Blue (Ball) Thunder

A British police helicopter crew got their Austin Powers on – and their rocks off – while hovering over what Top Gun’s Maverick would call a target-rich environment.

Coppers who buzzed the British skies filming people having sex and tanning in the nude have been busted. The perv police were part of a helicopter crew who allegedly used the chopper’s video camera to shoot hormone-charged hijinks.

Prosecutor Richard Wright said Tuesday the filming was a “gross violation” of the victims’ privacy. He said the public has a right to hope that police helicopters are being used to keep communities safe, not to film sex acts from the air.

The case against five men in Sheffield Crown Court relies in part on a graphic, eight-minute film consisting of footage from the South Yorkshire Police helicopter.

I know what you’re thinking: “Wyatt, you shouldn’t become a cop to gawk at naked women having sex!” Um… then why be one?

DeBlasio Literally Has Officers’ Backs

As New York City Mayor Bill DeBlasio eulogized murdered officer Miosotis Familia, the NYPD’s rank and file gave the leftist politician all the respect he deserves.

The disgusted Finest were assembled outside the World Changers Church in The Bronx on Tuesday as part of the overflow crowd of mourners for assassinated Officer Miosotis Familia. They showed the building their backs as speakers broadcast de Blasio’s eulogy for Familia from inside.

The protest came after de Blasio skipped town to participate in protests at the G-20 summit in Germany last week — the day after Familia was killed by cop-hating gunman Alexander Bonds.

And as he prepared for the trip, the mayor missed a swearing-in ceremony for new police recruits, an event that was especially poignant in light of Familia’s murder.

Few politicians have shown greater contempt for police officers than Bill DeBlasio, so I understand the officers’ revulsion. That said, I don’t think I would have done that. For me, it’s more about respect for Officer Familia than it is about sending a message to the despicable DeBlasio.

True Detective Stories

Summer vacation is in full swing, and while it may not seem like it, even police officers get a break. In my division, most of our detectives have been on vacation this last week, and only four detectives were working Sunday.

Our shift begins at 7am, and by 8am we were up to our holsters in jobs.

The first mess involved an elderly man suffering from dementia, who called police to report his caretaker was unresponsive. Medics arrived and pronounced the caretaker dead, and determined he had been deceased for at least three days. The elderly man was apparently walking past the corpse for the entire weekend, oblivious to the unresponsiveness… and the smell.

The second mess was a similar one. A Presbyterian pastor arrived to open the church for Sunday services when he noticed a male lying on the temple steps. The male wasn’t responding, so the pastor called 911. Medics arrived and pronounced the male dead, and the parishioners had to walk past the body to attend mass.

The final mess came in shortly after, when we received a report of a shooting. The last remaining detective headed out, only to find there were no guns involved. Instead, the victim was apparently stabbed multiple times in the chest. Ouch. The victim died a few hours later, ending our day with a homicide.

Since I was working the desk, I had the entire floor to myself, which was nice. I got to walk around the division pantsless!

Tainted Glove

If there is anything my city is infamous for – besides the homicides, the filth, and the corruption – it’s frugality. While our “betters” at City Hall have no problem spending millions of dollars on bicycle sharing and outdoor “urban” concerts, they draw the line at providing adequate equipment for its police and fire departments.

Take this general message sent out last week:

A RECENT TEST WAS CONDUCTED ON THE CURRENT NITRILE GLOVES IN USE BY THE POLICE DEPARTMENT. ALL SIZES AND LOTS OF THE NITRILE GLOVES AT OFS FAILED THE CITY’S TEST. AT THIS POINT, ALL NITRILE GLOVES TESTED FAILED. ALL EMPLOYEES MUST DOUBLE GLOVE AND WEAR AN APPROPRIATE SIZE WHEN USING THE CURRENT NITRILE GLOVES. THE FAILURE OF THE GLOVES WAS THAT THEY WERE NOT THE APPROPRIATE THICKNESS. THE CITY IS WORKING TO REMEDIATE THIS ISSUE WITH THE VENDOR.

Most of us in the department have to conduct field tests on heroin, and occasionally have to handle substances like PCP – both of which can be absorbed through the skin. Similarly, we usually come into contact with blood at crime scenes, and now we’re told – after years of use – the gloves we have been issued are inefficient? Are you f**king serious?

So now we wait with bated breath for the city to purchase protective gloves with some, you know, protection. Until then, most of us are foregoing narcotics field tests and sending the items straight to the Chemical Lab. Lord knows the city won’t stand up for us in the case of contamination.

SAPD Chief Reacts After Officers Shot

Photo: Kin Man Hui, San Antonio Express-News

In the wake of a shootout with a career criminal which left one officer dead and another seriously wounded, San Antonio Police Chief William Mcmanus is lashing out at the anti-police crowd.

San Antonio Police Chief William McManus said Saturday he was angry at those who hate and do not back the police force. McManus, visibly upset, said he was angry at those who hate the police.

“I’m angry at the police haters, I’m sick of the police haters,” McManus said. “We protect them. We defend them. And they give us a big F U. And I’m sick of it.”

His comments come a day after officer Miguel Moreno died at Brooke Army Medical center from wounds received in a shootout with a man with an extensive criminal history.

A second officer, Julio Cavazos, was also wounded in the shootout that happened Thursday while the officers were on patrol near San Antonio College. Cavazos was shot in the chest but will recover.

There will always be people who despise the police – Lord knows some officers give people reason to hate them – but the groundswell of violence erupting from this nationwide epidemic is troubling. The previous president did a lot to undermine law enforcement and paint us as villains, and now some people are acting out. Sadly, things will get worse before they get better.

Shooting The Breeze

I’m starting the week off on a bit of a sour note, but something happened this weekend which I felt needed to be addressed.

A longtime commenter sent me an email Friday night. The commenter, which I am not going to identify, has needled me before about police misconduct, both in emails and here on the blog.

The title of the email was “Shooting citizens,” so I should have expected this was not going to be a social call. The text read as follows:

Wyatt, you already have pretty much a free pass to shoot citizens when you are “In fear for your life”, a courtesy that is denied to the rest of the population, but if you keep up this shit, you are going to lose that free pass.

The commenter then refers to a story from St. Louis, where a white police officer shot a black off-duty St. Louis police officer in the aftermath of a high-speed chase. The off-duty officer responded to help, and was shot in a case of mistaken identity.

Idiotic move on the white officer’s part? Yes. Should he be disciplined for it? Yes. Does this have any bearing on me or my performance as a police officer? Of course not.

Continue reading “Shooting The Breeze”

A Wild Douche Chase

Like most big city police departments, Philadelphia has a program for teenagers who are looking for a career in law enforcement. The Police Explorers expose the kids to the basics of the job, and offer activities to prepare them for a career in police work.

The LAPD’s program is apparently teaching their students both sides of the criminal coin.

Three teenagers in a program for those who may want to become officers stole three Los Angeles Police Department vehicles and went on patrol around the city before leading authorities on wild pursuits that ended with crashes.

The trio — two boys and a girl ages 15, 16 and 17 — “gamed the system” and used a vacationing sergeant’s name to sign out stun guns and radios and drive the cars right out of a stationhouse parking lot. Police are investigating whether the teens impersonated officers and pulled over drivers.

The three were part of a program for teens who work in police stations and go through an academy to learn about the criminal justice system. (H/T – TXNick)

Now they’ll learn about the criminal justice system while playing basketball in Pelican Bay. SHU program, nigga! Twenty-three hour lockdown.

Continue reading “A Wild Douche Chase”

Back The Blue

After Obama, I don’t expect much from presidents anymore. They’ll disappoint me, break promises, and outright lie, so when a POTUS goes out of his way to do the little things, I am appreciative. Donald Trump gives me that.

President Trump announced Monday that he’ll light the White House blue to honor police officers for Monday’s Peace Officer Memorial Day.

The president signed a proclamation Monday declaring the day “Peace Officer Memorial Day” and the upcoming week “Police Week.” At the signing ceremony, Trump said that he would also request that American flags fly at half-mast to memorialize fallen officers.

“During Peace Officers Memorial Day and Police Week, we honor the men and women of law enforcement who have been killed or disabled in the course of serving our communities. Police officers are the thin blue line whose sacrifices protect and serve us every day, and we pledge to support them as they risk their lives to safeguard ours,” Trump said in the text of the proclamation.

A president who appreciates police officers. What a concept.

True Detective Stories

Yesterday was my first day back to Dante’s Fifth Level of Hell work in four days, and as expected, four days worth of work was left for me.

For some reason, the detectives who run the front desk when I’m off are usually busy doing important things – like shaking candy out of the vending machines, hanging up on complainants, and watching YouTube. This may surprise you, but unlike my personal life, I am a thoroughly responsible person at work, and nothing angries up the blood more than lazy coworkers.

So I sat down at my desk, looked left to see if any hot police babes were in the office – sadly, no – then looked right toward our inbox. There were a few reports lying there – about four – which isn’t bad, considering. Any jobs which are not assigned the night before, or come in after our shift is over, are placed in the squad inbox to be assigned the next day…

Continue reading “True Detective Stories”

True Detective Stories

Since my division is one of the busiest in the city, we are constantly being flooded with rookies and dullards. Academy graduates are sent to our four districts to learn the job and annoy detectives. Take Steve Harvey, for example. (Yes, this cop looks exactly like Steve Harvey.) Steve is a special kind of stupid, as evidenced by his most recent police report.

Steve brought in a domestic vandalism report yesterday, and before reading it, he hold me, “The offender vandalized the complainant’s car, causing three hundred dollars in damage.” He then scampered away, distracted by a shiny nickel on the ground.

I scanned the report, because I don’t trust this stupid motherf**ker, and it read nothing like this jackass claimed. According to the report, the complainant stated her foster son “vandalized” her car… with a pencil. Apparently the offender took his pencil and drew on the side of the vehicle… to the tune of $300.

Oh, did I mention the career criminal in question was five years old?

I’m truly not certain who is the bigger simpleton; the woman who filed a police report on her five-year old child, or the incompetent police officer who put it on paper.