And That’s The Tooth!

A Chinese man had an interesting day while playing basketball in Dongguan, China. The man was playing basketball with some old friends, when he collided with another player.

The player lost two of his teeth, but the teeth were never found.

The unnamed man was reportedly back in his home city of Dongguan, China’s Guangdong Province, for the Lunar New Year, when he was invited to a basketball game by some childhood friends. At one point while trying to recover a rebound, the man collided with another player; at first, he thought the man’s chin had hit the left side of his head, right above the eye, but then he saw the other guy bleeding from his mouth and saying that he had lost two of his teeth. While he went to wash the blood pouring from his wound, everyone else was busy looking for the other player’s teeth, but they were nowhere to be found…

The man had pain in his head and went to the doctor. The doctor said to keep disinfecting the wound, but the wound seemed to be infected.

The man did as the doctor advised, but on the 29th of January, six days after the accidental collision, he noticed a rancid smell coming out of the wound above his eye. Panicked that the cut had become infected, he rushed to the emergency room where doctors thoroughly checked the wound and extracted two chipped teeth from it.

Yeah, the teeth were embedded in the man’s head just above his eye, and so deep that no one noticed.

Street Home, Alabama

A gas station in Mobile, Alabama found an intriguing item in its parking lot, after a severed penis was found outside the location.

A human penis was reportedly found in a gas station parking lot on Monday in Mobile, Alabama.

The organ may have belonged to a 29-year-old motorcyclist involved in a fatal accident that morning which occurred on I-10, the Mobile Police Department told the outlet on Wednesday.

I give props to motorcyclists, because they can be slaughtered every time they go for a ride. The fact that limbs cam be removed is reason one why I will never purchase a motorcycle.

A law enforcement spokesperson explained, “The deceased was riding a motorcycle and lost control and fell off. Unfortunately, multiple vehicles struck him,” adding the organ found in the parking lot did not have a connection to a murder or assault.

Motorcycle accidents can lead to dismemberment, and when a motorcycle hits a guardrail it can cut off a rider’s arm, leg, or even their torso, per Motorcycles Data.

Yuck! No thank you.

Kill It! Kill It With Fire!

A group if scientists from Carnegie Mellon University have created a robot which can liquify, then resolidify. It appears it is the first step toward making actual Terminators.

To create this rudimentary real-life T-1000, the international team of scientists embedded microscopic chunks of magnetic neodymium, boron and iron into liquid gallium, a metal that has a very low melting point. Then, by using magnets to command the miniature robot to melt and turn into a puddle, they guided it through the bars of a cage, before having it resolidify into the original shape on the other side.

“The magnetic particles here have two roles,” Carmel Majidi, a mechanical engineer at Carnegie Mellon University, said in a statement. “One is that they make the material responsive to an alternating magnetic field, so you can, through induction, heat up the material and cause the phase change. But the magnetic particles also give the robots mobility and the ability to move in response to the magnetic field.”

Yeah, I’m all for scientific breakthroughs, but maybe we should focus upon cancers and other diseases instead of creating killer robots or weapons of war.

Kansas City Made Sure Their Win Was Lit!

The Kansas City Chiefs AFC Championship wasn’t the only excitement in Arrowhead Stadium. In this case, someone started a grass fire outside the stadium, and the fire continue to burn for quite some time. Well done, morons.

A grass fire broke out at Arrowhead Stadium after the Kansas City Chiefs win against the Cincinnati Bengals in the AFC Championship.

As fans were leaving the stadium, the fire broke out in the parking lot near Gate six. The fire has been put it out and no injuries have been reported.

I’m not a fire marshal, but I’d wager this involved alcohol and jackassery.

Iowa’s Worst Hotel Finally Gets A License

A Des Moines, Iowa hotel has been granted a license by the state after inspectors found fourteen egregious violations, including finding a sex toy in a microwave oven.

Um, do those things need to be cooked first?

A previously unlicensed Des Moines hotel where inspectors found trash, pests, nonworking smoke detectors and a “sex toy” in the microwave oven of a guest room has been granted a new license by the state.

Inspectors visited the Baymont Inn & Suites at 4685 N.E. 14th St. on Dec. 22 and cited the owners for 14 regulatory violations — an unusually high number.

I’m about thirteen hours away from Des Moines. Maybe I’ll rent a room. /eyeroll

During the Dec. 22 inspection of one guest room, the inspector found an accumulation of trash behind the bed, a “sex toy” inside the microwave oven, a soiled shirt stuffed in the ice bucket, and other articles of clothing that had been discarded under a couch.

In addition, the smoke detector in the room wasn’t working. The owner agreed to dispose of the microwave oven.

The owner of the hotel is responsible for the upkeep of the hotel, obviously, but for crying out loud, what kind of animal stuffs soiled shirts in an ice bucket or throws clothing under the couch?

Man “Dies” To See Who Comes To His Funeral

A Brazilian man faked his own death to see how many people would come to his funeral services. Wow, even I wouldn’t do something like that, and I’m a truly terrible person.

As an experienced ‘ceremonialist‘, a sort of master of ceremonies for various kinds of events, 60-year-old Baltazar Lemos had conducted hundreds of funerals, some of which had been attended by as few as 2 people, others by as many as 500. Recently, he had been thinking about how many of his friends and family would come to pay their respects and bid him farewell when he died, and since he couldn’t really know if he actually kicked the bucket, he decided to fake his death and see how many people showed up to his funeral…

Okay, I changed my mind, I could probably do that.

Lemos’ family was stunned by the announcement, as no one even knew he had been in the hospital. One of his nephews rushed to the Albert Einstein hospital to ask about him, but the staff had no record of a Baltazar Lemos being admitted there in the past few days.

During the “funeral,” Lemos walked out and addressed the attendees and apologized.

The ceremonialist’s apologies mostly fell on deaf ears, especially after people learned that he has a wheelchair-bound mother in her eighties who could have had a heart attack at the news of his death. That’s not to mention the grief of all his family, friends, and colleagues.

The good news is Lemos knows how many people would have attended his funeral. The bad news is none of them will attend his actual funeral. Way to go, dumbass.

Pass The Old El Paso

An El Paso, Texas driver was apparently seeing if he could play Grand Theft Auto in real life after the driver somehow landed on top of two parked vehicles.

It’s not what anyone would expect to see while looking for a parking spot, or any other time.

Somehow, a van landed atop two vehicles in a mall parking lot in El Paso, Texas.

There could have been a reasonable explanation for this landing, except there were no parking garages in the area.

Authorities told KDBC no serious injuries were reported, but they could not say how the van got to its second-story destination, without a parking garage. Eventually, the van was removed and put onto a flatbed tow truck.

I would love to joke that is was a woman driver, but the sex of the driver was not released. And honestly, there are a lot of terrible male drivers in this country, so it could be anyone.

Colonel Sanders Wept

Well, it’s not enough to simply purchase Kentucky Fried Chicken in Thailand. Nope, after you grab a bag of KFC, you can also now worm your way into a package of KFC incense sticks.

KFC Thailand believes it’s a great to pay homage to the gods. Yes, they actually say that.

Colonel Sanders’ secret recipe containing 11 herbs and spices is notoriously hard to replicate in the kitchen, let alone in incense sticks, but KFC Thailand claims to have achieved the impossible. Partnering with a number of scent and perfume experts, the Thai branch of the international fast food chain managed to come up with an incense stick formula that not only looks good enough to eat, but gives off the same aroma as KFC fried chicken when lit. The only problem is that you can’t buy these incense sticks, only win them.

I’m guessing the gods would not approve of raffles for incense sticks.

Pak Wansiri, CCO of marketing company Wunderman Thompson Thailand, said that the goal of this unique project was to get the KFC brand into the public’s attention for the Chinese New Year by taking advantage of a centuries-old tradition – the lighting of incense sticks to pay homage to the gods.

Creating fried chicken incense sticks turned out to be a lot more challenging than the team originally thought. Not did they have to replicate KFC’s 11 herbs and spices recipe, but they had to rely on food flavorings to achieve their goal. To do this, KFC Scent teamed up with Sense Laboratory Co.,Ltd. and Klinkasem Incense.

This sounds like blasphemy, and I’ll bet the gods will have a bone to pick with KFC.

Poaching Has A New Meaning

Thanks to F. Joe Biden’s draconian policies, Americans and Mexicans are traveling to and from the border. They aren’t coming for freedom or for fireworks; they’re bringing eggs to the United States.

At $3.40, a 30-count carton of eggs is a steal in Juarez, Mexico, these days. Unfortunately, federal law prohibits Americans from bringing raw eggs or poultry across the border. That has not stopped people from trying as the price of eggs skyrockets in the United States.

U.S. Customs and Border Protection reports a 108 percent increase in seized egg products and poultry at ports of entry from Oct. 1 to Dec 31 of last year. The price of a dozen eggs rose from $3.50 to $5.30 during that period as avian flu forced producers to put down 43 million egg-laying hens, according to the Economic Research Service of the U.S. Department of Agriculture.

I think it’s hilarious that U.S. Customs are stopping people and searching them for eggs. You jackasses do nothing while thousands of South Americans waltz through the border, but eggs are the hill you want to die upon? And you wonder why no one trusts the government.

L.A. Man Shows Off His Dump Truck

A Los Angeles man was arrested after he plowed his dump truck into his wife’s residence. Ronald Dunn was arrested after threatening his wife Patricia Dunn, and decided to drive his dump truck into the house.

Repeatedly.

Residents in a Los Angeles neighborhood were stunned after seeing their neighbor go on an angry rampage, destroying his own home, neighbors’ yards and cars.

Neighbor Journey Meggerson began taking video of the destruction and immediately called 911. But before officers arrived, the man came back driving a dump truck, leaving another trail of destruction.

Well, if nothing else, I assume their marriage is Dunn. Thank you, I’ll be here all week!