Caption Contest Winners

The Hello Pity Caption Contest has now concluded.

Top Five Entries:
5. Are you sure this is the same one Barack used when he rode that bicycle? – MelP
4. Yes! Yes! This will go with the pink and the purple thong! – Cathy
3. Oh, It’s a present from Pres. Trump! It says “pull pin and put on”. That’s so nice! – William
2. Kim is pleased with his newly designed nuclear “football”. – Proof

WINNER! – “Herro kitty?” – Toothy

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Time Heels All Wounds

Meet Irene Sewell of Tennessee.

Irene is a retired professional ballroom dancer – that’s apparently a thing – who wanted to achieve fame and/or fortune. She did so by running a marathon in high heels.

Irene Sewell shared photos of herself following the Guinness World Record-breaking performance as she managed to complete the 26.2-mile race in the high-heeled shoes.

“Well world, I DID IT. I’m still in shock, but it really happened,” she wrote this week. “I ran a marathon today in high heels and set a Guinness World Record with two minutes to spare!”

Sewell brought six pairs of the 3-inch stilettos ranging from size seven and a half to nine along with blister band-aids, in-soles and calf sleeves. To top the previous record Sewell was required to complete the race in under seven and a half hours equaling a 17-minute mile pace.

So Irene ran a 26.2-mile race in high heels without ever falling backward and breaking a toe? Wow, someone nominate her for president! #ImWithHer

Death From Above

The Trump administration has decided to place the B-52 bomber fleet back on 24-hour notice. Hey that, Kim Jong-Un? Go ahead, make our day.

The U.S. Air Force is preparing to put nuclear-armed bombers back on 24-hour ready alert, a status not seen since the Cold War ended in 1991.

That means the long-dormant concrete pads at the ends of this base’s 11,000-foot runway — dubbed the “Christmas tree” for their angular markings — could once again find several B-52s parked on them, laden with nuclear weapons and set to take off at a moment’s notice.

“This is yet one more step in ensuring that we’re prepared,” Gen. David Goldfein, Air Force chief of staff, said in an interview during his six-day tour of Barksdale and other U.S. Air Force bases that support the nuclear mission. “I look at it more as not planning for any specific event, but more for the reality of the global situation we find ourselves in and how we ensure we’re prepared going forward.”

Carpet-bombing North Korea and Iran would be a nice first start. What, did I type that out loud?

Continue reading “Death From Above”

Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This

Yesterday I spent the day in South Jersey at the South Jersey Saints lacrosse College Prospect Day. Kyle signed up for the event, which included three hours of instruction, drills, and scrimmages in front of an audience of college lacrosse coaches. There were schools from Division I, II, III, and a junior college in attendance for Kyle to impress.

Now, I am brutally honest about my kids’ talent levels. Kyle is a very good lacrosse player – he’s been playing since first grade – but he is not a Division I quality prospect. He can, however, be competitive in a Division II or III school, and this was a nice event to show scouts what he can do.

Kyle, being my son, was a bundle of nerves the entire drive, and through the first half of the day. He was worried he wouldn’t impress anyone, and worse still, his favorite coach – from his freshman year of high school – was in attendance. Kyle did not want to disappoint him especially…

Continue reading “Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This”

Sunday Services

This week’s services focus upon Game of Thrones star Kit Harington.

Christopher Catesby “Kit” Harington (born 26 December 1986) is an English actor. Born in Acton, Greater London, Harington studied acting at drama school, while starring in the National Theatre’s adaptation of War Horse. His film debut was in Silent Hill: Revelation (2012). He has since appeared in films such as the romantic historical film Pompeii (2014), the computer-animated fantasy film How to Train Your Dragon 2 (2014) and the British drama film Testament of Youth (2014).

Since 2011, Harington has risen to prominence playing the role of Jon Snow in the HBO television series Game of Thrones, which garnered him a nomination for the 2016 Primetime Emmy Award. In 2017, Harington became one of the highest-paid actors on television and earned £2 million per episode of Game of Thrones.

To be brutally honest, I have never watched Game of Thrones, mostly because I refuse to pay for HBO. I have heard good things.. like many of the actresses get stark naked. Nakedness is good; well, it is for some people.

There are more photos below the fold…

Continue reading “Sunday Services”

Arachnophobia

A Tucson man took some unconventional measures to rid his mobile home – shock – of spiders this week, and the results had him really fired up.

A blowtorch used to burn spider webs could be the cause of a fire at a mobile home in Tucson, Arizona, officials say. Fire crews sent to the scene on Sunday stopped the fire from spreading.

The cause of the fire is being investigated. But firefighters say they suspect a propane torch was used to burn spiders from under the trailer.

Most of you know I have spent some – absolutely fabulous – time in Arizona, and if there’s one thing I’ve noticed, it’s no one worries about spiders. Mostly because they’re freakin’ everywhere! Plus, I am also assuming this clown was born and raised in Flori-duh.

Gold Star Widow Releases Trump Call

Army Special Forces Staff Sgt. Mark R. De Alencar was killed in Afghanistan on April 10th by ISIS savages. His widow, Natasha, released the phone call she received from President Trump after watching General John Kelly spank reporters over this Frederica Wilson nonsense.

Gold star widow Natasha De Alencar released the audio of a phone conversation she had with President Donald Trump in April about the death of her husband who was killed in Afghanistan.

“I am so sorry to hear about the whole situation. What a horrible thing, except that he’s an unbelievable hero,” Trump told her in the call about her husband Army Staff Sgt. Mark R. De Alencar, which The Washington Post released.

“Thank you. I really, really appreciated it,” she said. “I really do, sir.”

“Say hello to your children, and tell them your father he was a great hero that I respected,” Trump said. “Just tell them I said your father was a great hero.”

The saddest part of this story – obviously excluding the death of Staff Sergeant De Alencar – is Mrs. De Alencar thought it necessary to release the audio at all. If there is anything people should not politicize, it is the deaths of our hero soldiers.

UPDATE: My friend Kari, a Marine mom, said it better than I ever could:

Tragic that something so personal and devastating has become politicized. I challenge anyone who thinks they have the luxury to judge and speculate to sit down with a Gold Star Family, take a stroll through Arlington Cemetery, or enlist in our armed forces! Every single morning I wake up wondering if today is the day I get a visit from a government vehicle, is today the day my world is forever changed.

Amen.

Soccer: It’s A Pisser

An Italian soccer player has been banned for five games after showing his displeasure toward opposing fans in a most unique fashion.

And to think, I always thought Italians were calm, non-expressive types.

A footballer in Italy has been suspended for five matches for urinating towards opposition fans.

Giovanni Liberti of non-league Turris received the lengthy ban. During a stoppage in play in a 3-3 draw against Sarnese, Liberti ”urinated in the direction of the away section, making obscene and vulgar gestures, while showing his genital organ,” says the Serie D disciplinary body.

After the incident, the Coppa Italia league posted signs in the front rows reading, “Caution. Splash Area. You May Get Wet.”

The Perfect Story To Begin Your Weekend

CBS Pittsburgh, god bless them, created the perfect eye-catching headline last night with this story: “Want To See Uranus With The Naked Eye? Tonight Is The Night.”

You can see mine any night of the week, dingleberry!

The plant will reach opposition on Oct. 19, meaning it will be directly opposite the sun, bringing it closer and brighter to earth.

Experts say you may be able to see the icy blue planet with the naked eye, but if not, binoculars should do the trick.

NASA says Uranus should be visible all night long and its blue-green color is unmistakable.

I have a few unmistakable colors on my anus as well, but to see them, you’ll need some cash. 🙂