CNN: The Cutting Edge Of Edginess

CNN burped out an article – no, I’m not linking it, because CNN is hot garbage – fretting about sex workers in Tijuana, Mexico, and their chances of catching the Wuhan Virus. Whatever will this trash organization do when the Wuhan is gone?

Tijuana, Mexico’s famed red-light district, called Zona Norte, sits a stone’s throw from the US-Mexico border. Calle Coahuila, the area’s main strip, is normally teeming with a frenetic action bathed in neon light.

Women in short dresses and the highest of high heels stand along the sidewalks, beckoning groups of men to spend some time and money with them. Massive strip clubs, some with hotels attached, act as de facto brothels.

Well I know where I’m spending summer vacation next year!

Many specifically cater to the thousands of Americans who cross the border from California each month, looking for a kind of fun that can’t be found legally in the United States, except maybe in some Nevada counties where prostitution is permitted.

The drivel goes on for a few more paragraphs, whining about the sex workers and their chances of getting Wuhan Virus. There’s very little about chlamydia, herpes, or AIDS, but plenty of the Wuhan. So apparently CNN is more concerned with the Wu-Flu than something that can actually kill these young women.

Bravo CNN< you hit another one out of the f**king park!

Bikini Baristas Badmouth Beastly Boss

Employees of a Bikini Beans Coffee franchise in Phoenix, AZ, have filed a federal lawsuit against the owners, claiming withheld tips, forced work without pay after their shifts and a hostile work environment.

At Bikini Beans Coffee, where baristas in skimpy swimwear serve cold brews and chai lattes, the bikini represents “empowerment, freedom, functionality, and togetherness.” That’s how the local coffee chain’s marketing copy describes things, at least.

At odds with these vague ideals of female empowerment is the actual work culture at Bikini Beans, according to multiple former employees interviewed by Phoenix New Times. They describe a harsh and controlling work environment where the staff members — many of them young women between the ages of 18 and 21 — are frequently subject to verbal abuse when they don’t properly greet the store’s owners, and where baristas’ tips are confiscated if they are late by only a few minutes.

On July 30, two former employees filed a federal lawsuit against the owners of Bikini Beans Coffee, Benjamin and Regina Lyles. It alleges the company illegally underpaid employees and violated state and federal labor law. Various allegations in the complaint — which include claims that employees weren’t paid minimum wages and were required to work unpaid after clocking out — align with accounts provided to New Times during interviews in recent weeks with former employees.

Oh, wah, wah, wah. You know, when I was in high school, I worked in a deli. We were paid slave wages, had to kill the cockroaches on our own time, and had nothing to look at except the crazy gorgeous blonde cashiers at the pizza shop next door.

But did I cry when I literally walked into the candy shelf because I was staring at Jenny? Well, actually I did for a while, and then I had to restock the candy shelf. So… yeah. Think about it.

Keep Poking The Bear

A woman was waiting to enter a Utah plasma center, and since Utah is about 2,000 degrees in August, the woman dressed appropriately… or inappropriately, depending upon who you believe.

Rebecca Ortinez expected to wait in line outside a Utah County plasma center, so she wore an outfit for the heat. Once inside, the outfit quickly landed her back outside with a trespass order.

“[The manager] said, ‘I’m going to have to ask you to leave because your clothing is too disruptive, or too distracting to other patrons and my employees,’” Ortinez told 2News. “She kept commenting about my physical appearance; she mentioned my nipples multiple times, which was embarrassing for me.”

Heh, heh, she said “nipples.”

American Fork Police confirm they were called to the BioLife plasma center on Wednesday for a report of a disturbance. Police told Ortinez that the plasma center managers requested she be trespassed for life.

On the date of the occurrence, it was 95 degrees in Utah. Thanks to the Chinese Wuhan Virus, everyone has to wait outside, so Rebecca chose being comfortable over, say, being dead of heat stroke. Now, I’m not a medical professional, but I’m fairly confident these people have seen pokey nipples before.

If they go to water over a braless woman, how professional will they be when you need a plasma injection?

Place Your Junk In An Upright Position

Meet Nicole Denison of Safety Harbor, Florida.

Nicole is a crazy stupid hot flight attendant who, after coming home from work, found her husband plowing another woman. Obviously, Nicole was not pleased, and she decided to go all Mike Tyson on his ass.

Upon returning to her home at 11 PM, a Florida Woman last week discovered her husband “engaged in sexual intercourse” with another woman, a circumstance that allegedly prompted a domestic pummeling and the wife’s arrest.

Nicole, you’ve been railroaded. I’m here for you.

According to cops, Nicole Denison, a 29-year-old flight attendant, interrupted the marital infidelity when she arrived Wednesday at her family’s residence in Safety Harbor, a city in the Tampa Bay area.

Okay, I have a few questions. First of all, how the f**k do you cheat on a woman who looks like this? Second, how the f**k do you cheat on a woman who looks like this? And finally, why are you such a douche canoe? You deserve to get your ass kicked.

Denison, police allege, punched her 34-year-old spouse “in his left eye causing a ‘black eye.’” Denison’s husband also sustained scratches to his forehead and a bruise on his right arm “at the hands of the defendant.”

Can you blame her? Nicole comes home from a hard day at work to find her douche husband shtupping some local hoor in their house? Hell, she should get the Congressional Medal of Restraint for not kicking the harlot’s ass, too.

Then, in a move straight out of “Animal House,” Denison allegedly took her husband’s acoustic guitar and smashed it against the wall, destroying the instrument and “leaving a gaping hole in the wall.”

Okay, that’s hilarious! I mean, it would have been more hilarious if Nicole El Kabong’d the husband over the head with the guitar, but still, kudos!

Eligible Florida Men, snatch up this gorgeous specimen and treat her like a queen. Go! NOW!!

P.S.I’m going to be out for much of the day, so if I don’t immediately respond to comments, that’s why. I’m not ignoring the blog.

You Can’t Spell Beaver Without “VR”

Before we begin, yes I did receive both stories on despicable Soros-appointed Philadelphia DA. It’s Friday and I’m not ruining everyone’s weekend with that waste of oxygen.

Instead, I found a story about new pr0n technology.

In the age of social distancing, virtual reality porn is the fastest-growing niche in the hugely successful world of online adult content – and there are some big changes coming.

Whether it’s a simple smartphone crammed into a cardboard adaptor or a state-of-the-art Oculus headset, more and more people are getting into VR erotica.

Sex-tech expert and clinical psychologist Holly Richmond says the sea-change in adult content is an opportunity to change the culture of what can, after all, be an abusive and unhealthy industry: “Shooting a video in 3D means the entire process of writing, directing, shooting and acting in porn has to be rewritten.

Look, I have a difficult enough time having sex with real women, and now you want me to have virtual sex with actual pr0n stars? No thanks, I have enough pressure in my life.

Oh, I was going to trash this “sex expert,” because I assumed she would look like Dr. Ruth Westheimer. Holly Richmond is actually moderately hot. Would bang.

The Karening

A New York woman – let’s call her “Karen” – approached a bikini-clad woman outside Freedom Lake and demeaned her for being “naked.”

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

While filming videos at upstate New York’s Freedom Lake, TikTok user Aurea was approached by an angry mother who said her string bikini bottom constituted being naked — and her sons could not look away.

In their recorded interaction, the unidentified mother approaches Aurea and tells her to “get her ass covered,” telling her she’s not allowed to “be nude on a beach,” despite Aurea wearing a swimsuit.

Remember, this happened at FREEDOM LAKE.

“What do you mean?” Aurea asked. “Is there a rule that says that?”

The mom, who has not been identified, insists that there is — and, additionally, her children are staring.

Of course they were staring… they’re boys! Look Karen, just because you don’t look good in a bathing suit anymore doesn’t mean you have to crush the hopes and dreams of your uber-horny children.

Minnesota Spice

Just when you thought Minnesota couldn’t possibly get any worse, some local cops are now citing and fining lake beachgoers for sunning themselves while topless or in the nude.

The Golden Valley Police Department used a drone to catch beachgoers breaking the law by going topless or nude at Twin Lake, just west of Theodore Wirth Park.

Wait, wait, wait, the department spying on nude sunbathers is called Golden Valley? HA HA! I’m sure they explored those valleys deeply.

The serenity on the somewhat hidden beach is what draws visitors, along with an understanding of sorts that many freely bare their body. Elsie Olin frequents the beach.

“It’s really well known for being a safe place to just be comfortable,” Olin said.

When Olin was there Friday, July 10, that freedom of expression wasn’t free from consequence as officers began taking information from people to potentially cite them for being topless or nude.

Minnesota won’t arrest or charge rioters, looters, or arsonists, but they’ll damn well dish out citations to topless beachgoers on a sparsely populated lake? Good grief, Minnesota, just secede to Canada already.

Finish Him!

With the exception of the infected numbers game, most stories concerning the Chinese Wuhan Virus have revolved around strip clubs, their reopenings, and the precautions taken to protect people form the Wu-Flu, but not from crabs, herpes, or knocking up a dancer.

You’ll be able to see a lot at the Magic Lantern, now that the longtime strip club on Route 20 has reopened. But you won’t see a topless dancer without a face mask on, said Christopher Brunelle, manager at the club.

Now ever our butterfaces can make money!

Six-foot distances will always be enforced.

Not a problem for me if you know what I mean…

The capacity has been reduced to just 50 people from 200. Only one entertainer on stage at a time— no private dances. These are all accommodations Brunelle, whose wife Kimberly, bought the club in March, has made to reopen under Gov. Charlie Baker’s phased reopening plan.

There was no seating at the bar or at the stage when it reopened Thursday night.

Probably a good idea, since it’s more difficult to see some lecherous guy “yanking his doodle, it’s a dandy” in a darkened booth.

Goodbye Boulder Holders?

The Chinese Wuhan Virus has, at least temporarily, changed they way most of us live our lives. We’re re-calibrating our patterns and habits, as well as changing some things ingrained into our psyche. Some wwomen, in particular, have decided it’s time to eliminate the bra.

Lockdown has changed a lot of things about the way we present ourselves to the world, and for many women, ditching their bra has been a particularly popular one. “I just don’t see bras making a comeback after this,” tweeted the Buzzfeed writer Tomi Obaro in May. Her tweet has been “liked” more than half a million times. The feminist satire website Reductress ran a headline last week reading: “Bra furlough extended.”

Bras are often considered to be a necessary, but unwelcome, contraption.

Ay, there’s the rub. (Phrasing.) While I’m certain underwire bras are not comfortable – I’m more of a sports bra guy – this conundrum is a catch-22. Most guys would be all for 20-somethings going braless, but the flip side of that coin is watching your elderly 70-year old woman gardening in her tank top.

No. Thank. You.

Last Bango In Vancouver

The Health Officer of British Columbia has warned her fellow Canucks to protect themselves after patrons of a nudie bar caught the Wuhan Virus. Honestly, it that’s all they caught, I’d call it a good day.

Provincial Health Officer Dr. Bonnie Henry said news of COVID-19 exposure at Brandi’s Exotic Show Lounge should serve as a reminder that British Columbians need to stay vigilant about preventing spread of the disease.

During Monday’s daily briefing, Henry said another 26 new cases of COVID-19 have been confirmed in B.C. since Friday, but no more deaths have been reported.

Henry urged Brandi’s patrons to watch for symptoms of the novel coronavirus if they visited the downtown Vancouver strip club on the nights of June 21, 22, 23 and 24. To date, three people have tested positive in connection with exposure to the virus at Brandi’s on those dates.

Dr. Henry also encouraged the patrons to stop by on the weekends between 5pm and 7pm, where she will be showcasing her talents, and explaining proper mask use while giving lap dances.