True Detective Stories

I’d like to start by apologizing for this post, because it is yet another episode concerning Diego the Idiot Detective. I’m on night shift this week and next, and since Diego’s first day was yesterday, he immediately whined about his first of the evening.

You see, the jackass cops in our division made three arrests Tuesday night, and all three of the jobs were never brought to the division until Wednesday afternoon. In short, all three of these arrests needed to be processed Tuesday, but the lazy morons we work with didn’t bother to bring in any paperwork.

When my captain, who is a great guy, BTW, asked about the jobs, he looked at me like I was joking. “No boss, I’m not joking.”

So I had to assign all of these jobs because these offenders were in a cell downtown for twenty-four hours without any arrest paperwork. That’s a problem. I gave a job to little Joey, another to The Red Menace, and the last one to Diego. Guess who was the only one complaining?

I ignored Diego’s whining, gave him the job, and told him if he wanted to cry, go tell the captain. But that’s not the main reason for this post…

Later Wednesday evening, we had a call for a woman reporting a stolen gun. Diego was up for it, and I couldn’t be happier. The cop brings the woman to the division, has her sit in the hallway until Diego brings her in for an interview.

Now, the hallway is right next to my desk, and while it’s a steel door, you can easily hear conversations in the division and in the hallway. So, you would think you’d use discretion when a possible victim/offender was right outside the door. Not in Diego’s case…

Diego was very loudly – he is always very loud – talking about the job to the police officer and two people from the PA Attorney General’s Office. Diego was asking for information about the gun, and then went off into a tangent about whether or not the woman was lying, and sold the gun on the street. For the record, the woman looked like she was in her 60’s, but Diego is our best detective. /sarc

So Diego and the AG guys are loudly talking about what they think happened, laughing about it, while I am losing my mind. After about five minutes, Diego finally brings the woman in for an interview, and before he opens the door, I say, “Good move talking about the woman as she is right outside the door, Diego. I’m sure she heard everything you said.”

Diego replied, “I don’t care.” I told Diego his attitude make that perfectly clear, but “It’s not only unprofessional, but it also gives the woman leverage in an interview if she actually did sell the firearm. You already gave her all the information she would need.”

Diego glanced at me, and immediately put me in my place. “Whatever, Wyatt.”


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