Finland Takes A Swig Of Freedom

After Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, some eastern European countries started worrying if they would be next. Finland, for example, applied to join NATO fairly quickly, and it appears they will be approved. The Finns were so happy, they created a NATO-inspired beer.

A small brewery in Finland has launched a NATO-themed beer to mark the Nordic country’s bid to join the Western military alliance.

Olaf Brewing’s OTAN lager features a blue label with a cartoon version of a beer-drinking medieval knight in metal armor emblazoned with NATO’s compass symbol.

The beer’s name is a play on the Finnish expression “Otan olutta,” which means “I’ll have a beer,” and the French abbreviation for NATO, which is “OTAN.” The North Atlantic Treaty Organization has two official languages, English and French.

The company’s CEO states it has “a taste of security, with a hint of freedom.”

Drunk On Their Own Power… And Booze

Two secret service agents were sent home from South Korea after the two got staggeringly drunk. The incident eventually had to involve local police, and the mess could be seen as the dictionary definition of the Biden administration: drunks, drug addicts, and morons.

As President Joe Biden was landing in South Korea early Friday, two members of the Secret Service were being sent home after a booze-fueled incident that involved local police, according to a report.

The employees, described by ABC News as an agent and an armed physical security specialist, went bar-hopping after dinner and the agent wound up in a confrontation with a taxi driver.

Our best and brightest, people. Just like the FBI, the Secret Service is above reproach.

“The Secret Service is aware of an off-duty incident involving two employees which may constitute potential policy violations,” agency spokesman Anthony Guglielmi said in a statement. “The individuals will be immediately returned back to their post of duty and placed on administrative leave. There was no impact to the upcoming trip. We have very strict protocols and policies for all employees and we hold ourselves to the highest professional standards. Given this is an active administrative personnel matter, we are not in a position to comment further.”

The chances either of these assclowns are reprimanded? Zero. America is a two-tiered system now, and government employees are effectively exempt from prosecution of any kind.

Wait, You Can Riverdance On Land?

Meet Amy Ann Harrington of St. Petersburg, Flori-Duh. Amy was having a very good time at the bar when she decided to drive herself home. That was her first mistake. Her second mistake was the dancing…

A Florida Woman suspected of drunk driving performed “multiple ballet and Irish folk dance moves” while undergoing field sobriety tests after rear-ending a vehicle late Wednesday evening.

If I’m going to be brutally honest, I would have loved to see her dancing on the highway. I mean, she’s obviously a pretty woman.

Amy Ann Harrington, 38, was arrested on a DUI charge following a crash near her residence in Madeira Beach, a city 10 miles from St. Petersburg. Police allege that Harrington “showed multiple signs of impairment during roadside sobriety tests.”

Harrington smelled of alcohol, had “slurred speech,” and “was unsteady on her feet,” police charge. When asked to perform one-leg stand and walk-and-turn tests, Harrington instead broke out her cross-disciplinary dance moves.

If Amy was able to do a perfect split, I absolutely would have let her go with a warning.

Scot’s Turf Builder

A drunken Scottish man – wow, is that redundant – was arrested after he berated a flock of sheep and urinated in public during a tartan and plaid bender.

A topless Scots man brought the A9 dual carriageway to a standstill by staggering drunkenly across the road to berate a flock of sheep.

Thomas Degnan hurled abuse at the sheep after collapsing in the central reservation as drivers were forced to swerve or stop to avoid hitting him.

Boy, what a loser. That’s why I always throw insults at rabbits.

The 42-year-old also urinated on the side of a car and then opened the vehicle door and continued to do so onto a nine-year-old boy sitting in the back.

Hmm, in most places, you have to spend extra for that.

Perth Sheriff Court was told that Degnan was so drunk that he had no recollection of the incident or why he decided to target a field full of sheep.

Degnan probably harassed the sheep because their jokes were baaaaad.

Hailing From Parts Unknown

A Flori-Duh man got himself all hopped up on goofballs and decided to drive the Dade City highways at a high rate of speed. The good news is he was arrested. The bad news is he ran over a woman’s body parts.

The Florida Highway Patrol says a drunk Florida man ran over detached body parts during a hit-and-run investigation Sunday. He also nearly struck two deputies, prompting a high-speed chase.

Authorities were investigating the death of a 49-year-old woman who was walking along a grassy shoulder of a Dade City roadway before being struck by a hit-and-run driver at 3:30 a.m. Authorities found her torso on the shoulder and her legs in the roadway.

When I was in patrol, I had to handle incidents on Interstate 95. It’s a scary proposition, especially when you’re handling jobs on the overnight shift with cars flying past you at 70mph.

Thomas Krummen, 23, approached the scene at a high speed, driving directly at investigators. He ignored commands to stop, ran over the victim’s legs and fled. Troopers chased him and used a maneuver with a patrol car to force him to stop.

Probably the PIT maneuver. You strike the rear of the vehicle and put it into a spin. I’ve seen it in action.

Krummen was charged with aggravated assault with a motor vehicle upon a law enforcement officer, reckless driving, DUI, fleeing and eluding, destruction of evidence, driving while license revoked and false imprisonment.

It was the eighth time he’s been arrested in Pasco County in less than four years.

Twenty-three years old and he’s been arrested eight times in four years. Maybe it’s time to throw the book at this clown before he kills someone with his vehicle?

Wow, This Guy Is All In For Lent

A Cincinnati, Ohio man has decided to walk a different path this Lenten season. Instead of giving up swearing, or sweets, Del Hall has decided to drink nothing but beer for forty days.

Del Hall, a Cincinnati native, has taken the Christian observance of Lent, where people usually give up eating chocolate or drinking soda for about 40 days leading up to Easter, to a whole new level by committing to only drinking beer.

This man is a saint, and we should build many churches in his honor.

As he’s nearing the end of his all-beer diet (Easter is on Sunday, April 17), Hall has somehow lost weight over the last month — 25 pounds to be exact.

“It’s a way to get back into a healthy mindset, to look at food in a healthy way,” Hall told WCPO. “I decided I’m going to turn this into a beer diet to show people that you can use beer in a healthy way and not vilify it as this evil alcohol.”

Wait, he LOST twenty-five pounds drinking beer? “KYLE, BRING ME A SIX-PACK!”

Hall is using his all-beer diet to give back by raising money for the Ken Anderson Alliance, a nonprofit that provides opportunities for adults with disabilities. They’ve raised $5,000 so far this year, and is aiming to raise $25,000 in total by the end of the all-beer diet with a special bar crawl on April 24.

Well, if nothing else, Hall is doing this for the right reasons. Raising money for those with disabilities and following the – albeit unorthodox – Lenten tradition.

Can Someone Give Him A Lite?

A Florida man named Gregory Sorensen was arrested by the Florida Highway patrol the other day, after he was found to be driving under the influence. Oh, did I mention Mr. Sorensen is a driving instructor?

According to FHP, Gregory Sorensen, 54, was pulled over driving on US 19 south of Pasco Way in a vehicle used to teach student drivers.

Troopers said Sorensen failed multiple sobriety tests and had a blood alcohol content of nearly three times the legal limit.

In Sorensen’s defense, you’d drunk too if you had to teach a bunch of snot-nose kids all day.

Troopers also located an open 24-pack of Natural Lite Beer in the back seat.

Wow, dude is a grown man and he as drinking Natty Lite? Wow, that’s definitely a violation.

Kansas Store Steps Up Against Tyranny

A Wichita, Kansas liquor store has banned Russian vodka from their shelves after Putin’s invasion of Ukraine. The owner claimed it is their “tiny sanction” against the Soviets.

Jamie Stratton, partner of the Jacob Liquor Exchange, confirmed Friday that its store on 29th and Rock Road in Wichita, Kan., had removed more than 100 bottles of Russian vodka between its shelves and display. He explained that they decided they did not want any presence of the Russian product in its store and referred to it as a “tiny sanction.”

In my opinion, any sanction, no matter how big or how small is worthy of recognition.

He said that the retail value of Russian vodka pulled from the store altogether was $4,300. Stratton explained that they were not promoting or marketing the Russian vodka, and that they did plan on making the Ukrainian vodka in their store, one brand called Khor, more prominent.

“Bye bye Russian Vodka you are not worthy of a space on our shelf!” the store said in a Facebook post on Friday.

Yes, this is a small gesture, but hopefully it will catch on in other cities and countries. Ruin the Soviet economy, one ruble at a time.

She’s So Cool, She’s White!

Meet Tammera Megan Lee of Nashville, Tennessee. Tammera likes to have a good time once in a while, and when she wants to party, she really let’s herself go. In this case she was abusive to a black police officer and claimed the dumbest excuse for a DUI I have ever heard.

“I’ll get away with it cause I’m white.”

That is what Tammera Megan Lee, 42, told Officer Ronald Conner of the Metro Nashville Police Department while being arrested for suspicion of DUI, according to the affidavit submitted by the arresting officer.

Maybe this drunk didn’t get the message, but whites don’t get away with anything anymore. Not since the election of Barack Hussein Obama and the Saint George Floyd riots, anyway.

Officer Conner, who is a Black man, states in his affidavit that he arrived at the scene when Lee drove her car into a secure lot reserved for members of the Davidson County Sheriff’s Office.

That is when the defendant allegedly became “more belligerent,” and informed Officer Conner of her belief as to why she would “get away with it.”

This may surprise you, but Tammera did not only not get away with it, but she was arrested and sent to Metro Nashville Jail before eventually making bail.

I Would Like To Have Seen Montana

If you’re planning to visit Big Sky Country any time soon, you’ll have to do so without any Whi-SKY. You see, F. Joe Biden’s administration still cannot fix the supply lines, and the state of Montana is completely out of Jameson whiskey.

In a strange quirk of ongoing pandemic-related shortages, there has hardly been a bottle of Jameson Irish Whiskey to be found at any bar in western Montana for nearly two months.

That’s according to multiple bar owners and liquor store managers.

Even in Butte, with its rich Irish history, the upcoming St. Patrick’s Day celebration will most likely not feature the coveted spirit.

“We only have two precious bottles left that we’ve been saving for St. Patrick’s Day,” said Lacey Clements, a bartender at Maloney’s, an Irish bar on Main Street. “It’ll be first-come, first-served. All of the liquor stores are out and they’ve told us any more bottles are still a month or so away.”

Now, the be perfectly honest, I am not a huge fan of whiskey. When I still played ice hockey, I drank it, because our sponsor was a bar that always had Jameson on hand. But it doesn’t like me, and I rarely like it, although I did have some on New Year’s Eve when Kyle had his friends over.

It sucks for the St. Patrick’s crowd, but you all know who’s to blame.