Me No Horny

Comedian Jim Jeffries – a man I consider a leftist hack, but whatever – set off to Japan to make a comedy video, and he found something rather amazing: apparently, Japanese millennials are not having sex. At all.

In the video, Jeffries interviews “four single Japanese millennials” to find out what their thoughts are on dating. While the lineup may be controversial — with the inclusion of a maid and a Japanese YouTuber who once faced criticism for racist comments — the answers they provide to Jeffries’ questions suggest that some men may be intimidated by women, preferring to sit back and wait for them to make the first move instead.

As they discuss the issue further, it becomes apparent that “as women become more empowered, men need to update their vision of an ideal mate“. And while some of the difficulties they face in finding a perfect partner aren’t all that different from other countries, there’s a stark difference in one of the reasons given for the low birthrate, as suggested by the manager of a Tokyo marriage agency.

So wait, millennial soy-boys aren’t coveted by the deliciously desirable Japanese babes? Wow, you could have knocked me down with Godzilla. Ladies, if you’re searching for real men with which to knock boots, fly to the states and contact a few American conservatives. You will not be disappointed.

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You Dropped A Bomb On Me

Wow, the United States military certainly holds a grudge. An unexploded World War II bomb was found near the Bolzano, Italy train station. Guys, you won; there’s no reason to spike the ball 75 years later!

Italian authorities evacuated 4,000 people from the center of the northern city of Bolzano on Sunday to defuse a World War II bomb found during construction.

Three experts defused the 500-pound American bomb during a three-hour operation that also forced 60,000 people to stay in their homes and closed sporting complexes and churches.

An alarm signaled the all-clear to reopen the city center just before noon, as well as a nearby north-south highway and rail line both connecting Italy with Austria and Germany.

The bomb was found close to the city’s central cathedral and not far from the train station — the likely wartime target — during excavation work for a new shopping center.

The Italian government has stated they are stopping all exports of wine and spaghetti in protest.

Auntie Em, Auntie Em!

You may have seen TXNick’s comment during yesterday’s True Detective Stories, Dallas was hit with sever thunderstorms, high winds… and a tornado Monday. The tornado passed within a mile of the University of Dallas, and touched down near Love Field.

Kyle and his fellow students were shelter-in-place – thankfully for only five or ten minutes – but he’s okay. I’m sure he would like to have a word with TXNick about not mentioning twisters, but that conversation can come later over chicken and waffles.

Some crazy person also caught footage of the tornado moving through Dallas, because YOLO, and you can see it by clicking this link. It’s kinda scary, but I guess it’s better than living in Kansas or Oklahoma.

Here’s hoping everyone is okay, and the damages aren’t too substantial.

Oh, the weather cleared so quickly, Kyle and his friends were still able to attend last night’s Dallas Stars game, where they beat the Ottawa Senators by a score of 2-1.

New Jersey Sucks

I often make fun of Florida and Ohio for their mind-blowingly stupid citizens – many, not all, obviously – but of all the states I’ve visited in my life, there is none worse than New Jersey. Hands freakin’ down.

An Ocean County man convicted on an obscenity charge for watching porn videos on his iPad while sitting in his car outside a fast-food restaurant during the dinner rush has lost a legal battle to overturn his conviction.

David J. Lomanto, 53, of Little Egg Harbor Township, was arrested on April 22, 2014, by township police and held on $20,000 bail after a woman parked next to him saw him watching porn on his tablet with his windows lowered.

The woman, whose 12-year-old son had gone into the restaurant for food, said she could see Lomanto’s iPad resting against the steering wheel and saw there was “porn going on the video.” Specifically, the woman saw images of a man and woman having sex and “heard moaning on the video.”

I’ve driven through Little Egg Harbor Township many, many times. It’s a sleepy shore town which apparently has more than its fair share of Gladys Kravitz types. Personally, I don’t understand why this woman made such a big deal about this. Turn your key, park a few spots away, and mind your own f**king business.

If the guy was “yankin’ his doodle, it’s a dandy,” then by all means, call the po-po. But getting the police involved for someone watching pr0n in his own car is a scumbag move.

Welcome To San Fran VSCO

I recently started an Instagram account. Now before you pour the boiling oil onto me, I only joined because the UD lacrosse team posts there, and I refuse to join Twitter. Anyway, there is a new viral sensation on Instagram, and it’s just as stupid as all the previous viral sensations.

Move aside, pumpkin-spice-latte-sipping “basic” girls, there’s a new aesthetic dominating youth pop culture that’s bubbled into the mainstream: VSCO girls.

“VSCO Girl” – pronounced vis-co girl – is the term for the aesthetic of the preppy, beach-inspired look and it’s just the latest viral trend and source of parody for tweens and teens in the Gen Z-dominated spaces of Instagram and the micro-video app Tik Tok.

Their attire can include: Crocs or Birkenstocks with socks; oversized T-shirts that cover most of their shorts; light and natural-looking make-up; Fjällräven Kånken backpacks; Puka seashell necklaces; Colourful velvet scrunchies and Pura Vida bracelets on their arms; and, Hydro Flask reusable water canisters in hand.

The only crocs I wish to see making a comeback are the ones in Florida who would hastily devour these dumbass girls. God, the next generation is doomed.

A Statue Of Limitations

A naked woman was rescued after she climber atop a cathedral and straddled a statue in Fort Worth, Texas. You know, if Texas is going the way of Flori-duh, I’m going to have to start looking at Arizona.

A naked woman had to be rescued after she scaled a roof and straddled a statue on top of a cathedral building in Fort Worth, Texas.

The woman was seen climbing the roof of St. Ignatius Academy at the Saint Patrick Cathedral complex where she remained trapped for roughly four hours until she was brought to safety but rescuers in a cherry picker.

According to Fort Worth police spokesperson Tracy Carter, the woman – who has not been identified – may have suffered from a mental health condition.

Ya think? Honestly, who climbs a cathedral when there are so many other preferable places to pick? You know, like the University of Texas Tower, the Texas Book Depository, etc…

People Are The Worst

So I mentioned Parents Weekend earlier, and while it was amazing – God Bless Texas – the flight home was less than amazing.

We were booked on Southwest – easily our favorite airline – and I did not want the window seat this time. Mrs. Earp took the middle and I had the aisle, because my bladder is smaller than a lima bean. Everything was going smoothly, and there was a chance we wouldn’t have to share the row with another humanoid.

Sadly, those chances dwindled immediately afterward.

A woman carrying a small tote bag walked up the aisle and wanted to sit in the row next to us. The women there said something about not liking dogs, or being allergic to dogs, and basically told the woman to scream. I heard a bit of the conversation, and thought, “Did she say dog?” Moments later, the woman asks if she can have our window seat. I’m not going to say no – although I thought it – so she sat down. Inside this makeshift tote bag was a small white dog, poking its nose out of the carry-on.

This yippy little bastard did not seem to be a service dog, so… what the hell?

Strangely enough, the dog was the least annoying part of the flight…

Continue reading “People Are The Worst”

The African Queen Empress

Meet Queen Empress Myáh Lareé Israelite. (Funny, she doesn’t look Jewish._ Queen Empress has “no fear of nothing breathing” – that’s a direct quote – and she proved that theorem by climbing into a lion enclosure at the Bronx Zoo.

Because how are you supposed to let people know you’re a poor decision maker unless you make one to prove it, this is a video of Instagrammer queenempress_myahlaree climbing over a short fence into the pre-ravine portion of the lion exhibit at the Bronx Zoo and waving and dancing in front of the animals. The Bronx Zoo has since filed a complaint for criminal trespassing. In her own words:

I REALLY HAVE NO FEAR OF NOTHING BREATHING!!

“Its funny Cause you can hear Grown Men Scared smh. Only People wasn’t scared was me and The Chidren. All the Adults was Scared .Let’s just Say The Lions & the Children and Kids that Witnessed “Queen Empress Myáh Lareé Israelite” Go In With the Lions And Made it Out Alive

Apparently, the Queen Empress is only scared of using proper grammar, punctuation and diets.

So Senseless

A search has been initiated to find the body of a man who jumped off the Grand Canyon Skywalk this weekend. The man allegedly climbed over the barrier and leaped to his death for reasons unknown.

Authorities are trying to locate the body of a man who climbed over a safety barrier at the Grand Canyon Skywalk and apparently jumped to his death.

They say the 28-year-old visitor to the tourist spot on the Hualapai reservation outside Grand Canyon National Park jumped around 4:30 p.m. Saturday.

Skywalk opened in 2007. It’s a horseshoe-shaped glass walkway that juts about 70 feet over the canyon overlooking the Colorado River. Signs warn tourists not to venture too close to the edge as a vertical drop from the Skywalk is between 500 feet and 800 feet.

I don’t understand this. I mean, dealing with depression, I get how people have these thoughts, but often times these victims are inconveniencing those left behind. Forget the man’s family for a minute, but consider the rangers and search crews who have to trek into the Canyon, find the body and transport it back to the access roads. It’s just so selfish.

Don’t Put This In His Bio

Some of you longtime readers know I’m a golf fan. Even though I’m horrible at the game – it’s a good day when I break 100 – I used to play it regularly.

It’s both a terrific and frustrating game. Just ask Korean professional Bio Kim.

The Korean Professional Golfers Association suspended Bio Kim for three years for making an obscene gesture towards the gallery during the final round of the Korean Tour’s DGB Financial Group Volvik Daegu Gyeongbuk Open.

The incident in question occurred on the 16th tee box. Kim teed off and then got teed off because someone took a picture during his swing. Kim quickly turned to the fans and flipped them off, then slammed his club into the ground.

Kim, who was leading the tour’s money list, went on to win the event. He later apologized for his actions.

Wow, I know Korea is old school, but a three-year ban for flipping someone the bird? Cripes, PGA golfers could beat a fan to death with a sand wedge and only be suspended for one tournament.