True Detective Stories

There are very few people I despise more than Diego the Idiot Detective. F. Joe Biden is one, the entirety of the Philadelphia Eagles are another, and the Antifa/BLM contingent. Other than that, Diego is right up there.

Saturday morning was another day of being short-staffed. One detective was on vacation and two others had to work the ridiculous Gun Buy Back initiative, where people bring 100-year old rusted hulks of firearms to receive a gift card. Thanks to the gun buy back, we had four detectives on the floor. Well, three, because Diego is not a real detective.

At about 9am, Diego comes to the front of the room and tells me and the sergeant he has to check a CVS Pharmacy for video of a shoplifting incident where the offender took maybe $20 worth of items. He then said he had to take evidence downtown afterward. The sergeant – an old-timer – said, “You don’t need video for the CVS because the D.A. won’t prosecute it.” As Diego was about to open his mouth, the sergeant said, “Take the evidence downtown, and be back here immediately, since we’re so short.”

Diego agreed, but we all knew better.

You see, this fat piece of garbage works very hard to get out of work. He’ll say he needs to go somewhere, then returns hours later. So, when he was about to leave the building, I said, “I am NOT skipping you. If you have a job, it’s going to be your job, and I’m not having one of our coworkers do it for you.”

We started placing bets, and I said he wouldn’t return until 1pm; an hour before we’re closed. The others guessed noon, but even I thought they didn’t really believe that. I did, however, walk back at 11:30 to let them know he was already gone for two and a half hours… and counting.

Diego officially returned a few minutes before noon… three hours later.


8 thoughts on “True Detective Stories

  1. Can’t he be written up for this stuff? How does he keep his job when he doesn’t work? If I had to work with him every day, I’d be bald from pulling my hair out over my frustration with this poor excuse for a human.


  2. Ronni – He could be written up but no one in the department cares anymore.

    MRGGUY – He is ridiculed daily, and he knows we all think he’s a clown, but he has zero self-awareness.


      1. Last week on day work, It was me and Quagmire. The next day is was me and Salma Hayek. No other detectives, no schools, no domestics. This week will be just as bad.


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