Wow, That’s A Killa Paint Job

Imagine you live in St. Louis – a scary proposition, I know – and you’re just hanging out with your friend and riding around in her car. Pretty sweet evening… until you stick your head out the sunroof.

A 17-year-old died after hitting his head on a beam or falling out of the car in a downtown St. Louis parking garage while hanging out of the sunroof.

The incident happened just Saturday in a garage in the 1000 block of Spruce. The teen was inside a white SUV that was being driven by an 18-year-old woman. A 14-year-old girl, the 17-year-old and a 26-year-old man were hanging out of the sunroof when the incident occurred.

The driver then sped from the scene, leaving the victims behind.

Luckily, St. Louis has a penchant for releasing shooters, rioters, and all sorts of detritus for even the most egregious crimes. So buck up little camper; you’ll be free as a bird soon.

Don’t Look, Up In The Sky!

If you’re going to vote in the November election, make sure you get to the polls early. Apparently, an asteroid will be passing by sometime on November 2, the day before Election II: Trump Boogaloo.

An asteroid discovered in 2018 will fly very close to Earth on Nov. 2 according to The Center for Near Earth Objects Studies at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory.

Astronomers spotted the object from Palomar Observatory in San Diego County in 2018 followed by a 13 day observation arc and has not been detected since.

Asteroid 2018VP1 is currently projected to come close to Earth sometime during the day before the 2020 presidential election on Nov. 3, according to NASA.

The asteroid will likely come as close to between 4,700 miles and 260,000 miles of Earth.

There’s very little chance the asteroid will penetrate our atmosphere, but if Biden wins, maybe we’ll get lucky and it’ll crash right in the middle of Washington, D.C.

An Explosive Development

A Washington, D.C. man was killed after he decided to place bottle rockets on his head and lit them during an Independence Day celebration.

Metropolitan Police released details Sunday afternoon about a man who died in a fireworks accident in Northwest Washington Friday night.

Investigators have identified the victim as 33-year-old Jose Tony Alvarez Umanzor of Northwest. Umanzor was holding a commercially made mortar firework above his head when the base of the object ejected downward after it was ignited.

Idiot, everyone knows you never launch fireworks off your skull without first placing flex tape on your melon. I mean, Phil Swift cut that boat in half and was cruiing on a lake minutes later!

Forrest Jump

A New York man jumped out of a skydiving plane while wearing a parachute, and apparently fell to his death without wearing one.

A New York City man who was killed in a skydiving incident on Sunday was not wearing his parachute when he hit the ground, State Police said.

The victim, identified as William McCartin, 40, boarded a plane at “Skydive the Ranch” in Gardiner. He jumped out along with another skydiver at approximately 14,000 feet.

The witness told police McCartin jumped from the plane while wearing a parachute. He hit the ground in the parking lot of the Gardiner Fire Department on State Route 44/55 in Gardiner where he died from his injuries.

Since I don’t believe parachutes are itchy, my educated guess is William wanted to self-delete, and took the parachute off mid-flight.

The South Will Rise Fall Again

While attempting to topple Virginia’s Portsmouth Confederate Monument, a protester – likely from Antifa or Black Lives Matter – was struck on the head by a falling statue.

A demonstrator in Virginia sustained a severe head wound after a Confederate statue toppled on top of him Wednesday.

The Black Lives Matter chapter associated with the destruction of the Portsmouth statue identified the man who was injured as Chris Green. Green was allegedly moving people out of the way when the statue landed on him.

The demonstrator in his 30s was reportedly hit so hard by the sculpture that his skull became exposed.

The local authorities should file charges against the rioters who toppled the statues and nearly killed this man. If the man succumbs to his injuries, the police department should at least consider involuntary manslaughter, since their reckless actions caused this tragedy.

Wow, That’s Also A Riot!

The last four days in Philadelphia have been rife with violence, arson, and looting. Understandably, most business owners – whose businesses aren’t already destroyed – did their best to protect their property from the Philadelphia thugs.

Then a few of them tried to loot a store, just not exactly the store clear thinking individuals would consider robbing…

Philadelphia police said the owner of Firing Line Inc. was staying the night inside the shop on South Front Street because over the last few nights someone had tried breaking in.

The owner told police he was monitoring his surveillance camera and saw three or four men trying to get in around 4:15 a.m. The group was using bolt cutters on the gate. A broken lock could later be seen on the ground.

The group then smashed in the back door and broke glass, police said. When they made it upstairs the 67-year-old owner started shooting his Bushmaster M4 rifle, striking shot one man in the head.

That man – who was in his 20s – died in the store, police said. The other men ran off. Police found a handgun by the dead man that the owner said does not belong to his shop. Investigators believe the burglars brought that with them.

Here’s hoping the department tells the owner “Finders keepers,” and he’s able to sell the thug’s – likely stolen – gun at a later date. Might as well make some money off these jackasses’ idiocy.

***Humble thanks to Misanthropic Humanitarian at AOSHQ for the link on the ONT*****

Wow, That’s A Riot!

Yes, I know I said I was taking the rest of the day off, but this high-larious story was too hysterical not to share.

So late last night we started receiving multiple calls for vandalized ATMs. Usually the thugs pry the front of the machine and try to swipe the safe or at least some of the money inside. Last night, they were trying to open the ATMs with explosives.

A man died Tuesday morning after trying to blow up an ATM machine near Kensington, the Philadelphia Police said.

That’s a shame.

Around 6:15 a.m., police found a 24-year-old with trauma to his upper body. They said the man was “attempting to break into an ATM with explosives,” which were recovered at the scene. He was transported to Temple University Hospital, where he was later pronounced dead.

Aww, and he was just turning his life around.

The Philadelphia bomb squad and the ATF could be seen investigating the scene, photographing and collecting evidence around the mangled, blown-out machine outside Sidekicks Sports Bar at 2207 N. 2nd Street. The ATM was a stand-alone machine on the sidewalk, not connected to a bank.

Looks like the Sidekick Sports ATM kicked this dude to the side.

Mother Zucker

Meet Dr. Howard A. Zucker, M.D, the Commissioner of Health for New York State. Like most politicians in New York, Zucker is a rabid leftist and no fan of President Trump. So much so, he decided to tell New Yorkers to ignore the coronavirus precautions.

A New York’s health commissioner contradicted coronavirus guidance from the White House on Wendesday, telling people who have been to New York City recently that they should not, in fact, quarantine.

Coronavirus task force member Dr. Deborah Birx on Tuesday urged anyone who had been to New York City recently to self-quarantine, as there was a significant chance they contracted the virus. NY commissioner Dr. Howard Zucker, however, said that part of the White House’s guidance wasn’t necessary.

“I would not follow that. I believe you should follow the guidance in general, you should social distance,” he said, according to Wall St. Journal reporter Jimmy Vielkind.

Yeah, that’ll work in a state which has seen over 200 deaths and 25,000 cases. Feel free to head to the supermarket every day, take long walks in the park, and ride the subway to your heart’s content and see if I give a damn. You know who I’m concerned about? My 74-year old mother, my mother-in-law, my family members and my friends (including Jenn and the rest of you guys). If citizens of the Empire State want to listen to bad advice (simply to “own” Trump) who am I to stop them?

On Tuesday, Ace wrote this about New York: “I think the rest of the country is ready to build a fucking wall around NYC and leave it to its own fate. New Yorkers, understand this: The good feeling the country had about you post-9/11 is gone. A lot of us would rather the entire city be left to rot than be forced to send more money to this ungrateful, demanding, snidely superior shithole.”

He’s not wrong.

Hey Brother, Pour The Wine

Dearest Florida, I know I have made fun of you and your citizens lo these many years, and while much of it was deserved, I want you to know there are other states in the Union who are dumber than dog dirt. See also: Arizona.

Medical experts with Banner Health are warning the public against using inappropriate medication and household products to prevent or treat coronavirus.

The warning by Banner Health comes after after an Arizona man in his 60s died from taking a substance used to clean fish tanks at aquariums in order to prevent contracting COVID-19.

Mission accomplished! He’ll now never contract the coronavirus.

In a statement released on Monday, experts emphasized that chloroquine, which is a medication used for malaria, should not be taken to treat or prevent COVID-19.

Banner Health officials say the man who died, along with his wife, both took chloroquine phosphate. The man’s wife, who was also in her 60s, is currently under critical care.

Just so you know, it’s really difficult to find decent stories anymore because coronavirus leads every website and media outlet. I’m trying to switch things up as much as possible, but no one wants to write about anything else. Frankly, I’m bored with the virus hysteria already.

Their Loss Is Humanity’s Gain

America’s millennials are having less sex than any generation before them. Apparently they are too busy feeding their Twitter addiction and upgrading their “woke” status.

Dating apps such as Tinder and Bumble may have made “hooking up” (arranging sex) easier than ever but experts believe the generation traditionally associated with the most free and easy times – young people – are having far less fun under the covers than their parents’ generation. The phenomenon is acknowledged widely enough to have been dubbed the “sex recession”.

The “Millennial sex recession” was first coined just over a year ago by The Atlantic, which ran a feature highlighting an American study revealing young people born in the 1980s and ’90s were more than twice as likely to report having no sexual partners as adults compared to people born in the 1960s and ’70s.

Among those aged 20-24, 15 per cent reported having had no sexual partners since age 18, compared to 6 per cent of those born in the ’60s and ’70s.

Personally, I think this is a fantastic development. Less sex means less millennial parents, which means less dullards populating the world… for the time being.