Wyatt Earp’s Day Off

I’m taking the day off. I had the weekend off from work, and I spent it cleaning out my mom’s house, fighting a brutal migraine, and I’m fighting a lack of sleep. I usually do a post the night before but the migraine isn’t cooperating.

Tomorrow will be a normal day, and I’ll have the caption contest winners.

You’re still here? It’s over. Go home.


I Know A Lot About Head Injuries…

So after being bullied by my younger sister – the evil nurse – I trotted off to the hospital to get my melon checked. Being a police detective, I think I know more about my glorious naked body than most doctors and nurses, but I went through the motions.

The E.R. was ridiculous. Arguably twenty people in the waiting room, and all of them with real issues; as opposed to my head bump. So, I waited patiently. It was easy because my head still felt awful and I was having sporadic dizziness. Nothing serious, just bothersome.

The nurse brought me to a room and I told her about the accident, my head and neck pain, and the mild dizziness. They gave my ibuprofen – which worked as well as the Tylenol – spoiler alert: it didn’t – checked my head and neck, and ordered a neck x-ray.

The doc’s first prognosis was a concussion, but they needed to check the x-rays. A half hour after heading to radiology, the x-rays arrived. No Injuries, but some arthritis. Go figure. The doc stuck with his first instinct – the concussion – and ordered at least a day or rest, and no computer. (That’s why I was absent yesterday.) I need to follow-up with my primary doctor next week to make sure there are no lingering injuries.

I’m not sure how I didn’t remember this, but the nurse asked if the striking vehicle’s airbags deployed. Both of the front bags did after the car hit mine. I guess that gives me an idea of how fast the car was going when it hit me. It wasn’t a love tap.

Anyway, they found nothing else in my head – obviously – and I can return to work Friday.

Dude, Where’s My Blog?

So, I’m trolling the interwebz yesterday – work was surprisingly slow – and I found myself reading Wayback Machine. Wayback machine is an internet archive where you can look up old sites, blogs, etc, just from their url.

Feeling sentimental, I decided to see if anything from SYLG 2.0 – the last blog I deleted – was on the list. Apparently, the WB didn’t capture anything after my scorched Earth policy. On a lark, I figured I would type in the old url to see if it was still deleted, and I found this nonsense:

What the f**k is that? Super Dicas? More like super dick move.

When you delete a WordPress site, the admins warn you the blog and the url will be deleted forever. While my posts are gone – actually, some of my better SYLG 2.0 posts are at my old Blogspot site – the url has been recycled and given to some Spanish spam site. Seriously, WordPress, you turned the nation’s foremost hot babe site into something you would find at Buzzfeed?

Anyway, I wanted to call out this clown for desecrating my old url and also WordPress for not being completely honest with their users. Yes, your blog will be deleted, but if you wait a year or so, the old url will be thrown back into circulation.

Cojo, WordPress. Muy cojo.

Their Middle Name Is Danger

It’s been a while since I asked for a little help from you fabulous people – fabulous in a free beer sort of way, not fabulous in a Richard Simmons sort of way – but today will be a rare exception.

The beautiful scholar-athlete on the right left is my niece Kaitlin (in white). She plays for the University of Pittsburgh’s Women’s Ultimate Frisbee team – codenamed “Danger.” Danger is having an amazing year, going undefeated (6-0) in Sectionals, with Regionals set for next weekend.

Kaitlin’s team is a club sport, and they get little to no money from the university, so they’re trying to raise money for tournament fees, transportation, and lodging. They set a goal of $5,000, and as of today, they are just $1,035 short. The deadline is April 30th, so if you could throw a few bucks their way, I would greatly appreciate it.

You can find all the info here, and if you check the donor wall, you’ll see my name. Seriously, $5 or $10 can really make a difference, so if you’re inclined, it would really help them out.

Thank you in advance.

Ten Years, Man! Ten!

Earlier I received a message from WordPress notifying me today is my tenth anniversary on their platform. I started blogging in 2006 on Blogger, but when that platform went to shite, I changed over to WP. My inaugural blogging date is 6-6-06, but it’s nice to get milestone reminders every now and then.

In celebration, a timely quote from arguably my favorite comedic film can be seen below…

Continue reading “Ten Years, Man! Ten!”

National Buffoon’s Christmas Vacation

You may have noticed I have not been replying to comments in a timely fashion of late. I would blame the trend on work, but as it happens, I am on Christmas vacation!

No criminal investigations, no felonious thugs, and no irritating coworkers until January 6th! That’s right, kids, I am enjoying a glorious fifteen days off – in a row!

Since I am now second in my squad for seniority, I take Christmas week off regularly. And since I rarely take long vacations, I always accrue use-em-or-lose-em days, so I am burning those during the second week. It’s pretty awesome.

In the meantime, I am fattening myself up on Christmas cookies – before the dreaded January 1st jump back onto Atkins – playing video-games, and completing the honeydew list. Kyle keeps begging me to start teaching him how to drive, so I may take him out one day during the break. Maybe.

Posts will still appear regularly, and I’ll be on here when I can, but mostly I am sitting back and decompressing from my awful, stress-filled job.

The Terrible Twos

Today is The O.K. Corral’s second anniversary.

Blogging has been a harsh mistress over the years, but despite the fact I’ve been through far too many blogs after Support Your Local Gunfighter had to shut down, writing is still fun. It’s still fun posting, it’s still fun reading comments, and generally interacting with all of you.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t an attention whore, but really, blogging attracts attention whores. I mean, seriously, what kind of gall does it take to think other people give a rat’s ass about what you think? In effect, bloggers are the internet’s politicians, and blogging is Hollywood for very ugly people.

As always, thank you for reading, lurking, commenting, and generally giving me a platform to spout off on everything from the sublime to the ridiculous.

Obviously, there are more items in column B than in column A. Thanks again!

Tom Petty, 1950-2017

Rock legend Tom Petty has passed away after suffering a heart attack. He was only 66 years old.

So far this week has sucked copious amounts of ass, and it’s only Tuesday.

Tom Petty died on Monday, one day after he was found in cardiac arrest at his home, Variety has confirmed.

The iconic singer, 66, was rushed to the hospital and placed on life support after he was found unconscious inside his Malibu home, TMZ first reported on Monday. He was rushed to UCLA Santa Monica Hospital, where sources told the gossip site that he had no brain activity and a decision was later made to take him off life support.

Petty rose to fame with his band Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers in the 1970s with hits like “American Girl” and “Free Fallin.’” The band recently completed a 40th anniversary tour. Their last performance was on Sept. 25 at the Hollywood Bowl in Los Angeles.

Heartbroken. I listened to his music on my Walkman for hours and hours traveling to and from college. His music is timeless, and he was larger than life. I can no way express the grief I feel right now. It’s like losing a family member.

Below is not only one of my favorite Petty songs, but also the greatest video ever aired on MTV. Enjoy.

Continue reading “Tom Petty, 1950-2017”

It Never Ends

Last week I mentioned our summer vacation at the Jersey shore. During said vacation, Mr. Skin Cancer got his upper arms scorched – because I’m a stubborn, stupid, silly man. The burn was fairly severe, but I sucked it up and went to work.

This week, my arms started peeling, and the sunburned skin dried up to the point of pain. I rotated between applying aloe lotion to my arms during the day and Gold Bond anti-itch cream at night. Things were progressing slowly, so I made an appointment with my dermatologist. I figured I’d rather he yell at me now than later.

Last night, I went to bed at 1am and woke up at 4 to a wet shirt. My arms were leaking some discolored liquid, and, thinking it was an infection, I rushed to the ER. One doctor came in the room and asked what happened and what I put on the burns. After he listened to me, he left and brought in a specialist. The specialist heard about the Gold Bond and stopped me in mid-sentence.

“There’s your problem. The skin was cracked and broken, and the Gold Bond caused a chemical reaction which started the oozing.”

Hooray. The doctor had the nurse apply silvadene creme on my arms, covered them with gauze, and wrapped the arms to keep everything stable. I was also given prednisone for the burns, and benadryl for the itching. The itching is by far the worst part, but falling asleep immediately after the benadryl means no work for a day or two.

So there you have it. Once again, my health is a mess, and I am ready to be turned into a cyborg.

Twelve Angry Men

On June 6, 2005, a bright-eyed, bushy-tailed dreamer took fingertips to keyboard in an attempt to unleash his biting wit upon the world. A dozen years later, I am still trying to lure in readers with sexy photos of Milana Vayntrub, bile-fueled rants, top-notch sarcasm, and Oxford commas.

The O.K. Corral has not taken off like SYLG did, but I attribute that to the declining popularity of blogs in general, and the fact people were tired of me starting, then quitting blogs. The good news is most of the regulars are still here, and I still receive epic hate mail.

I appreciate you guys sticking around to read my nonsensical rantings, and supporting my when I was off my meds. I’m doing my best to keep you entertained, and plan to continue for as long as I am able.