Free As A Bird

Today I officially deactivated my Twitter account. After six years, it has been a long time coming.

The site has been a cesspool of anger and leftism for a long time, but my ego kept me from leaving the site. Having nearly a thousand followers is pretty impressive for a nobody like me, and I enjoyed the attention. I also thought it would be a good platform to promote the blog, but new readers never followed me here. Lately, however, the very few high points completely outweighed the low ones, and it was time for me to get the hell out of there.

For the record, I am considering abandoning all social media – with the exception of the blog – and have been for a while now. Facebook, to me, is nothing but a useless time waster, and I hated most of the people I went to high school with, so why the f**k would I want to catch up?

So if you’re one of the tens of people who enjoyed my Twitter feed, I apologize, but I’m out.

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A Very Frank Discovery

Dutch researchers found new passages in Anne Frank’s diary; and they’re not what you would expect.

Researchers using digital technology deciphered the writing on two pages of Anne Frank’s diary she had pasted over with brown masking paper, discovering four naughty jokes and a candid explanation of sex, contraception and prostitution.

“Anyone who reads the passages that have now been discovered will be unable to suppress a smile,” said Frank van Vree, director of the Netherlands Institute for War, Holocaust and Genocide Studies. “The ‘dirty’ jokes are classics among growing children. They make it clear that Anne, with all her gifts, was above all also an ordinary girl.”

One of her jokes was this: “Do you know why the German Wehrmacht girls are in Holland? As mattresses for the soldiers.”

She also related this joke: “A man had a very ugly wife and he didn’t want to have relations with her. One evening he came home and then he saw his friend in bed with his wife, then the man said: ‘He gets to and I have to!!!’”

That’s awesome. Humor is a terrific coping mechanism, especially when you’re hiding from despicable people who want you dead.

A Job In Every Pot!

The worst president in American history is currently presiding over a country which has enough job openings for every unemployed citizen.

The United States now has a job opening for every unemployed person in the country, a sign of just how far the nation has turned around from the recession that cost so many Americans their jobs nearly a decade ago.

The Labor Department reported Tuesday there were 6.6 million job openings in March, a record high — and enough for the 6.6 million Americans who were actively looking for a job that month.

March marked the first time there has been a job opening for every unemployed person since the Labor Department began keeping track of job openings in 2000. White-collar businesses, construction and warehouses all expanded their recruiting in March, the Labor Department reported.

Many businesses executives say their top worry is that they can’t find enough workers. Unemployment is at the lowest level in nearly two decades, and the jobless rate for African Americans and Hispanic Americans is at an all-time low.

The last unemployment numbers I saw were listed 3.9%, and economists believe it can drop to as low as 3.4% by the end of the summer. Obama didn’t build that; tax cuts and deregulation did.

Frilly Shoumaker

Meet Jason Shoumaker of Texas. While that is indeed Jason’s mugshot above, Jason is no criminal. In fact, he may be the greatest hero in American history.

University of Texas Law’s former facilities director, Jason Shoumaker, was arrested on six charges of tampering with government records. Specifically, Shoumaker is accused of tampering with his time sheets to log full 8-hour days at work while he was, apparently, regularly galavanting around Vegas and Cozumel.

As fireable offenses go, the most impressive is always the full Cooper Harris — don’t go to work, continue answering messages as though you are, and see how long you can drag it out. Shoumaker managed to pull it off for over a year.

“Everything ok?” the colleague wrote to Shoumaker on April 3, 2017.

“Yes, on my way to work,” Shoumaker texted in response. In fact, Shoumaker was likely in Las Vegas that day – citing a flurry of charges to his card that included $44.20 at a Hooters Restaurant and $81.00 for a professional massage.

Ladies and gentlemen, I beseech you to see this for the work of genius it is. Shoumaker worked the system better than ever the most corrupt politician, and for this we want to jail him? I vote nay!

The obligatory movie reference is below the fold…

Continue reading “Frilly Shoumaker”

It’s Funny Because It’s Megyn Kelly

If there is a more narcissistic, unlikeable, insuffferable bitch than Megyn Kelly, clearly the networks haven’t found her. If they had, that woman would still have higher ratings than Beggin’ Megyn.

Once again, NBC is coming to terms with the idea that maybe they shouldn’t have spent all that money to bring on Megyn Kelly. Once again, Megyn Kelly Today has lost even more viewers, and once again, while consultants and anyone with eyes can see that the show was a grave misstep, Kelly and her team are feebly insisting that things will be better when viewers get to know the “real” Kelly. Unfortunately for her, the problem is that we already do.

The Wall Street Journal reported Wednesday that Kelly’s ratings are 18% below what the very same hour was pulling in last year for Today, and down 28% when it comes to the crucial 25-54 viewer category.

Literally the only way this story could be more entertaining is if she lost her job, her husband, her dog, and was forced to do low-budget pr0n. Which I wouldn’t even watch.

If You Wanna Find All The Cops…

“…They’re hanging out in the donut shop.” This time, they’re doing it for a good reason.

If you’re riding past Krispy Kreme in Ocean Springs Saturday, look up and you’ll see a group of the city’s finest staring back down at you from on top of the eatery’s roof.

It’s the annual Cop on a Donut Shop event, a nationwide fundraiser to raise money and awareness for the Special Olympics. Customers who donate to the officers will also get a sweet treat in return from Krispy Kreme.

This event has been happening for more than 15 years and has raised over a million dollars during that time. (H/T – Loki)

For all the bad press the po-po gets on a regular basis, it’s nice to sometimes remind the leftists the average police officer does their best to protect and serve.

Wells Fargo To Teacher’s Union: Drop Dead

The Wells Fargo corporation ignored damands from the American Federation of Teachers to sever ties with the gun industry this week, proving not every corporation will kneel before the likes of David Hogg and his ilk.

The American Federation of Teachers, representing 1.7 million workers, said it removed the Wells Fargo mortgage program from its member benefits site effective Thursday. The union had attempted to discuss its issues with Wells Fargo management but didn’t get a response, it said in a letter Thursday that was reviewed by CNBC.

Wells is a lender to gun-makers and the National Rifle Association.

The balls on these people! Instead of demanding corporations bend to their will, maybe the AFT should address the thousands of incompetent teachers in millions of American schools?

Wells Fargo’s statement is absolutely outstanding:

In a statement emailed to CNBC, a Wells Fargo spokesman said, “We remain deeply committed to the financial success of teachers and all of our customers. Wells Fargo wants schools and communities to be safe from gun violence, but changes to laws and regulations should be determined through a legislative process that gives the American public an opportunity to participate. We remain firm in our belief that the American public does not want banks to decide which legal products consumers can and cannot buy.

Perfectly stated. They’re right, by the way; nobody gives a crap about what corporations think about guns… or any other political issues.

Splitsville?

A plan to split California into three states has garnered enough signatures to merit a vote. If you listen closely, you can actually hear the liberal tears.

The chance of California splitting into three has moved a step closer after a billionaire secured enough signatures to trigger a referendum on the issue.

Tim Draper, who made his money through Hotmail and Skype, has gathered 600,000 signatures supporting the change – way above the 364,000 needed.

Those who want to break up California believe it would boost educational standards and reduce the political power of Sacramento, the state’s capital.

Providing the state authorities agree the signatures are genuine a referendum on the issue will be held this November alongside other mid-term elections.

It would completely upend the leftists’ stranglehold on California’s electoral votes, but it would also change the amount of stars on the flag. My OCD will not be pleased.

Gimme A Break

Most of you know I am an odd, borderline-insane individual. If you didn’t know that, this will convince you: I adore white chocolate. Ruby chocolate, though? Yeah, I guess I’m open to it.

Naturally pink ‘Ruby’ chocolate was created by Zurich-based Barry Callebaut, one of the world’s largest cocoa producers, in September last year after 13 years of working with ruby cocoa beans.

Nestlé was one of the first to sell the new type of chocolate commercially in Korea and Japan by launching Chocolatory Sublime Ruby KitKats. But now the new pink wafer bars are set to launch in the UK from next week – the first time British customers will be able to taste the new type of chocolate.

The fourth type of chocolate after milk, white and dark is said to have an intense berry taste without the addition of any added flavourings or colour.

Fact: KitKats are awesome. Fact: ruby chocolate “could” also be awesome. Fact: I’m fat and hungry.

Beastie Joys

In the annals of British history there have been many obnoxious food creations; blood pudding, shepherd’s pie, and jellied eels. All is forgiven however, after the creation of the Mega Beast Box.

A UK chippy famed for its belly busting kebab is back with an epic new special which has attracted international attention.

The Chip Inn, in Nottingham, became an online sensation when a Facebook video of its Double Decker Kebab Box being made was viewed more than two million times. But that fast food heaven is nothing compared to the owners’ newest invention – the Mega Beast Box.

For £20, diners will get two 10″ pizzas, chips, cheese, doner kebab meat, chicken kebab meat, salad, onion rings and chicken nuggets – all artfully presented in a pizza box.

I’ll take twelve! With all the problems in modern Britain, it’s nice to see the resurgence of the Empire.