Kelly’s Zeroes

Megyn Kelly – or “MeAgain,” as AOSHQ accurately describes her – has apparently lost the bloom of her rose. In only her second NBC episode, MeAgain’s ratings are falling faster than her fine, milky-white alabaster breasts.

A re-air of CBS’s 60 Minutes more than doubled the viewership of NBC’s Sunday Night with Megyn Kelly.

In head-to-head competition, 60 Minutes, Sunday’s most-watched show, drew 7.9 million viewers while the second episode of Kelly’s show, which included an interview with Erin Andrews, averaged 3.6 million, down -42 percent from its debut episode a week earlier.

That’s a shame. The last thing Americans want is to see an attractive, self-absorbed, attention whore fail miserably in front of a national audience.

By the way, MeAgain’s interview schedule went from Vladimir Putin to Erin Andrews? That equally self-obsessed broad hasn’t been relevant since she was taped naked in a hotel room… in 2009.

Adam West, 1928-2017

Adam West, the prolific actor who played the original Batman has died after a bout with leukemia. West was 88 years old.

Adam West — an actor defined and also constrained by his role in the 1960s series “Batman” — died Friday night in Los Angeles. He was 88. A rep said that he died after a short battle with leukemia.

“Our dad always saw himself as The Bright Knight, and aspired to make a positive impact on his fans’ lives. He was and always will be our hero,” his family said in a statement.

After a love-hate relationship with the iconic Batman character, West learned to embrace the mask.

Asked by Variety what the character of Batman has come to mean to him over five decades, West said: “Money. Some years ago I made an agreement with Batman. There was a time when Batman really kept me from getting some pretty good roles, and I was asked to do what I figured were important features. However, Batman was there, and very few people would take a chance on me walking on to the screen. And they’d be taking people away from the story. So I decided that since so many people love Batman, I might as well love it too. Why not? So I began to reengage myself with Batman. And I saw the comedy. I saw the love people had for it, and I just embraced it.”

Not only do I feel lucky for being able to see Batman reruns as a child, but I’m also thankful my kids were able to enjoy West’s voice-over work.

West was also prolific as a voice actor. He worked on dozens of animated series during the past 40 years, from numerous incarnations of the Batman character to “Kim Possible,” “SpongeBob SquarePants,” “The Fairly Oddparents,” “The Boondocks” and “Penn Zero: Part-Time Hero.”

Obviously, West’s greatest work was in The Simpsons’ episode, “Mr. Plow.”

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Middle East Stays In The Middle Ages

Several Middle Eastern countries have taken the drsatic step of banning the new Wonder Woman film. The ban comes not because of the skimpy outfit, or the film’s message, but because the star, Gal Gadot, is an Israeli.

Hollywood movie Wonder Woman has been banned in Tunisia due to the leading actress’ Israeli heritage.

The film was pulled before the first screenings on June 8 after a lawsuit called Gail Gadot a ‘champion Zionist.’ Tunisia joins Lebanon and Algeria in banning the film due to Gadot’s Israeli heritage and past links to the country’s military.

Following the decision, screenings of the film were removed from cinema websites.

Personally, I hope every Middle Eastern country bans the film. I’m a big proponent of letting ignorant assholes expose themselves to the world.

Hollywood Is Da Bomb

After a terrible Memorial Day box office draw, Hollywood executives are laying the blame exactly where it should fall… on movie critics.

In what was the worst Memorial Day box office weekend since 1999, the fifth Pirates of the Caribbean movie—the one that everyone kept forgetting was coming out—got lost somewhere in the Bermuda Triangle, despite riding in on an ostentatious $230 million ship.

The Deadline piece cited the rancid Rotten Tomatoes scores for the films—32 percent for Pirates; 19 percent for Baywatch—and argued that the aggregation site, which runs its scores on movie ticket purchaser Fandango, is to blame for the bad box office returns. Not, you know, the fact that the films were bad themselves.

“The critic aggregation site increasingly is slowing down the potential business of popcorn movies,” the piece says. “Pirates 5 and Baywatch aren’t built for critics but rather general audiences, and once upon a time these types of films—a family adventure and a raunchy R-rated comedy—were critic-proof.”

Except general audiences are sick of Hollywood’s crap, too. No one wanted to see a Pirates 5 – let alone a Pirates 2, 3, or 4 – and even fewer humans wanted to see a Baywatch film. The underlying problem here is not the movie critics’ responses; it’s the complete and utter lack of imagination in Tinseltown.

Off With Her Head

By now you’ve heard about comedian – and I use that term very loosely – Kathy Griffin’s mock beheading of President Trump. After the understandable uproar, her part-time employer CNN – eventually – levied its punishment.

She’s fired.

The network made the announcement via Twitter Wednesday morning. “CNN has terminated our agreement with Kathy Griffin to appear on our New Year’s Eve program,” the CNN Public Relations account tweeted.

The termination comes one day after the comedienne posted a photo and video of her holding a fake severed head of President Donald Trump. She later apologized for the photo and video, saying it went too far, and removed it from her Twitter account. She had made it as part of a photo shoot with Tyler Shields, but they did not disclose what the project was.

Trump tweeted about the photo early on Wednesday, writing “My children, especially my 11-year-old son Barron, are having a hard time with this. Sick!”

Reports claim Barron saw the image and initially thought it was real. That fact alone should have merited an instant firing, but CNN values politics over morals, so they waited a full day before taking action. I give them credit for severing ties with Griffin, but there are far too many people in the MSM excusing her actions.

Powers Boothe, 1948-2017

Powers Boothe, one of the driving forces behind my favorite film – Tombstone – has passed away at the age of 68.

Boothe, who was born on a farm in Texas, first got his big acting break by playing infamous cult leader Jim Jones in the made-for-television movie ‘Guyana Tragedy: The Story of Jim Jones.’ He won an Emmy for the dedicated performance. When he collected the award, however, he had to cross the picket line of a Screen Actors Guild strike to receive it. He was the only actor to cross the picket line.

Boothe always seemed like the type of guy who would have no problem sticking it to the Hollywood elites. It was part of his charm.

Powers’ spokesperson Karen Samfilippo said a private service will be held in Texas, and a memorial celebration in Boothe’s honor is being considered.

Boothe, like Bill Paxton, was great in every role he accepted: Tombstone, Red Dawn, Sudden Death, Deadwood, 24, and the absurdly underrated Southern Comfort – a film I highly recommend. Everyone remembers Boothe for something, and it is usually something remarkable. Of course, Boothe was a remarkable man. To wit:

Samfilippo also said that donations can be made to the Gary Sinise Foundation, which honors the nation’s defenders, veterans, first responders, their families and those in need.

God bless Texas, and God bless Powers Boothe. Thank you sir, for the years and years of entertainment. You will be sorely missed.

Joss Whedon Is A Contemptible Swine

Joss Whedon, the Marvel film universe’s go-to guy, beclowned himself yet again while trying to insult House Speaker Paul Ryan.

While taking a cheap shot at Ryan, Whedon mocked and insulted teenage cancer survivors.

You stay classy, asshole.

Hollywood producer-director Joss Whedon judged a group of teenage cancer survivors according to their (lack of) sexual attractiveness in order to take a shot at Republicans.

Mr. Whedon tweeted out a picture of House Speaker Paul Ryan meeting some teenagers and said they didn’t measure up in the attractiveness department.

“Tonight on White House Wife Hunt, Donny makes host P. Ryan give 2 more contestants the ‘Not a 10’ card,” tweeted Mr. Whedon, best known as the creator of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” “Firefly” and as the director of two “Avengers” movies.

Okay, a few points. First, as someone who has lost good friends to cancer – and as someone who has had two skin cancer surgeries – cancer isn’t funny. Making fun of girls who survived cancer is despicable, more so when it’s posted to make a “sick burn.”

Second, every one of the girls pictured are not only very cute, but also damned tough fighters. Whedon could learn a thing or three from them.

Finally, Marvel’s embrace of disgusting libtards – Whedon, Scarlett Johansson, Mark Ruffalo, et al – are the reason I stopped watching Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., and why I’m done with Marvel films. If my kids want to see them, fine. I can wait in the car. Fuck these people, and fuck their inhumanity.

The Best Show You May Not Have Seen

I’m rather picky when it comes to television. There is very little room in my DVR for season passes, mostly because the majority of television nowadays is junk.

An exception to that is FX’s brilliant new series, Legion.

X-Men, as one of the most iconic comics properties ever, hasn’t had a significant TV presence in almost a decade. Created by Fargo showrunner Noah Hawley, the new series takes place somewhere in the X-Men films’ already byzantine continuity. Only this series might not be what fans expect. Unlike the battles of Magneto and Professor X, David’s quest is more personal: he’s trying to piece together whether or not he’s actually insane.

Legion largely follows David Haller (Downton Abbey’s Dan Stevens), a mental patient who has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and is trying his best to get well. He falls in love with a fellow patient, Syd Barrett (Rachel Keller), who then disappears under mysterious circumstances.

Before the show gets into the weeds of David’s powers, it establishes him as a sympathetic, if deeply troubled, everyday human. The thing is, it turns out David’s powers are anything but common. He’s gifted with incredible psychic abilities like telekinesis, telepathy, and perhaps even the power to alter reality itself.

The first few episodes are a little confusing, but trust me, you’ll want to stick with it. Especially for the scenes with Aubrey Plaza, like the one posted below.

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Ticket, Please

Hollywood bad boy Shia LaBeouf’s latest film grossed premiered in Britain this weekend, and its total gross was seven pounds; the equivalent of one ticket. One. Ticket.

“Man Down,” a war thriller with Shia LaBeouf, grossed just £7 ($8.70) when it premiered in a single U.K. theater over the weekend, according to ComScore. That’s the equivalent of selling a single ticket, given that the U.K. Cinema Association puts the average movie admission cost in the country at £7.21.

“Poor Shia,” said Paul Dergarabedian, senior media analyst at ComScore. “That opening could be in the Guinness World Records or something.”

The film played in one location, Reel Cinema in Burnley. It was simultaneously released digitally on demand, making the theatrical release something of an afterthought. It launches on DVD and Blu-ray next month.

LaBeouf is a huge member of the Trump “resistance,” so obviously I’m not a fan of his work. I am, however, a fan of this epic failure. I could film myself pinching a loaf and sell at least a dozen tickets!

Bill Paxton, 1955-2017

bill-paxton-tombstoneI’m getting to the age where celebrities I grew up watching are passing away. It was different years ago, because I never really knew the work of geniuses like Alfred Hitchcock, Cary Grant, or Audrey Hepburn. Yesterday, one of my very favorite actors left us.

Actor Bill Paxton, a prolific and charismatic actor who had memorable roles in such blockbusters as “Apollo 13” and “Titanic,” has died. He was 61.

“It is with heavy hearts we share the news that Bill Paxton has passed away due to complications from surgery,” a family representative said. “Bill began his career in Hollywood working on films in the art department and went on to have an illustrious career spanning four decades as a beloved and prolific actor and filmmaker. Bill’s passion for the arts was felt by all who knew him, and his warmth and tireless energy were undeniable. We ask to please respect the family’s wish for privacy as they mourn the loss of their adored husband and father.”

Tombstone, Weird Science, Aliens, the highly-underrated Trespass, Edge of Tomorrow. The list goes on and on, and every one of Paxton’s performances were not on only memorable, but unforgettable.

Bill was born in Fort Worth, Texas, and interestingly, he was present outside JFK’s hotel the day he was assassinated. That’s 8-year old Bill at the center-right, on his father’s shoulders.

bill-paxton-seeing-jfk-in-dallas

Someone on Twitter quipped Paxton was also one of two men to be killed by a Terminator, an Alien, and a Predator. (The other is Lance Henriksen.)

Rest in Peace, Bill. You will never know the joy you brought me lo these many years.