How The Leftist Stole Christmas

You may have heard about the Massachusetts librarian who returned donated books the First lady Melania Trump, claiming Dr. Seuss is racist. Or something.

Now a Dr. Seuss museum in the People’s Republic of Massachusetts is being forced to remove a mural depicting a “racist” character created by history’s greatest monster.

A Massachusetts museum dedicated to Dr. Seuss says it will replace a mural featuring a Chinese character from one of his books after three authors said they would boycott an event due to the “jarring racial stereotype.”

The mural features illustrations from the author’s first children’s book, And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street. The museum, which is located in the author’s hometown of Springfield, said Thursday that the mural will be replaced by images from later books.

Dennis Prager has a great quote he repeats often: “Those who do not fight real evil, fight made-up evils instead.” Never was that more true than in this case. It’s okay, though, because the three authors are boycotting the event “for the children.”

Three children’s authors declined an invitation to the museum’s inaugural Children’s Literature Festival, which was set for Oct. 14 before being canceled.

So the authors are more concerned with their social justice warrior street cred than they are about children who love books? Sounds about right.

Look, I’m not a children’s author – hell, I’m barely an author at all – but I would gladly attend this event (on my own dime) if it means a group of kids would experience the joy of reading.

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Mia Is A True Baller

Meet Mia Khalifa.

Mia is a former porn star turned internet celebrity who is really into Washington, D.C., sports. So much so, she offered up her amazing – albeit tainted – body to a video game creator if he would make a certain NBA player more skilled.

Mia Khalifa, 24, who had a brief career as a porn star before becoming an internet celebrity, tweeted the marketing boss of the company behind the upcoming release with her unusual offer.

The Washington Wizards fan was outraged that her favorite player, John Wall, received a rating of 90. She believed he should be bumped up to 93 by the time the game is released in September. She addressed her concerns directly with Take Two’s marketing boss ‘Ronnie2K’, first offering him the chance to play a game of HORSE poker against her.

When the high-stakes poker game idea was rejected with a rather curt ‘nah bruh’, Khalifa responded with the officer ‘I’ll let you touch my titties’.

Touching Mia’s breasts is probably worth one point, but three? Nah bruh. Three would definitely require a “layup” and some butt stuff.

The Pen Is Mightier Than Bill’s Sword

In yet another transparent effort to bring the Clinton family to the forefront, Bill Clinton is teaming up with James Patterson to co-write a novel. Patterson will write the story, while Bill will narrate the steamy forced sex scenes.

The former president and the best-selling novelist are collaborating on a thriller, “The President is Missing,” as an unusual joint release from rival publishers — Alfred A. Knopf and Little, Brown and Co. In a statement Monday, the publishers called the book “a unique amalgam of intrigue, suspense and behind-the-scenes global drama from the highest corridors of power. It will be informed by details that only a president can know.

We’re talking about a Clinton here, so Hillary, Huma Abedin, Anthony Wiener, Weiner’s sexting victims, and the Russians also know.

“The President is Missing” is the first work of fiction by Clinton, whose best-known book is the million-selling “My Life.” For Patterson, it’s the chance to team up with a friend who knows as well as anyone about life in the White House.

Spoiler Alert: The president is missing because he’s in the Oval Office shtupping some fat chick. There, I saved you twenty-two dollars, and hours of shame and regret.

It offends me this book will sell millions of copies, while mine sold less than two hundred fifty.

Throwing The Book At Them

Kevin And Julia In Flagstaff Hot TubKevin and Julia were watching some show Wednesday night, where one of the characters said his dream life is “to play video games and write books.” I overheard it and quipped, “I play World of Tanks all day and wrote a book.”

The kids both looked at me and said, “You didn’t write a book.”

I was dumbfounded. I replied, “Um, yeah, I wrote a book with a friend of mine. It only sold about 200 copies, but I wrote it.”

Again: “No you didn’t, Dad.”

It was time to go to the videotape. I told Kevin and Julia to follow me upstairs. I went to me dresser drawer and pulled out an author’s copy of Only Son. I told them to read the cover out loud.

They said, “Only Son… Oh my God, your name is on this! You’re famous!”

I politely explained no, I was not at all famous, but I did write a book, and am presently working on a solo effort. I won’t be famous after that one, either… except with my kids.

You’re Not My Type

The Author At WorkIn the past three weeks I have recovered from losing the old blog, starting the new one – which is booming, by the way, so thank you – and focusing a lot of my energy on my next book.

To be perfectly honest, I thought a solo effort was never going to happen because I had completely given up on that dream. Well, I kicked myself in the ass, started working on it when I had free time, and can now say the first chapter is done. Sure, it’s only a rough draft, but I am taking Proof’s advice and avoiding edits until the first draft is completed.

I thought you may want to take a quick look at the direction the book is taking, so some of it is below.

Continue reading “You’re Not My Type

The Kids In The Hall

Erik And Julia Reading

So while I was working last night, Mrs. Earp sent me this photo. Apparently, Erik decided to lie down in the upstairs hallway to read. Okay. A few minutes later, Julia joined him, and the two read books for almost an hour. I thought the hallway was an odd choice, since their bedrooms are only feet from where they were lying, but if they’re reading, I’m happy. I just thought it was a nice picture.

Oh, and for the record, the plastic bag behind Julia is not trash. It’s clothing.

The Writemare Before Christmas

Your author, working on his new projects.
The author, working on his new manuscript.

Most of you know I co-wrote a novel entitled Only Son. Published in 2012, it was my first professional writing effort, and while many of my fabulous readers purchased a copy, the book did not do well. I place most of that blame upon myself. It was my first attempt at writing, and to be honest, I was out of my league. That said, it was a dream come true. Long after I’m dead – which could be as early as tomorrow – this book will still be around. It’s a humbling thought.

At the beginning of 2013, I became bound and determined to write a book of my own, if for no other reason than to see if it could be accomplished. I started and stopped numerous times before work issues, family issues, blog issues, and my general manic-depressive disposition kept interfering.

Earlier this year, I started up again at the behest of TXNick and his mother. I was about a chapter in when I realized the story I was writing was unfolding more as a sequel than an initial book. After breaking the keyboard across my hands, I decided to do something drastic:

I am going to write the initial book and the sequel concurrently.

Note this will not be a sequel to Only Son. That was initially my co-author Pam’s idea, and I did not want to take over the story without her. Both these books will be fresh ideas with a completely different cast of characters. I have just broken ground on both books, but I wanted to post the idea as a motivational tool. If I can remain focused, I can do this.

At least, I hope I can.