem awesome, but I really like getting paid.

The last straw was from the quietest district in our division. The captain of the district – who was in my academy class – is a very nice guy, but dumber than Kim Kardashian. He sent us a stolen car report – which we do not investigate unless it’s a carjacking – to the admin lieutenant, who gleefully gave it to us. When I inquired about WHY THE F**K ARE WE GETTING THIS, I was told to simply to assign it to someone.

I should have let that captain fail out of the academy when I had the chance.

Now, I know there was a point to this, but I was typing it while at work, and I was kinda angry. Oh yeah, the point of this fiasco is that this police department is exactly like living in Biden’s America. You can be a bum in this department, but if you know the right people, you can do whatever you want. If you’re a worker, you get shat upon, because you don’t know the right people, and twenty-eight years of service means nothing to the hoi polloi.

7 thoughts on “True Detective Stories

  1. Sadly, your experience is all too common. Nothing gets done or the situation is ignored until something goes horribly wrong/breaks.
    I had been advising/warning one of our business departments that they did not have an adequate backup for their “cash cow” system. Warnings went ignored. Until the event with the massive snowstorm that knocked out power to the facility, and backup generator failure as well. Advised the business that I was going to shut down their application servers because the UPS was going to run out of juice. Business tells me I “can’t do that, we’ll lose millions of dollars”. I tell them, if I don’t shut them down gracefully, they may never come back up. And you don’t have a backup system.

    Work on a backup system in a different geographic location started 2 days later.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Another problem is my dumbass sergeant decided to tinker with my computer. The system hasn’t been right since, and I usually have to reenter the job again after the first try wouldn’t take.

      I want to join a real police department for a week to see what good computers do, how clean bathrooms look, copiers which work, and meet competent police personnel.


  2. Been there, done that. Originally, I had 7 in my unit (including the supervisor) 1 position was taken over by another dept (which was fair enough, they paid for the position), so we were down to 6. Then another position was eventually phased out after a retirement & 2 replacements that were total fiasco. Another retirement & we were down to 4, then my boss decided to move one of my people over to the other unit, so 3. 2 of which were at least as worthless as Diego, both almost always managed to call in sick on the same days & 1 got in trouble for food stamp fraud (did I mention that we all worked for the welfare dept?). She eventually got fired & the other one quit a couple of months later, so just 1 person (me) was there every day and it took forever to get a position filled. Fast forward to earlier this year. We had our annual audit & the accountants wanted us to provide the daily spreadsheets showing how we balanced both the cash & food stamp issuances (as required by state regulations). I took a great deal of pleasure telling the higher ups that those stopped being done in 2017 because of the lack of personnel & the lack of interest by anyone in what my unit did on a daily basis. They still had an “oh well” attitude & I retired before the findings were submitted to the state.


    1. Of course you realize the management blamed you for everything that wasn’t done. You were the last one in the department, so you just weren’t doing your job.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s