Meet Frankie Caldwell of Clearwater, Florida. Frankie really loves the Christmas season, so much so that he decided to decorate his girlfriend by shattering an ornament on her skull.
Investigators allege that Frankie Caldwell, 55, battered the victim around 7 AM with the “fragile” Christmas ornament, “causing it to shatter into pieces.” The 53-year-old woman is described in court filings as Caldwell’s “on-again-off-again girlfriend of nine years.”
When police arrived at the pair’s Clearwater apartment, the victim “described pieces of the figurine falling down the back of her dress.”
I guess it could have been worse. Frankie could have impaled his girlfriend with the paper clip holding the ornament on the tree. Or better yet, struck her with a fruitcake.
The O.K. Corral 
It would be interesting to find out just what “on again, off again” means in this story. Sounds like serious felonius assault using a deadly Christmas ornament.
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“Or better yet, struck her with a fruitcake.”
Even worse…. make her eat one.
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RG – My guess is he’s a Rhodes scholar who is a pillar of the community.
TXNick – A fate worse than death.
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