They Learn Reading, ‘Riting, And Rats

While it is arguably the most heavily-funded organization in the state, the School District of Philadelphia is in shambles, both figuratively and literally. Teachers, administrators, and union goons will deny it, but the District is a money pit, and the buildings are riddled with dirt and vermin. To wit:

Roosevelt Elementary School, a K-8 school in the Germantown section of the city, is infested with mice and there are concerns about mold. We showed parents the disturbing video of the mice scampering through classrooms.

Not only that, they say the roof leaks during heavy rains. An old library and pool are abandoned inside and closed off. An Independent Building Condition Assessment by the district in 2015 states the areas get “massive water infiltration.” The teachers have concerns about mold.

Roosevelt is located inside my division, and we handle police reports from inside its filthy walls on a daily basis. Assaults, thefts, and the occasional weapons offense. That is not a joke.

District Spokesperson, Lee Whack, admits Roosevelt is in poor condition. But he says school maintenance crews conducted 10 rodent inspections during the school year. “Do parents and teachers deserve an apology? I will say this, parents, students and teachers deserve better buildings so their students can learn and grow,” Whack said.

Nice dodge, Lee. Apparently, Whack does not believe parents and teachers deserve an apology, but hey, the School District will do better next time. Just trust them.

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Starbucks Hates Black People

You may have seen this story over the weekend, where heartless, racist police officers dragged two inncoent black men out of a Starbucks for simply waiting for a friend. The usual suspects took to social media to deride the officers and the department as a whole. Judging by the way the story was reported, they would be justified:

The Philadelphia Police Department says an internal investigation is underway following the arrest of two people at a Starbucks this week. It happened on Thursday at a Starbucks located on 18th and Spruce.

Video shows multiple officers arresting two men inside the Starbucks. Police have not said why they were arrested.

According to [Melissa] DePino, “they were waiting for a friend to show up, who did as they were taken out in handcuffs for doing nothing.”

Looks pretty bad, right? Well, the department took a lot of heat for the arrest, and it was difficult to defend. Then, something happened. Starbucks issued a (vague) apology TWO DAYS LATER, claiming one of THEIR employees called the police and demanded the black men be removed.

Wow, that Starbucks is a stand up corporation, waiting for the heat to die down before admitting their guilt. I’ll definitely patronize this location frequently – oh wait, they don’t let on-duty police officers use their restrooms. (True story.)

Now obviously, the officers should have used some common sense. You politely ask the men to leave, and explain why Starbucks wants them out. If they refuse, you have options, but none of them should involve handcuffs.

Click The Links

When I was in college, my friends and I took up golf. None of us were ever really good, but I read a few books, watched better players, and tried to become a better player. Before kids arrived, I would play a round every week on my day off, and even Mrs. Earp started to play.

The last time I played was right before my appendectomy in 2008. Lately, my sergeant and a friend – who’s the father of one of Kyle’s best friends – asked if I wanted to hit the links. I know they are both very good players, so I declined at first. Yesterday, I caved.

It was awesome!

I mean, I still suck copious amounts of ass, lost more than a few balls – damn you, penalty strokes – and finished with a score of 112, but after ten years without playing, I actually hit some really nice shots. My front nine was awful, but I beat my sergeant on the back nine, mixed a few bogeys in with my two eights – yes, eight – and only let the cart roll down the hill once.

(I was having trouble with the brake all day, and while searching for a ball, they yelled, “Cart!” I turned to see it rolling away. I stopped it before it went into the creek.+

But other than that, it was a blast. Maybe I’ll get out a little more often now.

You Get A Parade, And You Get A Parade!

How starved is Philadelphia for a winning sports team? On Thursday, incompetent jackass Mayor James *hic* Kenney has ordered a parade for the Villanova Wildcats, a school located in the city’s suburbs.

For the second time in three years, Villanova University will have a parade in Philadelphia, after a dominating 79-62 victory over the University of Michigan in the NCAA championship game.

On Tuesday, classes were canceled at Villanova and the school was holding a “welcome celebration” for the team’s return to campus. On Thursday, there will be another round of festivities, with a parade and rally in Philadelphia. Villanova is also canceling classes Thursday so students can attend the event. Here’s what you need to know about heading to the parade.

The parade will begin at 11 a.m. Thursday at 20th and Market Streets and move east, ending at Dilworth Park. A rally featuring the team is expected to begin at 11:45 a.m., and the event should be over around 12:30 p.m.

While we’re at it, let’s just hold a parade for Penn State, which won the NIT. Or maybe we can schedule one for the New Jersey Devils or The Washington Capitals if they win the Stanley Cup? I mean, where does it end?

The parade will be held in Center City, surrounded by our largest office buildings and the municipal court building. Even though the turnout should be “light” by championship standards, we’re still looking at tens of thousands of people. In the city. At midday.

So Thursday’s parade will effectively shut down Center City for most of the day, police officers will have days of canceled, and mass transit will be a nightmare. For a college basketball team.

The Flex Files

Sorry I’ve been scarce the last two days, but I’ve been dealing with an injury. Shock, I know, since I am the most healthy person on Vishnu’s green Earth.

Two weeks ago, Philly got hit with a nasty snowstorm. As usual, the missus and I went out to shovel, but the snow was – like Rosie O’Donnell – very wet and very heavy. An hour later, I noticed my elbow and shoulder were on fire. (Sadly, not literally, because that would have been less painful.) A day or so later, my father-in-law passed away, so I couldn’t get to the doctor. Nevertheless, the pain was getting progressively worse, and my idiot coworkers kept saying things like, “It’s a torn tendon,” it’s a fractured elbow,” etc.

Yesterday I finally saw the doc. Apparently I have tendonitis in my right elbow. The doc gave me anti-inflammatories, but said they’re a 50/50 proposition. If they don’t help, I’ll need a cortisone shot in my elbow. Ever helpful, the doctor said, “Oh, you don’t want that. It’s very painful.”

So here I sit, in excruciating pain, praying the meds start to take hold. So far, they have been less than effective, but it did get me out of shoveling through Wednesday’s snowstorm.

Winter Is Coming

Just when I thought I was out of winter, it pulls me back in.

Philadelphia, a northern east coast city which sees snow regularly, is being hit with a nasty snowstorm today. Natch, the townspeople are losing their collective sh*t.

AccuWeather is tracking a nor’easter for Wednesday that could bring some major snowfall to parts of our region. A Winter Storm Warning has been issued for a portion of the area, beginning at 7 p.m.

Along I-95 6″ to 10″ as this is where the least confidence is in the forecast due to the potential of sleet/rain mixing in during the morning hours. If a few hours of sleet mixes in totals are closer to 6″. If its all snow then 10″+ is possible.

The locals have swarmed the supermarkets, stocking up on bread, eggs, and milk. Apparently, Pennsylvanians make French toast during every snowfall.

Make Philadelphia A Shithole Again

Larry Krasner, the newly-elected, Soros-backed Philadelphia District Attorney, wants to fundamentally transform the city’s criminal justice system. Mission accomplished.

In yet another headline-grabbing announcement, Philadelphia’s new District Attorney Larry Krasner on Wednesday proclaimed the end of cash bail requirements for low-level offenses effective immediately.

“There is absolutely no reason why someone who will show up for court, is not a flight risk, and is no threat to their neighbors and community, needs to sit in jail for days because they can’t post a small amount of bail,” Krasner said.

The announcement comes three weeks after Philadelphia City Council passed a resolution calling on the DA and state officials to “reduce reliance” on cash bail, which it called a burden on low-income defendants and a purveyor of poverty.

The district attorney’s office will recommend that cash bail not be set for people arrested for one of 25 non-violent offenses outlined by the district attorney’s office. These include driving under the influence, personal use marijuana possession, retail theft, forgery, prostitution and burglary where no one is present.

Now I’m no detective, but last I checked, burglary was a felony. Philadelphia is no longer requiring bail for burglary.

The article doesn’t mention it in the above list, but another of the offenses is resisting arrest. In what universe is someone accused of resisting arrest not a flight risk, and not a threat to the community?

We’re Going To The Super Pole!

While Philadelphia Eagles supporters would have people believe they are the most knowledgeable fans in the league, the reality is most of them couldn’t find common sense with a ten-foot pole.

The Eagles blew out the Vikings to advance to Super Bowl LII on Sunday night, and after they did, their fans spent the remainder of the night celebrating in the streets of Philadelphia.

But one Eagles fan had a really unfortunate incident with a pole after the game, and it could end up putting him on IR until the Super Bowl. The fan hasn’t yet been identified, but he was desperately trying to catch a subway train before it left a station after the game when he got absolutely destroyed by a pole in the process.

The good news is the blow probably inflated this clown’s IQ by fifty points.

You can see the video here, and trust me, it is peak Philadelphia.

Another Russian Plot?

A tractor trailer overturned on Interstate 95 near Philadelphia Thursday, spilling the most valuable cargo on the face of the Earth.

An overturned tractor-trailer carrying bottles of vodka caused the closure of a busy ramp on the border of Northeast Philadelphia and Bucks County early Thursday morning.

It happened around 4:45 a.m. on the ramp from Woodhaven Road eastbound to I-95 southbound.

Police say the big rig spilled its load of Tito’s vodka boxes. Some boxes fell out of the truck and onto the roadway.

It annoys me that I only heard about this story today. The accident was maybe two miles from my house, and I could have been out there soaking up the vodka with rags like Max Rockatansky.

Philly Councilwoman Is Bass Ackwards

Meet Philadelphia City Councilwoman Cindy Bass. Like most politicians in the city, Bass is an unhinged leftist who reveres government over all – even if it’s at the expense of her constituents’ lives.

Philadelphia councilwoman Cindy Bass has introduced a controversial bill that would require business owners to take down any bulletproof glass they have in their businesses, and not allow future installation.

Broad Deli is a local business on the corner of the 2200 block of North Broad. It has a wall of bulletproof glass separating its employees from customers.

“The most important thing is safety and the public’s safety,” Rich Kim, the owner of Broad Deli, told WTXF. His family has run the deli, which sells soda, snacks, meals, and beer by the can, for 20 years. Kim said that he had the bulletproof glass installed after a shooting, and that it saved his mother-in-law from a knife attack.

Bass’ district is just outside my division, and trust, it makes Fallujah look like Disney World. Homicides, shootings, robberies, and assaults are prevalent, and the thugs rules the streets. Not that Cindy cares…

Bass was more concerned about customer’s feelings, and said her constituents shouldn’t have to suffer the indignity of shopping through bulletproof glass.

The majority of these small stores’ customers are the very thugs who are responsible for most of the violent crimes in the area. Removing the bulletproof glass will only add to the city’s already swelled body count.

She said that she is trying to put some type of control on these small stores, which she claimed sell booze, very little food, and caused a lot of trouble in her district.

Wait a minute; the stores are causing a lot of trouble? Lemme ask you a question, Cindy; are the stores robbing the customers? Are the stores shooting passersby? Are the stores murdering the decent young thugs who come in for their malt liquor forties?

The answer to those questions is no, but like a good leftist, I doubt you’ll let facts get in the way of protecting your neighborhood thugs.