She Signed For A Kiss Reunion Tour

Meet Mikayla Saravia. Mikayla has very few marketable skills, but she licked that problem almost immediately.

Mikayla Saravia is an Instagram model and influencer – but what makes her different from the rest is her massive tongue. The 21-year-old, who has around 2 million followers, has a tongue which measures up to a whopping 6.5 inches.

She gets paid between $900 (£722) to $3,000 (£2,400) for posting racy images and videos licking food items. In some snaps, Mikayla, from Florida, US, can be seen sticking out her tongue while wearing skimpy swimwear or lingerie.

When I was a lad, people acquired fame and fortune by working hard, putting in long hours, and expending some elbow grease. Nowadays, you can get rich for an elongated tongue.

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Sarah Smiles

Sarah Palin, one of the best candidates ever to run for Vice-President, has announced her marriage is ending after thirty-one years. That’s right, guys; she’ll soon be single!

Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin’s husband Todd Palin has filed for divorce in Anchorage Superior Court.

Citing “incompatibility of temperament between the parties such that they find it impossible to live together as husband and wife,” the court document, filed on Friday, uses initials instead of full names, but lists the date of the Palin marriage and the birth date of their child, Trig, 11, who had Down Syndrome, for whom they filed joint custody.

Anchorage attorney Kimberloo Colbo is representing Todd, 55, and has asked the court to keep the case confidential. As well as Trig, the couple has four adult children, Track, 30, Bristol, 28, Willow, 25, and Piper, 18.

Sarah Palin, also 55, rose to prominence during the 2008 presidential election, when the former mayor of Wasilla was chosen by John McCain as his vice presidential candidate, a decision for which the Arizona senator expressed regret last year. (H/T – AOSHQ)

Like most conservatives, I voted for Sarah Palin in 2008 and not the McCain squish. She was conservatism unleashed, and if not for McCain’s feckless kowtowing to King Putt, they may have had a chance to win the presidency. Then, years later, Sarah could have officially become the First Babe.

A “Little” Goes A Long Way

Meet Alice Little.

Alice is a professional “stress reliever” who works at Nevada’s Moonlite Bunny Ranch, and in anticipation of the proposed “storming of Area 51” this month, Alice is offering a 50% discount for her services. Now that’s a bargain at any price.

Alice Little is hyping a 50 percent discount on “close encounters with her body” from Sept. 20 to 22 during the Alienstock Festival, inspired by the viral Storm Area 51 movement.

“Ever since Alienstock was announced, my email has been blowing up with questions from lascivious alien enthusiasts asking about how they can meet with me while they’re in Nevada,” says a press release by Little, 29, who claims to be the “highest-earning sex worker in the US.”

The 4-foot-8 Ireland native has worked at the Moonlite BunnyRanch for three years and claims her bookings start at $2,000. (H/T – Taminator)

After a quarter century in law enforcement, I can assure you Alice won’t be seeing many young, fit men coming – phrasing – her way. It’ll be older fat guys who will be rushing in, and at 4’8″ and maybe 100 pounds, Alice will likely regret this decision after the first sploosh.

The Crime Of The Century

Entertainment Tonight, the world’s most useless celebrity news site next to Buzzfeed, posted an article about The Terminator star Linda Hamilton for her upcoming film, Terminator XXV: So Very Tired.

Obviously, a new Terminator film is not news, but the revealing quotes about Hamilton’s social life are very illuminating.

Linda Hamilton hasn’t had sex in more than a decade.

Linda, say the word and I will crawl naked over broken glass to California for you.

In a recent interview with The New York Times, the 62-year-old actress opens up about her life since her divorce from James Cameron in 1999. The end of that relationship, Hamilton says, left her “completely devastated for years.”

“I love my alone time like no one you’ve ever met,” Hamilton says. “I’ve been celibate for at least 15 years. One loses track, because it just doesn’t matter — or at least it doesn’t matter to me. I have a very romantic relationship with my world every day and the people who are in it.”

James Cameron is a douche, especially for ruining such a perfect woman like that. Hamilton is not 62, and while she’s still in Terminator-fighting shape, she’s also still pretty hot. Plus, she’s Linda F**king Hamilton; the woman who pulled guys my age into puberty!

The fact Hamilton hasn’t had sex in fifteen years is a crime against humanity.

I Wonder If She Uses Much Pink?

Meet Nadia Matievskaia.

Nadia is a not-so-starving artist who creates amazing paintings with only her talent and her breasts. Wait, what?

Nadia Matievskaia, a self-taught artist from Belarus, has been making news headlines for her unusual “brush”. The young artist uses her breasts to paint, but you couldn’t tell by the details displayed in her artworks.

Nadia never trained to become a painter, but a year and a half ago she started taking acting lessons and discovered a hidden talent. The young artist says that the courses taught her not to be so constrained and explore her innermost feelings, but they also helped her experiment with her body and discover an unexpected way to make money. An assignment that one of her teachers gave her required her to create a painting using her breasts and try to sell it. She did exactly that, and she’s been doing it ever since.

“I started painting after the acting classes,” Nadia wrote on her Instagram. “And even after a year and a half I can say that it is not easy to do something yourself without a direction and a plan, without a common understanding of how it should be and what it is, with the bar that you set yourself, not mom, dad or your boss.” (H/T – Taminator)

Nadia’s ideas are intriguing to me, and I would like to subscribe to her newsletter… as well as any videos she may have of her working.

She’s Still Jenni From The Block

Meet Jenni Lee, AKA Stephanie Saddora. Jenni was on top of the pr0n world and her films were busting out all over. Sadly, Jenni has gone down a little too far into one of Las Vegas’ holes.

Jenni Lee was one of the most successful porn actresses in the world. But last month she was found living in the tunnels under Las Vegas fighting for survival.

Deep beneath Vegas’s glittering lights lies a sinister 200 mile-long labyrinth inhabited by thousands who have lost everything to the city above. Jenni Lee’s shocking living situation was discovered by a film crew making a documentary about the tunnels.

Jenni Lee, AKA Stephanie Saddora, still has over 45,000 subscribers on a popular porn website and is ranked as “Pornstar number 119” in the world. Her latest porn film was added just one year ago, but the former X-rated actress features in more than 232 videos that are still readily available online.

Wow, that’s a tough pill to swallow, amirite?

Something Smells Fishy

Meet Emily Riemer, the “World’s Sexiest Angler.” Emily has more than enough bait to catch men, but she usually deploys it to catch fish.

Emily Riemer is known as the ‘World’s Sexiest Angler’ and one look at her Instagram account will explain why.

The extreme fisher, who hails from Miami, regularly hauls in monster catches weighing upwards of 100kg, all while clad in teeny tiny bikinis and with her blonde mane perfectly in place.

Her skimpy swimwear has helped the sometime model build her 135k Instagram following, but Emily maintains that she is the reel … er, we mean real deal.

“I go fishing in bikinis not to look cute but because it is practical in the heat around Florida and the other places I fish,” she explained to The Sun last year.

Mental note: check home prices in Florida. I wonder what size worm she prefers? Do you think Emily enjoys a sturdy rod? How good is she at bobbin?

(Sorry, but I really needed a post to take my mind off yesterday.)

All Hail The Queen!

Meet Romanian tennis phenom Simona Halep.

Simona is a crazy talented player, but she may always be remembered for her enormous boobs. Halep was struggling through matches, and eventually had them reduced. Now, Simona is a Wimbledon champion, and the player she destroyed is just the icing on the cake.

Serena Williams’ has lost the Wimbledon women’s final to Romanian Simona Halep despite being cheered on by number one fan Meghan Markle who put her hands to her face whenever her friend dropped points.

The 23-time Grand Slam winner, 37, was hoping to win her first title as a mother and equal the record for Grand Slam women’s wins.

That’s a shame, since Serena is such a down-to-Earth, classy woman. Wait, the horrible anti-Trump hoor Meghan Markle was also butthurt? Double points!

Halep’s 6-2 6-2 victory against the tennis legend was her first time in the Wimbledon final, and only her second Grand Slam win. Williams is a seven-time champion at the All England Club.

Speaking after the match today, Williams admitted she was caught off-guard by the brilliance of Halep as the Romanian blew her away in straight sets.

Now, I’m no psychologist, but my guess is Serena was “caught off guard” because she assumed she would simply walk onto the court and be awarded the title. Nice try, though. Maybe you’ll have better luck next year… when you’re 38 years old. Yeah, go with that.

The Cabin Pressure Is Rising

A British mother-of-two was forced to leave her EasyJet plane after the cabin crew claimed her top was too revealing. You know, airline travel is rather awful in normal circumstances; why not give the men some eye candy?

A woman was kicked off a flight after cabin crew told her to change her low-cut and see-through top.

Mum-of-two Harriet Osborne, 31, says she burst into tears after she was made to feel “cheap” when she was told her top was too revealing.

A source claimed some passengers complained to crew that they could see Harriet’s nipples, but she said she was wearing nipple covers and tape. She said she covered up with a mate’s jumper but was not allowed back on.

Easyjet say she behaved “disruptively towards a member of our crew.”

There are photos of the woman and the top at the link – guys, I highly recommend you checking them out – and while her top is rather plunging, she is a very attractive woman. I guess I can understand some people getting annoyed at her ensemble, but this isn’t the sixties anymore.

When you’re sitting next to a 300-pound woman wearing a tube top and Daisy Dukes, there’s little chance the crew is throwing that woman off. So why do it to a woman with a low-cut top?

Never Put Christine In A Corner

Meet Christine Johnson of Moncton, New Brunswick. An obviously beautiful woman, Christine spends her time in athletics… by performing as a pole dance artist.

Christine Johnson feels like she’s flying when she performs pole art. But this week, moments before she was to take to the stage at a festival in Moncton, N.B., her wings were clipped.

Johnson says a rotary club committee member told her that she, and her performance and costume, were not “family-friendly,” and that she would not be allowed to perform.

Okay, I can see where pole dancing would not appeal to every demographic, but honestly, if she’s not stripping – which would be a shame – and she’s not doing vulgar stripper moves, I think this is a bit of an overreaction.

“Last night was a big realization for me that the battle is still very real and that so many people still need to be educated on what pole art is. It’s a sport, I am an athlete, an acrobat and what I do is no different than a gymnast on a balancing beam,” Johnson wrote. “(The Rotary Club member) stereotyped me, insulted me and gave me no chance to explain or express my truth.”

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Wayne Gretzky! I was with Christine until she said pole dancing is a sport. Yes, she is an acrobat, and yes you could call her an athlete, but let’s not get crazy here. Pole dancing is as much a sport as Cornhole or KanJam.

I’m sorry the rotary club snubbed her, but it’s not like she was kicked off the Canadian soccer team.