Avoid High Gas Prices Forever!

So I was scouring the interwebz, when I saw this article, and immediately I knew I had to post about it. Thanks to F**k Joe Biden, gas prices are through the roof, which means brilliant Americans are finding ways to get around the staggering gas numbers.

They’re doing this by pouring soda into their gas tanks.

I have to say, filling a tank as Twitter user @spaceeong suggests doesn’t sound like a terrible idea. That McDonald’s Sprite is crisp in a way that’s uncommon to fountain drinks, and the first sip contains such power that the internet has been asking for years how McDonald’s does it. Though McDonald’s has offered some explanations as to why its fountain drinks taste better (wider straws and better temp control), we have all come to the consensus that McDonald’s soda is just built different, whether by science or some other power.

This may shock you, but some dolt on Twitter thinks soda will power your vehicle.

Surprisingly, it’s not the sugar in soda that will prevent your car from making it down the street with a tank full of Sprite. Snopes previously debunked the myth that putting sugar in someone’s gas tank will ruin the car’s engine. As cars tend to have filtration systems in place, it’s unlikely that even a heavy amount of sugar would reach the engine. Instead, the car’s fuel filter would become clogged and would cause it to stop working.

The main issue with filling your gas tank with soda is that it’s a foreign substance. The gas tank is a gas tank for a reason. Your car’s engine and fuel system were not meant to process a carbonated, syrupy beverage, no matter how refreshing it is.

Honestly, this is the best of both worlds. The moron’s car will sputter and stop – hopefully in the desert – and said moron will drink the soda/gas combination. Darwin nods aprovingly.

All We Are Is Spuds In The Wind

A forty-acre fire swept through Manhattan, Kansas Saturday after some jackass decided to spend the day playing with guns. Well, not exactly guns you would normally assume.

Shortly before 3:30 on Saturday afternoon, fire crews were called out to a fire near the 6400 block of North 52 Street in Riley County.

Due to the high winds the fire spread quickly, burning more than 40 acres. Thankfully no buildings were burned, although the siding on one outbuilding was melted due to the fire.

More than 20 volunteer firefighters from the Riley County Fire District #1 responded to the scene, along with a crew from Manhattan Fire Department also responding as mutual aid due to the windy conditions.

Forty acres. Yeah, that’s gonna leave a mark.

Riley County Deputy Fire Chief John Martens says the fire was started by someone using a homemade potato-launching gun.

Okay, it was wrong for this person to fire a spud gun in an open field, but think of all the hot, delicious potatoes they could have eaten.

The French Are Idiots

While I do my best to not overgeneralize an entire country, after reading this story, I am certain the majority of the people in Paris and Toulouse are ignorant wretches.

A restaurant conglomerate in France has been receiving threats because people believe the Canadian dish poutine is the same word for Putin. They sound exactly the same, but they believe the restaurant chain is pro-Putin.

A chain of restaurants in France specializing in the Canadian delicacy, poutine, is distancing itself from Russian President Vladimir Putin and his regime after it says it has been getting threatening calls from the public since the invasion in Ukraine.

With the exception of India, Belarus, and Russia, no one on Earth is rooting for Vladimir Putin.

The Maison de la Poutine, which has locations in Paris and Toulouse, posted a message on its social media Thursday saying it has received “calls of insults” and threats since the Russian “dictator” whose last name sounds a lot like the made-in-Canada delicacy, but is obviously spelled differently, launched a war with Ukraine.

The mix-up appears to stem from the fact that the translation for the Russian president’s last name — Putin — in French is “Poutine.”

The creation of the Interwebz has opened a vast amount of information about anything and everything. All these people and to do was look up the word poutine and read the first paragraph. But no, they went with their feelings and made asses of themselves.

Untalented Hoor Comments On Ukraine

As Russian strongman Vladimir Putin sent troops into Ukraine, and Ukrainians prepare to defend themselves and their country, a reasonable sage has come forward to calm everyone’s emotions.

That person is “singer” Cardi B.

Cardi B says she’s “really not” on either Russia or NATO’s side after making comments that war “should be the last thing” world leaders should be worrying about amid the crisis in Ukraine.

“I actually want to say a lot of things, but I’m just gonna mind my business because sometimes I feel like I have such a big platform that if I don’t say the right things I might get killed,” the “Up” rapper said in a video posted Tuesday on Twitter.

Yes, someone will definitely murder you if you speak out about Ukraine. Honey, no one in America – or anywhere else, for that matter – gives a f**k about your political musings.

“I’m really not on NATO’s side. I’m really not [on] Russia’s side. I’m actually in the citizens’ side, because at the end of the day, the world is having a crisis right now.”

Yes, because the world has not been dealing with crises recently. The world has been in a crisis for decades, dummy, and it’s only gotten worse when the illegitimate president was “elected” in 2020.

The Fishin’ Magician

Meet Seth Trobec, a YouTuber from Minnesota who creates videos of the great outdoors. Seth was with his friend Cody, and they were taping a video of ice fishing. Both were in the tent, and Cody left to pick up another friend. That’s when the fun begins.

An ice fishing mishap caught on camera in northern Minnesota has been viewed around 150,000 times on YouTube.

The video was uploaded by Seth Trobec, who was filming the inaugural video for his Get In There Outdoors YouTube page when his buddy Cody Mjolsness left to go pick up another friend on their snowmobile.

Unfortunately, Mjolsness forgot that the snowmobile was still hooked up to their fish house, and he drove away with it still connected, and Trobec still inside. As Mjolsness starts speeding away, Trobec dives into the gap to escape, taking a tumble on the ice.

One of my favorite films is Fargo, and I definitely think Cody needs to be fed into the woodchipper.

You can see the video below the fold….

Continue reading “The Fishin’ Magician”

Boycott American Airlines

So get this, a British woman booked a flight on American Airlines, and before she boarded, she informed the personnel she has a severe peanut allergy. What happened next will make you lose your mind.

A 26-year-old woman from England said she was booted from an American Airlines flight because the airline would not accommodate her nut allergy.

In a series of tweets, Sophie Draper — who has a severe nut allergy that puts her at risk for life-threatening anaphylaxis — said she first mentioned her health condition at the gate when boarding a flight from London to New York in December 2021.

Her first mistake was flying into New York City.

According to Draper, the head of cabin crew informed her they were “contractually obliged to serve hot mixed nuts in first and business class.” Draper had purchased a seat in economy. However, due to the severity of her allergy, she explained that sitting in economy would not protect her from the risk of inhaling an airborne allergen.

Draper’s boyfriend, who was planning to fly to New York with her, asked staff what the protocol would be if she went into anaphylactic shock on the plane.

“He knows how to use your EpiPen, right?” a crew member said in response, according to Draper’s tweet. That’s when Draper and her boyfriend were removed from the flight, Draper said.

Since I read a lot in an effort to find stories to post here, I have seen many tales of airlines removing passengers for very minor infractions. Covid broke everyone’s brains, but teachers and airlines are by far the most over-officious jerks in America anymore. They think they are gods who have the power to restrict somebody’s freedom, like they did with miss Draper.

Here’s hoping they file a lawsuit, and bankrupt this garbage airline.

Yes, The Ottawa Police Are The Baddies

As you know, last week a group of protesters drove their rigs into Ottawa to fight against Canada’s Covid-19 vaccine mandates. The truckers clogged Ottawa’s highways hoping to be granted an audience with Justin Trudeau, arguably one of the worst leaders in North America.

Instead of hearing out the truckers’ concerns, Trudeau fled the city and hid somewhere in the woods. Now, under Trudeau’s orders, the Ottawa Police are going to start cracking down on the protesters, and they have implied the crackdowns may be violent.

Ottawa police vowed on Friday to crack down on an “increasingly dangerous” protest by hundreds of truckers who have shut down the center of the Canadian capital for eight days to demand an end to COVID-19 vaccine mandates.

The well-organized blockade, which police say has relied partly on funding from sympathizers in the United States, is unprecedented by Canadian standards. Hundreds more truckers planned to enter the city this weekend, Ottawa police chief Peter Sloly said.

Funny, I remember seeing plenty of Black Lives Matter protests in Canada for Saint George Floyd, and I don’t remember Trudeau cracking down on them. It’s almost as if BLM thugs can do what they want, while legitimate peaceful protesters have no say in Canada.

“This remains … an increasingly volatile and increasingly dangerous demonstration,” he told reporters. Protesters in the downtown core “remain highly organized, well-funded, extremely committed to resisting all attempts to end the demonstration safely,” he added.

I haven’t read every article about the trucker protest, but those I have read mentioned nothing about violence. I did see an article claiming a pedestrian struck some protesters in Ottawa; that must be the volatile and dangerous situation the Ottawa Police is talking about.

Now, I’m not a very smart person, but I can guarantee Ottawa needs these truckers more than the truckers need Ottawa. If the Ottawa Police seriously crack down on the truckers, I can assure you they will strike, and all those food deliveries go bye-bye. I don’t want that to happen, but the Ottawa Police is steering this protest toward a cliff, and they’re about to go over like Thelma and Louise.

Trust Our Media Betters

The idiots at Bloomberg News wanted to make sure they were the first “media site” to announce the Russian invasion of Ukraine. Unfortunately, these leftist hacks published the story Friday afternoon, well before the expected invasion.

Yes, I still believe Putin will roll tanks into Ukraine.

Today Bloomberg News published a headline titled “Russia invades Ukraine.” The big problem with the story? Russia has not invaded Ukraine.

We prepare headlines for many scenarios and the headline “Russia Invades Ukraine” was inadvertently published around 4 p.m. ET today on our website. We deeply regret the error. The headline has been removed and we are investigating the cause.

Never put pre-written stories in the CMS. Hell, never put meaningful placeholders in the CMS! If it’s more meaningful than lorem ipsum and you put it in the CMS, assume it will eventually be published. Text in the CMS is a gun: you draw, you shoot.

Pretty sure some reporter should be shot for this screwup, but they’ll probably be promoted.

L.A. Signs Its Death Warrant

The failed, lawless city of Los Angeles has decided they will raise the city’s minimum wage from $15 an hour to $16.04 an hour, according to jackass mayor Eric Garcetti.

The city of Los Angeles minimum wage, which is based on the region’s Consumer Price Index, will increase from $15 to $16.04 per hour effective July 1, Mayor Eric Garcetti announced.

“We fought to raise the minimum wage because hard work should always be met with the dignity, respect, and opportunity that fair pay brings,” Garcetti said in a statement.

Sigh, most of you know this, but it bears repeating. Minimum wage jobs were created to help new employees enter the workforce. They pay minimum wages because the jobs are usually stopgaps until an employee can find an actual career. They were never supposed to be lifetime careers, and the minimum wages were incentives for employees to eventually move on.

“Our decision to end poverty wages in L.A. caused a ripple effect across the nation, and this additional increase is the latest reason to celebrate today — and a reminder of how our fight for better wages is far from finished.”

Now I’m no genius, but I can already predict the results of Garcetti’s wage raise. Many employers will have to fire or lay off employees, because small businesses cannot afford to pay an increased minimum wage. I suspect the employees do not want to fire or lay off workers, but it’s either that or closing down their business.

Mississippi Scheme

Meet Stephanie House of Mississippi. Stephanie has been feeling lonely since her boyfriend was arrested, so she decided she would turn that frown upside down… by forging a jail release.

The Lee County Sheriff’s Department arrested Stephanie House, accusing her of forging a fax with a Lee County Circuit Court I.D. and sending it to the Lee County Adult Jail.

The fax ordered for her inmate boyfriend to be released.

Jail staff recognize some irregularities with the fax and was informed by the Lee County Circuit Court that they never sent a release order for the inmate.

It’s difficult to believe someone as brilliant at Stephanie would be unable to forge a decent prison release. I’m guessing the hair dye has something to do with it.