True Detective Stories

Sunday evening wasn’t too terrible, considering how awful Sundays are in Philadelphia. We had a good amount of jobs, but none of them were really newsworthy.

Take Diego the idiot Detective’s first job. One of the officers in our building brought in a domestic assault. The woman was struck by her boyfriend, but there was no arrest. So basically, Dummy only had to take a short interview with the victim, then usher her out of the office. It should have been a ten-minute job, tops.

But this is Diego we’re talking about.

The officer waited for the victim, so he could transport her home. After about twenty minutes, Diego still wasn’t finished his interview, and the officer asked, “How long do his interviews last?” I responded, “Depends. If sports is on the TV, it’s five minutes. If not, a good half hour.” The officer rolled his eyes, and he was right to do so…

Anyway, Diego’s interview lasted just under a half hour, and he was leading the victim toward the hallway. He stopped short of my desk and started to talk to the woman again. At one point, Diego tells the victim, “The officer really doesn’t know what he’s doing. I doubt he has a clue.”

Diego said that as the officer was two feet from him.

Diego didn’t see the officer because he was sitting on a chair around the bend. I looked at the cop, and he looked at me before making the jerk-off motion, which was aimed at Diego.

Now, to be perfectly fair, this officer can be a knucklehead fifty percent of the time. That said, he has a good amount of time on the job, and when he isn’t doing stupid things, he is a pretty good cop. Now, I’m no detective, but I would wager the officer won’t be doing any favors for Diego anytime soon.

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