Britain Has Lost Its Bloody Mind

A 66-year old, wheelchair-bound British prisoner was just given another six months in prison for slapping a female guard on her rear-end.

An inmate nearing the end of his sentence has been jailed for an extra six months after repeatedly slapping a female prison officer’s backside.

Paul Morgan, 66, laughed when the guard at HMP Wormwood Scrubs challenged him, saying he ‘just got a bit excited’. But he broke down in tears as a judge extended his sentence for an act of ‘degradation and humiliation’ against a ‘vulnerable’ victim who was ‘just doing her job’.

The wheelchair-bound prisoner was soon to be released from the Category B prison, where he was sent for harassment and breaching a restraining order, when the unnamed officer turned her back on him on July 3.

This is ridiculous. Sure, Morgan shouldn’t have slapped the guard’s ass, but he’s 66-years old, and will be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. He is obviously not a security risk, keeping him in prison for another six months is idiotic.

She told the court: ‘He slapped my buttocks multiple times with both hands. I would never consent to a prisoner touching me there.’

If twenty-seven years in police work taught me anything, that quote is almost always a lie.

Trust Your Hollywood Betters

Demi Lovato, the actress, singer, drug abuser, and leftist dullard had decreed that calling actual aliens “aliens” is offensive to extraterrestrials.

Demi Lovato has an out-of-this-world take that’s bound to get eyeballs rolling — they think we should retire the term “alien” when referring to extraterrestrials … seriously.

The pop star made the bizarre plea to us earthlings during an interview with Australian outlet PEDESTRIAN.tv — in which they say the term “alien” itself is offensive … even as it pertains to actual would-be aliens from outer space … who may or may not be zipping around above us.

It’s important to remember these morons are paid millions of dollars to read words someone else wrote for them. They are not serious people.

While talking shop on their E.T. project, they said this … “I really think that if there was anything out there that would want to do that to us, it would have happened by now. But, I think that we have to stop calling them aliens because aliens is a derogatory term for anything.” DL adds, “That’s why I like to call them ETs! So yeah, that’s a little tidbit. A little information that I learned.”

Extraterrestrials from the Canis Major Dwarf Galaxy will never share their technology with us, because they’re offended we call them aliens. As if the extraterrestrials are just as woke as Demi Frickin’ Lovato.

When Ya Gotta Go…

While you would think America has cornered the market on dumbasses, our neighbors to the north also have their own versions of Florida Man. Take this rocket surgeon, who decided to call 911 for arguably the dumbest reason ever.

Peel Regional Police released the audio on Friday to remind people about the proper uses of dialing 911. When the 38-second call begins, the operator asks the man if he needs police, fire or ambulance.

He first says he needs an ambulance, but then tells the operator he actually needs police.

“The thing is I have to pee and these guys are not moving,” the caller tells the operator. “This is your emergency?” the operator responds. “That you have to pee? And how are the police going to help you urinate?”

Ladies and gentlemen, you need to be prepared for every highway contingency. That’s why I always have an empty soda bottle in the car, as well as a large bucket and toilet paper for, um, other emergencies.

A Tree Grows In… Queens?

A Brookville, Queens man has apparently barricaded himself… in a tree. The man allegedly threatened his mother, and decided to climb the tree so – get this – the police could not arrest him.

A man is refusing to come down from a tree after climbing up from the roof of a home in Queens.

Shoot him with a taser, and he’ll fall to the ground. Hmm, I guess that kind of thinking is why I was never promoted to sergeant.

It all began Wednesday afternoon on the roof of the 145th Street home in the Brookville section. The man climbed into an adjacent tree, where he spent the past two nights.

Well, if he has to take a dump, he has plenty of leaves to wipe himself.

The man’s mother called police at around 12:45 p.m. Wednesday, claiming he was threatening her. That’s when he took off to the rooftop and later the tree.

“Let some of the friends he plays with coax him down, but they say no, and they are going there and just aggravating him more,” another neighbor said.

The friends are probably calling the guy a dumbass, and rightly so.

Windows 11 Incompatible With Many PCs

Microsoft’s Windows 11 was released Tuesday, and while the new operating system is not at giant – and as flawed as the switch from Windows 8 to Windows 10, the new system has a few problems. In this case, more than half of all Microsoft PCs do not meet the Windows 11 requirements.

It increasingly seems Microsoft is making a mess of availability of Windows 11. We have covered how the company has some strict hardware requirement barriers in place to upgrade to the new platform. Well, a new survey from IT management firm Lansweeper suggests tens of millions of enterprise users will be shut out from Windows 11 and stuck on Windows 10 for years.

According to its Windows 11 readiness survey, Lansweeper shows 55% of enterprise workstations do not match Microsoft’s upgrade requirements. The company uses a scan of around 30 million Windows installations across 60,000 organizations.

So instead of holding off the Windows 11 release while they do right by half their customers, they decided to throw it out anyway, and those of us who do not meet the requirements can pound sand.

While that is nowhere near the whole Windows install base worldwide, it is a good sample. Enough to make one clear conclusion… many enterprises are not prepared for Windows 11 without major hardware upgrade programs.

44.4% of installations would be ready for an upgrade, the study found, with 52.5% meeting requirements for Trusted Platform Module 2.0 (TPM 2.0). Most machines, 91.05%, have enough RAM for an update to Windows 11.

Only 44% are ready for the upgrade, and Microsoft thinks this is an acceptable percentage? Seriously? Of course, there is likely another reason this is happening. To wit…

If you use the PC Health Check, and it says your computer is not compatible, the a-holes at Microsoft added this little nugget: Your PC does not currently meet the needed requirements. You can continue to get Windows 10 updates, or you can shop for a new Windows 10 PC that does meet the requirements.

Um, how about no? I just bought a new PC a few months ago, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to buy another one to comply with Windows 11. This is a disaster for Microsoft and its customers. I never liked Apple products, but this is the kind of b.s. that would make me drop Microsoft forever.

Release The Karen

Meet the lovely and talented Getti Kehayova, a former circus performer and Guinness World Record holder for hula hooping. Getti was practicing hula hoop tricks at a park, when a Karen came along and claimed her clothing was “obscene.”

Getti Kehayova, 43, was practising hula hooping while hanging upside down from monkey bars, when a woman walked up to her and confronted her about her sliding top that showed her white sports bra underneath, according to a video that has since gone viral on TikTok.

Kehayova, who was wearing a white tank top and running shorts, asked the woman to step back, informing her that she was trying to film. But the woman interrupted her again as she resumed her practice.

Wow, a woman wearing a tank top… in Las Vegas… where it’s ridiculously hot during the day. Oh my god, what a f**king nightmare!

“This is the place where kids play. This place is for families… for families! You can’t just be half-naked up there,” the woman, who was with a toddler inside a pram, could be heard screaming in the video.

Look, I understand the country is on its last leg, but did I miss something? A tank top and running shorts is now obscene? Also, since when did the residents of Las Vegas decide a sports bra and shorts are “obscene,” but skimpy showgirl outfits are fine and dandy?

Also, click the link to see a photo of the Karen. She looks exactly like you’d expect.

The Bristol Swamp

The Bristol City Council (UK) has decided to implement an exciting alternative to keep their parks clean.

Tired of people dumping their litter beside overflowing bins, Bristol City Council aims to remove waste baskets to encourage the public to take their rubbish home with them.

Removing trash cans from trash-filled parks? Brilliant!

One outraged councillor said a trial in Hartcliffe will give visitors the impression the area ‘deserves to wallow in our own rubbish’.

And proposals to remove bins at The Downs raised fears the mess left behind would be ‘just vile’. The idea of removing bins from the beauty spot was first mooted in July, when staff said they could not cope with the ‘mountains’ of rubbish being left behind by day trippers.

Okay, I’m no genius, but I do have a few suggestions for the Bristol City Council. 1. You could implement an eternal flame where citizens to toss their rubbish. 2. You could saturate the park with free Budweiser beer. That’ll shoo the Brits away. 3. Oh, I don’t know, maybe hire someone to pick up the bloody trash!

The FBI Is A Garbage Organization

The Federal Bureau of Investigation, the organization which had Whitey Bulger on its payroll, ignored Olympic gymnasts’ sexual abuse claims, and arguably had a hand in the January 6th “insurrection,” has now decided prospective agents can smoke marijuana twenty-three times and still be hired.

Activists were encouraged this summer when the FBI moved to loosen its employment restrictions for would-be agents who’ve previously used marijuana—but the agency more recently further revised the policy to add a stipulation that applicants are ineligible if they’ve used cannabis more than 24 times after turning 18.

Why 24 times specifically? The agency doesn’t explain.

I guess that explains why the FBI is so utterly and completely inept.

It simply said in an update to its job eligibility guidance that candidates who “have used marijuana or any of its various forms (e.g., cannabis, hashish (hash), hash oil, or tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), synthetic or natural), in any location (domestic or foreign) regardless of the legality in that location of use, more than twenty-four (24) times after turning 18 years old is a disqualifier for FBI employment.”

FBI Undersecretary for Ganja Jeff Spicoli was unavailable for comment.

McDonald’s Ditching Plastic Toys

McDonald’s has decided to phase out most plastic in their Happy Meal toys. McDonald’s has also stated they will continue to inject plastic into their burgers.

McDonald’s plans to “drastically” reduce the plastic in its Happy Meal toys worldwide by 2025.

The burger giant said Tuesday it’s working with toy companies to develop new ideas, such as three-dimensional cardboard superheroes kids can build or board games with plant-based or recycled game pieces. McDonald’s said it’s also exploring using recycled plastic toys to make new restaurant trays.

I’m sorry, but why do the Minions above look like adult actors from the 70’s?

Chicago-based McDonald’s sells more than 1 billion toys each year. The company says the new goal will reduce virgin plastic use by 90% compared to 2018 levels.

They won’t be virgins for long after the pr0n star Minions get to them.

Wow, Ohio Really Likes Its Football

An irate Grove City High School coach or fan decided to barricade the referees inside their locker room after the game, because people in Ohio are entirely too enthusiastic about football.

Keith Dalton and his crew of high school football referees, say they were officiating a game between Grove City High School and Central Crossing High School last Friday, when after the game they suddenly got locked inside the Grove City locker room.

“We as a group have now filed charges, against Grove City,” said Dalton, a high school referee, with the Central Ohio Football Association.

I’m not a fan of our litigious society, but I absolutely believe the referees should sue Grove City High School into bankruptcy.

Dalton believes this action was taken against him and his crew for a controversial call made during the game, after which he says an assistant coach for Grove City came onto the field and was flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct.

Once the game ended, Dalton says he and his crew were inside the locker room being evaluated on their performance, when the door was barricaded from the outside with a vending machine.

Just to be Devil’s Advocate, what would have happened if no one noticed the vending machine, and everyone went home for the day? Or what if the referees couldn’t get out of the locker room? Most high school games are played on Friday, so the referees could have been locked in that room for three days.

Sue the school district, sue the school, and sue the person who locked them in there.