Ah Seattle, Don’t Ever Change

One of Seattle’s best and brightest was arrested after stealing a car and driving it away, before being stopped dead. I’m fairly certain this MENSA member was living in the CHAZ Zone during the 2020 riots.

Lakewood city officials say the driver of a reportedly stolen car was stopped in their tracks after they drove through barricades and into the fresh pavement.

The driver then reportedly tried to run away with a young child and a bottle of whiskey in their hands.

Pfft, the man should have dropped the child into the cement and ran with the whiskey.

A city inspector called 911 and followed the person who was arrested by police.

That’s a darned shame. The guy was simply trying to take his child to school, so they can both get one of those edu-ma-cations.

The Last Train To Platteville

The Platteville, Colorado police department made the news Friday, when they stopped a 20-year old woman for an alleged road rage incident. The officer placed the suspect in the patrol car, and while the officers were checking her vehicle for weapons, bad news came around the bend.

According to the Colorado Bureau of Investigation (CBI), it started with a report of an alleged road rage incident involving a firearm in Fort Lupton.

CBI said an officer with the Platteville Police Department found the vehicle and stopped it near U.S. 85 and County Road 38. The driver of the vehicle stopped just beyond the railroad tracks, and the patrol officer stopped behind it on the tracks.

You don’t need to be a genius to know what happened next.

Two Fort Lupton officers arrived, CBI said, and the officers conducted a high-risk traffic stop. They detained the 20-year-old Greeley woman on suspicion of felony menacing and put her in the back of the Platteville Police car, according to CBI.

CBI said while officers were clearing the woman’s vehicle as part of their investigation, a northbound train hit the Platteville Police car just after 7:30 p.m.

Wow, I guess Platteville has their own version of Diego. Did no one hear the train coming? Did no one hear the woman’s likely screams?

While this story is awful in every way, it astounds me that the Platteville Police was placed on paid administrative leave. Are you f**king kidding me?

Oh Louisiana, Don’t Ever Change

Teachers at Louisiana’s Madisonville Elementary School were teaching their students about maps, when one inserted slide showed the route of a German school massacre.

Whoopsies!

What was supposed to be a tool to teach a lesson, turned into something troubling for teachers and students at Madisonville Elementary School. According to the St. Tammany Parish School Board officials, there were reports of an inappropriate slide being used to instruct second-grade students.

A school lesson was being conducted on Wednesday when 16 second-grade teachers were provided a PowerPoint presentation to use to teach the students about maps, but one illustration showed the layout of a school massacre. The map shows the route a man took in 1964 when he used a flame thrower and spear to kill 8 students and 2 teachers at a school in Germany.

Okay, this was a big mistake, but I cannot blame the teachers. They were likely searching for images of maps, and never realized it was the route of a madman. Besides, this massacre occurred in 1964, before most of these teachers were even born. Hell, I’m a history buff and I never heard of this incident.

F. Joe Biden Is A Brilliant Economist

The illegitimate president will announce today he will cancel $10,000 of student loan debt for anyone making less than $125,000 a year. This brilliant move will add to the country’s skyrocketing debt, rising inflation, and the bill will be sent to America’s taxpayers.

President Biden announced Wednesday that he will cancel $10,000 of federal student loan debt for certain borrowers making less than $125,000 per year, and up to $20,000 for Pell Grant recipients, while extending the pause on federal student loan payments through the end of the year.

Again, the debt is not canceled. The universities have to recoup the losses, and we will be the ones paying for it. Worse still, this ensures college tuition will rise. They’ve already said as much.

“In keeping with my campaign promise, my Administration is announcing a plan to give working and middle class families breathing room as they prepare to resume federal student loan payments in January 2023,” Biden tweeted.

Except middle class families aren’t given “breathing room,” because they will still have to pay for some of the canceled debt through rising taxes. This entire idea is a scam.

The national debt, according to the Treasury Department, currently sits at $30.7 trillion.

F. Joe Biden is a… brilliant man with lots of well thought-out, practical, ideas. He is insuring the financial security of this country for years to come. Oh yes, and his personal hygiene is above reproach.

Miami Firefighter Fired For Being Stupid

A City of Miami firefighter was removed from duty, then subsequently fired, after he posted disparaging remarks about Florida police officer Cesar Echaverry, who was murdered while attempting to arrest an armed robbery suspect.

Kevin Newcomb of the City of Miami Fire Rescue was removed from duty and then fired on Friday following “antagonistic” messages he sent in a group chat about fallen Miami-Dade Police Officer Cesar Echaverry.

Echaverry, 29, was critically injured in a shooting on Monday, and he died in the hospital two days later.

Newcomb looks exactly what you would expect for a soy-based douchebag.

“Who cares? Another dead cop, probably against gun control. They didn’t give an [expletive] when kids were dying in that school shooting they stood outside,” Newcomb wrote in a group chat. He appeared to be referring to the elementary school shooting in Uvalde, Texas, where hundreds of law enforcement officers were criticized for waiting over an hour before confronting the shooter, who killed 19 students and 2 teachers.

“How many idiots I had to transport with honor guard their dead bodies from coronavirus because they were all too stupid to wear masks or get vaccinated,” the message read. “All cops are for is protecting the rich property owners and the status quo. Everything else is a farce. F— the police.”

Now, before everyone jumps up and screams, “Freedom of speech!” I agree with you. Newcomb has every right to say what he said, but as we all have learned since Obama was inaugurated, freedom of speech now comes with ramifications, cancellations, and backlash.

The irony here is if someone posted something like this about a dead firefighter, soy-boy would be jumping up and down demanding that person’s firing.

Personally, I think Holcomb is a piece of garbage, and I will not shed one tear for his termination.

Biden: A Wall For Me But Not For Thee

The illegitimate president is building a wall around his Rehoboth Beach residence, and we, the taxpayers are paying for the $500,000 project. Funny how F. Joe Biden refuses to build a southern border wall, but has no problem building one around his beach house.

After spending much of his summer vacation on Kiawah Island, South Carolina, President Biden is heading back to his multimillion-dollar beach house in his home state of Delaware, where he’s building a taxpayer-funded security fence at a cost that’s ballooned to nearly $500,000.

$500,000 for a security fence. You’d think this prick would pay for it himself, what with all his ill-gotten gains from Ukraine and China.

Biden is expected to arrive at his $2.7 million summer house in the North Shores community of Rehoboth Beach on Saturday after spending the last couple nights in Wilmington, Delaware, according to data released by the Federal Aviation Administration. On Wednesday, Biden was briefly at the White House signing of the $739 billion Inflation Reduction Act into law.

You already know this, but the Inflation Reduction Act is nothing of the sort. Most economists believe inflation will continue to rise, and this legislation will do nothing to quell the skyrocketing prices.

It’s A Sausage Fest Out There!

Meet Abigail Brocwell, the Sausage Queen of… Bucyrus, Ohio? Well, in fairness, this pretty young lady is the former Sausage Queen of Bucyrus, after the Bratwurst Festival Gestapo Board forced her to relinquish her crown.

Abigail was forced to give up her crown at a special meeting held by the Bratwurst Festival Board on Monday, August 8.

As a result of the conflicts, the Queen and her immediate Court were ordered to turn their crowns and sashes over to the pageant officials.

Ooo, the politics of Bucyrus, Ohio are exhilarating!

According to sources Brocwell attended the Baltimore Festival held in Baltimore, Ohio, held August 4-6. Brocwell allegedly wanted to attend a goodbye luncheon for outgoing royalty that included someone she had become good friends with.

Oh my God, this girl is a menace to society!

Sources say Brocwell purchased her own luncheon ticket. She wore a gown of her own to the formal luncheon. She did not have access to her crown or her sash as they were not in her possession.

She registered and signed in under her own name, not attaching herself to the Bratwurst Festival or Royalty in any way.

So Abigail did not arrive at the luncheon in her Queen’s attire, paid for her own ticket, and wore her own gown so she could see a sendoff for her friends. For that, the Bratwurst Festival Board stripped her of her crown.

Wow, and I thought the Alliance, Ohio cop was an asshole. That dude looks like Mahatma Ghandi compared to these Bratwurst jagoffs. I’m sorry this happened to you, Abigail, but you are obviously the better person… by far.

Put Another Dumbass On The Barbie

An Australian tourist visited Italy recently, and was checking out the country’s historical sites… while driving a moped through Pompeii’s ancient ruins. It’s likely this is the last time he’ll be in Italy.

An Australian tourist was arrested after he was caught riding his moped through the ancient ruins of Pompeii, Italy.

The ‘barbarian’, reported to be 33-years-old, was apprehended by security after travelling for about a mile around the world-famous archaeological park.

The Aussie claimed he didn’t know you couldn’t ride vehicles near the ruins, although that seems like an obvious infraction for a site that was destroyed nearly 2,000 years ago.

The tourist claimed he didn’t know that he wasn’t allowed to drive through the 2,000-year-old site which was famously destroyed by a volcanic eruption in 79 AD.

The UNESCO world heritage site does not allow tourist vehicles, and fortunately in this case the park confirmed no parts of the ancient city were accessed or damaged.

Shockadile Dundee was arrested by Italian police, but thankfully none of the ruins were… well, ruined.

A Grim Anniversary For America

Yesterday marked one year since the illegitimate president made a hasty retreat out of Afghanistan. An ill-advised maneuver which left thousands of Americans and Afghanistan allies stranded in a country taken over by the Taliban.

Marine veteran Chad Robichaux, who was on the ground helping to evacuate American citizens and U.S. allies, joined “Fox & Friends First” Monday to recall what many critics call Biden’s “botched” withdrawal after U.S. forces left the Taliban-controlled nation.

Robichaux, who served eight tours in Afghanistan, is a co-founder of “Save Our Allies,” an organization dedicated to rescuing Americans trapped behind enemy lines.

Lest we forget, thirteen military personnel were also killed after an IED exploded at the Kabul Airport.

“The State Department did announce on July 18th a number that indicated how many of our allies were there,” Robichauz said. “So the applicants, which are our interpreters that fought with us for 20 years, like (Afghan interpreter) Aziz, and that number they announced was 74,274.”

“If you average… 4.5 family members, we’re talking 334,000 pending applications, [and] that doesn’t include who is already here,” he continued. “The rate that they’re bringing people out is 200 cases per week, so it would take 140 years to get all of our interpreters out of Afghanistan at the rate the State Department’s doing it.”

As of February, the State Department claimed there are at least 9,000 Americans still stuck in Afghanistan. (Strangely enough, there haven’t been many news reports of numbers since then.)

The State Department has no intention of rescuing those Afghans who helped us during the “War on Terror,” and worse still, it doesn’t appear that F. Joe Biden will do much to retrieve the thousands of Americans still stranded there.

Moron Nearly Leaps To His Death

A few years ago, the family and I went to Arizona to see our friends. We were able to go to the Grand Canyon, and while the kids loved it, we kept them far away from the cliffs. Some people never learned that lesson, especially this jackass.

“Touron” is a word created by combining tourist and moron, and is defined as someone who does something stupid while on vacation. In Yellowstone National Park, for instance, tourons are constantly getting too close to bison, some with disastrous results.

Well, stupidity isn’t solely reserved for Yellowstone, as one touron in Bryce Canyon National Park in Utah proved.

TouronsOfYellowstone’s Instagram page posted video of a tourist leaping over a lookout railing and falling backwards upon landing, and sliding to the edge of a cliff. Had he kept sliding a couple more feet or so, he’d have met his demise.

The guy who taped the leap – who is not affiliated with this moron – posted the video at the link. The man was a couple feet from falling to his death, and honestly, it’s a shame he didn’t go over.

I sincerely hope the park rangers had him arrested.

Thanks to The Pirate’s Cove for the link.