So the other day, a police officer brought in a domestic assault arrest. The offender allegedly punched the victim multiple times in her face, and was arrested on-scene. The officer brought in the combatants, and I assigned the job to Salma Hayek.
Salma was preparing the interview for the woman, and when she went out into the lobby, Aunt Esther was nowhere to be found. (Yes, the woman looked like Aunt Esther from Sanford & Son, but with a worse demeanor.)
Salma comes back into the room and says, “One of the officers downstairs said Aunt Esther went to get some food.” This after she was just beaten by her husband. We need the victim to make the arrest, but Aunt Esther left anyway.
About an hour later, Aunt Esther showed up at the division. The female officer downstairs brought her upstairs, and when she passed me she said, “This woman is an insufferable bitch.” I assumed she was exaggerating… until Aunt Esther started banging on the door.
I opened the door, and Aunt Esther demanded why she was not yet interviewed. I replied, “Because you left for an hour, never told us where you were going, and no one could find you. I’ll have your detective come out when she’s ready for you.”
Two minutes later, this bitch is banging on the door again. I open it, and she states she’s cold, and she wants to be interviewed NOW. At this point, I stopped caring, and told her that the detective will be out momentarily before closing the door. I then not-so-politely asked Salma to get this woman out of the building because I cannot listen to her whining anymore.
Salma, being a doll, went out to start the interview. About thirty seconds in, Aunt Esther started arguing with Salma, and interrupting her interview questions. Esther then started yelling at Salma, and Salma said, “Okay, we’re done here.”
When you can get Salma angry, you should know you’re an insufferable bitch.