Send Lawyers, Guns, And Honey…

An aspiring Mississippi pron actor decided to rob his coworkers while shooting an adult video. It never occurred to me that Meridian, Mississippi would be recognized as one of the pron capitals of the world.

Meridian police are investigating a case involving a robbery, a shooting, an adult film and a naked man running through a residential neighborhood. Police say the armed robbery happened at an abandoned alternative school on Azalea Drive while three people were making an adult film.

Police say the robber, who was still naked from shooting the film, made the victim send him $200 through Cashapp. The victim then tried to make a run for it but was chased and shot at by the naked robber, putting several holes in his car.

“In my seven years of doing this, this is one of the most unique incidents that I’ve ever run across,” said Detective Rochester Anderson.

To quote Indiana Jones in The Last Crusade, “It happens to me all the time.”

You’re Going The Wrong Way!

British police conducted a very awkward pursuit of a stolen vehicle in Hertfordshire Thursday, when the driver left the road and started traveling down railroad tracks.

A stolen vehicle was driven down railway tracks in front of stunned passengers to evade police in what a witness described as “like a scene from Grand Theft Auto”.

The black Land Rover Discovery was then abandoned on the track near Cheshunt railway station, Hertfordshire, having earlier sped away from a police stop.

Two officers were injured in the incident, which saw one of them thrown from the car. A hunt is under way for the driver.

The suspect was not captured, but he was offered a job as Thomas the Tank Engine’s engineer.

It’s Pickle (E)ric!

Meet Eric Detiege of Tampa, Flori-Duh.

Eric likes having fun in the great outdoors, especially when he can prance around the (literal) trailer park holding his Johnson and a spicy pickle. I really wish I was making that up.

As memorialized in an arrest affidavit, Detiege, naked from the waist down, had his penis in one hand and “a large uneaten pickle in his other hand.” Deputy Feijoo reported that Detiege was “using the pickle to penetrate his rectum while he was masturbating.”

Pictured above, Detiege was arrested for exposure of sexual organs, a misdemeanor, and booked into the Pinellas County jail. He was released after posting $150 bond, but was back behind bars a week later after getting arrested on a felony theft charge for stealing Red Bull and skinny jeans from a Walmart.

Hmm, I wonder if the skinny jeans had a pocket large enough to hold a pickle?

What Is It With Tennessee And Fireworks?

Meet Courtney Mayes of Nashville, Tennessee. Courtney is a smoking hot babe who decided to make her workplace a smoking hot eatery… by allowing her employees to conduct an indoor fireworks display.

Nashville Fire Department investigators arrested a Taco Bell shift leader after a fire allegedly set by employees playing with fireworks inside the restaurant.

NFD said the surveillance footage showed employees locking the restaurant to keep customers from entering the business. They then allegedly ran around the store with fireworks in their hands. At one point the employees went into the men’s restroom and returned to the lobby a few minutes later and placed an item in a trashcan near the door.

Employees allegedly went outside the restaurant and began recording video of the trash can on their phones. While doing so, the employees locked themselves out of the store and called 911 when they saw smoke coming from the trash can.

It’s high time Taco Bell experienced the noxious gasses the rest of us suffer from after chowing down on Mexican pizza and a trio of Gorditas.

“When They’re Dead, They’re Just Hookers”

A major drug death trial is about to commence in West Hollywood. Ed Buck, a powerful political donor, and close friend of the Clinton Crime Organization, is being charged with the deaths of two male prostitutes after injecting them with methamphetamine.

Federal prosecutors want to ask potential jurors whether they or any friends or relatives ever had a drug problem, or whether any close friends or relatives have been “drugged unknowingly” or against their will.

“Have you had a close friend or relative die of a drug overdose?” is among questions on the government’s proposed list of juror questions filed late Tuesday in Los Angeles federal court.

I almost overdosed on Chick-Fil-A a few years ago, but I was sent to a recovery center. Sadly, it only served Boston Market. Pass.

Other questions during voir dire, or jury selection, expected to begin Tuesday, include whether “you have any strongly held personal beliefs or opinions regarding prostitution? Do you believe that any adult who wants to pay for sexual activity with another adult should be able to do so?”

No problems there. I’ve been paying for sex since I was a teenager!

Potential jurors also could be asked if they hold any strong personal beliefs or opinions regarding homelessness, as well as individuals who may have broken the law and are cooperating with law enforcement by testifying.

Considering the state of the country’s police departments, I can honestly say I couldn’t care less whether or not anyone cooperates with police. I do, however, care about Ed Buck’s fate, since I am sure he will be found not guilty, because powerful Democrats are almost always able to avoid jail time.

Just Another Night In Smashville

A Tennessee man and his friend were almost severely injured when a vehicle pulled alongside him and threw fireworks into the driver’s convertible. Well, Nashville is off the list.

Around 10:15 p.m. Sunday night, Colin Kirby was leaving the city after watching the July Fourth fireworks when a lit firework was tossed into his open convertible.

“They lit it, then rolled down the window and threw it,” said Colin Kirby. “At the same time, they went around the corner.”

Kirby was driving in his convertible with a friend when people in a white car pulled up beside him. Someone in the backseat tossed the firework which landed behind Kirby’s head. Miraculously, Kirby and his passenger weren’t seriously injured by the flaming firework.

Imagine being such an a-hole that you’d think throwing lit fireworks into someone’s car was funny. You know, if we had machine guns mounted on our cars this would never happen.

A Waste Of Perfectly Good Cleavage

Meet Taejah Clay (common spelling).

Taejah was looking for a fabulous ensemble at a Pensacola Walmart. Something which would accentuate her ample curves as equally as her godawful catsuit. I mean, really, who wears a catsuit?

When attempting to steal from Walmart at 7:50 AM, it is best to dress in an inconspicuous manner so as not to draw the attention of store security.

Or you can wear a revealing, skintight “Baby Girl” catsuit like Taejah Clay.

The 20-year-old Louisiana woman was arrested late last month after she and a teenage accomplice allegedly switched the price tags on hats and shorts in a Walmart in Pensacola, Florida. The duo was detained after checking out with the illegally discounted merchandise (which was valued at about $50).

Arrested for stealing $50 worth of clothing; are you seriously that stupid? “Baby Girl” could probably smuggle the catsuit into jail and make some money pimping herself out to her cellmate.

Tell Loius We Said Hello

Say hello to Bridgette Frank of California.

Bridgette is definitely a looker, and she certainly knows her way around fashionable clothing. Unfortunately, she was arrested for passing bad checks, which likely dirtied her “Loius Veitone” ensemble.

The 31-year-old Californian was arrested Saturday on a felony bad check charge and for failing to appear in court in a separate misdemeanor case. Frank, who lives in Covelo, a small Mendocino County town that includes the Round Valley Indian Reservation, was released from custody after posting $8500 bond.

Now as for her t-shirt.

However, the name of the French fashion house has been rendered as “Loius Veitone.” A Google search for “Loius Veitone” returns no results, indicating that Frank’s shirt is likely the butchered product of an overseas counterfeiting operation, not some ironic take sold by a fashionista.

In Bridgette’s defense, the shirt paired very well with her Mikeel Coors handbag.

Wow, This Chick Has A Lot Of Stones

Meet Blair Rebecca Whitten of Fargo.

Blair recently lost her boyfriend after surgery complications, and all she wanted to do was attend the funeral. Unfortunately, Rebecca was posting some terrible things on social media after the boyfriend’s death, and she was asked to not attend the services.

Well, she showed them!

A woman who was charged with literally crashing her ex-boyfriend’s funeral is in more legal trouble. Blair Rebecca Whitten, 28, previously spray-painted a statue of Jesus, the Fargo City Prosecutor’s Office said Friday.

The face and neck tattoos are a nice touch.

She was charged in May for a raucous incident at the funeral of her ex-boyfriend Colin MacDonald, who reportedly passed away in his sleep after complications from a minor surgery. Whitten ran over gravesites and attempted to run people over, according to mourners cited by police.

Yep, Blair is a fine, upstanding, well-adjusted female who is not completely insane.

It turns out that according to prosecutors, Whitten is the person who spray-painted black the face of a statue of Jesus at St. Mary’s Cathedral in Fargo in the early morning of April 17. She is charged with one count of misdemeanor criminal mischief. The alleged motive behind the incident remains unclear.

For the record, Jesus was raised in the Middle East, so if she wanted the statue to look genuine, she would have painted His face brown.

That s aid, spray-painting a Jesus statue? You better believe that’s a paddlin’.

Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes

A 19-year old with a bad temper was shot and killed after he pulled a gun on a driver who had the temerity to change lanes on Texas’ I-35.

The fatal chain of events unfolded last Friday on the I-35 highway in Fort Worth, when the biker, 19-year-old JaDerek Gray, was weaving his way between rows of vehicles, an illegal maneuver that’s known as “lane-splitting,” Fox4 said.

At one point, an unidentified SUV driver began changing lanes, forcing Gray to swerve to avoid a collision. Gray passed several cars and parked his motorcycle, blocking the northbound traffic — then reportedly began walking back toward the SUV while pointing a handgun at the driver.

The SUV driver told Gray to put down the gun because there were kids in his car. But the biker kept coming, so the other man drew his own handgun and opened fire, hitting Gray multiple times.

So let’s tally the stupid here.

1. Gray was illegally swerving in and out of traffic
2. Gray almost got hit by a driver changing lanes – who obviously didn’t see this idiot.
3. Gray continued down the highway, and could have gone about his day.
4. Gray stopped, and waited for the other driver to approach him.
5. Gray pointed a gun at the driver and his children.
6. Gray walked toward the driver with his gun out and alleged fired at least one shot.
7. Gray is shot multiple times and killed.

Hmm, I wonder who the bad guy is here? It’s Gray.