Caught Pool Hopping

One of my proudest achievements is the fact I have never seen even one second of The Bachelor, so when I heard about an alleged sexual entanglement during production, my curiosity was piiqued.

Warner Bros. originally shut down production of the fourth season of the ABC reality series amid allegations of a sexual encounter between contestants DeMario Jackson, 30, and Corrine Olympios, 24. After launching an internal investigation with the assistance of an outside law firm, the studio confirmed the footage did not support claims of sexual misconduct by a cast member.

“Out of respect for the privacy interests of those involved, we do not intend to release the videotape of the incident.

Great, now I have completely lost interest in this story.

Production of the fourth season of the reality series was shut down amid allegations co-stars DeMario Jackson, 30, and Corinne Olympios, 24, engaged in questionable activity in a pool at the resort where filming took place. The cast had been sent home from Mexico as a result.

The rumor was Olympios and Jackson allegedly explored each other’s nether-regions with their mouths while they were in the pool, which was the style at the time. One has to wonder how much chlorine was necessary to sufficiently decontaminate the water. I’m guessing a metric ton.

A Kiss Before Crying

French tennis player Maxime Hamou embraced his inner Joe Namath this weekend after he forcibly tried to make out with a reporter.

After his French Open loss to Pablo Cuevas, 21-year-old Maxime Hamou was interviewed by reporter Maly Thomas. For some reason, Hamou decided to kiss Thomas, who clearly wanted no part of that.

That did not stop Hamou from going in for a second and even a third unwanted kiss, even as Thomas tried to pull away from him.

The French Open revoked Hamou’s accreditation, banning him from the tournament. The French Tennis Federation released a statement calling Hamou’s behavior “reprehensible.”

Why the hell would this guy risk his livelihood by kissing some lame-ass reporter?

Oh… point taken.

Class Is Making A Comeback

In the aftermath of the elitist demeanor of the Obama administration, First Lady Melania Trump is quietly making the White House accessible again.

For the first time in the history of White House tours, visitors will now be able to view the famous White House movie theater, thanks to a new directive by first lady Melania Trump.

The move to open up more of the White House to ordinary citizens stood in stark contrast to former President Barack Obama and first lady Michelle, who regularly hosted celebrities and star-studded events but suspended citizen tours of the mansion for eight months in 2013.

“The White House belongs to the people of this country,” Melania Trump said in her announcement. “I believe everyone who takes the time to visit and tour the White House should have as much access to its rich history and wonderful traditions as possible. It is my hope that our visitors truly enjoy the newest piece of the tour.”

Wait a minute, I thought the White House was reserved for Hollywood celebrities and rich mega-donors? I know that’s the way the founders envisioned it.

Happy May Day, Comrades!

Today is May 1st. This is the day Russian and Eastern Bloc communists watched while T-34 tanks and Katyusha rocket launchers rolled through Red Square in an ominous vision of Soviet might.

Nowadays, the event is polluted with demonstrations from millennials wearing pink pussy hats.

Hundreds of thousands of demonstrators are expected to take to the streets Monday in massive May Day events across the USA mostly protesting the policies of President Trump.

May Day — also known as International Worker’s Day — has spawned protests around the globe in past years highlighting workers’ rights. But on Monday, the impetus for the U.S. marches span from immigrants’ rights to LGBT awareness to police misconduct.

Instead of protesting about LGBT awareness – as if there is anyone on Earth who is not aware, and sick of, hearing about LBGT rights – maybe these snowflakes could stay home and read about Mariya Vasilyevna Oktyabrskaya. Who is she, you ask? She was one of the Soviet Union’s only tank drivers during WWII, risked her life for her crew on multiple occasions, and was posthumously awarded the Hero of the Soviet Union award.

Mariya did all that without whining about unequal pay or unisex bathrooms.

(Sorry about the previous version. I didn’t notice the beginning of the post was, um, missing.)

Taking The Bra Out Of Brazil

Meet Kamilla Werneck; arguably the front-runner for that awful lesbian nun film they’re promoting.

A porn star has outraged churchgoers by declaring she is an Evangelical Christian who believes there’s nothing wrong with her work in the eyes of God.

Kamilla Warneck is one of the hottest adult movie stars in Brazil and has appeared in hundreds of erotic movies. Now the 25-year-old, who grew up in a deeply religious household, has caused controversy with her claims in an interview on X-rated TV show Pornolandia.

Pornolandia, isn’t that the capital of Oregon?

The hardcore actress declares she has an “Evangelical faith” and says she doesn’t believe it clashes with her career because she is a “good person at heart”.

I happen to agree with Kamilla; and not only because I would like to help her exorcise her sexual demons. I can only speak for Christianity, but I don’t remember reading the Bible story where Jesus told the prostitute she was going straight to Hell.

Like Weight On Rice

Meet Korean actress Lee Tae-Im. Looking at her, you can see she is the reason the United States protects South Korea from evildoers.

Now you may wonder how Lee maintains such a bangin’ body; the answer may surprise you.

Popular Korean actress Lee Tae-Im recently sparked a bit of controversy after revealing that she only eats three spoons of rice a day in order to maintain her slim figure.

Lee, who was previously known for her curves and overall healthy image, appeared on an episode of MBC Every1’s “Video Star” on Tuesday, where panelists quickly noticed her extremely slim physique. The young actress admitted to undergoing an extreme diet for the last six months, during which she only ate three spoons of rice per day.

And honey, it’s really working for ya! Lee embraced the diet after watching the Korean version of Mary Poppins, where Mary claims a spoonful of rice helps the cellulite go down.

Yo Mama Says You Slutty, Hey Hey, Ho Ho!

Coastal Carolina University – home of the Fighting Floozies – has suspended their cheerleading squad for allegedly working as strippers.

A South Carolina cheerleading team has been suspended during an investigation into allegations its members worked as strippers and escorts.

An investigatory report obtained under an open records request includes text messages in which current and former members of the Coastal Carolina University cheer team discuss jobs as strippers.

The investigator also wrote that the cheerleaders were paid up to $1,500 for escorting men to events and were also paid in gifts including clothes and designer handbags.

Wow, that’s hawt. The article claims the cheerleaders did not have sex with their clients, but I’m skeptical. By definition, cheering people up is their mission. Why take someone around the world when you’re going to avoid Intercourse, PA?

Clutching Pearl

Meet Pearl Gonzalez.

Pearl is a crazy stupid hot woman who makes her money doing crazy stupid things inside the UFC octagon. Her fighting career was almost cut short, however, because the state of New York was going to sideline her.

Why? Because of her fantastic cans.

UFC fighter Pearl Gonzalez WILL fight at UFC 210 after the NY State Athletic Commission cleared her to participate despite having breast implants.

The NYSAC said it conducted a review into Gonzalez based on information that came to light at the weigh in Friday morning. MMAFighting.com said the information was that Gonzalez has breast implants. But moments ago, the NYSAC issued a statement saying, “The Commission has completed its review and has cleared Ms. Gonzalez to participate in UFC 210.”

She made her UFC debut against Cynthia Calvillo on Saturday night as planned.

What happens when breast implants puncture? Does it make a popping balloon sound or a slow-leaking tire sound?

A Better Way Of Grinding

A western coffee shop company is under fire for their scantily clad waitresses. Apparently, the cleavage has their customers standing up and begging for buttermilk.

Bikini Beans Espresso is a coffee shop chain with branches in Arizona and Washington where patrons can have their favorite coffee prepared and served by beautiful women wearing bikinis, g-strings or just three strategically-placed stickers.

Thanks to its attractive dress code, Bikini Beans Espresso has become hugely popular, especially among its male clientele. But despite encouraging sales, impressive 5-star ratings on Yelp and thousands of followers on social media, Bikini Beans Espresso has its fare share of critics, most of which claim that the mandatory dress code of the staff is degrading for women.

Carlie Jo, the owner of the Bikini Beans Espresso venue in Washington, also agrees that the barely-there attire is empowering women, not objectifying them. “Women everywhere have the right to vote, to be gay, to be successful community leaders and business owners, or even run for president! We have the right to work with grace, confidence and dignity, regardless if it’s in a business suit, scrubs, or a bikini,” she said.

I’ve gotta be honest here; this entire story is a big nothingburger, since bars and restaurants have been employing scantily-clad women for decades. This may have been a big deal in 1985, but it’s 2017. Basic cable networks have shows which drop F-bombs, show partial nudity, and broadcast more cans than a beer distributor. Get over yourselves, people.

Let Us Kneel Before The Lord

Meet Crystal Bassette. Crystal was previously known by the name Nadia Hilton, an adult film star who spent her time going down more often than a fiddler’s elbow. Not anymore.

Crystal Bassette, from Clay, New York, earned $300,000 a year as porn actress Nadia Hilton, starring in over 100 X-rated titles over 10 years.

In the throws of an alcohol problem, Crystal frittered away her money on sports cars, a mansion and her own nightclub. Several life-changing events – including a terrifying car accident in May 2014 – made Crystal realise she wanted to start on a new path.

The mother-of-three put an end to her hedonistic lifestyle after she found God and started attending church, where she met her husband David, 26, a pastor. The 33-year-old has since graduated from college and trained to become a pastor.

This may surprise you, but I think this story is fantastic. Crystal learned from her mistakes, saw where her life was headed, and made necessary changes. It’s actually heartening to know she is spreading the good word, gushing over her flock, and banging the drum for the Lord.