Look, Up In The Sky…

Speaking of leftist sh*tholes, a group of Californians are lucky to be alive after a speeding vehicle hit a median, went airnorne, and crashed into a building.

A speeding car struck a median and flew into the second floor of a building early Sunday morning, Jan. 14, remaining lodged into a dental office.

The white Nissan Altima was traveling at a high rate of speed northbound on French Street when the accident occurred in the 300 block of E. 17th Street.

The driver hit a raised center median on 17th Street, launching the car into the air. The vehicle struck the 2nd floor of the building and was lodged there, sticking out of the structure as police arrived at around 5:30 a.m.

What could possibly be the reason for a car flying into a building?

“The driver, who admitted to using narcotics, will be admitted to a local hospital for observation,” the news release said.

Wow, shocker. I guess the bright side is the residents can now install a giant bow window.

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School Of Crock

Judy Sugar, a former teacher at Westchester, New York’s Mary McLeod Bethune Junior and Senior High School is suing the school district after she was dismissed for filing a police report of sexual assault.

On May 14, 2015, she claims a student “accosted” her, touching her legs and backside with his exposed penis as she bent over a microscope.

The head teacher at the school reportedly told Sugar that if she wanted to file a report, she could stop by Dobbs Ferry police headquarters on her way home instead of calling officers to the school. But Sugar said she was worried about the safety of other students and of other teachers, particularly the recently hired “young, attractive” music instructor with whom the student was in class. So she called the cops who said they would respond to the school immediately.

Upon hearing this, the complaint states, Thompson reportedly said, “You called the police?” Almost immediately after that, Thompson allegedly told the teacher to leave school grounds and that insinuated job was in jeopardy.

The school district claimed she’d violated their policy barring teachers from calling the police to report a crime on school grounds.

Can you imagine firing someone for reporting a sexual assault by a student which happened on school grounds? Apparently the #MeToo effort has not yet filtered down to New York.

What happens when a student walks in and tries to pull a Columbine? Is it okay to call 911 then? I sincerely hope Ms. Sugar wins her lawsuit, and bankrupts the entire school district.

This Guy Is No Longer “Making Bank”

Meet Alberto Saavedra Lopez, common spelling.

Alberto is not someone we would call “Arizona’s best and brightest,” as you will see in the following article.

Alberto Saavedra Lopez, 32, was arrested last week for felony theft after he arrived at the Cottonwood Police Department for a job interview to become a dispatcher.

Police said in a statement that Lopez allegedly stole $5,000 at a Bank of America in Cottonwood between July and September of 2016. Bank officials suspected Lopez, a former employee.

Lopez moved to Phoenix after the theft and kept missing appointments with investigators. An arrest warrant was issued, but Lopez avoided police detection for more than a year. In December, Lopez applied for a dispatch position at the Cottonwood Police Department.

Incredibly, the position required a background check, and Alberto Not-Smarto’s arrest warrant popped up on their screen. Alberto did not get the job, but he did land a reservation at the county jail.

You Can’t Spell Indefensible Without FBI

Congressional investigators have found verifiable proof Hillary Clinton broke the law by utilizing her home-brewed email server, and, worse still, the FBI ignored the violations.

For the first time, investigators say they have secured written evidence that the FBI believed there was evidence that some laws were broken when the former secretary of State and her top aides transmitted classified information through her insecure private email server, lawmakers and investigators told The Hill.

That evidence includes passages in FBI documents stating the “sheer volume” of classified information that flowed through Clinton’s insecure emails was proof of criminality as well as an admission of false statements by one key witness in the case, the investigators said.

The investigators also confirmed that the FBI began drafting a statement exonerating Clinton of any crimes while evidence responsive to subpoenas was still outstanding and before agents had interviewed more than a dozen key witnesses. (H/TAOSHQ)

In twenty-three years of law enforcement, I have worked on more than a few cases with the FBI. For the most part, the agents are decent, hard-working investigators. That said, the hierarchy is comprised of bureaucrats, politicians, and agents who haven’t worked the street since the Reagan administration. These men and women have irreparably destroyed the Bureau’s credibility, and when people cannot trust the FBI, they certainly won’t trust local police departments.

I understand my profession has been swirling the toilet for some time now. Most of the wounds have been self-inflicted. Agenda-driven police commissioners believe we should spend more time practicing “community policing” instead of enforcing the laws. When local, state, and federal officers practice politics, they destroy the very oath they swore to uphold.

/rant

Protein Shakes All Around!

Meet Jonathan Hightower and Lashanda Fisher.

Jonathan and Lashanda – if that is her real name – were dining inside the Baby Acapulco Mexican restaurant in Austin, Texas. Apparently the food is sub-par, because Lashanda’s mouth was otherwise preoccupied.

Cops summoned to the Mexican restaurant around 10:25 PM were told by a manager that two customers had been “engaged in oral sex at a booth inside the business in front of customers.” The couple, the worker added, had left the restaurant and were at an adjacent gas station.

Well, Lashanda had to clean herself up, and they didn’t want to use the restaurant’s show towels.

One witness told police she was eating when she “observed the female suspect giving oral sex to the male suspect.” The diner recalled the female suspect’s “head bobbing up and down towards the male suspect’s groin for about five minutes.” (H/T – RedneckGeezer)

Looking at Lashanda, I can understand why Jonathan still hadn’t finished after five minutes. Maybe she’ll learn some tips from her new cellmates?

Human Giant Robs Airport

Meet Ernesto Rodriguez-Zazueta, also known by his nickname, Gort.

Gort was bored while roaming the Newark (NJ) Airport, and since he didn’t have a rabbit to strangle, he decided to rob an electronics store… with a pen.

Ernesto Rodriguez-Zazueta, 46, who authorities said was a fugitive from the Drug Enforcement Agency, was arrested by Port Authority Police inside the airport.

Rodriguez-Zazueta allegedly entered a Blue Wire Electronics store in Terminal C of Newark Airport Friday around 7 a.m. He went behind the counter, and used a pen to mimic a weapon while demanding cash from a shop worker. The worker struggled with Rodriguez-Zazueta, but was able to call Port Authority Police.

Officers apprehended and arrested Rodriguez-Zazueta. One officer sustained injuries while in a struggle with Rodriguez-Zazueta, but was quickly treated.

Gort was captured, placed in chains, and paraded before a throng of New York City onlookers before escaping and scaling the Empire State Building.

The House Of Louse

Walt Disney World is updating its security procedures, and guests will now be looking forward to their daily flash-bang, forced entry, meet and greet.

Guests staying at one of the three monorail hotels – the Grand Floridian, Polynesian and Contemporary resorts – near the Magic Kingdom have already experienced the tighter security policies, which include the removal of the “Do Not Disturb” door sign. The markers have been swapped out for “Room Occupied” signs that will alert maintenance and staff that guests are currently in their rooms, but will not stop Disney staff from coming in.

I look forward to the implementation of this plan, and I expect to be fully nude when the employees enter my hotel room. Their tips will depend upon their “performance.”

The sign accompanies another new policy that requires Disney employees to enter each hotel room at least once a day to ensure “the safety and security of guests and property,” Walt Disney World News Today reports.

Yes, because their mouse ears and metal detector wands will surely stop a psychopath with an AR-15.

An Easy Target

Meet Melissa Allen of Framingham, Massachusetts.

Melissa is what That 70’s Show’s Red Forman would call a dumbass. Why? Read on…

A homeless woman in Framingham attempted to shoplift more than $1,000 in products from a Target store filled with at least 50 police officers participating in their annual “Shop with a Cop” event Tuesday.

He estimated there were 50 to 75 officers from several towns roaming the store with children and families around 5:45 p.m. when the woman, Melissa E. Allen, 32, attempted to steal over $1,000 worth of merchandise from the store.

Allen had a large bin filled with items she tried to steal, including clothing, accessories, and home goods. The items were brought to a cash register and determined to be worth $1,105.40.

Allen figured since there were so many cops in the store, there wouldn’t be any around to arrest her.

Stop In The Name Of This Idiotic law

The website Law & Crime put out a list of the top ten most bizarre laws in the nation. Apparently, not every American legislator was the equivalent of a Thomas Jefferson or James Madison.

Indiana: It is illegal to sniff glue. This one relies on intent. You’re breaking the law if you do it to get high. The substances in question include what the law calls “model glue,” or a substance that contains toluene (found in paint thinners), acetone (nail polish remover), and freon (air conditioning systems).

Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I stood in front of the air conditioner waiting to get high… oh wait, I’ve said too much.

New Jersey prohibits the use of bulletproof vests “while engaged in the commission of, or an attempt to commit, or flight after committing or attempting to commit” a crime from a specified list. These are murder, manslaughter, robbery, sexual assault, burglary, kidnaping, criminal escape and assault.

So, if you’re planning to murder someone, leave the vest at home; unless you want to be arrested.

In Tennessee, you can’t duel anyone if you want to run for public office. You know a prohibition is serious when it’s in a constitution. Under Tennessee’s governing charter, you cannot run for office if you engage in a duel. (H/TAOSHQ)

That said, if you’re NOT planning on running for office, fire away! Literally.

Sometimes You Feel Like A Nut…

A Reading, Pennsylvania woman was arrested after she and her roommate got into an argument over candy.

Mental note: Don’t let this woman within fifty miles of Hersheypark.

Authorities say a Pennsylvania woman stabbed her roommate during a dispute over candy.

According to a police affidavit, the victim claims 54-year-old Tracy Mitchell was holding a pocket knife in one hand and a picture frame in the other as they argued in their apartment early Monday morning. She says Mitchell tried to strike her with the picture frame as they both fell to the floor.

The woman says she tried to hold Mitchell on the ground, but Mitchell stabbed her once in the leg. Mitchell left the apartment shortly afterward.

I’ll bet it was a Kit Kat. I’d probably stab my own mother for a Kit Kat. Just sayin’…