Fighting Drugs, One Shirt At A Time

Meet Allen Burnett of Ashville, Alabama.

Allen is your atypical Alabama man, because he does not get pleasure from watching the Crimson Tide or visiting the state’s beaches. Oh no, Allen gets pleasure by wearing hilarious ironic t-shirts.

Allen Burnett, 60, was collared Thursday night near his home in Ashville, a small city about 45 miles from Birmingham.

Burnett was charged with a pair of drug counts and booked into the St. Clair County jail. He was released early yesterday morning after posting $3500 bond.

At the time of his arrest, Burnett was wearing a purple t-shirt that declared, “I’m Too Good for drugs!”

Well played, Allen. Also, this dude really looks like an older version of Diego the Idiot Detective.

The Dicks At Dick’s Are Kinda Dicks

The Supreme Court’s dismissal of Roe v. Wade has broken many of leftist brains; so much so that the female president of Dick’s Sporting Goods is offering to pay an employee $4,000 for travel expenses for anyone who wants an abortion. There really is evil in this country.

The CEO of DICK’S Sporting Goods announced on Friday that in the wake of the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn Roe v. Wade, DICK’S would cover the travel costs of employees seeking abortions.

Lauren Hobart, president, and CEO of DICK’S, announced that the company would reimburse employees up to $4,000 for travel expenses associated with obtaining an abortion.

To be perfectly frank, I think this is a terrific idea, because I can guarantee some employees will lie about an abortion to swindle Dick’s out of $4,000. The policy is rife for fraud, and this stupid bint doesn’t even realize it.

“In response to today’s ruling, we are announcing that if a state one of our teammates lives in restricts access to abortion, DICK’S Sporting Goods will provide up to $4,000 in travel expense reimbursement to travel to the nearest location where that care is legally available. This benefit will be provided to any teammate, spouse or dependent enrolled in our medical plan, along with one support person,” Hobart wrote in part.

So the woman claims she’s pregnant, then goes off to a weekend junket with her boyfriend and $4,000 in her pocket. Nope, no chance of abuse here. No, siree!

Flat Broke And Busted

Meet Clare Brown, a heiress who will eventually receive $12 million. Unfortunately, one of the stipulations for receiving the money is that Clare has to keep a steady job and contribute something too society.

Clare boldly replied, “Nah brah.”

A young Australian woman is allegedly being denied access to a $12 million inheritance because she refuses to fulfill her late father’s condition – getting a steady job.

Clare Brown is entitled to a $12 million fortune, but is famously being denied access to her inheritance because she has yet to fulfill the requirements laid down by her late father in his will. Apparently, she has to get a permanent job and “contribute something to society” in order to gain access to get access to the millions, but she refuses to do so, calling the conditions unrealistic because of her health condition. Meanwhile, she is living on welfare and is “constantly broke”.

Hard to believe Clare’s stunning good looks hasn’t opened more doors.

“I understand why these people want me to be a functioning member of society, however, you have to look at my diagnosis and realize that is not going to happen,” Clare told A Current Affair. “I am not going to learn how to drive because I have ADHD. I have the attention span of a gnat.”

Apparently she also has the brain of a gnat. Good luck being poor the rest of your life, Clare. I’d assume she should be embarrassed of herself, but she doesn’t seem to be that type of person.

Disband The Uvalde Police Department

The Uvalde massacre was obviously horrible, and the subhuman who murdered the people in the Robb Elementary School should burn in Hell for all eternity. Having said that, there is another group of people who also need to burn in Hell; namely the leaders of the Uvalde Police Department.

Texas Department of Public Safety Director Steven McCraw on Tuesday told state lawmakers the police response to the massacre at Robb Elementary in Uvalde, Texas on May 24 was an “abject failure.”

McCraw stated the police could have gone in three minutes after the shooter entered the building, but decided not to do so. They didn’t even check to see if the door the shooter entered was locked. It wasn’t.

While that was an unforgivable, idiotic mistake, what happened next will make you very angry.

McCraw also revealed the husband of slain elementary teacher Eva Mireles, identified as Uvalde CISD Police Officer Ruben Ruiz, tried to save her but officers in the school prevented him from doing so. McCraw said the teacher called her husband shortly after the gunman attacked her classroom and told him “she had been shot and was dying.”

“(Ruiz) tried to move forward into the hallway,” McCraw said. “He was detained and they took his gun away from him and escorted him off the scene.”

So I’m under the assumption the Uvalde police detained him, took his weapon, and dragged him away as his wife (above) was dying. I probably cannot write what I would have done in the situation if one of my family members were inside, but there would be vengeance. In spades.

“President” Grampa Got A Boo-Boo

The illegitimate, dementia-addled “president” was riding his bike in Delaware when he slowed down to address the media, and had an accident. This time Depends were not involved.

Stumble-prone President Biden took a fall off his bicycle Saturday as he rode near his Rehoboth Beach, Del. vacation home during yet another long weekend at the beach – as the nation’s economy continued its nosedive, inflation took a bite out of Americans’ wallets, and gas prices remained at record highs.

Secret Service agents swarmed the 79-year-old commander in chief and helped him get upright.

BAWAHAHAHAHAHA! Couldn’t happen to a nicer dumbass. The video is at the link; it’s a must-see.

“I’m good, I’m good,” Biden said, telling pool reporters that he tumbled when his shoe got stuck in a toe cage on the pedal of his Trek FX hybrid bike as he tried to stop and chat with well-wishers.

You’d think a 79-year old man would remember how to use the brake on a bicycle, but no, this dullard slowed down, paused, and then tipped over in front of the media pool. I’ve never been so proud.

Ride Like The Wind

A Pine Island, Minnesota man was arrested after he was clocked by police driving his motorcycle at 144 miles per hour. Wow, that guy really needed to pee.

An Olmsted County deputy on patrol Tuesday clocked the motorcycle traveling 144 mph in a 65 mph zone, according to court documents. The deputy decided not to pursue the motorcyclist, but later stopped Doherty when he spotted him again in Rochester.

The speeds were clocked on Hwy. 63 just east of the Rochester International Airport, the Star Tribune reports. Doherty was not wearing a helmet.

So he’s driving nearly 150 mph without a helmet and wasn’t lucky enough to crash into a pole.

Doherty was uncooperative during the traffic stop, at one point pulling his arm away from the deputy and re-starting the ignition, according to charging documents. As the deputy grabbed Doherty’s arm, the motorcycle lurched forward, pressing the deputy against his squad car as he tried to stop Doherty from fleeing.

After Doherty was in handcuffs, he “claimed that he was going fast because it was hot,” charges state.

In twenty-eight years of policing, that may be the most idiotic alibi I have ever heard. You can’t get a good breeze blowing at 60 mph? How about 100 mph? Any better? This guy is a Grade A jagoff.

That’s Not How You Make Swiss Miss Cocoa!

Twenty-five workers were transported to the hospital when the people walked on hot coals as part of a team-building exercise.

Thirteen of them were taken to hospital and treated for more severe injuries after the incident on Tuesday evening. A large emergency response, including 10 ambulances, arrived at the private event at around 18:00.

Well, if nothing else, the team can spend the week searching for a better job.

The group walked over a bed of coals that was several metres long and felt pain shortly after, police said.

So, these folks walked barefoot across hot coals and afterward they felt pain. Really? Did you think the hot coals wouldn’t be hot? Did you think the steam was from a disc jockey’s smoke machine?

If You Like Your Inflation, You Can Keep It

If you were hoping the skyrocketing inflation would subside, you may want to start scouring the streets for dimes, nickels, and pennies.

Inflation reaccelerated in May, rising at the highest level seen in four decades, dashing hopes that the number had hit its peak, according to data released by the federal government Friday.

The consumer price index, or CPI, stood at 8.6% year over year in May, a significant increase from 8.3% the month prior, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. That is the largest 12-month increase since the period ending December 1981.

On a monthly basis, the consumer price index rose 1% in May, far outpacing the 0.3% rise seen in April, according to the bureau.

I’ve read a few articles from serious economists claiming the whirlwind is coming, and it’s not going to be pretty. Many of them are assuring a recession, and some are claiming we’ll see another depression. I’ve also heard the inflation may last years, and not months, and the Biden administration is doing little to nothing to stop the bleeding.

Someone Call Ranger Smith!

A twenty-five year old woman was gored by a Bison as she approached it while vacationing in Yellowstone National Park. Wait a minute, I thought it was Jellystone National Park? Damn you Hannah-Barbera!

A woman was gored by a bison at Yellowstone National Park in Wyoming after she approached the animal Monday morning.

The unidentified 25-year-old from Grove City, Ohio, walked towards the bovine as it neared a boardwalk just north of Old Faithful.

Ohio, that explains it.

As she got within 10 feet of the animal, it gored her and tossed her 10 feet into the air. The victim suffered a puncture wound and other injuries and was taken to a hospital.

When she’s patched up, she should be sent to a mental institution. Nearly every animal in Yellowstone is dangerous, and you should steer clear of them… unless you’d like more holes in your torso.

Mediocre Baseball Manager Hates America

Gabe Kapler, the current manager for the San Francisco Giants, has decided he will not come out for the National Anthem until he “feels better” about America. Looks like somebody wants a pity party.

Before the Giants faced the Reds on Friday in Cincinnati, San Francisco manager Gabe Kapler told reporters he didn’t plan on coming onto the field for the national anthem after 19 children and two teachers were killed in a mass shooting at a school shooting in Uvalde, Texas, just three days ago.

Kapler added that will continue to be his plan until he feels “better about the direction of our country.”

You’re free to leave at any time, Gabe. By the way, who’s running the country right now?

Kapler wrote about his feelings toward America, gun violence and the Uvalde massacre. In the post, he explained his father told him to stand for the pledge of allegiance when he thought the country was representing its people well and not to stand during times when it was not.

Wow, it’s almost like Gabe is a fair-weather American, like every other leftist. Fancy that.

It’s not the first time Kapler has made a statement with his actions. In 2020, Kapler and several Giants players kneeled during the national anthem to protest racial injustice.

Yeah, I’m sure Gabe is a big fan of Colin Kaepernick.

The only reason I even know this jackass is because he used to be the manager of the Phillies. In his two years at the helm, his win/loss record was 161-163. That pretty much says it all.