It’s Okay, I Ran In Slow Motion

So my vacation is wrapping up – sadly – and yesterday was likely our last day at the beach. It’s supposed to rain on and off all day, so we stayed in the water yesterday until nearly 7pm. Kevin and Julia spent the day on their boogie boards, and I stayed close by because the waves were rough as the tide came in.

At one point, I noticed a husband, wife, and their teenage daughter – she looked about Kyle’s age – floating in the surf in a raft. The family was sitting near us a few days ago, and they were speaking both English and Arabic. They seemed nice enough, and weren’t a bother, plus the daughter was really pretty.

The raft came closer toward where the kids were swimming, and I saw the husband rowing, the wife resting, and the daughter lying back and sunning herself. The raft was headed north/south but the waves were headed east/west. Did I mention the waves were rough?

It’s Warm, Put Your Top Down

We all know New York City has become a cesspool of leftism and violence, and it has attracted droves of malcontents and weirdos.

Take “Gyna,” for instance…

A topless woman was almost entirely exposed in Times Square on Tuesday morning — since her face mask failed to cover her mouth properly.

The woman, who identified herself as Gyna, was wearing hot pink booty shorts and sunglasses as she flashed a smile to stunned bystanders. But she was coy about what brought her out to the tourist destination in no clothes.

“I got two legs, my legs brought me out here,” she said.

By the way, the photo is the delicious Sela Ward. “Gyna” can be seen at the link, but I would not recommend it. You’ve been warned.

Rape, Murder, Arson, And Rape

A gaggle of Joe Biden staffers pumped money into a leftist organization which sent its time posting bail for rioters, attempted murderers, and rapists. This is what you’ll see in a Biden administration.

A Minnesota nonprofit that saw a huge windfall in donations during the protests and riots that followed the death of George Floyd in the custody of the Minneapolis Police Department reportedly has been putting up money to bail out people charged with serious violent crimes, including sexual assault, attempted murder and murder.

A new FOX 9 report shows that among the people helped by the Minnesota Freedom Fund (MFF) – which received donations from a number of Joe Biden campaign staffers as it saw a $35 million fundraising windfall in the weeks after Floyd’s death – are Darnika Floyd, who was charged with second-degree murder after allegedly stabbing a friend to death, and Christopher Boswell, who is facing charges of sexual assault and kidnapping. The group put up $100,000 on behalf of Floyd and $350,000 on behalf of Boswell.

As corrupt as the Obama administration was, at least Obama knew enough to not broadcast his crimes. Biden is nowhere near as cogent, and he’ll brag about releasing murderers, rapists, and terrorists onto the streets; because what does he care?

Senile Fool Picks Corrupt AG As VP

Doddering Alzheimer’s patient Joe Biden has decided to make California Senator Kamala Harris his vice-presidential running mate. Harris is the first African-American female on a presidential ticket.

I only mention that because it’s all the MSM is talking about… even though Harris is not 100% black. She’s half-Jamaican and half-Indian.

Presumptive Democratic nominee Joe Biden will select Democratic California Sen. Kamala Harris to be his running mate to take on President Donald Trump.

The announcement was made on Twitter, as speculation grew that there would be an event at Hotel du Pont in Wilmington, Delaware. Photos of an event production truck outside of the hotel were taken before the announcement, leading up to speculation that Biden would announce his running mate.

Kamala Harris was a markedly corrupt Attorney General, and famously insinuated Biden was a racist during the Democratic debates. Plus, she’s from California; a state already in the bag for Democrats. The choice makes no sense at all.

“Joe Biden is running to restore the soul of the nation and unite the country to move us forward. Joe knows more about the importance of the Vice Presidency than just about anyone, and he is confident that Kamala Harris will be the best partner for him to finally get the country back on track,” the Biden campaign said in an email.

The VP pick is arguably the most important announcement a presidential candidate can make, and the Biden team released it via email? No recorded message, no cameras, nothing? How far gone must Biden be to mot even make a twenty second announcement to the country?

CNN: The Cutting Edge Of Edginess

CNN burped out an article – no, I’m not linking it, because CNN is hot garbage – fretting about sex workers in Tijuana, Mexico, and their chances of catching the Wuhan Virus. Whatever will this trash organization do when the Wuhan is gone?

Tijuana, Mexico’s famed red-light district, called Zona Norte, sits a stone’s throw from the US-Mexico border. Calle Coahuila, the area’s main strip, is normally teeming with a frenetic action bathed in neon light.

Women in short dresses and the highest of high heels stand along the sidewalks, beckoning groups of men to spend some time and money with them. Massive strip clubs, some with hotels attached, act as de facto brothels.

Well I know where I’m spending summer vacation next year!

Many specifically cater to the thousands of Americans who cross the border from California each month, looking for a kind of fun that can’t be found legally in the United States, except maybe in some Nevada counties where prostitution is permitted.

The drivel goes on for a few more paragraphs, whining about the sex workers and their chances of getting Wuhan Virus. There’s very little about chlamydia, herpes, or AIDS, but plenty of the Wuhan. So apparently CNN is more concerned with the Wu-Flu than something that can actually kill these young women.

Bravo CNN< you hit another one out of the f**king park!

NCAA Football Sees Sad Trombone

Thanks to the Wuhan Virus – wow, it’s been all Wuhan so far today – the NCAA’s Big 10 and Pac-12 conferences have made the decision to either postpone or outright cancel their 2020 football seasons.

As the 2020 college football season hangs in the balance, coaches and players are using social media to voice their support for allowing the season to commence, using hashtags like #WeWantToPlay and #FIGHT.

Oh yes, everyone else in America needs to quarantine in their homes, watch their jobs disappear, and lose their freedom, but by all means, let the “student-athletes” play football.

“With the Big Ten and Pac-12 expected to cancel or postpone their seasons on Tuesday, the rumors have earned a response from some of the biggest names in the sport who took to Twitter to share their stance on the coming season,” NBC Washington reported Monday.

Nothing says impartiality or “follow the science” like head coaches sticking up for their players enormous salaries. Like teachers and the media, let’s celebrate our brave football coaches.

“I love our players & believe it is my responsibility to help them chase their dreams, both collectively & individually,” said Penn State University head football coach James Franklin. “I am willing to fight WITH them & for our program! #WeAre.”

YouAre… canceled. At least I hope so, because with the possible exception of Ohio State, Penn State is my least favorite football program. I’d be happy if the entire program folded.

UPDATE: The Big 10 officially “postponed” the football season with plans of playing in the spring… months after the college bowl games. Seriously, does no one in this country have a plan for the Wu-Flu?

You Thought College Was Bad Now?

In response to the Wuhan Virus, American colleges are cracking down on parties, get-togethers, and literally everything fun about the college experience.

As they struggle to salvage some semblance of a campus experience this fall, U.S. colleges are requiring promises from students to help contain the coronavirus — no keg parties, no long road trips and no outside guests on campus.

So why would anyone return to college? Honestly, the Wuhan has been the best remedy for the “necessity” of college. Why would anyone pay $50,000 a year for online classes? The entire thing – with the exception of the sciences – is an absolutely money-grab.

No kidding. Administrators warn that failure to wear masks, practice social distancing and avoid mass gatherings could bring serious consequences, including getting booted from school.

So they’re taking your kids’ money, and if they break the rules, they’ll expel your child… without a refund. I was forced to go to college, and I had a decent time. My grades weren’t the best, but it was fun. That said, with tuition today, I don’t know why anyone would want that much debt for a scroll of paper.

Caption Contest Winners

The I Ain’t Got Time To Bleed Caption Contest is now over.

Top Five Entries:
5. Me love you long time! Bang like screen door in ammonia nitrate explosion! – John Rudisil
4. Go to the Seattle “Summer of Love” they said…it’ll be fun they said…fck ’em. – MelP
3. Fertilizer bomb still less damage than a BLM protest. – Gary Moore
2. “Then Beirut, root, root for the home team!
If they blow up it’s a shame!
For it’s ONE, TWO, THREE strikes: KABOOM
at the old ball game!” – Mike AKA Proof

WINNER! – Hey, at least we’re not in Portland. – Veeshir

Hope She Has A Slush Fund

A female Florida 7-11 employee was assaulted by Florida Man after he lost his shite over the price of a Slurpee.

Investigators allege that Brian Duffy, 40, last month doused a 7-Eleven employee with the frozen treat during a 9:20 AM argument about the drink’s price inside a store in Pinellas Park.

A surveillance camera recorded Duffy “back handing the cup full of a Slurpee drink” out of the female victim’s hand. The Slurpee “flew onto the victim’s person,” a cop reported.

While Duffy left 7-Eleven before police responded, the victim yesterday afternoon “pointed the defendant out to law enforcement,” apparently after he returned to the convenience store.

During police questioning, Duffy recalled there previously was “an incident” in which he “was being charged too much for a drink.” But Duffy did not recall knocking the Slurpee out of the worker’s hand.

I believe him. Many Florida Men have no idea what they’re doing twenty-three hours a day.

Lance Armstrong Hates The Police

A bicycle store founded by Lance Armstrong has decided to terminate their contract with the Austin, TX Police Department for sales and repairs of police bikes. The store decided their support for the Black Lives Matter terror group was more important than police officers.

According to social media posts from Austin’s Mellow Johnny’s Bike Shop, the business made the call to terminate the contract in light of the “current evaluation of community policing in Austin.”

The bike shop supplied bicycles and repairs for officers within the APD via a $314,000 contract inked in 2019.

Cool, sue the bike shop for breach of contract and put them out of business.

“In the context of the current evaluation of community policing in Austin, we have decided to no longer purchase, re-sell and service police-issue Trek bikes and accessories under a City of Austin RFP [Request For Proposal] the shop was previously awarded,” the statement said.

Look, Lance Armstrong – aka Mister Doping – and his garbage company have every right to refuse any customer for virtually any reason. Similarly, the Austin P.D. has the right to call out these anti-police cowards and shop somewhere else.

That said, I find it hilariously hypocritical that after excoriating the Austin P.D., Mellow Johnny’s had the balls to end their tirade with this little nugget.

The post from the bike shop noted, “We are not anti-police. We do believe our local police force will protect us from the very threats we are receiving right now.”

Yeah, good luck with that, dickheads.

The irony here is the Austin police will likely rush to your location when you call 911, even after all your disgusting bile-filled rant. You know why? Because most police officers have more integrity than Lance Armstrong and his merry band of assholes.

I sincerely hope this decision puts you out of business.