Federal Judge Upholds Trump’s Travel Ban

Believe it or not, there are still plenty of jurists who rule on the facts and not by their emotions. One such judge in the Eastern District of Virginia believes the former is more important than the latter.

Judge Anthony Trenga of the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Virginia found that Trump was within his legal rights to impose the travel ban and that it was not discriminatory toward Muslims. The injunction had been brought forward by Palestinian activist Linda Sarsour, who was represented by an attorney from the Council on American-Islamic Relations.

Trenga, a George W. Bush appointee, wrote in his opinion that “the President has unqualified authority to bar physical entry to the United States at the border.” He said that the executive order makes no mention of religion and has a “state secular purpose” of protecting U.S. citizens from terrorist attacks.

The primary duty of an American president is to protect the citizens. This travel ban goes a long way toward doing that, and is another protection against European/Britain-style terror attacks.

Rumble In The… Um, Seat

Two Virginia residents have been arrested after being found batter-dipping the corn dog inside a parked vehicle.

It also didn’t help that the female involved did not take the interruption lightly.

“At approximately 3:32 p.m. on March 22, officers were dispatched to the report of two subjects allegedly engaged in sexual activity in public view,” Arlington County Police said in a crime report. “As officers were conducting the investigation, the female subject charged at the officer and struck him repeatedly.”

“Nicole Faircloth, 42, of No Fixed Address was arrested and charged with assault and battery on police and performing a sexual act in a public place,” the crime report continued. “Petko Ubiparipovic, 42, of No Fixed Address, was arrested and charged with performing a sexual act in a public place. Both were held on bond.”

Whao, whoa, whoa… You can be arrested for having sex in a car? Doc, fire up the DeLorean; I need to warn 1985 Wyatt to not touch Tara Durkin’s goodies.

Oh, and before you ask, yes, I did Google Faircloth’s photo. You can thank me for taking a proverbial bullet to the eyes after seeing this wildebeest.

The Dog Days Of Dumber

Meet Michael Long. Long is a Philadelphia police officer who adopted a pit bull out of the kindness of his heart. Shortly thereafter, he tied a blanket around gaunt dog’s neck, placed the dog in a plastic bag, and tossed it into the woods. “Allegedly.”

Michael Long, 33, was arrested Thursday and charged with two counts of animal cruelty, one count for possession of an instrument of a crime and one summary charge of animal cruelty.

On November 23, Barbara Adam was hiking at Wissahickon Valley Park in Philadelphia with her own dog when she found an emaciated two-year-old pit bull in a black plastic bag with a sheet tied around its neck. In addition to being underweight, the dog had infected sores and an ear infection.

Long worked in my division for a few years, and most of us hated his guts. This assclown came out of the police academy knowing everything there is to know about police work.

Oh, he also sported an “F.T.P.” tattoo on his forearm. (For those not in the know, F.T.P. stands for “Fuck The Police.”) I absolutely believe he is capable of committing these despicable acts.

Unfortunately for him, pissflap is long on attitude and short on brains. To wit:

Cranberry was microchipped when Long adopted her last August from the Animal Care and Control Team of Philadelphia. Long was identified as a suspect soon after Cranberry was found.

Way to go, idiot. You’re a regular D.B. Cooper. (The D.B. stands for douchebag.)


Meet Madison Sueann Dickson.

Madison enjoys sprinting through quiet neighborhoods, piercing her face, and shooting at police officers.

Disturbing dashcam footage released by Tulsa police shows the moment a 21-year-old woman was run over and killed by a cop after opening fire on officers following a high-speed chase.

If by “disturbing,” the authors mean hilarious, they are absolutely correct.

Dickson died in Tulsa, Oklahoma, on Saturday after Officer Jonathan Grafton, deliberately hit her with his patrol car to stop her from shooting at police.

Well, she died like she lived… by being a dumbass.

The video first shows Grafton slowing down his vehicle before he spots Dickson running along a sidewalk in front of Jenks East Elementary School. Officers can be heard telling dispatchers that multiple shots are fired.

Dickson then points her gun toward the police vehicle as the car moves toward her. The woman appeared to be yelling before she’s struck by the police cruiser. She is then seen falling and going beneath the hood of the car.

Joyously, Dickson died of embarrassment and massive head trauma, but mostly of massive head trauma.

She is survived by her pet goldfish Mama June, her acid wash jean shorts, and her frequent yeast infections. Check out the video at the link. It is going to be my new screensaver.

Weekend Caption Contest

In Soviet Russia, City Bombs You Caption Contest
(Source: EPA via Yahoo News)

Caption this photo in the comments section. The winners will be posted Monday, March 27th.

Original Caption: A huge cloud of smoke and fire billows from the site of an ammunition depot of the Ukrainian armed forces near the city of Balakliia, Ukraine, March 23, 2017. (Photo: Pavlo Pakhomenko/EPA)

A Tough Break

After Katarina Witt – mmm… Katarina – my favorite figure skater is Kristi Yamaguchi. She’s an amazing skater, a fabulous babe, and has great taste in men. (She married NHL defenseman Bret Hedican.)

That said, Kristi occasionally has problems with teh Twitterz.

Former Olympic figure skater Kristi Yamaguchi sent well-wishes to fellow former Olympic figure skater Nancy Kerrigan on Twitter and her wording was… questionable.

Kerrigan, who is currently participating in this season of “Dancing With The Stars,” had her first performance on the show on March 20th, leading Yamaguchi to wish her luck.

This was clearly an innocent tweet, not meant to invoke or reminisce on harm. Yamaguchi and Kerrigan are friends…

Well, they were. This in unintentionally high-larious, but it would have been ever funnier if Tonya Harding sent the tweet.

Double Tap

The House Intelligence Committee Chairman announced yesterday U.S. intelligence services had President Trump’s transition team under surveillance since the November election. Chairman Devin Nunes claimed what he read “bothered” him and should bother the president and all Americans.

The U.S. intelligence community incidentally collected information on members of President Trump’s transition team and the information was “widely disseminated” in intelligence reports, House Intelligence Committee Chairman Devin Nunes (R-Calif.) said Wednesday.

“I recently confirmed that on numerous occasions, the intelligence community collected information on U.S. individuals involved in the Trump transition.”

The intelligence collected has nothing to do with Russia or the investigation into Moscow’s meddling in the 2016 presidential election, according to Nunes.

Nunes later told reporters he believes the details should “bother” the president and his team because some of the collection seemed “inappropriate.”

Nunes did not go into specific details, but one wonders who ordered the surveillance, and for what reason. Interestingly, President Obama changed the way intelligence is shared a week before Trump’s inauguration. Now, if I was a conspiracy guy…

As serious as this story is, what amazes me is how every “crazy” accusation the president has lobbed at his detractors has come to fruition.

A Better Way Of Grinding

A western coffee shop company is under fire for their scantily clad waitresses. Apparently, the cleavage has their customers standing up and begging for buttermilk.

Bikini Beans Espresso is a coffee shop chain with branches in Arizona and Washington where patrons can have their favorite coffee prepared and served by beautiful women wearing bikinis, g-strings or just three strategically-placed stickers.

Thanks to its attractive dress code, Bikini Beans Espresso has become hugely popular, especially among its male clientele. But despite encouraging sales, impressive 5-star ratings on Yelp and thousands of followers on social media, Bikini Beans Espresso has its fare share of critics, most of which claim that the mandatory dress code of the staff is degrading for women.

Carlie Jo, the owner of the Bikini Beans Espresso venue in Washington, also agrees that the barely-there attire is empowering women, not objectifying them. “Women everywhere have the right to vote, to be gay, to be successful community leaders and business owners, or even run for president! We have the right to work with grace, confidence and dignity, regardless if it’s in a business suit, scrubs, or a bikini,” she said.

I’ve gotta be honest here; this entire story is a big nothingburger, since bars and restaurants have been employing scantily-clad women for decades. This may have been a big deal in 1985, but it’s 2017. Basic cable networks have shows which drop F-bombs, show partial nudity, and broadcast more cans than a beer distributor. Get over yourselves, people.

One Man’s Trash…

A Pennsylvania man was injured after narrowly missing his coveted Darwin Award.

A man was taken to the hospital after being run over by a garbage truck in Schuylkill County.

State police said Thomas Jones, 40, of New Ringgold, jumped from the back of a garbage truck on East Mill Street in Pine Grove around 9:30 a.m. Friday. He landed in a snow bank and slid down onto the road where he was then run over by the same truck.

Now, despite what the voices in my head tell me, I am not a smart man. I have hitched a ride on the back of a UPS truck, an ice cream truck, and Vica Kerekes‘ Volvo – or was it vulva? Each ride was a stupid stunt – and one resulted in a protection order – but they were a million times safer than riding the back of a garbage truck.

Getting run over by the very same truck your were riding is a much better outcome than slipping on garbage juice, getting impaled by a used syringe, or being crushed by the compactor.

This jackass should consider himself lucky.

Philly DA Indicted For Corruption

In a move which surprised no one, Philadelphia District Attorney Seth Williams has been indicted on twenty-three counts of corruption yesterday.

Describing himself as “merely a thankful beggar,” Philadelphia District Attorney Seth Williams sought thousands of dollars in bribes from deep-pocketed donors seeking his help with their legal woes, federal authorities said Tuesday as they unveiled a 23-count indictment charging the two-term Democrat in a sprawling corruption case.

The only shocking thing about this story is the Philadelphia Inquirer mentioned Williams’ party affiliation in the first paragraph.

Investigators accused the city’s cash-strapped top prosecutor of repeatedly selling his influence and offering to intervene in a case on behalf of one wealthy benefactor. In exchange, they said, Williams accepted luxury trips to foreign locales, a used Jaguar convertible, and other gifts including a $205 Louis Vuitton necktie and a Burberry watch.

When that was not enough to cover the costs of his lush life, Williams allegedly resorted to stealing from his own mother, draining more than $20,000 of Social Security and pension income intended to pay for her nursing home to cover his mortgage and electricity bills.

I get politicians are cheats and liars, but what kind of scumbag steals from their own mother?

Hours after Tuesday’s indictment, Williams offered no indication whether he now intended to resign. His lawyer, Michael Diamondstein, vowed that Williams would fight the charges in court.

If you want to know the core difference between the two parties, it’s this: when Republicans are indicted, they almost always resign. When Democrats are indicted, they almost always stay in office.

As someone who worked with this man, I sincerely hope he spends a decade in federal pound-you-in-the-ass prison.

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