Eddie The Smeagol

Former goaltender and NHL Hall of Famer Ed Belfour was arrested after a drunken bout of vandalism inside a Bowling Green, Kentucky hotel.

Edward (Ed) Belfour, 54, of McKinney, Texas was arrested after an incident at the Kentucky Grand Hotel in Bowling Green.

Belfour is accused of damaging property at the hotel. When police arrived, Belfour was located laying on the floor and clutching a curtain rod that had been ripped out of the wall. Police said Belfour had slow, slurred speech, bloodshot eyes and could barely stand up.

An employee at the hotel stated Belfour had attempted to fight a manager in the bar and was hitting a glass window downstairs in anger.

To be brutally honest, incidents like these are rare in hockey; at least compared to other professional sports. Belfour was an amazing goaltender, but apparently he can’t shutout the alcohol.

Fly The Blendy Skies

A 20-year old British chick was arrested after she drunkenly propositioned men on her airliner, caused a disturbance, and bit several members of the crew.

Demi Burton caused chaos as she flew back to the UK from Abu Dhabi after drinking too much red wine. The 20-year-old shouted “you may as well just land the plane now then” after being refused any more alcohol on the Etihad flight.

She did this while flying from Abu Dhabi? It’s a miracle she wasn’t thrown off the plane at 30,000 feet.

A court heard it then took six crew members and passengers to restrain her as she tried to head butt and kick them, and she was arrested when the plane landed in Manchester.

Prosecuting Miss Claire Brocklebank, said: “It appears she was drunk before getting on the flight and she started making a number of inappropriate sexual comments to a number of male passengers on the flight. Two in particular remember hearing comments and at first they laughed it off but it then became more and more increasingly inappropriate and she asked them to join the mile-high club.”

You can see a photo of this bint at the link. Sure, she’s annoying and uncultured, but she appears very bangable, in my professional opinion.

Be Prepared To Be Boarded!

Meet Cheya Handley of Australia. Cheya is a deckhand on a luxury yacht who loves the open seas, especially when there’s a chance of open legs.

A deckhand on a luxury yacht in Australia pleaded guilty to negligence for having drunken sex with the captain when the unhelmed charter boat crashed, causing $140,000 worth of damage.

Cheya Handley, 26, admitted in court to guzzling booze and hooking up on the bow of the 80-foot Crystal Blue with the skipper, as the pair returned the vessel from Brisbane to the Gold Coast on March 3, 2018.

“Yeah, I did the wrong thing, drinking on the job. I should have known better, I screwed up big-time,” Handley said in a recorded interview with a maritime safety inspector played in court. “We were chatting, laying down, looking at the stars and then got it on,” she said.

With no one at the helm or serving as lookout, the boat hit a navigation beacon and then crashed into a moored yacht before running aground.

Handley and the captain caused $140,000 worth of damage. Looking at Cheya, it was totally worth it!

Hello, Young Lovers

A drunken British newlywed couple got into a fistfight moments after they touched down in Birmingham, England. I’m guessing the honeymoon was not exactly magical.

A PAIR of boozed-up Brits were filmed scrapping on a shuttle bus at Alicante airport after getting sozzled on their Ryanair flight, passengers claim.

Okay, I have no idea what any of those words mean, but it sounds bad.

Holidaymakers on the flight from Birmingham were horrified when the man and woman – alleged to be a new couple – began throwing violent punches at each other’s heads after an almighty lovers’ tiff.

Fellow passengers scream and look on in disbelief as, initially the woman straddles the man and repeatedly punches him in the head and then the pair switch roles.

Well, if nothing else, both combatants can say they are a lover AND a fighter.

April’s Showers Bring May Glowers

Meet April Teale of Alabama.

Like yesterday’s slob, April really enjoys her alcohol, so much so she decided to get shitfaced drunk, caused a ruckus in the Waffle House – of course – then pressed her ass against the arresting officer’s groin.

This is the college graduate who police say was filmed twerking and grinding up against an arresting officer as as he puts her in cuffs.

April Teale, 24, from Alabama, was held on misdemeanor disorderly conduct and harassment charges on Saturday after footage taken in Tuscaloosa showed her asking the cop: ‘You like that, yeah?’

Don’t flatter yourself, honey; you’re not that hot.

Teale told Busted Coverage she had been drinking ‘jager and bootlegger’ before the incident and that she intends to write a letter of apology to the officer involved.

Sure she will. My prediction? She’ll hire a lawyer, claim the officer sexually assaulted her, and be invited on CNN to denounce the obviously sexist, misogynist police officer.

Sarah Viles

Meet Sarah Jane Doughty – or, considering her girth, I’m guessing it’s pronounced Doughy? – of Salt Lake City, Utah. Sarah is a social drinker, and by that, I mean she becomes completely antisocial after a few – or twenty drinks.

According to a probable cause statement, Sarah Jane Doughty threatened to find the officers who arrested her on Facebook and “hunt them down, rape and murder them.”

Can you imagine being raped by a human walrus? Yikes.

Doughty had been drinking at a bar and witnesses tried to stop her from leaving, but she sped off. She got in a crash a short time later. Doughty “kicked and spit” at the officers and “threatened to kill all officers present at the scene.”

Looking at her mug shot, I assume the airbag deployed and smashed her face.

An Apple (Schnapps) For The Teacher

An Outback elementary school teacher has been banned from teaching for two years after she was found passed out at her desk. Honestly, if I was surrounded by second graders all day, I’d need a drink, too.

A Queensland primary school teacher was so drunk she passed out in front of her grade-two students, in one of a string of incidents that exposed children to “considerable risk”, the Queensland Civil and Administrative Tribunal (QCAT) has found.

The woman, who cannot be identified, has been banned from teaching for two years after she was found drunk at school on multiple occasions over a two-year period. The tribunal recently handed down its findings against the former teacher.

The QCAT heard that on a morning in August 2016, the woman had taken several doses of Valium and drank vodka disguised in a water bottle while teaching science to grade-two students.

An ambulance was called after she fell unconscious at her desk.

Now maybe it’s just me, but if my teacher was passed out at her desk, I would shut my mouth, open a comic book, and enjoy the free day. Although maybe that explains why I’m not all that smart.

Drunk Attends Rhode Island Town Hall

Meet Stephanie Plante of Johnston, Rhode Island. Stephanie likes to get her party on, and since she obviously cannot even spell the word Uber, she just says “Screw it,” and drives herself home with hilarious results.

Police say a Rhode Island woman fleeing a traffic stop crashed into a town hall building so violently that her car broke in two.

North Smithfield police say they tried to pull over a car at about 9 p.m. Wednesday for driving erratically, but the vehicle would not stop.

The fleeing car crashed into North Smithfield Town Hall.

The driver, identified as 32-year-old Stephanie Plante, of Johnston, faces several driving charges including as well as drunken driving and drug offenses after police say they found narcotics and marijuana in the car.

Really? Judging by Stephanie’s mug shot, I took her for a teetotaler.

Not-So-Smarty Jones

Meet Lauren Cutshaw of South Carolina.

Lauren is a very clean, white girl who doesn’t deserve to be arrested for DUI, even after blowing a stop sign at 60 mph. Just ask her, she’ll tell you.

Lauren Cutshaw, 34, recently copped to a misdemeanor DUI count in connection with her arrest last August in Bluffton, a town just west of Hilton Head. Cutshaw, a licensed real estate agent, pleaded guilty to the drunk driving charge during an August 27 appearance in Bluffton Municipal Court.

As part of a plea deal, prosecutors dropped several other charges filed against Cutshaw, including speeding, possession of marijuana, possession of drug paraphernalia, and DUI with a blood alcohol content of .16 or higher.

In fairness, Lauren had some very compelling reasons to stay out of prison.

Cutshaw, who claimed to have only consumed two glasses of wine, told a cop, “I’m a very clean, thoroughbred, white girl” and “I’m a white, clean girl.” She also told of her prior “perfect grades,” National Honor Society membership, and graduation from a “high accredited university.”

According to Joe Biden, this is 100% true.

, who also mentioned that she was an “All-American cheerleader,” a valedictorian, and a sorority member, did not impress her arresting officer with references to her whiteness and thoroughbred nature.

Pfft, if this stuck-up bint really had a thoroughbred nature, she would have been able to successfully run from the officer.

Her Nickname Is Donald Drunk

Meet Ellen McMillon.

Ellen is a self-proclaimed Disney Super Fan – a pathetic moniker if I ever heard one – but her recent actions guaranteed she will never be allowed into the theme park again.

A drunk and aggressive Disney super fan was banned for life from all of the company’s Florida theme parks. Ellen McMillion, 53, was booted from Disney’s Hollywood Studios last Thursday after she hit a taxi driver in the parking lot.

Deputies said McMillion started slapping the driver when she asked him for a cigarette and he told her he didn’t have one. When authorities confronted McMillion, she was slurring her words, reeked of alcohol and had trouble maintaining her balance.

She told deputies she was intoxicated and wouldn’t cooperate with the investigation until she received a cigarette. She also hurled profanities at nearby children and threw her purse on the ground when asked for identification.

While under arrest, McMillon allegedly kicked a deputy twice in the leg as she was placed in the back of a squad car.

She seems nice. Instead of arresting her, the officers should have forced Ellen to ride the Mad Tea Party ride until she threw up multiple times. See, this is why I am never considered for Chief of Police.