So let me tell you about my yesterday. Thanks to our POS District Attorney and the weasels he employs, five out of the seven detectives in my squad were called down to court. Naturally, when my squad is called down, we never see them again; they simply sit in court all day and go home early.
So the two detectives – Salma Hayek and Jack Ryan – are on their own for the entire eight-hour tour. Jack starts off with a strongarm robbery, then Salma gets a commercial burglary. Salma parries with a gunpoint robbery, and Jack deflects with an apparent shooting.
In between jobs, the Pennsylvania Crime Information Center (PCIC) called five times in one hour, sending hit confirmations for stolen cars and wanted persons. Sending out a hit confirmation is not difficult, but it is time-consuming. After about five minutes, the jurisdiction which sent the message calls and asks, “Did you send it yet?”
I respond with, “No. We don not have a working teletype because the city will not give us printer ink, I have two detectives in the building today, and you are the third of five confirmations I need to complete. So, it’ll get there when it gets there.”…
I hang up on this bitch, because she’s a bitch, and moments later the phone rings. Salma picks up the phone and tells me the bitch wanted to speak to our supervisor. She sent it back, and apparently said I was “unprofessional?” Unprofessional? F**K YOU!
(Hmm, I guess that would have been unprofessional, but I said it in my mind.)
I had finally calmed down around noon, when some brand new jackass cop drops off another robbery report. I look at the time of occurrence, and it read 10:30am. This guy is a true prolapsed a-hole, so I delivered some snark. “Hmm, 10:30? We could have used that report an hour ago.”
Prolapsed a-hole then starts justifying why he brought it in so late in the day… ” “I ran outta gas. I had a flat tire. I didn’t have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn’t come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from outta town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake, a terrible flood, locust’s. It wasn’t my fault!! I swear to God!!”
When he was done excusing his incompetence, I replied, “With the exception of shootings, robberies are the most important jobs we receive. It’s difficult to locate victims or solve crimes an hour and a half after the report is filed” Prolapsed a-hole starts to say something, and I cut him off.
“Also, there is a directive on the books stating part one crimes need to be delivered IMMEDIATELY.”
1,010 days left. I cannot wait to get out of this place.