Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Today is Saint Patrick’s Day; an opportunity for those of Irish descent – and those faking Irish descent – to attend parades, eat nasty meals, and drink until they literally urinate themselves.

In case you have not picked up on the hints, I am not very fond of my Irish roots.

However, I am fond of redheads, Irish accents, Guinness beer, and redheads. Did I mention redheads?

If today is your holiday of choice, have a terrific time. That said, remember this is St. Patrick’s Day… on a Friday. The drunkards will be out in droves, so if you’re drinking, pick a designated driver.

If you are the designated driver, watch out for other drunken idiots on the highways and byways.


Happy Birthday Kevin!

Kevin TarantulaToday is my youngest son’s ninth birthday!

Kevin is our Krav Maga star and our computer genius. When he was four, Kevin somehow managed to access the volume icon on our desktop, and change its name from “Speakers” to “Kevin.” That same year, he went on to Mrs. Earp’s Facebook, typed the word “Poop,” and pressed enter. Apparently her status was “poop” for a while before she figured out what he had done.

Now he goes on a website called Scratch and edits YouTube videos and other internet GIFs. In short, he knows more about computers than I do.

Kevin is fearless – hence the photo of him holding a tarantula – and says whatever is on his mind, which is not always a good thing. When the house next door was up for sale, and old Russian couple came to see it. Kevin said hello to them several times, and when they refused to acknowledge him, he yelled, “Jerks!” Life with Kevin is always interesting.

So today we will be celebrating our favorite Valentine’s Day gift, and enjoying chicken for the second night in a row. Kevin’s birthday dinner choice is chicken tenders.

happy birthday Kevin! We love you.

(Thus ends the Earp clan’s three-birthdays-in-six-days extravaganza.)

Happy Birthday Erik!

erik-ujsl-all-star-gameToday is my middle son’s thirteenth birthday; an event fills me with both pride and dread. I now have two moody teenagers in the house, and only enough horse tranquilizers for me and Kyle. ( I crush the pills and sprinkle them into his Mello Yello.)

The stereotype contends the middle child is often overlooked, and sometimes lags behind siblings in school and in social situations. With Erik, nothing could be further from the truth. He consistently brings home either first or second honors, is the school band’s lead drummer, and is one of the best soccer players on his team.

Yes, he can be socially awkward, but that’s in our family DNA. Erik does have many friends, and – thankfully – is an outside child who spends most of his time riding his scooter or bike, playing soccer, or bouncing on the trampoline. Our only worry with him is he is always sick in the winter. Always. Colds, coughs, stomach issues; you name it he has it from October through February. You would think someone as active as he is would be in great health, but sadly, that’s not always the case.

Maybe it’s from the house mold I refuse to clean? Oh well.

Since I am stuck working tonight, I will not be able to partake in his birthday dinner – pancakes, obvs – but hopefully he will have an enjoyable day. Happy birthday Erik. We love you.

Happy Birthday Mrs. Earp!


Today is my wife officially reaches her mid-40’s; an achievement I can celebrate because I am three years older than she is.

As you know, while you guys can come and go as you please, Mrs. Earp has to put up with my sarcastic, manic depressive attitude 24/7. She does so without complaint, and in almost twenty years of marriage – almost twenty-five if you count when we were dating – she has never punched me in the face. I believe that speaks volumes to her patience and understanding.

Mrs. Earp has yet to decide her birthday dinner, but it will involve going out… because I am a lousy cook.

Today also begins the Earp Clan’s whirlwind of parties, with three birthdays in six days.

Oh, before you ask, this is her college graduation photo, which I think is one of her best. (Plus, all the photos we have of the two of us make me look either like a New Wave 80’s reject, or a beached whale.)

Happy birthday, Mrs. Earp. I love you.

Leave A Message At The Tone… Uh, “Tone”

answering-machineWell, this may shock you, but I’m home sick today. (I know, I’m usually the picture of health.) Anyway, Mrs. Earp had to call the kids’ school and got the answering machine. The message said the office would be closed for the national holiday.

Um, what? I looked online to make sure my memory wasn’t getting any worse, when I found out today is National Inane Answering Machine Day.

Many people look at the title of this day and think ….huh!!? Some people think its a typo, and the day should read “National Insane Answering Message Day”. However, it actually and truly is “National Inane Answering Message Day”.

We all get them on our answering machines. An inane message is a senseless or meaningless message, or a prank call. Or, it could be an insane message. So, National Inane Answering Message Day is a day to end those numerous, annoying inane answering machine messages.

And yes, this holiday no one ever heard of is actually copyrighted. I would participate, but none of my message would be better than any of these…

Continue reading “Leave A Message At The Tone… Uh, “Tone””

Is It Over?

someecards-christmasBy some strange, wonderful miracle, I survived another Christmas. Believe me, at times there were severe doubts I would make it through the entire day.

Kevin was the first to wake up. He did so at 5:30am, and gleefully ran into our room to wake us up. Again, at 5:30AM! Ever the professional parent, she shooed the boy back to his room with specific orders not to come back until 7am. We both tried to mutter ourselves back to sleep, but were not very successful.

At 7AM, Kevin and Julia ran in to the room singing about how Santa came and left a ton of presents. It was still too early for me, but our rule is 7am, so we let them climb into bed with us until Kyle and Erik woke up. Mercifully, that occurred at 7:30…

Continue reading “Is It Over?”

Merry Christmas!


While shuffling to and fro on this hectic, yet glorious day, please remember the reason for the season:

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas!

Christmas Eve 2016

That’s A Wrap!

For as long as I can remember, every Christmas Eve here has featured NORAD Tracks Santa and my two favorite Christmas songs. The first one is “Christmas Wrapping” by The Waitresses. It is far and away, without a doubt, the best Christmas song of all time.

80’s kids may remember The Waitresses’ other hit, “I Know What Boys Like.”

And if there is a backup favorite, it would be this. Yes, I know “Christmas in Hollis” by Run DMC is an odd choice, but I’m a product of the 80’s.

This fantastic song is also featured in the ultimate Christmas movie, “Die Hard.”

Happy Thanksgiving!


Today is Thanksgiving, the day the Pilgrims gave thanks to God for all their blessings.

Whereas it is the duty of all Nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey his will, to be grateful for his benefits, and humbly to implore his protection and favor, and whereas both Houses of Congress have by their joint Committee requested me “to recommend to the People of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many signal favors of Almighty God especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness.”

Now therefore I do recommend and assign Thursday the 26th day of November next to be devoted by the People of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being, who is the beneficent Author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be. That we may then all unite in rendering unto him our sincere and humble thanks, for his kind care and protection of the People of this Country previous to their becoming a Nation, for the signal and manifold mercies, and the favorable interpositions of his providence, which we experienced in the course and conclusion of the late war, for the great degree of tranquility, union, and plenty, which we have since enjoyed, for the peaceable and rational manner, in which we have been enabled to establish constitutions of government for our safety and happiness, and particularly the national One now lately instituted, for the civil and religious liberty with which we are blessed; and the means we have of acquiring and diffusing useful knowledge; and in general for all the great and various favors which he hath been pleased to confer upon us. – President George Washington, October 3, 1789

I would like to wish everyone a very happy Thanksgiving, and to those of us who are scheduled to work tonight (like me), have a safe and peaceful evening.