Dinosaurs Will Rule Again!

A British scientist is claiming geneticists may be able bring back dinosaurs using their preserved blood.

The world of palentology has been abuzz since the discovery of a 99 million-year-old tick holding onto a feather of a dinosaur – indicating the parasite fed on the blood of the prehistoric monsters.

The find is so incredible because it is incredibly rare to find a parasite with its host and provides the clearest evidence yet that ticks dined on dino blood. And the blood from the tick could theoretically be used to bring back dinosaurs.

Earlier this year, science expert and author Helen Pilcher claimed species can be brought back from extinction.

Now some of you may say this is wrong; that it’s a sin against God, To that, I say, God, schmod, I want my Tyrannosaurus Rex!

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Another Episode Of Kabuki Theater

Congressman Trey Gowdy grilled Deputy AG Rod Rosenstein about the improprieties surrounding the OMG TRUMP-RUSSIA! investigation.

Naturally, Rosenstein denied the accusations, because the Mueller investigation is entirely on the level.

Republican Congressman Trey Gowdy aggressively questioned the presence of a special counsel in the Russia investigation while questioning Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein Wednesday.

“The reason we have special counsel is because of a conflict of interest,” he said. “We don’t like conflicts of interest because it undermines people’s confidence in both the process and the result.”

“And then, lo and behold, those that are supposed to make sure there are no conflicts of interest seem to have a bit of their own,” Gowdy declared.

Look, I like Gowdy, and he’s always good for stirring speeches. That said, speeches are all Gowdy has, and there is never any bite to his bark. Sure, clashes like this stir up the base, but let’s be honest, this “inquiry” will end in the same fashion of the Koskinen, Lerner, and Clinton investigations: no sanctions and no charges.

Adult Babies

The University of Massachusetts-Amherst has found the perfect solution to combat its students’ stress.

A dorm display at the University of Massachusetts-Amherst is using Care Bears to help students who feel “grumpy or stressed.”

“Feeling grumpy or stressed? Let the Care Bears help!” the display states above a large, hand-drawn rainbow adorned with bit of advice for students.

“It’s important to take care of ourselves! Self-care is an active choice and you should treat it as such,” one section proclaims, while other suggest that students “surround yourselves with supportive people” and “reminders of what you love.”

The display also suggests goofing around with friends, making time for fun, eating healthy, and getting enough sleep.

Remember, UMass-Amherst is a legitimate university which ranks “among the top 30 in a field of more than 700 public, four-year colleges and universities in U.S. News & World Report’s annual college guide.”

In-state students spend $14,590 a year, and out-of-staters cough up $31,823 annually… for Care Bears.

Is That Bologna In Your Pants, Or…

An American citizen was detained after trying to smuggle pure, uncut Mexican bologna into the U.S.

A New Mexico resident has been cited after federal officials say he tried to smuggle 76 pounds of illicit lunch meat from Mexico by hiding it in a spare tire.

U.S. Customs and Border Protection said last week that the eight rolls of Mexican bologna were discovered aboard a truck at an El Paso port of entry on Friday.

Officers detected an anomaly in the appearance of a Ford F-150 as it arrived at the Paso Del Norte international crossing port. Agents scanned the spare tire with a density meter. When they opened the spare tire, officials said agents found the bologna hidden inside.

The street value of the seized bologna is close to $50 million, if it’s sold in individually-wrapped slices.

An Alabama Slammer

Uber-leftist, abortion-on-demand Democrat Doug Jones won the Alabama Senate race last night by a single whopping point.

Senate Democrats and their celebrity feeder fish are lauding the victory, and claiming a new day for the Democratic Party, after barely beating someone who was labeled a “pedophile.”

Kudos, DNC. Kudos.

The election of Democrat Doug Jones to the U.S. Senate complicates — and could all but doom — Republican efforts to score any big wins for President Donald Trump.

The narrowing of the Senate Republicans’ already-slim majority represents a huge loss to the GOP, which failed this year to deliver on a campaign promise to repeal Obamacare and has struggled to pass spending legislation.

Don’t worry, guys; someone on Capitol Hill is very pleased this morning:

Yet Jones’ victory over Republican Roy Moore also comes as a relief to Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky. McConnell championed Moore’s primary opponent and called on the nominee to leave the race after several women came forward to complain that Moore had pursued them as teenagers.

Congratulations GOP establishment, you douchebags couldn’t sway a majority of Senate votes before last night; now you have another far-left Democrat in the building. You made this happen. Own it.

The GOP struggled throughout 2017 when it controlled 52 of the 100 seats in the Senate. Tuesday’s loss is sure to boost the influence of maverick Republican senators such as Susan Collins of Maine, who was one of three Republicans to oppose the Senate’s latest effort to repeal the 2010 Affordable Care Act.

The Obamacare repeal is now officially dead, the border wall is on life support, and the Democrats have another leftist asswipe running around the Beltway, all because Mitch McConnell and the GOP Establishment media thought Judge Roy Moore was “icky.”

I consider myself a Trump Republican. Say what you will about the man, but he has been more conservative in his actions than any president since Ronald Reagan. The rest of the GOP can wither away in obscurity.

True Detective Stories

Monday was the first day of a five-day, Monday to Friday day work week – easily the worst combination in recorded history. My shift work schedule hits us with a “normie schedule” once every few months, but working the same hours as regular people is depressing. It is even more depressing when you work with stupid, incompetent people.

The first contestant was a firefighter who claimed his vehicle was stolen. Okay, that’s a nice, run-of-the-mill job. Wait, your uniforms, fire gear, and SCBA tanks were in your vehicle, as well? Awesome! Let’s ignore the fact this is a violation of city policy and address why the f**k you would leave items like those in your car overnight in the hood!

The second contestant was even more “special.” The police officer came to make a report he lost his firearm. Okay, that seems bad on the surface, but it became even more interesting when we were told the officer lost his city-issued firearm. Up twinkles!

The moral of the story? Life is hard, kids. It’s harder when you’re stupid.

Getting Some Skin In The Game

After ogling the erection of naked restaurants in England and Spain, two French entrepeneurs decided to penetrate the market as well. Their restaurant, O’naturel, recently popped up in the City of Lights.

At the recently inaugurated O’naturel restaurant in Paris, France, diners leave more than their coats at the door. The country’s first “naked restaurant” allows naturists to enjoy classic French fare completely nude, in a comfortable and relaxed ambiance.

O’naturel is not the first nudist restaurant in Europe. In the summer of 2016, a pop-up nudist restaurant opened in London, followed by another in Tenerife. Their success inspired twin entrepreneurs Mike and Stephane Saada to try the same concept in Paris. “People only get to be nudists in the summer,” 42-year-old Stephane said, suggesting O’naturel lets patrons enjoy nudism all year year round.

“Our role is to put people at ease,” Stephane told AFP. “As soon as they enter the dining room, we accompany them to their table, and we reassure them that it’s not like the whole room is looking at them.”

Unfortunately, the whole room IS looking at them, and judging them on their flabbiness, droopiness, and grooming habits. Humans were never meant to be naked in public – or in my case, in private – because the average human looks like a drowned seal.

I do, however, wonder if O’naturel’s seats are made of cloth or leather.

You Can’t Spell Facilitator Without CAIR

An Bangladeshi immigrant carried out a terror attack in New York City yesterday, and the New York chapter of the Council on American-Islamic Relations went after the villains in the incident: the NYPD.

The family of Akayed Ullah, the suspect behind Monday morning’s failed suicide bombing at the New York City Port Authority Bus Terminal, expressed “outrage” by the actions of law enforcement.

“We are heartbroken by the violence that was targeted at our city today, and by the allegations being made against a member of our family,” Albert Fox Cahn, the legal director for CAIR New York, stated on behalf of the Ullah family, WABC reported.

“But we are also outraged by the behavior of law enforcement officials who have held children as small as four years old out in the cold and who held a teenager out of high school classes to interrogate him without a lawyer, without his parents,” the family said. “These are not the sorts of actions that we expect from our justice system, and we have every confidence that our justice system will find the truth behind this attack and that we will be able to learn what occurred today.”

We know what occurred, you Islamist shills. One of your own tried to murder countless innocent civilians – again – because your religion looks the other way when it comes to slaughtering infidels.

Beauty Is Only Scalpel Deep

Meet Berry Ng.

The 22-year old Hong Kong woman has undergone thirty plastic surgery operations in an effort to please her abusive, douchebag boyfriend.

Berry NG claims that her plastic surgery addiction began when she saw a beauty center offering affordable student packages that cost HKD 799 (102 USD) for three injections. However, over the course of a few hours, the beautician persuaded her to go for a more expensive package costing HKD 17,000 (2175 USD).

Berry was so pleased with the results that she began to seek more treatments and soon found herself addicted to cosmetic surgery. However, things got even worse when she was 20 years old and entered into a romantic relationship with a man nine years her senior.

Her partner was verbally abusive and continuously insulted her looks, comparing her unfavorably to other women. Berry responded by going on a plastic surgery spree over a six month period, during which time she underwent the majority of her 30 cosmetic procedures.

“If he had ever said ‘you are beautiful’ even for once at the time, I would have stopped,” Berry told China Press. (H/TAOSHQ)

The verbal abuse is a terrible thing, but in my opinion, the plastic surgery is worse. Ng looks beautiful now, but she was extremely pretty beforehand. All of this could have been avoided if the douche canoe told her she was a pretty girl.