Hate Mail O’ The Week

Hate Mail O' The WeekIt’s been a long time since I had some post-worthy hate mail, but this one is definitely worthy of your consideration.

This one comes from Las Vegas troll “Your Worst Nightmare,” which I guess is supposed to frighten me, and it would if this person was the incarnation of my actual worst nightmare: Hillary Clinton doing naked jumping jacks on my table while I’m enjoying Thanksgiving dinner.

Nightmare took umbrage with last week’s naked clown woman post, and he/she volunteered to school us all on the intricacies of modern manners. His post is below, featured in all its unedited glory.

You are an idiot! Do you know the true story or just going by the lies in this garbage article? The people who put others down are the ones who need to look in the mirror themselves you ugly pice of a nut sack flake. Get a real life!!

Just as an aside, Nut Sack Flakes are my favorite breakfast cereal. I cannot begin my day without them.

As for Nightmare, I’d like to address his rant, point by point. As far as my idiocy is concerned… guilty. I was an average student in college, and have the mental acuity of bread mold. That said, Nightmare spent his time and energy writing an angry comment on a blog he never heard of about a post no one cares about. But yes, I’m the idiot.

Nightmare then asks if I know the “true” story. The only story I know is the one reported by the local media, dispensed to them by the police department who arrested the clown. The incident occurred in Tennessee, and Nightmare’s IP address comes back to Las Vegas. I guess he was an (eagle) eyewitness.

Nightmare hits the trifecta at the end of his whiskey-induced tirade by lecturing us about putting down others… immediately before calling me an “ugly pice of nut sack flake.” Apparently self-awareness is not an instinct he possesses, and ironically, his spelling is also a nightmare.

Hate Mail O’ The Week

Hate Mail O' The WeekReviving my blog career has been a wonderful experience. The readers returned, the commenters returned, and this place is better than ever. But something was missing. I couldn’t place my finger on it, but there was a void; something empty inside me – and no, it was not my conscience; I never had one of those.

The void I fretted about was finally filled Wednesday, when the O.K. Corral received its first official hate mail!

Like most of my previous hate mail, this snippet came in a timely fashion: a month and a half – 53 days, to be exact – after the offending story was posted. In this case, it was an edition of Sunday Services. Why someone would complain about that is beyond me, but whatever.

This week’s entry is from José, who is apparently a huge fan of Gerard Butler. José’s comment is below, unedited for your pleasure:

That is not Gerald Butles´s body. Unfortunately, he is not that hary. NO MORE PHOTOSHOP please¡¡¡

Wow. Okay, let’s break this down, shotgun style!

Considering his name and the upside down exclamation points – there may be a term for these, but it escapes me – José is a Spaniard. I guess I could cut him a little slack for the misspellings and grammar, but the mass capitalization is a hot-button issue for me. Stop yelling at me, José! Es muy grosero!

As for the topic at hand, a few thoughts: First, I have no idea where Gerard Butler ranks on the United Nations Pelt Index. He may be Chewbacca, or he may be Justin Bieber; I don’t know, because tracking Butler’s body hair is not a passion of mine. My real passion is Hobo Interpretive Dance.

Second, I see José preceded the body hair matter with the word “unfortunately.” Okay, so he’s a big fan of the Sasquatch look, and most likely in the Chewbacca camp. Good to know.

Finally, I have no idea if the pictures I utilize in my Sunday Services posts are edited or not. Some photoshops are god-awful – like this one of Michelle Obama – and others are awesome – like this one of me. I would never purposely post an obvious photoshop – unless it was truly high-larious – but I will take the word of someone I never met, from a country I never visited, about an issue I care nothing about. Now go get your shine box.