Don’t Kids Play Video Games Anymore?

A 13-year old called police to a San Bernardino cemetery to confess he killed three people. The call was a fake to lure officers to the location so the teenager could kill them. Lovely

The teenager called police just before 2 p.m. from Pioneer Memorial Cemetery, at 211 E. 9th St., and said he had killed three people, San Bernardino police said in a statement. He then told dispatchers that if the responding officers don’t kill him, “I’ll have to kill them,” then fired several shots while on the call, police said, with bystanders about.

“Despite the suspect’s provocation, the officers maintained containment for an extended period of time and continued their efforts to end the incident peacefully by establishing a dialogue,” police said in the statement. “Although officers gave numerous commands to drop the gun, the suspect failed to comply.”

At one point, police said, the boy pointed a gun at officers, prompting at least one officer to shoot the boy. The teen was hit once by gunfire and hospitalized.

They should have popped the kid in the melon, in my opinion.

Hoosier Daddy?

Meet Thessalonica Allen of LaPorte, Indiana.

Thessalonica, if that IS her real name, has been arrested after “allegedly” shooting her husband, and forcing her children – both under the age of sixteen – to help dispose of the body.

Thessalonica Allen, 34, is alleged to have fatally shot Randy Allen inside the married couple’s home while her two children, both of whom were only identified as being under the age of 16, were inside the LaPorte apartment, multiple local news stations have reported.

Investigators who spoke to the children said both reported hearing a “loud bang” and running into their mother’s bedroom where they found Allen lying on the floor begging them to call 911, but their mother told them not to and sent them back to their rooms.

So Thessalonica “allegedly” left her husband to die in the bedroom.

Later in the same night, Thessalonica allegedly woke the two children up and told them to help her drag Randy Allen’s corpse outside the house and into his car, but the three were unable to move the body because it was too heavy.

The children reportedly told detectives that Thessalonica went out the next day and brought back an assortment of cleaning supplies as well as an ax, which she allegedly used to dismember Randy Allen’s corpse. The suspect then had the kids help her place the pieces of the dismembered body in a tote bag.

Look, I get the children are underaged, but in my humble opinion, these kids are just guilty as their mother. They obviously know the difference between right and wrong, and they did nothing to help their father, or at least call an ambulance. All three should rot in jail.

Have It Your MY Way

Meet Justin Rocheleau of Livonia, Michigan.

Justin works at a local Burger King, and does his best to keep a smile on his face while slinging burgers and dealing with customers. Other times he’d rather just shoot people.

Dustin Rocheleau, 24, was charged this week on an eight-count felony warrant that includes firearms charges in connection with the April 28 incident.

Police allege Rocheleau was working the drive-thru at 29211 Seven Mile Rd. when he pulled a handgun out and pointed it at three customers during a disagreement over the payment method.

The customers sped away from the restaurant and called police, while Rocheleau fled on foot. Police said they located him nearby and arrested him without incident. Officers said they found a handgun in his backpack.

The problem here, besides the gun pointing, is that The King is very protective of his employees, and that creepy looking bastard probably has a few bodies under his belt.

Seattle Mayor Comes Crawling Back

Jenny Durkan, the incompetent mayor of Seattle, has decided to push for more police officers, a year after she proudly proclaimed the city needed to defund the police.

As Seattle residents reel from one of the deadliest weekends in recent memory, Mayor Jenny Durkan is sounding the alarms. She says the city needs more police, a message she’s been reticent to deliver publicly due to toxic politics and a militant activist base.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Go f**k yourself, Jenny.

Thanks to a defund movement that is still alive and well, the Seattle Police Department is down nearly a third of its force. And the city is left without the law enforcement support it needs to keep residents safe. Combined with prosecutors who lean into far-left views that the criminal justice system is racist, so they won’t prosecute, criminals are running wild with little fear of consequences for their deadly behavior.

Durkan’s message is not only too little, too late, but it’s falling on deaf ears as the Seattle City Council continues its defunding efforts. Next week the Council is expected to reroute some $14 million from the Seattle Police Department budget. (H/T – MelP)

Most of the big blue cities followed Durkan’s lead, and worked diligently to defund the police. Most of those cities were rewarded with skyrocketing rates of shootings and homicides. One year later, the same cities are begging for new police officers, but no one wants the job anymore. Why would they?

I’d like to feel sorry for these cities, but as someone who lives in one of these terrible blue cities, I think the entire situation is hilarious. This is what you voted for. Own it.

Barbara Boxer Robbed In Oakland

Barbara Boxer, one of the most despicable senators in American history, was robbed by one of Oakland’s finest Democrats on Monday. I’d ask if the thug robbed her of her soul, but that’s literally impossible.

Former U.S. Sen. Barbara Boxer was assaulted and robbed Monday in Oakland, California, her son said.

Hey Yahoo News, you don’t need to add the word assaulted, since it’s not a robbery without the assault. Dumbasses.

The assault happened in the Jack London Square neighborhood, according to a tweet on Boxer’s verified Twitter account.

“The assailant pushed her in the back, stole her cell phone and jumped in a waiting car,” the tweet said. “She is thankful that she was not seriously injured.”

Yes, we’re all thankful a corrupt politician was not seriously injured, despite the fact people like Boxer turned Oakland into such a shit hole.

Send Lawyers, Guns, And Honey…

An aspiring Mississippi pron actor decided to rob his coworkers while shooting an adult video. It never occurred to me that Meridian, Mississippi would be recognized as one of the pron capitals of the world.

Meridian police are investigating a case involving a robbery, a shooting, an adult film and a naked man running through a residential neighborhood. Police say the armed robbery happened at an abandoned alternative school on Azalea Drive while three people were making an adult film.

Police say the robber, who was still naked from shooting the film, made the victim send him $200 through Cashapp. The victim then tried to make a run for it but was chased and shot at by the naked robber, putting several holes in his car.

“In my seven years of doing this, this is one of the most unique incidents that I’ve ever run across,” said Detective Rochester Anderson.

To quote Indiana Jones in The Last Crusade, “It happens to me all the time.”

You’re Going The Wrong Way!

British police conducted a very awkward pursuit of a stolen vehicle in Hertfordshire Thursday, when the driver left the road and started traveling down railroad tracks.

A stolen vehicle was driven down railway tracks in front of stunned passengers to evade police in what a witness described as “like a scene from Grand Theft Auto”.

The black Land Rover Discovery was then abandoned on the track near Cheshunt railway station, Hertfordshire, having earlier sped away from a police stop.

Two officers were injured in the incident, which saw one of them thrown from the car. A hunt is under way for the driver.

The suspect was not captured, but he was offered a job as Thomas the Tank Engine’s engineer.

It’s Pickle (E)ric!

Meet Eric Detiege of Tampa, Flori-Duh.

Eric likes having fun in the great outdoors, especially when he can prance around the (literal) trailer park holding his Johnson and a spicy pickle. I really wish I was making that up.

As memorialized in an arrest affidavit, Detiege, naked from the waist down, had his penis in one hand and “a large uneaten pickle in his other hand.” Deputy Feijoo reported that Detiege was “using the pickle to penetrate his rectum while he was masturbating.”

Pictured above, Detiege was arrested for exposure of sexual organs, a misdemeanor, and booked into the Pinellas County jail. He was released after posting $150 bond, but was back behind bars a week later after getting arrested on a felony theft charge for stealing Red Bull and skinny jeans from a Walmart.

Hmm, I wonder if the skinny jeans had a pocket large enough to hold a pickle?

What Is It With Tennessee And Fireworks?

Meet Courtney Mayes of Nashville, Tennessee. Courtney is a smoking hot babe who decided to make her workplace a smoking hot eatery… by allowing her employees to conduct an indoor fireworks display.

Nashville Fire Department investigators arrested a Taco Bell shift leader after a fire allegedly set by employees playing with fireworks inside the restaurant.

NFD said the surveillance footage showed employees locking the restaurant to keep customers from entering the business. They then allegedly ran around the store with fireworks in their hands. At one point the employees went into the men’s restroom and returned to the lobby a few minutes later and placed an item in a trashcan near the door.

Employees allegedly went outside the restaurant and began recording video of the trash can on their phones. While doing so, the employees locked themselves out of the store and called 911 when they saw smoke coming from the trash can.

It’s high time Taco Bell experienced the noxious gasses the rest of us suffer from after chowing down on Mexican pizza and a trio of Gorditas.

“When They’re Dead, They’re Just Hookers”

A major drug death trial is about to commence in West Hollywood. Ed Buck, a powerful political donor, and close friend of the Clinton Crime Organization, is being charged with the deaths of two male prostitutes after injecting them with methamphetamine.

Federal prosecutors want to ask potential jurors whether they or any friends or relatives ever had a drug problem, or whether any close friends or relatives have been “drugged unknowingly” or against their will.

“Have you had a close friend or relative die of a drug overdose?” is among questions on the government’s proposed list of juror questions filed late Tuesday in Los Angeles federal court.

I almost overdosed on Chick-Fil-A a few years ago, but I was sent to a recovery center. Sadly, it only served Boston Market. Pass.

Other questions during voir dire, or jury selection, expected to begin Tuesday, include whether “you have any strongly held personal beliefs or opinions regarding prostitution? Do you believe that any adult who wants to pay for sexual activity with another adult should be able to do so?”

No problems there. I’ve been paying for sex since I was a teenager!

Potential jurors also could be asked if they hold any strong personal beliefs or opinions regarding homelessness, as well as individuals who may have broken the law and are cooperating with law enforcement by testifying.

Considering the state of the country’s police departments, I can honestly say I couldn’t care less whether or not anyone cooperates with police. I do, however, care about Ed Buck’s fate, since I am sure he will be found not guilty, because powerful Democrats are almost always able to avoid jail time.