Carlos Isn’t Here, Man

Meet Carlos Ortiz, of Altoona, PA.

Carlos is obviously a people person, and he makes every effort to surround himself with other citizens… right before he begins assaulting them.

Carlos Ortiz, 47, allegedly went to Nic’s Grab N Go on 6th Avenue on March 27. He began to physically attack customers and struck numerous vehicles with plastic signs before striking someone with a sign. Witnesses told police he said he had a gun and threatened to shoot one of the victims.

When a female employee tried to get Ortiz to leave, he struck her with the sign and pushed her against a wall. He then chased after her when she tried to run back inside. Ortiz reportedly broke the mirror off of someone’s car before going inside the store where he hit the female employee and then punched a man in the face.

Wow, Carlos really doesn’t look like a guy who would assault people at random, amirite?

Police arrived to find Ortiz climbing a nearby fire escape. Ortiz threw a rock at officers before climbing onto the roof of the building. He then proceeded to throw a toilet off the roof along with a paint can and chimney cap directed at Altoona police.

The only question I have is this; did Carlos throw the toilet off the roof before or after he defecated in it?

7 thoughts on “Carlos Isn’t Here, Man

  1. Mark – Maybe it’s like Clerks. Playing hockey on the roof, and sometimes you really need to go?

    Cathy – That wouldn’t surprise me in the least.

    RD – I’ve posted more than a few Pennsylvania Man stories recently. I wonder if there’s something in the water?

    TXNick – Nah, just me. Our jackass mayor is implementing masks again, because reasons. I cannot wait for this POS to drown in alcohol poisoning.


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