Our first day back from the beach did not go exactly as planned. We hoped to have a quiet day, interspersed with unpacking the cars and placing the beach gear into the shed. Unfortunately, our jackass millennial neighbors had other plans.
You see, these wastes of oxygen have loud, drunken parties every summer weekend, and many weekends throughout the year. Their idiotic white trash pals come from miles around because my neighbors apparently are the only ones in their MENSA clique who own a backyard. They swipe the parking spaces on our street, blast music through the neighborhood, and let their dogs roam free.
(The idiots next door removed part of their backyard fence; apparently to make it easier to roll kegs in.)
At about 11am, the first wave of stupid rolled in. Most of them were females, which would normally be a good thing, but my neighbor and all her girlfriends are either morbidly obese, tattooed up, or dumb as dog shite. We soon learned the girls were here for a fantasy football draft; which naturally had to be held outside.
Stereotypes exist for a reason, as I soon learned during their first round. Consider these actual quotes:
“Um, what team does Aaron Rodgers play for?”
“I really only know players from the Eagles.”
Girl power, indeed. These bints were as clueless as a white girl marching in a Black Lives Matter rally, yet they persisted. Any hoo, about an hour later the beta males showed up. The conversation took a decidedly stupid downturn, and at one point a male and female were discussing slavery. I did not catch the entire conversation – I was in and out of the shed – but I did catch this little tidbit:
Male: “You do know the underground railroad was an actual railroad, right?”
Female: “No it wasn’t!”
Male: “Yeah, true story. It was a real railroad which sometimes went underground.”
Female: “Really? Wow.”