NCAA Football Sees Sad Trombone

Thanks to the Wuhan Virus – wow, it’s been all Wuhan so far today – the NCAA’s Big 10 and Pac-12 conferences have made the decision to either postpone or outright cancel their 2020 football seasons.

As the 2020 college football season hangs in the balance, coaches and players are using social media to voice their support for allowing the season to commence, using hashtags like #WeWantToPlay and #FIGHT.

Oh yes, everyone else in America needs to quarantine in their homes, watch their jobs disappear, and lose their freedom, but by all means, let the “student-athletes” play football.

“With the Big Ten and Pac-12 expected to cancel or postpone their seasons on Tuesday, the rumors have earned a response from some of the biggest names in the sport who took to Twitter to share their stance on the coming season,” NBC Washington reported Monday.

Nothing says impartiality or “follow the science” like head coaches sticking up for their players enormous salaries. Like teachers and the media, let’s celebrate our brave football coaches.

“I love our players & believe it is my responsibility to help them chase their dreams, both collectively & individually,” said Penn State University head football coach James Franklin. “I am willing to fight WITH them & for our program! #WeAre.”

YouAre… canceled. At least I hope so, because with the possible exception of Ohio State, Penn State is my least favorite football program. I’d be happy if the entire program folded.

UPDATE: The Big 10 officially “postponed” the football season with plans of playing in the spring… months after the college bowl games. Seriously, does no one in this country have a plan for the Wu-Flu?

Julia Wants To Move To Taiwan

A Father’s Day promotion by EVA Air will take fathers and their children on a flight to nowhere. The catch? You get to travel in a Hello Kitty plane! Shut up and take my money!

EVA Air wants to honor Father’s Day in the most dad way possible: By turning this plane RIGHT around.

EVA Air announced it will be honoring Father’s Day in Taiwan (celebrated on Aug. 8) by selling tickets to a flight to nowhere. The plane, decorated in Hello Kitty livery, will take off from Taipei Taoyuan Airport and will land several hours later back at the same location. All this work in an effort to get in the air again despite travel restrictions to other nations.

According to One Mile at a Time, the flight will be in the air for just under three hours. It will take off and fly toward Japan reaching a cruising altitude of 25,000 feet. It will then turn and fly over Taiwan’s eastern coastline, pass Guishan Island, the east coast of Hua, and then fly south to Eluanbi and Xiaoliuqiu, before turning around to head back.

Now while most Americans would not be interested in this, a certain 11-year old redhead princess is all for it.

Sunshine On My Shoulders…

Credit: ESA

The European Space Agency released the closest ever photo of the sun. Wow, it beats the hell out of the picture I took with my Kodak Disc camera.

This image — the closest ever taken of the Sun — shows the corona teeming with thousands of miniature solar flares, which scientists have dubbed campfires. The pictures are the first released from the Solar Orbiter mission, led by the European Space Agency.

The fires are just millionths or billionths of the size of the solar flares visible from Earth, which are energetic eruptions thought to be caused by interactions in the Sun’s magnetic fields. The mission team has yet to work out whether the two phenomena are driven by the same process, but the researchers speculate that the combined effect of the many campfires could contribute to the searing heat of the corona, the Sun’s outer atmosphere. The corona is hundreds of times hotter than the Sun’s surface, but the reason is a long-standing mystery.

The corona, however, is much less hotter than Salma Hayek.

Have Buns – Will Travel

A bevy of beautiful Japanese women had their tires slashed by an unknown person, and after they pulled off the road, a handsome stranger came to their rescue. It’s like Japanese Baywatch, with smaller boobs and less anime.

On 11 June, a 43-year-old woman exited a supermarket in Higashiura, Aichi Prefecture and drove away in her car. However, she didn’t get far before noticing that her driver’s side rear tire had gone completely flat.

While examining the flat another car drove up. The driver, 32-year-old Yoshito Harada, offered to replace her damaged tire. While a kind gesture from an apparently total stranger, the woman was struck with a sudden case of déjà vu. This is because the exact same thing had happened to her in June of the previous year.

Unsettled by the coincidence, she decided to report the encounter to the police who investigated the matter and found through surveillance camera footage that Harada had slashed her tire in the parking lot of the supermarket. He then followed her car until it pulled over so that he could be the first on the scene to offer help.

How very odd. There must be a logical explanation for this…

According to police, Harada admitted to the crime, saying that he did it in order to meet the woman.

Wow, that’s freakin’ brilliant! Release this man at once, so he may teach the rest of us the ways of the Samurai Slasher!

Guards Visit The Land “Down Under”

A handful of Australian security guards allegedly created a Wuhan Virus outbreak after they decided to “have a naughty” with quarantined hotel guests.

A second wave of coronavirus infections in Australia has been blamed on security guards who admitted having sex with quarantined travelers at the hotel where they were being held.

Suspected covid-19 sufferers staying at the five-star Stamford Plaza in Melbourne were told to isolate in their rooms for a 14-day period after arriving in Australia at the peak of the coronavirus pandemic.

An investigation has been launched after 31 cases of coronavirus were linked to the luxury Melbourne hotel, with guards revealing they had slept with solo guests multiple times weeks ago and had even taken some of them to 7-11 stores and busy shopping centres.

First, this is a terrible breach of trust by the security guards and they should be punished. Second, where can I apply, and how amenable are Australian women toward red-blooded American males?

Thank You And Crash Again!

A six-pound meteorite struck inside Rajasthan, India, causing a foot-deep crater and possibly ruined the city’s curry crops.

A meteorite-like object fell in Rajasthan, causing an explosion heard 2 km away and leaving a one-foot deep crater. The 2.78 kg object was emitting heat when discovered, and once cooled was sent to a lab to be analyzed:

The officials concerned also got it tested in a private lab located at the jeweller’s shop in Sanchore who confirmed that the piece had metallic properties of Germanium, Platinium, Nickel and Iron (10.23 per cent of nickel, 85.86 per cent of iron, platinum 0.5 per cent, cobbit 0.78 per cent, geranium 0.02 per cent, antimony 0.01 per cent niobium 0.01 and other 3.02 per cent).

As I write this, the meteorite is being melted down so it can be fused to my bones. I will finally be invincible to everything except a pretty girl saying hello to me. That still makes me wet my pants.

The Heroine Britain Deserves

Meet Jessica Layton of Cornwall, England.

This beautiful woman is (rightly) being hailed as a hero after she rescued a mother and her two teen daughters after they got caught in a strong rip current.

Oh, did I mention she saved three people’s lives… while topless?

Jessica Layton was sunbathing on the naturist beach at Pedn Vounder near Porthcurno, Cornwall, on Tuesday when the drama unfolded. The 28-year-old had been at the beach to enjoy the current sunny weather in the UK.

“It was just after 3pm and the tide was coming in. I decided to go for a final rip before going home,” Ms Layton said. “I was topless in the sea when I saw two teenage girls struggling to swim near rocks, their mum ran in to help them and she started struggling too.

“They were all holding hands, so I grabbed one of their hands and pulled them all on to the beach.”

Okay, let’s tally up Jessica’s score.

That’s Triple XP for bringing all three women back to shore, three Rescue Badges since all the victims survived, three Squad Boosts for going topless, access to the Bonus Stage, and fifty years of Premium Time because she’s just that gorgeous.

Next Stop, Kamloops

A video blogger who goes by the name TinyTrainTracks decided to build a LEGO train track in the middle of a Canadian forest.

There is no word if he ran into Sasquatch during the construction.

In celebration of springtime, vlogger TinyTrainTracks laid a long row of LEGO tracks across a trail of the local forest. A tiny LEGO train was set upon the tracks to journey through the fresh green trees. The footage was captured with a GoPro.

“It’s finally spring!! Filmed this fun build in the forest trail. Enjoy and Please Ride Again on the TinyTrainTrack!”

The video is pretty awesome. you can see it below the fold.

Yep. Yep, Yep, Yep!

Wouldn’t it be nice if someone made a pool float for adults? Sure, there are rafts and tubes, but there is nothing which screams “adults only.” Well there wasn’t… until now. Meet the Shark Beverage Bar.

This is the $23 Shark Beverage Bar pool float manufactured by BigMouth Inc and available on Amazon. It looks like a shark and has seven beverages holders plus a cooler for ice and unopened cold ones under its dorsal fin.

What a great idea! You know, this might actually be the first summer I don’t have to chase tequila shots with pool water.

Sadly, I don’t have a pool since most of our power and phone wires are strewn across the backyard, but I do have a tub, and it may be big enough for the bar. Mmm… drunken baths!

Our Brave Media Firefighters…

A despicable leftist “reporter” for MSNBC was covering the Antifa riots in Seattle when she received a special delivery via Air Mail.

AN NBC News reporter was apparently hit by a flash-bang grenade while covering protests in Seattle on Monday night.

Jo Ling Kent was live on MSNBC in the city’s Capitol Hill neighborhood when she was caught in what appeared to be fireworks.

“I don’t know if you can hear me, but we have police now advancing on protesters,” Kent said, before her left hand was then struck. Kent, her news crew, and protesters, who appear to be on a turf grass sports field, quickly run away from the scene, as Kent appears to say: “Oh my gosh … we’re moving, we’re moving.”

It’s a shame Jo Ling was wearing her mask, since most people in the vicinity of a flash-bang usually soil themselves and are knocked unconscious. Now that would have been must-see TV.