Author: Wyatt

Sarcastic lawdog, conservative blogger, co-author of the crime novel, Only Son. Once literally carried Miss America 1991 from an auto wreck, and I have an Urban Dictionary listing named after me.

The View From The Gutter

Learned constitutional conservative and Chief Justice of the Supreme Court Joy Behar believes the president should be brought up on charges after his supporters chanted “Send Her (Ilhan Omar) Back.”

People this stupid should not be allowed on television.

“The View” co-host Joy Behar questioned Thursday why President Donald Trump couldn’t be brought up on charges or sued after the president’s supporters chanted “send her back” in reference to Democratic Minnesota Rep. Ilhan Omar.

Behar accused Trump of “inviting violence” toward Omar and other progressive congresswoman. Trump, for his part, disavowed the chant Thursday that broke out at his rally in North Carolina the night before.

As the panel transitioned to its next segment, Behar mused aloud about Trump potentially facing criminal or civil charges over the audience’s chants, which she claimed put Omar in danger.

Some of Trump’s supporters chanted “Send Her Back,” and Joy Behar – who graduated top in her class at Hollywood Upstairs Law School – believes this is enough to file charges against a sitting president. Wow.

Here’s a hypothetical Joy (if that is your real name): Let’s say one of your Antifa thugs is in the audience when you tell them for the thousandth time that Orange. Man. Bad. Said Antifa thug then goes out and threatens the president. By your logic – and I’m just a normal guy, not a noted expert in constitutional law – the Secret Service should hit your house with warrants and flash-bangs, correct?

Try chewing on that instead your usual daily dozen Ring Dings.

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Americans, Avoid The Big Penis

Guys, whatever you do, don’t use your Big Penis!

Do not use Big Penis, US regulators are warning Americans.

Sorry, but it’s the only kind I have.

The product, promoted as a natural male sexual stimulant, is available online and does not require a prescription. But inspectors with the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) found the tablets, sold globally, contain undeclared sildenafil – the active ingredient in Viagra – which is so potent it requires a doctor’s approval.

While that may be welcome news to some users, health officials warn the powerful ingredient could lower blood pressure to dangerous levels, with sinister consequences for users with conditions such as diabetes or heart disease.

Now, I’m no expert on American males, but I know enough to guarantee every single guy in the country would choose the big penis over something trivial like low blood pressure and heart disease. Besides, if you die using some Big Penis, at least you’ll leave an arousing corpse.

Everything’s Boober In Texas

A Texas mother is hooping mad at a female photobomber who ruined their vacation photos.

A boob flashing photo-bomber ruined pictures of a fun family gathering, a mother from Cypress, Texas, says.

Photos from a family’s trip to Garner State Park were ruined when a smiling female photo-bomber decided to flash her breast in frame of the family’s picture, Monica Davila said. “I just think this person should be held accountable. What she did was wrong. There were kids there watching her,” she continued.

Davila said her husband’s grandmother recently passed away and the family decided to take a trip in her honor to Garner State Park, as she was going through her photo album from the trip, she noticed the prank in a group photo of the entire family.

“(You see her) boob, nipple, everything,” she explained.

Mental note: Tell Kyle to take a trip to Garner State Park.

Seriously, flashing your breasts in a family photo is a pretty garbage thing to do. During Erik’s Holy Communion, some a-hole flipped the bird as he passed us. It made it in the photo, and I had to crop it out because humans are awful.

Rabid Anti-Semite Attacks Israel

In a move which will surely lead every cable news channel, Minnesota Representative Ilhan Omar (D – Somalia) is pushing legislation calling for the United States to join the BDS movement against our most loyal ally, Israel.

Democratic Minnesota Rep. Ilhan Omar says she will introduce a resolution this week supporting the Boycott, Divestment, and Sanctions (BDS) movement against Israel.

So two days after whining about President Trump’s “racist” Twitter post, leftist, anti-Semitic congress-critter Ilhan Omar decided she wanted to go back to her homeland… she she could target Israel.

The freshman Congresswoman [said] her resolution approving of a boycott of one of America’s allies will be an exercise in “American values,” and a stand for the First Amendment.

“We are introducing a resolution … to really speak about the American values that support and believe in our ability to exercise our First Amendment rights in regard to boycotting,” she [said.] “And it is an opportunity for us to explain why it is we support a nonviolent movement, which is the BDS movement.”

Yes, far be it for the United States allow the Jooooos to enjoy a stable economy and free trade. To think, this disgusting woman calls conservatives Nazis.

The resolution will state its intention as “affirming that all Americans have the right to participate in boycotts in pursuit of civil and human rights at home and abroad, as protected by the First Amendment to the Constitution,” and is being co-sponsored by fellow Democratic Reps. Rashida Tlaib of Michigan and John Lewis of Georgia.

So the al Qaeda sisters want to boycott Israel, but they vociferously argue against sanctions for Iran and other terror states. I guess I should give them credit for being honest about their Jew hatred.

True Detective Stories

Nightwork is usually the best shift for me because 1. sleeping until 9am is awesome, and 2. all the lunatics are in their element. (Most drug dealers and shooters don’t wake up until the crack of 2pm.)

Amid the morass of homicides, robberies, and assaults, you sometimes locate a gem; that particular nincompoop who possesses a certain set of skills. The Anti-Liam Neeson, if you will.

This delightful man called police to report a burglary at his home. The officer arrived, processed the scene, and took an inventory of what was missing. As the officer was set to leave, this rocket surgeon stopped him and said, “Oh, while you’re here, my shotgun was stolen out of my truck a year ago.”

Eh, what?

Dude apparently has his shotgun stolen (not good) from inside his truck (very not good) and waited a year to make the report (unbelievably not good). The man claimed he called the police that night, and when they didn’t come – his district is one of the most violent in the city – he figured, “Screw it.”

So, for the last 370 days a shotgun has been on the streets, possibly being used for robberies and/or shootings, and this guy effectively told the detective, “Um, my bad.”

Wait until he finds out if that gun was used in a crime, he can be held legally responsible for the aftermath.

IKEA Ohio Is Having A Sale!

We had our basement renovated about a decade ago, and it’s probably time for new rugs, a painting, and maybe some furnishings. Thankfully, there’s a place in Toledo, Ohio which is right up my alley.

A Toledo, Ohio strip club is cleaning out its old furniture — couch dance furniture — and offering it up for the low low price of FREE. That’s right, your dream to create your very own strip club in your basement is possible thanks to this very kind gesture. You might even be able to get the couch where you got your first couch dance back in the day. This kind of deal doesn’t come along very often.

From the listing: ***CURB ALERT*** Scarletts Cabraret- Telegraph & Alexis. Former couch dance furniture put out to pasture. ***WARNING*** May have stained unknown bodily fluids. Use at your own risk!

Pfft, there’s no blacklights in my house, so what do I care. If you need me, I’ll be on the road to Ohio!

Democrats File Articles Of Impeachment

Texas Democrat Al Green has filed articles of impeachment against President Trump, and a House floor vote will be held by week’s end. Expect more than a few Republicans to vote with “their good friends on the other side.”

Rep. Al Green (D-Texas) filed articles of impeachment against President Trump on Tuesday under a process that will force a House floor vote by the end of this week.

Green introduced his articles of impeachment after the House passed a resolution largely along party lines condemning Trump for suggesting that four progressive freshman congresswomen of color — Reps. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (N.Y.), Ayanna Pressley (Mass.), Ilhan Omar (Minn.) and Rashida Tlaib (Mich.) — “go back” to their countries.

Green said that the House should go beyond condemning Trump and move to remove him from office.

Green, dullard that he is, believes triggering words amount to “high crimes and misdemeanors.” The only thing high here are Green’s hopes, and possibly Green himself.

It will be the third impeachment floor vote forced by Green in the last two years, but the first since Democrats took control of the House.

Green previously forced procedural votes on articles of impeachment against Trump in December 2017 and January 2018. Both efforts drew the support of about 60 House Democrats.

A total of 84 House Democrats currently support launching an impeachment inquiry, as well as independent Rep. Justin Amash (Mich.), according to The Hill’s whip list. But Democratic leaders –– and the majority of the caucus –– are not yet on board as they seek to continue ongoing investigations of the Trump administration.

Michigan has a terrific track record of electing completely useless politicians. See also: Justin Amash.

Look, I say bring it on. Get every single Democrat – and Code Pink Republican – on the record of where they stand on impeachment, and where they stand with regards to the president. Let every single American know which side they are on, especially when it’s only sixteen months until Election Day.

Bring Out The Gimp

A small village in Somerset, England is on the lookout for a man in a gimp suit who has been chasing young women.

Wow, that may be the most bizarre sentence I have ever typed.

A “GRUNTING” creep in a “gimp suit” chased a terrified woman through a sleepy Somerset village – sparking a police helicopter search. She was walking through the village of Claverham when she saw the stalker “charging” at her “in a full black rubbery suit” on Thursday night.

Describing what happened, she said: “I was walking along with my torch and looked up to see someone charging at me in a full black rubbery suit and managed to take a picture.

“He kept coming towards me and was touching his groin, grunting and breathing heavy.”

For the record, no, I am not the man in the gimp suit. Yes I have been to England recently, but I do not own a gimp suit. I mean, I’ve rented one, but it was returned a few days ago. Yeah, that’s it.

There is no word whether the song “Yakety Sax” was playing during the chase.

Maryland Chick-Fil-A Manager Is A Saint

In a country filled with anger and violence, there are still good people out there who do truly incredible things for their fellow citizens.

A manager of a Maryland Chick-fil-A has proved he’s willing to go above and beyond for his customers, even helping one elderly patron in the most unlikely of ways.

Daryl Howard, 29, was working at the franchise in Severn on Thursday when a regular customer by the name of Mr. Lee walked in and asked for assistance after his car sustained a flat tire.

Lee, a 96-year-old World War II veteran, visits regularly for a chicken biscuit and a coffee – but on this occasion he was in much more distress after barely making it to the restaurant. ‘He was shaking, almost in tears,’ another manager by the name of Rudy Somoza [said].

Howard was only too happy to help his elderly client change the tire, telling Somoza to tend to the tills while he went outside to the parking lot.

I’ve patronized Chick-Fil-A countless times, and every time I’ve been there, the employees treat people with respect. Despite what the the leftists claim, Chick-Fil-A is a quality company, run by quality people.