Everyone Be Cool, This Is A Robbery!

Tennessee is still on my retirement list, even though parts of the state are very violent. That comes with every state, obviously, but other states don’t have dullards posting dangerous videos for YouTube.

Take Timothy Wilks, for example.

One person was killed in a shooting in Old Hickory near the Hermitage line Friday night.

Police say 20-year-old Timothy Wilks was shot and killed in the parking lot of Urban Air on Old Hickory Boulevard.

Wait, it gets better…

Detectives were told that Wilks and a friend were participating in a “prank” robbery as part of a YouTube video and approached a group of people, including the shooter, with butcher knives.

A 23-year-old man told police he shot Wilks and wasn’t aware the robbery was a “prank.” He says it was self-defense.

No charges were filed for the shooter, obviously, and the world has lost another dimwit.

Paging Snidely Whiplash

Every time I lament the death of America, I always remind myself, “Hey, at least I don’t live in England.” Two bints from Sussex decided to take photos of themselves on railroad tracks, because of course they did.

Shocking footage has captured two “unthinkably stupid” women lying on a railway track for photographs.

The video, taken at a level crossing in Tide Mills, Sussex, shows two women walking onto the tracks before stopping in the middle. They check up and down the line to see if any trains are approaching before one in a grey jacket takes the idiotic decision to lie right in the middle of them.

The other then takes photos before her friend jumps up and the pair scurry off the crossing.

Obviously relatives of our illegitimate president.

British Transport Police Inspector Jonathan Pine said: “This is unthinkably stupid behaviour by two women clearly oblivious to the dangers of level crossings.

“Trains pass through this line at speeds of up to 70mph, so they could quite easily have been moments away from a catastrophic incident.”

That said, the video at the link would have been much more exciting… and gory.

Chernobyl Rising

My neighborhood is very culturally diverse. We have people from all corners of the world, and many of them are from Ukraine. So when I see this story, I wonder how the citizens of Ukraine are infinitely more idiotic than my neighbors.

A Ukrainian dredging company, Sobi, is doing construction work in the Chernobyl area that some experts warn could cause more people to get sick and spread radioactive waste.

Specifically, Sobi has been dredging the Pripyat, a river that runs past the Chernobyl reactor, in order to create an inland shipping route, according to The Guardian. Groups that attempt to protect the public from nuclear radiation, such as the International Atomic Energy Agency, have warned that the dredging could cause radioactive sludge from the 1986 disaster to leach into the drinking water consumed by 8 million Ukrainians. Other NGOs, including the World Wildlife Fund and BirdLife, have accused the Ukrainian government of breaking the law by allowing the dredging despite not performing an environmental impact statement, which is mandated by Ukrainian regulations.

Despite these concerns, Sobi has continued with its work since July.

Look, I understand Ukraine has been as corrupt – or more so – than Russia has recently, but dredging the Pripyat would poison their own water supply. I mean, most men there will likely die from liver failure before they’re forty, but at least give the women a chance. Morons.

Wow, That’s A Killa Paint Job

Imagine you live in St. Louis – a scary proposition, I know – and you’re just hanging out with your friend and riding around in her car. Pretty sweet evening… until you stick your head out the sunroof.

A 17-year-old died after hitting his head on a beam or falling out of the car in a downtown St. Louis parking garage while hanging out of the sunroof.

The incident happened just Saturday in a garage in the 1000 block of Spruce. The teen was inside a white SUV that was being driven by an 18-year-old woman. A 14-year-old girl, the 17-year-old and a 26-year-old man were hanging out of the sunroof when the incident occurred.

The driver then sped from the scene, leaving the victims behind.

Luckily, St. Louis has a penchant for releasing shooters, rioters, and all sorts of detritus for even the most egregious crimes. So buck up little camper; you’ll be free as a bird soon.

Don’t Look, Up In The Sky!

If you’re going to vote in the November election, make sure you get to the polls early. Apparently, an asteroid will be passing by sometime on November 2, the day before Election II: Trump Boogaloo.

An asteroid discovered in 2018 will fly very close to Earth on Nov. 2 according to The Center for Near Earth Objects Studies at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory.

Astronomers spotted the object from Palomar Observatory in San Diego County in 2018 followed by a 13 day observation arc and has not been detected since.

Asteroid 2018VP1 is currently projected to come close to Earth sometime during the day before the 2020 presidential election on Nov. 3, according to NASA.

The asteroid will likely come as close to between 4,700 miles and 260,000 miles of Earth.

There’s very little chance the asteroid will penetrate our atmosphere, but if Biden wins, maybe we’ll get lucky and it’ll crash right in the middle of Washington, D.C.

An Explosive Development

A Washington, D.C. man was killed after he decided to place bottle rockets on his head and lit them during an Independence Day celebration.

Metropolitan Police released details Sunday afternoon about a man who died in a fireworks accident in Northwest Washington Friday night.

Investigators have identified the victim as 33-year-old Jose Tony Alvarez Umanzor of Northwest. Umanzor was holding a commercially made mortar firework above his head when the base of the object ejected downward after it was ignited.

Idiot, everyone knows you never launch fireworks off your skull without first placing flex tape on your melon. I mean, Phil Swift cut that boat in half and was cruiing on a lake minutes later!

Forrest Jump

A New York man jumped out of a skydiving plane while wearing a parachute, and apparently fell to his death without wearing one.

A New York City man who was killed in a skydiving incident on Sunday was not wearing his parachute when he hit the ground, State Police said.

The victim, identified as William McCartin, 40, boarded a plane at “Skydive the Ranch” in Gardiner. He jumped out along with another skydiver at approximately 14,000 feet.

The witness told police McCartin jumped from the plane while wearing a parachute. He hit the ground in the parking lot of the Gardiner Fire Department on State Route 44/55 in Gardiner where he died from his injuries.

Since I don’t believe parachutes are itchy, my educated guess is William wanted to self-delete, and took the parachute off mid-flight.

The South Will Rise Fall Again

While attempting to topple Virginia’s Portsmouth Confederate Monument, a protester – likely from Antifa or Black Lives Matter – was struck on the head by a falling statue.

A demonstrator in Virginia sustained a severe head wound after a Confederate statue toppled on top of him Wednesday.

The Black Lives Matter chapter associated with the destruction of the Portsmouth statue identified the man who was injured as Chris Green. Green was allegedly moving people out of the way when the statue landed on him.

The demonstrator in his 30s was reportedly hit so hard by the sculpture that his skull became exposed.

The local authorities should file charges against the rioters who toppled the statues and nearly killed this man. If the man succumbs to his injuries, the police department should at least consider involuntary manslaughter, since their reckless actions caused this tragedy.

Wow, That’s Also A Riot!

The last four days in Philadelphia have been rife with violence, arson, and looting. Understandably, most business owners – whose businesses aren’t already destroyed – did their best to protect their property from the Philadelphia thugs.

Then a few of them tried to loot a store, just not exactly the store clear thinking individuals would consider robbing…

Philadelphia police said the owner of Firing Line Inc. was staying the night inside the shop on South Front Street because over the last few nights someone had tried breaking in.

The owner told police he was monitoring his surveillance camera and saw three or four men trying to get in around 4:15 a.m. The group was using bolt cutters on the gate. A broken lock could later be seen on the ground.

The group then smashed in the back door and broke glass, police said. When they made it upstairs the 67-year-old owner started shooting his Bushmaster M4 rifle, striking shot one man in the head.

That man – who was in his 20s – died in the store, police said. The other men ran off. Police found a handgun by the dead man that the owner said does not belong to his shop. Investigators believe the burglars brought that with them.

Here’s hoping the department tells the owner “Finders keepers,” and he’s able to sell the thug’s – likely stolen – gun at a later date. Might as well make some money off these jackasses’ idiocy.

***Humble thanks to Misanthropic Humanitarian at AOSHQ for the link on the ONT*****

Wow, That’s A Riot!

Yes, I know I said I was taking the rest of the day off, but this high-larious story was too hysterical not to share.

So late last night we started receiving multiple calls for vandalized ATMs. Usually the thugs pry the front of the machine and try to swipe the safe or at least some of the money inside. Last night, they were trying to open the ATMs with explosives.

A man died Tuesday morning after trying to blow up an ATM machine near Kensington, the Philadelphia Police said.

That’s a shame.

Around 6:15 a.m., police found a 24-year-old with trauma to his upper body. They said the man was “attempting to break into an ATM with explosives,” which were recovered at the scene. He was transported to Temple University Hospital, where he was later pronounced dead.

Aww, and he was just turning his life around.

The Philadelphia bomb squad and the ATF could be seen investigating the scene, photographing and collecting evidence around the mangled, blown-out machine outside Sidekicks Sports Bar at 2207 N. 2nd Street. The ATM was a stand-alone machine on the sidewalk, not connected to a bank.

Looks like the Sidekick Sports ATM kicked this dude to the side.