Kate Winslet Wept

I’ve never had the desire to take a cruise, mostly because I suspected I would be seasick, bloated from all the food, and locked in the tiny cabins.

That said, I never thought striking an iceberg would be an issue, but here we are.

A Norwegian Cruise Line ship on the way to an Alaskan glacier hit an iceberg over the weekend and is being turned around due to damage.

The ship, the Norwegian Sun, smacked into the minor iceberg, also known as a growler, on Saturday and was rerouted to Juneau for inspection.

Bunch of babies. Finish the cruise and hope the ship stays afloat.

“On June 25, 2022 while transiting to Hubbard Glacier in Alaska, Norwegian Sun was engulfed by dense fog, limiting visibility and resulting in the ship making contact with a growler,” a Norwegian Cruise spokesperson told Cruise Hive.

“The ship remains fully operational and is currently on its way to Juneau, Alaska for assessment,” the spokesperson said Sunday.

“Fully operational.” Yeah, they said that about the Death Star before it was destroyed.

Gloria! G-L-O-R-I-A!

A Lansdale Borough, Pennsylvania was arrested after she was found walking the streets without pants.

At 2:21 p.m. on June 16, Lansdale Borough Police were dispatched to the area of 1 Vine Street for a report of a female walking semi-nude with no clothing from the waist down. Dispatch reported multiple people had called about the woman, and once outside, police reported multiple bystanders pointing towards the female, who was ultimately located in the area of Montgomery Avenue and Pellette Street, according to charging documents.

The woman was identified as 35-year-old Gloria Harpel.

Gloria’s alibi is one of the funniest I have ever heard.

Police said Harpel initially stated that she had taken off her pants and thrown them down a storm drain, though she later made different statements regarding what happened to her pants, including that snakes had eaten them. The report describes Harpel as sweating profusely with constricted pupils, and adds she was making “nonsensical outbursts.”

Honestly, Gloria is lucky no guy approached her and decided to show off his “snake.”

P.S.Obviously that is not Gloria, but I couldn’t find a photo of her.

Stop The World I Wanna Get Off

For the record, I would like to apologize for this story right up front, but I had to post this for the hilarity factor. Remember Honey Boo Boo? The morbidly obese white trash star of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” is allegedly engaged… to a human!

Is Alana “Honey Boo Boo” Thompson on her way to becoming Wifey Boo Boo?

The 16-year-old former “Toddlers & Tiaras” sensation is sparking engagement rumors because of a big diamond ring on her left ring finger.

Fifty bucks says the “diamond” is a kidney stone or a piece of plastic she ate off a cake.

In images obtained by the US Sun, Thompson sported the sparkler while helping her 22-year-old sister, Lauryn “Pumpkin” Shannon, with her twin babies in Georgia at a recent photo shoot. However, Thompson’s rep told The Post, “Alana is not engaged.”

Wow, what a relief. Could you imagine this chick procreating? Good Lord, it boggles the mind.

P.S.That’s not Honey Boo Boo above. I didn’t want you guys pouring bleach into your eye sockets.

New York Has A Sanitizer Problem

Former New York governor and current sexual harasser Andrew Cuomo apparently over-bought hand sanitizer during the Chinese Wuhan Virus pandemic. In fact, the state is sitting on 700,000 gallons of hand sanitizer which has never been used.

In the wake of COVID-19’s worst assault on New York, the state was left with more than 700,000 gallons of unused NYS Clean hand sanitizer, sprawled out on a runway at a state training facility near Utica.

And now, officials have to figure out how to dispose of it all.

I have a few ideas…

1. Remove the water from water slides and replace it with hand sanitizer.
2. Send it to the multitude of strip clubs in the state… for obvious reasons.
3. Use it to cover the Statue of Liberty, thereby making her immune to dirt and grime.

Millions of bottles were produced by the state, in response to a shortage of hand sanitizer early in the pandemic. The ones that went unused now sit on pallets under the sun at a state preparedness training center in Oriskany, Oneida County, covered in blue tarps, Politico reported last month.

I mean, if the sanitizer is just cooking in the sun, why not mix it in with the lunches at New York public schools? It’s not like the lunches could get any more appetizing.

Eat Your Heart Out, Crocodile Hunter

You know all the stories about Australians being bigger than life and afraid of nothing? Well, turns out all of that is one hundred percent true.

Meet Kai Hansen, who lives on an island surrounded by crocodiles, where occasionally the crocs stop by his kingdom.

A Darwin publican has given a crocodile “an almighty smack on the nose” after the reptile upset the pecking order on his island.

Goat Island Lodge owner Kai Hansen used a frying pan to whack the saltwater crocodile named Fred who charged towards him. The kitchen utensil was enough to ward off the scaly visitor and send it back into the water.

Now if I were living on an island where crocodiles were swimming in the water around me, I would have an arsenal of firearms, because there is no way I’m getting that close to a croc with a frying pan.

It’s Literally An Air Bee-And-Bee

If you’re looking to get away for a summer vacation, a man in Grottole, Italy has the perfect place for you. You can rent a small residence in the countryside… which is filled with one million bees.

To celebrate World Bee Day properly, Italian beekeeper Rocco Filomeno recently listed the world’s first bee farm on Airbnb, allowing guests to sleep to the sound of over 1 million buzzing insects.

Nope, nope, and double-nope.

Located on Rocco’s olive farm just outside the picturesque village of Grottole in southern Italy, the unique accommodation was designed by artist Davide Tagliabue, financed through crowdfunding and built with the help of local volunteers. The modest structure was made entirely of fir and birchwood and cost only $17,000 to make.

It might not look like much at first glance, but what really makes it unique is that it is built around a giant hive of over 1 million bees. The main idea was for visitors to fall asleep to the buzzing of bees, a humming sound known to have a soothing effect.

To be perfectly honest, I would rather sleep in the Philadelphia Zoo’s gorilla cage.

Portly Person Pushed Past Petrified Ponies

Meet Remi Bader, a woman who puts out TikTok videos and apparently has two million followers.

Bader trashed a New York ranch, when she was told she was too heavy to ride their horses. Bader weighs in at over 240 pounds.

A New York cattle ranch has come under fire after TikToker Remi Bader posted a video saying that she wasn’t allowed to ride a horse at the ranch because she was too “fat.”

If she weighs more than 240 pounds, she probably shouldn’t be riding the horses, depending upon the age and the size of the animals.

Bader, who has over two million followers on TikTok, posted a video on June 11, showing the ranch’s buildings with a text overlay calling out the owners of the ranch for allegedly mistreating her.

Actually, Bader mistreats herself every day by staying that large. The heaviest I have ever been was 236, and I remembered that was the weight of Homer Simpson. I immediately did all I could to get my weight down because I looked hideous and didn’t want health problems.

“Shoutout to Deep Hollow Ranch in Montauk for making me leave because I weigh over 240,” Bader wrote.

I’m pretty sure the ranch didn’t eject her from the property. They probably just suggested she was too heavy for the horses. Bader left on her own accord, and then posted a TikTok afterward to get sympathy.

Just Like Maximum Overdrive…

A young mother was killed when she reached into her washing machine, unaware that the washer was still running. The mother was electrocuted when she reached into the machine.

A 20-year-old mum suffered a fatal electric shock when she put her hand in a washing machine thinking her load had finished.

Viviane Rodrigues was putting on a wash at her home in Juazeiro, north-east Brazil, this week.

I had no idea you could get electrocuted from a washing machine, but now I know.

Investigators said she suffered a massive shock when she put her hand in the machine while it was still running to retrieve some items of clothing. Her husband rushed her to the local hospital emergency unit, but Mrs Rodrigues – mother to a nine-month-old son – was declared dead on arrival.

Just a terrible story, especially with a nine-month-old son at home. Horrible.

Vertical Speedboat Gets Erect

Nevada’s Lake Mead has seen its water level drop dramatically in the past few months, but now there is a fairly scientific way to measure its depth. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the vertical speedboat.

Another day and a new record for Lake Mead as the water level dropped to 1045.51 feet Monday. But there’s now another way people have been measuring the level of the lake, the vertical speedboat.

I imagine the teens are all giggling at the boat. Oh, and not to be a grammar Nazi, but the article spells “vertical” as “verticle.” Well done, Nevada Board of Edu-ma-cation; give yourselves a hand.

Firmly stuck deep in the Lake Mead mud, the speedboat in the Government Wash area has been a beacon of sorts showing how much and how fast the lake is receding. As of June 12, the vertical speedboat remains upright and practically on dry land, except for what appears to be a large sinkhole around its stern.

Considering the uselessness of our modern “leaders,” I think we can all agree every politician should be thrown into the Government Wash.

Cathy Hardest Hit

The Biden economy is spreading past high gas prices and food shortages. Now, movie theaters believe America will be struggling through a popcorn shortage.

You maniacs, you blew it up. Damn you all to Hell!

In the wake of a record-breaking Memorial Day weekend thanks to “Top Gun: Maverick,” movie theaters are facing a new dilemma – experts are worried a popcorn shortage could be around the corner.

A popcorn shortage could wreak havoc with movie theater profits as Hollywood prepares for more summer blockbusters.

The shortage is partially because farmers are growing less corn in favor of more profitable crops these days. But shortages in other areas that impact theater popcorn are also at play. For example, suppliers are having trouble getting the lining used inside popcorn bags.

I haven’t been to the moves in years, but I’d like to see Top Gun. That said, there’s no way I’m going if there isn’t popcorn around. What am I, some type of peasant?