Lieutenant’s Career Hit Some Ruhtz

Meet Christi Ruhtz, a lieutenant with the Pinella County (FL) Sheriff’s Office. Christi loves her job, her dog, and apparently, alcohol-infused motor sports.

A Florida lieutenant was suspended from her post after she was caught drunk driving by her fellow officers.

Lieutenant Christi Ruhtz, 41, of Pinellas County, Florida was reported driving in reverse and honking her horn around 2am Sunday morning.

Deputies arrived at the intersection at 130th Avenue and Wild Acres Road where they found Ruhtz alone in the vehicle. Her eyes were bloodshot and glassy. The officers had Ruhtz perform sobriety tests, which she performed poorly on.

Ruhtz did, however, perform very favorably in the talent and swimsuit competitions.


The Days Of Wine And Hoses

Say what you want about the NYPD; they always get their man beer.

Police stole $30,000 worth of booze as part of an illegal seizure at a Bronx restaurant — along with $10,000 in cash from the owner’s adjacent business, a lawsuit charges.

Rolando Feliz says he watched as cops from the 50th Precinct hauled off his entire stock of suds and spirits, from Corona and Negro Modelo to Patrón Silver and Hennessy — 124 cases in total.

Cell phone video obtained by The News shows beer, wine and liquor being packed into two police vans during the May raid. Vouchers were never turned over to Feliz or the Bronx district attorney’s office, and the loot has not been located.

Now, I’m sure it’s all just a simple misunderstanding. The officers put all the recovered items on property receipts, and checked it in to, um, the parking lot after the shift ended.

From The Drink To The Clink

Meet David M. Kilmer of Fishkill, New York.

David drinks too much, as a result of actually living in New York. Sometimes David drinks when he drives; other times he drinks during rehabilitation.

On Feb. 1, 2018, David M. Kilmer was stopped by members of the Dutchess County Sheriff’s Office in the Town of Fishkill. Kilmer was ordered to attend the Victim Impact Panel due to an alcohol related driving offense conviction on Jan. 18, 2018 in the Town of Fishkill.

The Victim Impact Panel, said the DCSO, is a court ordered program operated by Council on Addiction Prevention and Education of Dutchess County.

Attendees are ordered to appear after being convicted of alcohol or drug driving offenses. Kilmer was refused entry due to his alleged intoxication.

Kilmer claimed he did not operate a vehicle before his attendance and was advised not to operate a vehicle and call for a ride home. Kilmer was observed leaving the parking lot a few minutes later in his Chevrolet pick-up. He was stopped on Millholland Drive and was arrested for DWI.

So David is arrested for DUI, gets entered into the DUI rehab program, and is arrested after driving drunk to the program. Congratulations, Dave; you are officially the dumbest person in New York.

No Good Bead Goes Unpunished

The city of New Orleans discovered something shocking in their sewers last week, hidden among the gators, murder victims and the CHUDs.

New Orleans city officials said on Thursday that more than 46 tons – or 93,000 pounds – of Carnival beads were among 7.2 million pounds of trash pulled from clogged catch basins along a five-block stretch of a downtown parade route.

A representative from the city’s public works department did not immediately respond to a request for comment on Friday.

The removal was part of a four-month project in response to heavy flooding in the city in August. The effectiveness of the city’s drainage systems came under fire after an Aug. 5 storm dumped up to 6 inches (15 cm) of rain, causing street flooding and underpasses to fill up.

Maybe now Kanye West can blame the Katrina floods on the beads instead of George W. Bush?

Double Your Pleasure…

The city of Rahway, NJ can be very proud of their fire chief. When confrontation with a fiery situation, William Young, Jr, can extinguish the problem with his human hose.

Jackson police charged Rahway NJ Fire Chief William R. Young Jr., with driving while intoxicated on Nov. 11 after callers to dispatch reported he had almost hit a bus and a wall.

Officer Michael Morizio spotted Young’s white BMW around 10:40 p.m. when he stopped short at a stop sign on Diamond Road and then sat without moving, the report said. The officer turned on his emergency lights and got out of the car to approach the BMW, but Young drove away, Morizio wrote.

“While William was searching for his documents I detected an odor of an alcoholic beverage emanating from within the vehicle,” Morizio wrote in the report.

“I then visually observed stains on William’s sweatshirt which I recognized to be from vomiting very recently. I also observed a stain on William’s pants and it was evident that William urinated himself.”

Most drunks either vomit or urinate themselves. Chief Young is one of those rare American heroes who can do both simultaneously. Congratulations, Chief; this Bud’s for you!

Everything Is Kinda Foggy

Meet Brian Fogg.

Brian gets bored easily, and in a town like Belfast, Maine, there’s not much to do except drink, drive, and kick your own ass.

Police in the town of Belfast say they found 27-year-old Brian Fogg in his car, stuck in a ditch last week.

Police said when they tried to test for his blood-alcohol level, Fogg punched himself in the face, causing himself to bleed. Police tended to his injuries instead of giving him the test, but later charged him with operating under the influence, falsifying physical evidence and criminal mischief.

Nice try, though. The saddest part of this story is Brian ruined that perfectly handsome face. So much for his budding modeling career.

Countess De Money

Meet Luann de Lesseps.

Luann is apparently a celebrity – well, not an actual celebrity, but some bint who married well and landed on a reality TV show. Sadly, Luann was faced with another reality this week; the reality that D Block does not offer room service.

Luann de Lesseps made a very bad situation even worse early Sunday according to a police report of her arrest. The Real Housewives of New York star was out partying with friends Saturday when she allegedly slipped into a room at The Colony Hotel with a man while a maid was still cleaning the space.

I’d love to ask the guy if Luann was any good in the sack, but pretty women usually just lie there and make the guy do all the work.

De Lesseps was staying at the hotel but not in that room, and when a guard was unable to get her to leave two police officers were called to the scene. That is when a ‘highly intoxicated’ de Lesseps reportedly barricaded herself in the room, and when an officer managed to get a key for entry she struck him on the chest and slammed the door in his face.

The report goes on to state that when she was finally cuffed, de Lesseps managed to slip out of her restraints and screamed ‘I’m going to f***ing kill you’ at police while trying to escape from the scene.

So apparently Luann is a Black Lives Matter kind of girl. Well hey, maybe she can find her third – yes, third – husband at one of their marches?

Beer Store Cowboy

Say what you want about Mexico; it’s violent, it’s depressed, it’s corrupt, but Mexican cowboys are exactly like American cowboys – ballsy, beer-loving tough guys.

A customer at a Mexican supermarket captured the moment a cowboy rode his horse into the store to buy a six-pack of beer.

The video, recorded Saturday evening, shows the cattle rancher riding his horse inside the Oxxo store in the Costera district of Acapulco.

The footage shows workers attempting to usher the horse out of the store, but the filmer said the rider was allowed to buy a six-pack of beer before riding out of the business.

That’s awesome! Hats off to this guy, and hats of to the horse for knowing the importance of beer.

The Pourth Reich

Say what you want about ze Germans, but they know their tanks and they know their beer.

A FULL, STANDARD KEG OF beer weighs just over 160 pounds and is pretty unwieldy. So the folks at the Wacken Open Air music festival in Wacken, Germany, are sick of schlepping them across fields every year, and decided to do something about it. Soon they’ll be able to pour 105,000 gallons of beer at stands around the festival grounds thanks to four miles of underground piping.

Music fans at the heavy metal festival are a thirsty bunch. According to Deutsche Welle, the 75,000 attendees each drink, on average, more than a gallon of beer over the course of the festival’s three days. Keeping up with that demand has been a struggle in past years. The new pipeline will provide enough pressure to pour six beers in six seconds.

Only six beers in six seconds? Well, that’s pretty good… I guess.

While we’re at it, I want to remind everyone tonight is Amateur Night at the bars. Everyone and their mothers will be out drinking – and driving. If you’re on the road, be mindful of your surroundings. If you’re at the bar, assign a designated driver.

The Beer Hunter

A Wisconsin man experienced a cool night out when he entered a beer store and was accidentally locked inside the building’s freezer.

A 38-year-old Wisconsin man who got locked in a convenience store’s beer cooler overnight didn’t despair: He decided to enjoy the experience.

The man told police that he went to a Kwik Trip to buy some beer but became trapped inside the walk-in cooler when it was locked at about 11:50 p.m. Rather than bang on the glass door to be let out, he warmed up to the idea of staying inside — where temperatures hover around 32 degrees — all night to sample the merchandise.

When they opened the door, he left the store without paying for what he drank: An 18-ounce bottle of beer and three cans of malt liquor. He also fell over a stack of 30-can beer packs, breaking three cases open.

The man received a citation for retail theft, as well as a citation proclaiming him the Most Awesome Man in Wisconsin.