Buh Bye, Minneapolis!

Minneapolis is preparing for the destruction of their city – again- as the Saint George Floyd trial is about to begin. I wonder if I’ll be able to see the fires from here?

The Minneapolis city government and local businesses are bracing for a new wave of violence as the officer accused of killing George Floyd faces a jury next week.

From now until the end of former Minneapolis police officer Derek Chauvin’s trial, swaths of the city’s downtown will be closed to traffic and strictly limited for pedestrians.

So you’re following President Asterisk’s lead and turning the city into occupied territory? Nice.

Businesses have begun boarding up windows in hopes of limiting further damage following last summer’s riots.

“You might want to consider adding physical barriers, such as boarding or permanent security gates,” Minneapolis Economic Policy and Development Director Erik Hansen suggested to local business owners at a recent news conference.

Wait a minute, I thought it was racist to board up businesses. It certainly was when the Saint George Floyd riots were in full swing.

The police promise a more proactive effort to quell social unrest this time around, pledging more officers to assist in arresting lawbreakers. Last week, the city council approved upward of $1.5 million for new security measures in an effort to minimize damage to both public and private property during Chauvin’s trial.

The police can make all the promises they like, but there is no way they will be allowed to keep the peace while the despicable city council hinders their every move. Hell, these clowns are still trying to defund the police. Honestly, the entire department should call out sick until the trial has concluded.

Let. It. Burn.

To Catch A Thief

A Canadian thief decided he was going to swipe a package from a residential porch, and he would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for those meddling snow piles.

This is an incredible video of the most embarrassing package theft in history, where not only did the thief not get the package, he also got stuck in a snow bank during the getaway before being arrested by police. It’s also the most Canadian video ever, where the thief is wearing a mask to be socially responsible and the victim even offers to get a shovel to help clear the snow. The only way it could be more Canadian is if the thief was wearing a hockey jersey and the guy filming was sipping some Tim Hortons coffee.

This dude is probably the worst scout of al time. He tries to swipe the package in the middle of the day, doesn’t see the Ring camera, and also doesn’t realize the homeowner watching him through the door. This is truly Home Alone territory here.

You can see the high-larious video below the fold…

Continue reading “To Catch A Thief”

Speedy Gonzales Moves To Florida

Meet Richard Lee Ortecho of Flori-Duh.

Richard is living his best life, and by that I mean he ignores all traffic and speed laws when his favorite music comes on the radio.

In what may be the worst explanation for driving 50 mph over the posted limit, a 21-year-old motorist told cops he was speeding on a Florida highway because he was “listening to a song named Ciento Veinte, which means 120, so I was driving 120.”

Cops allege Richard Lee Ortecho, 21, was spotted weaving in and out of traffic Saturday on Interstate 95 near Vero Beach. Ortecho, driving a Volkswagen, was clocked at “speeds ranging between 120 mph and 127 mph” in a 70 mph zone.

Ortecho barely missed striking other vehicles, according to an arrest affidavit, and did not immediately stop when a cop car with its lights flashing gave chase. When Ortecho finally pulled over, he said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know driving reckless was illegal,” cops report.

One wonders how fast Richard would be driving if “Two Princes” came on the radio?

Eight Shot At Philly Transit Station

Eight people were shot at the Olney Transportation Center in North Philadelphia yesterday, which is located three blocks from a police station.

At least eight people are injured after shots rang out near the Olney Transportation Center on Wednesday afternoon, according to Philadelphia police. It happened around 2:50 p.m. in the city’s Fern Rock section. Philadelphia Police Commissioner Danielle Outlaw said those injured range in age from 17 to 70. The eight victims injured include:

– A 22-year-old man who was shot in the back
– A 21-year-old man who was shot in the right leg
– A 53-year-old man who was shot in the right leg
– A 36-year-old woman who was shot in the right thigh
– A 70-year-old man who was shot in the right thigh
– A 17-year-old girl who was shot in the right arm
– A 71-year-old man who was shot once in the stomach and multiple times in both legs
-A 48-year-old man suffered a graze wound to this stomach.

Not to worry; the drunken jackass mayor is right on top of this…

“I am beyond sickened. I refuse to accept this emergency situation as normal. We must rise together with one clear and united moral voice against the evil act of violence. People have the right to travel between work and home, and around town, without the fear of being shot, and possibly killed, by reckless, indiscriminate gunfire,” said Mayor Jim Kenney in a statement.

This piece of garbage has been stating we must defund the police since May. This is the dick who stated there will not be another police academy class until 2023. This is the POS who routinely works with Soros-appointed D.A. Larry Krasner to release shooters with low (or no) bail. This is the assclown who ties our hands every time we submit arrest paperwork for shooters.

But don’t worry, Philadelphia; Mayor Jim “I’ll Have Another Drink” Kenney is all over this.

1,352 days.

It’s Hammer Time!

Meet Marilyn Kepler of Bullhead City, Arizona. Marilyn needs her beauty sleep, so when she doesn’t get enough winks, she wakes up cranky. Felony-level cranky, to be exact.

Marilyn Ann Kepler, 74, has been charged with aggravated assault and domestic violence after she allegedly hit her boyfriend over the head with a hammer. Kepler, from Bullhead City, Arizona, was upset with her boyfriend, because he had left the television on overnight and ruined her sleep.

So this twat couldn’t get her wrinkly ass out of bed to turn the television off?

The boyfriend, also 74, told police that he woke up to Kepler hitting him with the hammer. He was able to convince her to take him to get medical attention, but Kepler instead drove past the hospital and pulled out a gun.

The victim wrestled the gun away from Kepler and jumped out of the car, where witnesses saw him and drove him for help. (H/TMike AKA Proof)

So crushing his skull with a hammer wasn’t enough; she had to pull out a gun, too? This is exactly how Ma Barker started.

Oklahoma: Trees Are Made Of Wood

Meet Blakelee Sands of Oklahoma City, OK. Blakelee wanted to go out for a night on the town, but unfortunately, she is only 18. Luckily, Blakelee took her trusty fake ID to the bar, with hilarious results.

Investigators say that Blakelee Sands sought admittance Tuesday evening to a bar in Edmond, a city outside Oklahoma City. But she was turned away by a bouncer who confiscated her phony Texas ID, which carried the name “McKamie Queen.”

All of the names in the world and this dolt settles on McKamie Queen? Holy crap, this chick is a dullard.

When her demands for the ID’s return were rejected by bar personnel, Sands (seen at right) made the mistake of dialing police.

Cops responding to the 911 call were met by Sands, who recounted the seizure of her ID and the bar’s refusal to return it. The teenager insisted that the ID was authentic and that she was, in fact, “McKamie Queen.” However, when officers ran a computer check on the license number on the “Queen” ID, it came back to a male Texas motorist.

Unfortunately for “McKamie,” giving a false ID to a police officer is a felony, so she’ll be spending some time in the pokey to think about what she did.

**The obscure title reference can be found here.

She Has The Power

Meet Alissa Neeley of Iowa. Wait, Iowa??

Alissa was booked into the Circa Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, but was evicted after she decided to go off her trolley.

A woman was arrested on Monday night after allegedly causing a power outage at the Circa hotel and casino in downtown Las Vegas.

Police were called to Garage Mahal, Circa’s parking garage, about 10 p.m. on Feb. 1 about the woman who had entered a secure fire control room. Police were initially told she locked herself in and had disconnected wires which shut off power to the parking garage, hotel and casino.

Unfortunately for all of us, the story then took a disturbing turn.

Officers talked to security who said the woman was sitting in a chair inside the fire control room naked. Security knew her, as they had trespassed her earlier in the evening. Police said she was staying at the property and was evicted after she was found walking around the hotel floors naked and was going into employee-only rooms.

This has been stated many times here, but it bears repeating. In my decades as a lawdog, every naked female I have ever encountered on the job looked more like Richard Simmons than Jean Simmons.

Capitol Cop Gets Away With Murder

The Capitol Police officer who murdered Ashli Babbitt on video will not face any criminal charges.

The Capitol Police officer who fatally shot Ashli Babbitt will not face criminal charges, according to a report of the recommendation made by investigators.

The sooner people realize there are two sets of laws in this country – one for “our betters” and another one for the rest of us – the sooner you’ll start realizing the government is your enemy.

Babbitt was among those killed during an hours-long siege on Jan. 6 at the U.S. Capitol by Trump supporters who were seeking to stop Congress from confirming the official election results proclaiming then-candidate Joe Biden the victor.

Babbitt, a 35-year-old Air Force veteran from California, was shot in the neck just outside of the Senate chambers as rioters began to break through the doors. A graphic video appears to show Babbitt trying to climb into the chambers before a shot rings out and she falls to the ground. She was declared deceased at a hospital.

If you’ve seen the video, it’s obvious this officer murdered her in cold blood. Babbitt was unarmed, and was not an immediate threat to the officer. He killed her because he was afraid. The officer should have been terminated, arrested, and prosecuted for murder. But because he’s part of the swamp, the man walks away scot-free.

Ace at AOSHQ mentioned this, and it bears repeating. Do not cooperate with the federal government. If you’re called for jury duty in a federal trial, always vote to acquit. Stifle these bastards – legally – at every turn, because they would happily shoot you dead for exercising your First Amendment rights.

Stay Salty My Friends

A Cincinnati, Ohio salt truck driver apparently did not approve of a police officer conducting a vehicle investigation. So instead of beeping his horn of flipping him the bird, he decided to drive toward the officer, almost striking him.

According to an affidavit, a Reading police officer made a traffic stop on a different vehicle on Reading Road near Sunnybrook Drive. Officers said they were out of their vehicles and taking a person into custody when they heard the sound of an engine accelerating and saw a City of Cincinnati salt truck barreling toward them.

“The truck in question was only feet away from me and entering into our lane of travel. During this time, the truck could still be heard accelerating. I had to jump back to avoid being struck by the truck in question,” reads the affidavit, signed by the officer.

Officers then chased that salt truck, activating their overhead lights and ordering the truck to pull over, according to the affidavit. The truck failed to stop, made a U-turn, and continued to flee from police.

At one point, officers say the salt truck driver raised the bed of his truck, dumping salt on police cruisers in pursuit.

Just when you think you’ve heard it all, another contender walks in with something even more hilarious.

Buy Guns And Ammo

Yes, I realize this title is already a meme on social media, but I say this with all sincerity: Buy. Guns. And. Ammo. The illegitimate president is planning on ending the detentions of criminal illegal aliens.

President Joe Biden is considering ending most Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) detention of criminal illegal aliens, according to a report.

Billed as a “racial equity” agenda, Biden announced that he would instruct the Bureau of Prisons (BOP) to end its contracts with privately-managed prisons that hold more than 14,000 convicts — nearly all of which are foreign nationals.

In addition, the open borders lobby is urging Biden to end ICE’s contracts with privately-managed detention facilities which hold the overwhelming majority of criminal illegal aliens for the agency. Sources close to the Biden administration said the idea is being floated around the White House.

The order will ensure ICE can only detain 15% of the nation’s criminal illegal aliens, and the rest will be released into the streets. You think violent crime was rampant now? Wait three months.