Would You Like Sprinkles On That?

Meet Kayla Alayne Sprinkles. Yes, Sprinkles.

Kayla is a teacher in the North Carolina public school system. She is so dedicated to her students that she voluntarily gives them one-on-one tutoring.

Kayla Alayne Sprinkles, 26, of Hayesville, is accused of sex acts with a student while employed as a high school teacher for the Cherokee County Schools System.

The Cherokee County Sheriff’s Office began investigating in March. On June 4, Cherokee County grand jury indicted her on five counts of sex activity with a student.

The Cherokee County Sheriff’s Office said that Sprinkles surrendered authorities at the Mecklenburg County Detention Center, where she was served with the indictments and released on a $25,000 unsecured bond.

The good news is when she’s paroled, she can make her bones as a “dancer.” She already has the perfect stripper name.

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When Irish Guys Are Smiling

More than two thousand women descended upon Wicklow, Ireland to participate in the world’s largest skinny dipping event this weekend.

Thousands of Irish women shed their inhibitions and their clothes on a secluded beach fifty kilometers south of Dublin on Saturday for a world-record setting “skinny dip” to raise funds for a children’s cancer charity.

Lucia Sinigagliesi, the Guinness World Records official that adjudicated the naked swim, said that 2505 women spent at least five minutes in the sea to set a new world record.

On Saturday, the sea temperature off Magheramore beach, where the Irish swim was held, was a bracing 12 degrees, despite a recent spell of warm weather.

The swim has been an annual event since it was started by Dubliner Dee Featherstone in 2013, just weeks after her own mastectomy. The events have raised more than 153,000 euro, not including what will be raised this year.

Interestingly, the event could be seen from the International Space Station, after the glare from pasty Irish bodies blinded the astronauts.

In Soviet Russia, Money Makes You!

Meet Yulia Sveshnikova.

Julia is just a simple country girl, drawn out of her icy cold Siberian homestead for one last chance at love… with a multimillionaire.

A ‘penniless’ student has won a TV game show to marry a Russian oligarch with a luxury mansion, yacht and use of a private jet.

Yulia Sveshnikova, 29, was chosen by 55-year-old oil tycoon Konstantin Scherbinin’s children as a ‘hot’ new bride for their father. Some 2,000 hopefuls applied for the bizarre Russian show called ‘Millionaire for Marriage’.

She will fly to Dubai on honeymoon with him before splitting her time between his sumptuous homes in Moscow and Los Angeles, and enjoying his fleet of expensive cars.

Okay, maybe it’s just me, but Yulia seems a little too crazy stupid hot for some random, penniless Siberian student. Besides, in a matter of weeks, Putin will have the husband murdered and claim Yulia for himself.

The Media Still Doesn’t Get It

A leftist hack writing for The New Yorker went to First Lady Melania Trump’s hometown in an effort to find some dirt. She chose… poorly.

Vendela Vida, a writer for The New Yorker, traveled to First Lady Melania Trump’s hometown in Slovenia for some reason, and discovered an extremely juicy piece of news.

Vida makes it to Sevnica, Slovenia, the town in Eastern Europe where the future first lady was born.

The writer peppers her piece with small put-downs of the country, pointing out the fact that some shops were closed and a waitress at a restaurant didn’t know whether a hamburger on the menu was “grass-fed” or not.

Finally, the big reveal — Vida discovers a dessert dish named after Melania Trump on a restaurant menu and asks the waitress if “people here like Melania?” to which she simply replied, “Of course.”

So this assclown travels all the way to Slovenia, insults the country and its people, then is shocked – SHOCKED – to find the locals admire Melania Trump? Money well spent.

Say what you want about President Trump – he speaks plainly and doesn’t always show grace – but Melania Trump has been a rather flawless First Lady thus far, exuding elegance, grace, and class.

Stripper Receives A Giant Tip

An Atlantic City stripper recently received a giant package sure to satisfy: namely, more than $200,000 in hard cash.

Veronica Beckham, 34, met the former HBO executive, Micky Liu, back in July 2014 at the Atlantic City Scores strip club. The pair soon became “friends,” according to Beckham, who described the relationship they had as an “everlasting friendship.”

But Liu, who suffered from diabetes and heart disease related to being obese, according to the New York Post, died less than a year later at the age of 50.

Despite knowing each other for such a brief time, Liu obviously felt the same way about their relationship – as he named Beckham the beneficiary of his retirement accounts and a life-insurance policy worth a combined $223,000.

Imagine how much blow and plastic surgery this broad can buy with that kind of dough!

In Soviet Russia, Pageant Wins You!

The United Kingdom, a country which now welcomes every nationality except the English, held the Miss USSR UK Pageant last weekend. Later this month, Britain will also be holding the Miss Yugoslavia Pageant, Miss Ottoman Empire Pageant, and the Miss Transjordan Pageant.

Beauty queens from former Soviet Union nations battled it out for the title of Miss USSR UK on Sunday night.

Ten glamorous contestants donned vibrant traditional costumes and stripped down to their swimwear as they took to the stage at London’s Proud Embankment nightclub for the annual event.

At the end of a vibrant evening featuring performances, catwalks and an appearance from a professional singer, Zara King, of Uzbekistan, was crowned this year’s winner.

Not for nothing, but I can not wait until the Miss Islam Pageant. I’m sure it will be explosive.

Indecent Ho-posal

The innocent, chaste, churchgoing Romanian woman who sold her virginity to the highest bidder is now claiming she lied about the entire event. Wow, when a hoor can’t tell the truth…

Aleexandra Kefren, 19, auctioned herself off to the highest bidder on notorious website Cinderella Escorts in November, 2016.

At the time, the then 18-year-old told the hosts that she was inspired by the 1993 film Indecent Proposal, and needed the money to stop her parents being evicted from their home. Bidding started at $1 million (£700,000) and four months later in March, 2017, Cinderella Escorts announced that the Romanian teenager had sold her virginity for a staggering €2.3 million (£2m).

A year later, Aleexandra has come forward claiming it was all a publicity stunt for a website that allegedly tricks young women into sex work by making them believe they can make thousands.

“Tricks.” What an odd choice of words. I love how these bints lie to the world, collect their payday, then try to ease their consciences with some b.s. apology. Go frak yourself, Aleexandra… or some random stranger.

The Glorious Land Down Under

Dear Australia, I know we’ve had a touch-and-go relationship with your country. We embraced Mad Max (naturally) and pushed away Jacko (also naturally), and we realize being so far down under you may not get breaking news as fast as the rest of us.

But seriously, you’re just discovering underboob?

MOVE over, cleavage — the underboob is busting out.

Breasts have been the rage of the fashion world lately, especially on Instagram. But the underboob in particular is having a moment — and the leggy likes of Emily Ratajkowski and Kendall Jenner are unsurprisingly obsessed.

I can hop aboard Emily – literally – but can we, as a planet, stop with Kendall Jenner, or any of her insane, inbred sisters please? Unlike the underboob, it’s high time the Kardashians disappear.

Another Reason To Despise The NFL

In addition to disrespecting the National Anthem, supporting Black Lives Matter, and continually employing Joe Buck, the NFL is filled with anti-Christian scumbags.

Kristan Ann Ware filed a complaint on Wednesday to the Florida Commission on Human Relations which stated she was ‘discriminated against on behalf of her gender and religion.’ The suit claims Ware faced hostility from the Dolphins cheerleader coaching staff over her virginity during an end-of-the year meeting.

The events leading up to Ware quitting the team started on a bus ride in London in 2015 where she told her teammates she was a virgin after they were talking about what songs they listened to while having sex.

She explained to her teammates that she had no intention of having sex with anyone until she was married because of her religious beliefs. The coaches allegedly told her she needed to stop discussing her virginity around the team, but Ware claims she only brought it up when she was asked.

Now, I understand most NFL cheerleaders – and players and administrators – are sullen hoors, so if they want to conserve about their worn-out, shellfish-infested vaginas, that’s fine. Ridiculing and bullying a woman who cherishes her faith (and her virginity) makes you an ugly person, inside and out.

Better Call Sol

Meet Argentinian weather bunny Sol Perez. Sol is a hot little minky, and she knows it; so she decided to insure her best asset for two million Argentine pesos.

A weathergirl dubbed ‘Argentina’s sexiest’ has insured her famous bum to protect it from “all risks”.

Sol Perez insured her taut derriere for £72,000 GBP after finding a company who was willing to offer a suitable settlement for her most-prized asset. The 24-year-old is a huge Latin America media star and is considered the sexiest weathergirl in Argentina.

The blonde bombshell appears on TyC Sports channel and has millions of social media followers. (H/TAOSHQ)

What exactly does insuring her ass from “all risks” mean? Are we talking vandalism, gunshot wounds, an ass-kidnapping? Someone help me out here.