Buxom If You Got ‘Em

While scouring teh innernetz for something post-worthy, I came across this nonsense from the New York Post. The title of the article is, “Boobs are back in a big way.”

Up here *points to brain* they never left.

For the last year, those of us blessed with a chest have been slaves to the trend for curbing our curves. But now you can welcome the return of the out-and-proud cleavage.

Lingerie brand Ann Summers reports a 27 percent rise in sales of cleavage-enhancing bras, surely confirming the buxom look is back.

Thanks to push-up bras, chicken fillets, and clever makeup, help is out there for us all to make the best of our breasts. It’s a trend the small-boobed can join in with, whereas there’s no disguising a large bust, no matter how much bandage tape or clever necklines you try.

Personally, I believe cleavage should be mandatory in America, and ample cleavage should be highly encouraged. It is truly something Jesus would do.

The Cream In Her Coffee

A city in uber-liberal Washington state is considering dress code legislation aimed at bikini baristas; the swimsuit-wearing coffee servers popular on the west coast.

In other words, Washington will soon be as bad a place to work as it is to visit.

A new crackdown on bikini baristas may be coming soon to Everett. The city council is debating two ordinances, one of which would require scantily-clad coffee makers to wear more clothes.

The city attorney says this is not about placating people who are offended by women wearing bikinis. It’s an effort to eliminate prostitution and other illegal activities the city says is common at some bikini barista stands.

As a result, the city council is considering two ordinances. One would require a dress code for what they call quick service restaurants. Specifically, workers would have to wear tank tops and shorts at a minimum.

The half-naked waitresses at Hooters, et, al? No worries. Strippers, streetwalkers, and primo hoors? Fine. What we really need to do is crack down on those awful, violent coffee servers!

Getting Up To Bed Down

While searching for a decent post late last night, I found some quality clickbait from thew UK Daily Mail. Some limey sex expert wants to tell us what makes a woman good in bed.

Um, for most of us, the answer would be simply showing up. This bullet point was interesting, however:

11. They make noise (but not too much)

Ever had sex with someone who was deadly quiet and didn’t make any noise at all? It’s unnerving: we rely on moans and groans as feedback that our partner’s are having a good time.

Equally as unsettling however are ‘screamers’: people who make so much noise you can’t relax for fear of people listening.

Most of the women I’ve had sex with have been screamers. You know, “Get off me!,” “Don’t touch me!” and so forth.

Me So Coffee

If you ever wondered why we fought so hard to win the Vietnam War – and for the record, we won the war, but the politicians lost it – look no further than the bustling coffee shops of Little Saigon in Santa Ana, California.

When you talk about hot stuff at certain Vietnamese American cafes in Little Saigon, you’re not just talking about the coffee. This is where Hooters meets Starbucks. This is where lingerie-clad, spandex-sporting, high heels-wearing baristas make your coffee, whip up your smoothies and refill your green tea.

These waitresses seem to have an unwritten dress code worked into their job description. Bra tops, bustiers, corsets, itsy-bitsy spandex tube tops and bottoms, micro mini skirts and clear stilettos are the norm. At night, the clothes get a little fancier. There’s more satin and lace involved.

The most popular of these cafes — Cafe Lu on Harbor Boulevard and Cafe Di Vang 2 on Euclid Street — are packed day and night although they exclusively serve coffee, tea and smoothies. None of them offers alcohol, food or even light snacks. (H/TAOSHQ)

One of these cafe owners claim, “We’re just like Starbucks,” except unlike Starbucks, you can enjoy your coffee here without the draconian prices and smug liberal conversation.

Czech, Please!

A nuclear power plant in the Czech Republic wants to revolutionize the way we think about splitting atoms. In this case, the company began fission for babes.

A nuclear power plant in the Czech Republic was pelted with criticism for holding a bikini beauty contest to win an internship.

Women stripped down to their swimwear to pose up for photographs in the plant’s cooling tower and Facebook users were asked to vote for their favourite.

Ten school graduates signed up for the competition in the South Bohemian region of the country. The plant claimed the women had enjoyed the experience, but when the pictures went live on its Facebook page, the backlash started.

This is the most despicable stunt I have ever heard. The fact a group of men dreamed up this misogynistic contest should not go unanswered. In fact, I am ready to travel to the Czech Republic, meet with the contestants, and conduct full, probing interviews. If nothing else, I want to get to the bottom of the matter.

Caught Pool Hopping

One of my proudest achievements is the fact I have never seen even one second of The Bachelor, so when I heard about an alleged sexual entanglement during production, my curiosity was piiqued.

Warner Bros. originally shut down production of the fourth season of the ABC reality series amid allegations of a sexual encounter between contestants DeMario Jackson, 30, and Corrine Olympios, 24. After launching an internal investigation with the assistance of an outside law firm, the studio confirmed the footage did not support claims of sexual misconduct by a cast member.

“Out of respect for the privacy interests of those involved, we do not intend to release the videotape of the incident.

Great, now I have completely lost interest in this story.

Production of the fourth season of the reality series was shut down amid allegations co-stars DeMario Jackson, 30, and Corinne Olympios, 24, engaged in questionable activity in a pool at the resort where filming took place. The cast had been sent home from Mexico as a result.

The rumor was Olympios and Jackson allegedly explored each other’s nether-regions with their mouths while they were in the pool, which was the style at the time. One has to wonder how much chlorine was necessary to sufficiently decontaminate the water. I’m guessing a metric ton.

A Kiss Before Crying

French tennis player Maxime Hamou embraced his inner Joe Namath this weekend after he forcibly tried to make out with a reporter.

After his French Open loss to Pablo Cuevas, 21-year-old Maxime Hamou was interviewed by reporter Maly Thomas. For some reason, Hamou decided to kiss Thomas, who clearly wanted no part of that.

That did not stop Hamou from going in for a second and even a third unwanted kiss, even as Thomas tried to pull away from him.

The French Open revoked Hamou’s accreditation, banning him from the tournament. The French Tennis Federation released a statement calling Hamou’s behavior “reprehensible.”

Why the hell would this guy risk his livelihood by kissing some lame-ass reporter?

Oh… point taken.

Class Is Making A Comeback

In the aftermath of the elitist demeanor of the Obama administration, First Lady Melania Trump is quietly making the White House accessible again.

For the first time in the history of White House tours, visitors will now be able to view the famous White House movie theater, thanks to a new directive by first lady Melania Trump.

The move to open up more of the White House to ordinary citizens stood in stark contrast to former President Barack Obama and first lady Michelle, who regularly hosted celebrities and star-studded events but suspended citizen tours of the mansion for eight months in 2013.

“The White House belongs to the people of this country,” Melania Trump said in her announcement. “I believe everyone who takes the time to visit and tour the White House should have as much access to its rich history and wonderful traditions as possible. It is my hope that our visitors truly enjoy the newest piece of the tour.”

Wait a minute, I thought the White House was reserved for Hollywood celebrities and rich mega-donors? I know that’s the way the founders envisioned it.

Happy May Day, Comrades!

Today is May 1st. This is the day Russian and Eastern Bloc communists watched while T-34 tanks and Katyusha rocket launchers rolled through Red Square in an ominous vision of Soviet might.

Nowadays, the event is polluted with demonstrations from millennials wearing pink pussy hats.

Hundreds of thousands of demonstrators are expected to take to the streets Monday in massive May Day events across the USA mostly protesting the policies of President Trump.

May Day — also known as International Worker’s Day — has spawned protests around the globe in past years highlighting workers’ rights. But on Monday, the impetus for the U.S. marches span from immigrants’ rights to LGBT awareness to police misconduct.

Instead of protesting about LGBT awareness – as if there is anyone on Earth who is not aware, and sick of, hearing about LBGT rights – maybe these snowflakes could stay home and read about Mariya Vasilyevna Oktyabrskaya. Who is she, you ask? She was one of the Soviet Union’s only tank drivers during WWII, risked her life for her crew on multiple occasions, and was posthumously awarded the Hero of the Soviet Union award.

Mariya did all that without whining about unequal pay or unisex bathrooms.

(Sorry about the previous version. I didn’t notice the beginning of the post was, um, missing.)

Taking The Bra Out Of Brazil

Meet Kamilla Werneck; arguably the front-runner for that awful lesbian nun film they’re promoting.

A porn star has outraged churchgoers by declaring she is an Evangelical Christian who believes there’s nothing wrong with her work in the eyes of God.

Kamilla Warneck is one of the hottest adult movie stars in Brazil and has appeared in hundreds of erotic movies. Now the 25-year-old, who grew up in a deeply religious household, has caused controversy with her claims in an interview on X-rated TV show Pornolandia.

Pornolandia, isn’t that the capital of Oregon?

The hardcore actress declares she has an “Evangelical faith” and says she doesn’t believe it clashes with her career because she is a “good person at heart”.

I happen to agree with Kamilla; and not only because I would like to help her exorcise her sexual demons. I can only speak for Christianity, but I don’t remember reading the Bible story where Jesus told the prostitute she was going straight to Hell.