Jimmy Kimmel, Hollywood Tough Guy

There are few people in this world who earn my contempt than Hollywood tough guys. You know the type; prissified beta males whose stunt doubles crush people on the big screen, then believe they are the ones doing the fighting. Jimmy Kimmel is not an action hero, but he is a pussy who talks big in front of the cameras. To wit:

On the Wednesday broadcast of his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel responded to criticism he has received for his controversial monologue Tuesday night where he ripped Republican Senator Bill Cassidy for using his name to push for the Cassidy-Graham Obamacare replacement proposal.

Did I miss Jimmy Kimmel’s promotion to healthcare expert/national scold? This assclown is worth millions, which means he has no problem affording the outrageous rates which accompany Obamacare. Some people make just enough money to be disqualified for Obamacare subsidies, but not enough to afford life-saving treatment. But hey, that’s not Jimmy Kimmel’s’ problem.

Kimmel, a fierce proponent of the healthcare law, received many rebuttals for his political statement notably FOX & Friends host Brian Kilmeade. Kilmeade called Kimmel a member of the “Hollywood elite” for “pushing” politics. Wednesday night on Jimmy Kimmel Live, the host set his aim at the FOX host and let loose.

Kimmel said the FOX host “kisses my ass like a little boy meeting Batman” whenever the two cross paths and claimed he is “dying” to be a member of the “Hollywood elite.” “I don’t get anything out of this, Brian, you phony little creep. Oh, I’ll pound you when I see you,” Kimmel threatened.

So the pussified Hollywood leftist who continuously calls for civility has no problems assaulting someone who disagrees with him? Interesting. Hey Jimmy, I think you should shut up and tell jokes, too. If you’d like to assault me for my disagreement, send me an email. I’m not hard to find. Pussy.

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Just The Tips

Employees at Jessica Biel’s restaurant claim the bombshell is very tight, and not in a good way.

Jessica Biel has been accused of withholding nearly half a million in tips from employees at her kid-friendly Los Angeles restaurant. Nine employees at Au Fudge have filed a lawsuit against Biel and her four business partners, claiming that they never received tips that the restaurant charged clients for private events.

The group of disgruntled employees describe themselves as ‘young adults new to the workforce and new to Los Angeles’ who ‘were ill-prepared to deal with the violations of their rights in the workplace.’

According to court documents, Au Fudge charged a 22 per cent gratuity to clients who held private events at the West Hollywood eatery – but employees say that money was never passed down to them. The lawsuit claims that the ‘owners blamed the “glitch” on converting the private event gratuities to a single manager,’ but they say they still didn’t get the tips even after that manager was fired.

So I guess you can say Biel is… fudging the numbers. Bawahahahah, I kill me!

Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive, And Dodge

Hollywood – the despicable place which houses despicable people who hate our guts – is seeing both box office receipts and theater stocks plummet.

And people say there is no good news in the world.

The largest chain, AMC Entertainment, with 11,083 screens in 1,009 theaters, has been hit hardest, its shares dropping a dramatic 45 percent since Memorial Day while the Dow Jones has gained nearly 4 percent. Regal Entertainment (7,379 screens in 566 theaters) has seen shares plunge 28 percent in the same time frame while shares of Cinemark (5,926 screens in 529 theaters) have dropped 18 percent.

Owners of Imax, which operates a network of 1,257 giant movie screens at theaters worldwide, watched their shares plunge 31 percent while owners of National Cinemedia, the company most responsible for putting advertising on movie screens, saw their shares shed 25 percent of their value since Memorial Day.

FBR Capital Markets analyst Barton Crockett predicts a domestic box office of $2.36 billion, which would be a 21 percent slide compared with the year prior.

I can proudly say I have not been to the movies at all in 2017, because I’m tired of funding people who despise me. The only film I had any interest in was Dunkirk, and I can see that when it hits the cable channels.

Two Decades Gone

Twenty years ago today, Princess Diana of Wales was killed in an auto accident inside a Paris tunnel.

For the record, I don’t see what all the fuss is about, but I figured I would be remiss in not at least acknowledging the anniversary here.

Sir Elton John has led tributes to Diana, Princess of Wales on the 20th anniversary of her death. The 70-year-old singer posted a picture on Instagram of the pair together, with his arm around the Princess writing: ’20 years ago today, the world lost an angel. RIP.’

Diana’s sons, the Duke of Cambridge and Prince Harry, have already paid tribute to their mother, visiting the floral tributes and pictures left at the gates of her former home, Kensington Palace.

I’ve always been a big fan of Queen Elizabeth because by all accounts she is a remarkable woman – arguing to serve England in WWII solidified that for me – and I’m a fan of Prince William, Harry, and Kate. In my opinion, the integrity skips a generation, since Prince Charles has always been a tool.

Like most people, I admired Diana – she was crazy stupid hot – and it’s a shame she died so young. That said, the unabashed hero worship puzzles me.

The Walking Dread

Regular readers know I am a big fan of The Walking Dead. I have seen every episode – many more than once – and consider it one of the best shows on television. For the most part, its actors keep to themselves, and don’t make asses of themselves on social media.

Until this week.

While many in Hollywood and elsewhere expressed outrage at Trump’s words on Tuesday, Jeffrey Dean Morgan was much more blunt in calling out the president for his resurrected insistence that “there is blame on both sides.” The actor made a particular point of spotlighting the effect Trump’s words and stance will have on children trying to make sense of their president’s POV:

Now call me a cockeyed optimist, but I thought all parents explain racism to their children when they are old enough to understand the concept. Little did I know parents are not allowed to broach that subject until a politician forces our hand.

Look Jeff – may I call you Jeff or will Jackass do? – throwing out F-bombs on Twitter may earn you street cred with your leftist buddies, but half the country sees you for what you are; an opportunist looking to ingratiate himself with the Antifa crowd.

Your infantile tantrum is nothing special or unique, and there is no need for me to continue wasting my time watching your series. The Walking Dead will now find a comfortable place alongside the NFL, You’re The Worst, and Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. as programs I will no longer watch.

Do You Know The Way To Lana Rey?

Meet singer Lana Del Rey. I listed this woman’s profession because even though I have heard the name a hundred times, I literally had no idea who she is. Now that I have read a few stories about this bint, I sincerely wish Lana Del Rey was a beach in Saint-Tropez.

Lana Del Rey is proud of her attempt to put a hex on President Donald Trump.

“Yeah, I did it. Why not? Look, I do a lot of shit,” the 32-year-old New York native told NME on Friday. In February, Del Rey made headlines when she joined a large group in the witchcraft community to perform a “mass spell to bind Trump.”

While checking Lana’s Wikipedia page – the most trusted source in fake internet news – claims “she suffered from alcoholism at a young age…” Well, that explains it. Look honey, I realize you’re biter because God didn’t make you as pretty as Carrie Underwood or Katy Perry, but casting a spell on Donald Trump isn’t going to revive your failing career.

Maybe try porn?

Kelly’s Zeroes

Megyn Kelly – or “MeAgain,” as AOSHQ accurately describes her – has apparently lost the bloom of her rose. In only her second NBC episode, MeAgain’s ratings are falling faster than her fine, milky-white alabaster breasts.

A re-air of CBS’s 60 Minutes more than doubled the viewership of NBC’s Sunday Night with Megyn Kelly.

In head-to-head competition, 60 Minutes, Sunday’s most-watched show, drew 7.9 million viewers while the second episode of Kelly’s show, which included an interview with Erin Andrews, averaged 3.6 million, down -42 percent from its debut episode a week earlier.

That’s a shame. The last thing Americans want is to see an attractive, self-absorbed, attention whore fail miserably in front of a national audience.

By the way, MeAgain’s interview schedule went from Vladimir Putin to Erin Andrews? That equally self-obsessed broad hasn’t been relevant since she was taped naked in a hotel room… in 2009.

Adam West, 1928-2017

Adam West, the prolific actor who played the original Batman has died after a bout with leukemia. West was 88 years old.

Adam West — an actor defined and also constrained by his role in the 1960s series “Batman” — died Friday night in Los Angeles. He was 88. A rep said that he died after a short battle with leukemia.

“Our dad always saw himself as The Bright Knight, and aspired to make a positive impact on his fans’ lives. He was and always will be our hero,” his family said in a statement.

After a love-hate relationship with the iconic Batman character, West learned to embrace the mask.

Asked by Variety what the character of Batman has come to mean to him over five decades, West said: “Money. Some years ago I made an agreement with Batman. There was a time when Batman really kept me from getting some pretty good roles, and I was asked to do what I figured were important features. However, Batman was there, and very few people would take a chance on me walking on to the screen. And they’d be taking people away from the story. So I decided that since so many people love Batman, I might as well love it too. Why not? So I began to reengage myself with Batman. And I saw the comedy. I saw the love people had for it, and I just embraced it.”

Not only do I feel lucky for being able to see Batman reruns as a child, but I’m also thankful my kids were able to enjoy West’s voice-over work.

West was also prolific as a voice actor. He worked on dozens of animated series during the past 40 years, from numerous incarnations of the Batman character to “Kim Possible,” “SpongeBob SquarePants,” “The Fairly Oddparents,” “The Boondocks” and “Penn Zero: Part-Time Hero.”

Obviously, West’s greatest work was in The Simpsons’ episode, “Mr. Plow.”

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Middle East Stays In The Middle Ages

Several Middle Eastern countries have taken the drsatic step of banning the new Wonder Woman film. The ban comes not because of the skimpy outfit, or the film’s message, but because the star, Gal Gadot, is an Israeli.

Hollywood movie Wonder Woman has been banned in Tunisia due to the leading actress’ Israeli heritage.

The film was pulled before the first screenings on June 8 after a lawsuit called Gail Gadot a ‘champion Zionist.’ Tunisia joins Lebanon and Algeria in banning the film due to Gadot’s Israeli heritage and past links to the country’s military.

Following the decision, screenings of the film were removed from cinema websites.

Personally, I hope every Middle Eastern country bans the film. I’m a big proponent of letting ignorant assholes expose themselves to the world.

Hollywood Is Da Bomb

After a terrible Memorial Day box office draw, Hollywood executives are laying the blame exactly where it should fall… on movie critics.

In what was the worst Memorial Day box office weekend since 1999, the fifth Pirates of the Caribbean movie—the one that everyone kept forgetting was coming out—got lost somewhere in the Bermuda Triangle, despite riding in on an ostentatious $230 million ship.

The Deadline piece cited the rancid Rotten Tomatoes scores for the films—32 percent for Pirates; 19 percent for Baywatch—and argued that the aggregation site, which runs its scores on movie ticket purchaser Fandango, is to blame for the bad box office returns. Not, you know, the fact that the films were bad themselves.

“The critic aggregation site increasingly is slowing down the potential business of popcorn movies,” the piece says. “Pirates 5 and Baywatch aren’t built for critics but rather general audiences, and once upon a time these types of films—a family adventure and a raunchy R-rated comedy—were critic-proof.”

Except general audiences are sick of Hollywood’s crap, too. No one wanted to see a Pirates 5 – let alone a Pirates 2, 3, or 4 – and even fewer humans wanted to see a Baywatch film. The underlying problem here is not the movie critics’ responses; it’s the complete and utter lack of imagination in Tinseltown.