He Likes His Women Medium Rare

A Cheektowaga, New York man was arrested after accidentally shooting his girlfriend while trying to pay for their steak dinner. How does this possibly happen?

A New York man inadvertently shot his girlfriend while trying to pay for their steakhouse dinner.

Cheektowaga police say 19-year-old Anthony Ciccarelli dined with his girlfriend at Texas De Brazil Thursday evening. He reached into the front pocket of his pants when the bill arrived, and his gun discharged.

The gunshot hit his girlfriend in the upper leg.

I’m guessing he wanted to cut some of the fat off his steak… and his lady friend.

Credit And Forget It

An Ohio woman was arrested after swiping credit cards from several people in a single day. I know it’s boring in Ohio, but for cripes sake, honey, get a hobby!

A 27-year-old Dayton woman is accused of stealing credit cards and other personal belongings from five different people on the same day last month in Kettering.

Cassie Marie Bunn’s arraignment is Tuesday in Montgomery County Common Pleas Court for 15 counts of receiving stolen property and one count of misuse of credit cards. The thefts all happened on Feb. 16.

Normally I would post a photo of this lovely lass, but she’s too homely for a Sunday morning. Thus, the Catherine Zeta-Jones screencap.

Kelly’s Zeros

German security guards allegedly pulled off the greatest heist in modern history after swiping jewelry from the Dresden Royal Palace.

Four security guards employed at Dresden’s Royal Palace are under investigation over their alleged involvement in a huge theft of 18th-century jewelery, according to German prosecutors.

Investigators have long suspected that the heist, the biggest since the second world war, was carried out with accomplices working inside the museum. According to prosecutors, the suspects include two security guards who were on duty in the early hours of the morning on 25 November, when the theft took place. Investigators say they did not “react adequately” when it became clear there had been a break in, and did nothing to prevent the theft.

Not going to lie, as an investigator, I think the burglars’ plan to start a fire is brilliant.

The robbery took place after a fire broke out at an electrical distribution point, deactivating the museum’s electricity supply and its alarm system.

A surveillance camera filmed two men breaking into the Green Vault by smashing a window, cutting through a metal grate and smashing a display cabinet. A burning car found in a carpark is believed to have been used as a getaway vehicle.

Well, if nothing else, it’s a better read than the five-dollar retail theft reports I have to read multiple times a week.

The Ridges Of Madison County

Meet Catherine Lynn Coffey. Like many young, pretty teachers in America, Catherine wanted to see if one of her male students measured up – by using an actual foot-long ruler.

22-year-old Catherine Lynn Coffey was arrested and charged with two felonies. Coffey is charged with school employee engaging in a sex act with a student under the age of 19 and a school employee engaging in sexual contact with a student under the age of 19.

Coffey works as a Resource Teacher at Madison County Elementary School, according to the school’s website. The alleged sexual conduct occurred between August of 2019 and December of 2019.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure I’d hit that like a screen door in a hurricane, if for no other reason than Miss Coffey looks a lot like Cindy-Lou Who.

The Madison County Sheriff’s Office says it learned of the improper sexual misconduct between Coffey and the student on February 24, 2020. Investigators interviewed the victim and then arrested Coffey.

And that’s where they lost me. I’m not sticking up for this chick – she should definitely be charged – but who is the rat-fink who squealed? If it was the extraordinarily happy “victim,” then he should never be able to have sex with a woman again. If it was some random students, they should have to wear a scarlet letter for the rest of their days.

Crystal Has Balls

A South Carolina woman was arrested for panhandling, but eventually escaped police custody. Some may say “she persisted.”

A Myrtle Beach police officer responded to a business on South Kings Highway after getting a call about a solicitation incident. Dispatch told the officer that a female was “aggressively panhandling” at the location and “giving employees a hard time”. At one point, the woman had to be escorted out of the business.

The woman was later identified as Crystal Love Kitts, 38, of Myrtle Beach. She was placed in handcuffs and put in a police cruiser.

Wow, I saw Crystal Love Kitts open for The B-52’s in 1987.

At one point, the report says she told the officer she was suffocating, so the officer rolled down her window. According to the report, as the patrol vehicle approached the intersection of 3rd Ave South and South Kings Highway, Kitts slipped out of one of her handcuffs, reached the free hand through the bars in the officer’s window, and opened her door from the outside.

Despite being wiry and spry, Crystal didn’t get far, and was rearrested by the officer, who claimed Crystal is likely to lose her modeling gigs and makeup endorsements.

Strike A Pose

Meet Seloni Khetarpal, 36, of Canton, Ohio. Seloni comes from a very wealthy family, but sadly, she suffers from Paris Hilton syndrome. That entitlement came back to bite her in the butt dial.

Seloni Khetarpal was arrested for disrupting public services after twice dialing the police emergency line and asking for cops to be dispatched to her family’s spacious Canton residence, which abuts the 18th hole at the Glenmoor Country Club.

According to a criminal complaint, Khetarpal called 911 demanding that cops come to her home since her parents had disconnected her cell service. An operator advised Khetarpal to “only call for police assistance for legitimate purposes.”

Despite the warning, a “belligerent” Khetarpal called 911 two hours later to again report her cell phone woes.

Khetarpal was subsequently arrested and booked into the Stark County jail, from which she was released on $2500 bond. Khetarpal, who is a licensed real estate salesperson, is scheduled for a February 27 preliminary hearing.

You know, Seloni’s parents could have tolerated her tantrums, but they chose another path. Good for them for dropping the hammer; maybe it’ll teach Seloni some humility.

Running Scared

The American dating scene is quickly deteriorating into madness. Colleges are opening Title IX investigations at a mere accusation of sexual assault or rape, police reports are being filed after seemingly consensual sexual acts, and men and women are scared to even say hello to someone of the opposite sex.

Now lawyers are claiming written and videotaped consent may not be enough to stop possible criminal charges.

Some attorneys say written and recorded sexual consent can be the only way for people to defend themselves against accusations of rape. Advocates say that as a standard, it falls woefully short.

Two Ohio State University football players, Amir Riep, 21, and Jahsen Wint, 21, were arrested last week after being accused of kidnapping and raping a 19-year-old woman. The next day, head coach Ryan Day announced he dismissed the two from the team.

Columbus police said in an affidavit that Riep told the victim to say the encounter was consensual on a video recording. That recording was recovered.

I’ve mentioned this to Kyle and I will do the same to Erik, Kevin, and Julia when they’re old enough to date. There are far too many legitimate cases of assault and rape out there – especially on college campuses – but there are plenty of people who file reports because they have next-day regret.

Personally, I would be happy if Kyle ignored every girl on campus. I don’t trust them, and I don’t trust their motives – even at a Catholic university. It only takes one false accusation to ruin someone’s life, and there is no place to go to get your reputation repaired.

Raising Pains

Meet Nicole and Chase McKeown of the Elizabethtown (KY) Police Department. Nicole and Chase were off-duty, dining at Raising Cane’s – a fabulous chicken restaurant, by the way – when the unluckiest guy on Earth walked in.

Saturday night, date night for two off-duty police officers in Kentucky ended when they foiled a robbery at a restaurant chain in Louisville.

The married couple, Chase McKeown and Nicole McKeown, are officers with the Elizabethtown Police Department. They were eating dinner at Raising Cane’s Chicken Fingers, their favorite fried chicken restaurant, around 10 p.m. when a masked man walked up to the counter, showed a gun and demanded money.

The man was identified as Justin Carter, 30. When Carter flashed the gun, the couple, who had been married for just six months, sprang into action. Video footage shows the McKeowns getting up from their table, drawing their weapons and chasing Carter.

Carter basically chickened out, rushing from the restaurant as the two officers gave chase. The couple held Carter at gunpoint a few blocks away from the restaurant until Louisville police arrived and arrested him.

Wow, that’s awesome. Oh, and not only does Raising Cane’s welcome police officers into their hallowed halls, they were also very appreciative of the McKeown’s actions.

Seal Team Chicks

A group of New York City mothers have banded together to combat crime in parts of Manhattan, after a playground shooting woke them up to life in the Big Apple.

A band of Manhattan moms are trading luncheons and playdates for political lobbying and police meetings — all in the name of protecting their kids from rising crime, bail-reform loopholes, aggressive panhandlers, and what they see as a general return of lawlessness.

The 2,600-mother movement formed on the Upper West Side in the fall, when a string of high-profile muggings and a playground shooting put the family-oriented neighborhood on edge — and one woman decided to do something about it.

After the October gunplay at the Samuel N. Bennerson II Playground, [Elizabeth] Carr put out a call to action on various parent Facebook groups, and “NYC Moms for Safer Streets” was born.

Living so close to New York, I can tell you how insulated most Manhattanites are when it comes to local crime. Most people, especially the wealthy, either don’t notice or don’t care because it rarely affects them. The playground shooting changed all that, and while it’s about time they woke up, I salute them for trying to make a difference.

Thank You, And Come Again?

Thousands of Indian men stormed New Delhi’s all-women’s Gargi College and decided the institution needed a little Gomorrah. I realize much of India is dirty and disgusting, but I never realized many of the man are trash.

Reports that large crowds of men sexually harassed and abused students at a women’s college in the Indian capital of New Delhi last week has sparked an outcry and protests there.

The men barged onto the Gargi College campus in South Delhi last Thursday, on the final day of a school festival, allegedly molesting and sexually assaulting the female students en masse, according to a statement issued by the General Body of Students.

Well, if nothing else, these animals will serve very long prison senten-

The student group said that “thousands” of men jumped the gates of the university, descended onto the campus and damaged property, while police and non-teaching staff stood by and did nothing.

I’m going to go out on a limb and guess the New Delhi police are armed with handguns – and possibly scimitars – and these pieces of filth just stood there and let the assaults occur? Cripes, my son singlehandedly stopped an assault with nothing more than his scrawny arms and his potty mouth!