True Detective Stories

Occasionally I start these True Detective Stories with something along the lines of, “This doesn’t mean to be a bitch post…”

This post is exclusively a bitch post, so if you don’t feel like reading it, that’s cool.

Yesterday ended my two weeks of night work. As one of the pretty police officers downstairs always says, “Last day, best day.” Sadly, yesterday was nothing of the sort. I walked into the division at 2:40pm, and the floor was a ghost town. There was one detective left from the early shift, which was odd because there are usually a handful of detectives at that time of day.

I didn’t lose my mind about the lack of manpower, because screw them; if they want to run a skeleton crew, that’s on them.

Sadly, it was on us.

My desk was covered with paperwork from the early shift, which usually gets placed into their inbox. The only time we have to handle jobs from a previous shift is when they are priorities. Unluckily for me and my squad, there were three robbery reports on the desk. One of which was taken at 12:25pm, which was two and a half hours before my shift began. Where the f**k were the detectives, and how can they get away with leaving us three robberies which occurred on a different shift?

Continue reading “True Detective Stories”

Would You Like Cream In Your Coffee?

A British woman noticed something rather, um, “odd” with her Costa Coffee cup when she received her cup of joe. It appears the gingerbread man cup looks like he’s releasing some swimmers into the world.

A woman left people in stitches after discovering Costa Coffee cups that appeared to feature a rather rude detail.

Claire Fletcher had been watching Bake Off with her partner Trevor Brown when they paused the show on a Costa advert while he went to get a drink.

The pair were then left in stitches after noticing the coffee chain’s Christmas gingerbread cup at an awkward angle – making the sweet treat’s arm look like a penis. Even ruder – Claire claims the ‘s’ of the Costa logo makes it even more vulgar looking as it appears the gingerbread man was enjoying an explicit act.

I’m going to give Costa Coffee the benefit of the doubt here. Having said that, the gingerbread arm does look like a penis, and the squiggly “s” doesn’t do the gingerbread man any favors.

Caption Contest Winners

Top Five Entries:
5. Take the sticker. He won’t grope you if you wear the sticker! – RudyTBone
4. “Mom always said not to make goofy faces or your face would freeze.” – TXNick
3. Thank you for signing the “I Won’t Sue Gropy McGropy Hands” pledge card. – Jim
2. I would rather have a barf bag. – Mis. Hum.

WINNER! – Here you go. I know they look like $20 bills, but thanks to my husband they are only worth $15. – Ingineer66

Merry Creepmas!

Meet Woody, a Canadian department store Christmas tree which resurfaced after fifteen years. Look at Woody’s face. LOOK AT IT!

An infamous 15-metre tall Christmas tree has made a return at a department store in Canada – and has horrified many. Woody – a giant tree with a robotic face – can be found at the Mic Mac Mall in Darmouth, Nova Scotia.

Canadians seem to be split in the middle whether the display is creepy or cute, with talk show host Jimmy Fallon comparing it to the ‘Red Light, Green Light’ Younghee doll from Netflix’s hit series Squid Game.

The interactive holiday decoration has big lips which move when it speaks, and curly lashes that bat.

I’m fairly certain the only bat needed here is an aluminum baseball bat. It can be used to beat this thing to death before also killing it with fire.

If you want to have continuing nightmares, you can see the tree in action at the link above.

Joe Biden: Leading The Way With Covid

The illegitimate president was touring a store on Nantucket Island Saturday, and was not wearing a mask, despite the fact the store had a large sign asking people to wear one. Thankfully, our elites are not subject to such Draconian rules.

President Joe Biden was spotted shopping inside a store over the weekend without wearing a mask which he has repeatedly urged Americans to wear.

The president was seen inside Murray’s Toggery Shop on the island of Nantucket Saturday with his mask around his neck and not covering his mouth despite a visible sign outside the door instructing patrons to wear a mask.

Masks have nothing to do with the Chinese Wuhan Virus. It has everything to do with controlling the masses.

According to the White House press pool, Biden walked out of the shop at 4:45 p.m. with his mask down and drinking what appeared to be a milkshake.

The president ignored a question on what more needs to be done to stop the rising omicron variant as he walked down the street to another store.

That’s because he is going to nothing about it, since the South African doctor who discovered the new variant claimed the strain is both “different and mild.” Every new strain of this virus will see more restrictions of your freedoms.

True Detective Stories

So the department’s commanders, in their truly finite wisdom, have decided there are entirely too many shootings and homicides in this city. No kidding?

Before I get to this ridiculous plan, some background. The city has not promoted detectives since 2019, and we are losing detectives every week from retirements, attrition, or outright resignations. My squad should have fifteen detectives, but we’re working with twelve. (Technically, we have eleven, because one detective is on military leave until January.) My squad averages twenty to forty jobs during an eight-hour shift, and we are in the busiest division in the city.

In short, we’re short. Every detective division in the city is in the same predicament.

This is what the commanders drummed up to stop the flow of violence. Detective Headquarters decided they would take detectives from the divisions and send them downtown to police HQ. When a non-fatal shooting occurs, these detectives would have to drive to different parts of the city, handle the shooting, and return to Police HQ to process the paperwork.

This is idiotic for three reasons. First, the divisional detectives are intimately familiar with the divisions where they work. Everyone knows where the hot spots are, and everyone knows who the bad guys are. Now, they’re sending detectives to different parts of the city, where they don’t know the lay of the land.

Second, the divisions are compartmentalized. A shooting comes in, the detective heads to the scene, and comes back to the division. The furthest district is maybe twenty-five minutes away, tops. Now, if you’re at Police HQ and you need to go to Northeast or Southwest Division, you’re looking at maybe an hour, one way.

Finally, this plan will decimate detective divisions. We’re already way too short to handle the insane amount of jobs we receive. Imagine how bad it will be when we lose half our detectives.

This department has made many terrible decisions in my twenty-eight years, but this is by far the dumbest idea they have ever imagined.

1,068 days.

She’s Cruzin’ For A Schmoozin’

Meet Heather Cruz, of Donnellon, FLorida.

Heather is a friendly girl, so much so that she entered a Citrus County residence, took off all her clothes, and started hugging and sitting on the residents inside.

A Florida woman was arrested Sunday after police say she walked into a Citrus County home and undressed herself before hugging and sitting on multiple people, including several who were 65 years or older.

Police say 35-year-old Heather Cruz, of Dunnellon, walked into the Citrus County home through a side door. Once inside, Cruz removed her clothing and exposed her genitalia before she grabbed and hugged the homeowner.

One wonders where she was placing her tips.

When Cruz was told to stop, documents say she sat on the lap of two other residents while naked, saying “you like it” to one of the victims.

I mean, psycho or not, what guy doesn’t want a naked woman sitting on their lap?

The Vagina Catalogues

Meet Lauren Hunter Daman of Thomaston, Georgia. Lauren is a rather attractive webcam model, and prides herself on her fabulous above the waist body. Below the waist? Not so much.

Georgia webcam model Lauren Hunter Daman, 27, redefined “crotch shot” after discharging a firearm into her vagina during an alleged sex stunt gone awry.

Oooh, that’s going to leave a mark.

“The female had shot herself in the vagina accidentally,” paramedic Brittany Rivers reportedly told responding police officers of the incident, which reportedly occurred on the morning of Nov. 9 at a residence in Thomaston, per a report by the Upson County Sheriff, the Smoking Gun reported.

Later interviews with witnesses revealed that the sex pistol-turned-gunshot victim was apparently alone in her bedroom when the weapon — a 9mm handgun — went off.

Normally, I would say I’d hit that like the fist on an angry god, but if she doesn’t have a vagina anymore, I’ll pass. Well, probably. Eh, who am I kidding; I’d still go for it.

Radon, And On And On…

So here’s something you don’t see every day. A radon-infused tunnel in Germany is attracting everyday people who believe breathing the radon will cure chronic pain.

I mean, you won’t have much pain after your die…

A very conflicted Tom Scott talks about a tunnel in Bad Kreuznach, Germany where people pay to deliberately inhale radon in an effort to relieve chronic pain. Scott had filmed this segment earlier but was unable to determine whether or not to post the information, mostly because this particular treatment has not yet been proved effective.

One of the first things I filmed on that trip was the radon tunnel, the “radonstollen”, in Bad Kreuznach in south-west Germany….But despite filming going really well on location, despite being really happy with my script and the interview at the time, I just wasn’t comfortable with it when I got back to the UK.

Probably because too much radon can kill you. Yeah, that’s kind of a red flag.

After speaking with a representative from Accuradon, the company that runs the tunnel, Scott was able to understand more about what they were doing and how they controlled the natural radon that flowed from under the tunnel. Scott also acknowledged the company was not making widespread claims about fixing all sorts of health problems, but was focused on a single condition – chronic pain.

Gee, I wonder if the tunnel would relieve the chronic pain of Princess P’s moodiness?

Milwaukee’s Worst

Meet Milwaukee District Attorney John Chisholm. Chisholm has been in the news recently, after he allowed Darrell Brooks, the man who murdered six people by driving them over with his car, to walk out of prison with a $1,000 bail. Apparently, Chisholm doesn’t like prosecuting people. At all.

The Milwaukee County District Attorney’s Office refused to prosecute more than 60 percent of the felony charges police forwarded for prosecution last year.

Prosecutors refused to pursue charges in more than 80 percent of misdemeanor filings in December of 2020 alone, Wisconsin Right Now reported.

These statistics stemmed from cases that were rejected after being filed, which means the total number of cases Milwaukee County District Attorney John Chisholm’s office refused to file is even higher, according to Wisconsin Right Now.

How many people were killed or otherwise assaulted because this jackass refused to prosecute more than half the county’s felony crimes?

Chisholm’s office has also created a huge racial disparity when it comes to who is benefitting most from the refusal to prosecute, Wisconsin Right Now reported.

Cases involving white defendants are being dropped at a higher rate than cases involving black, Hispanic, Asian, and Native American defendants, according to data released by the district attorney’s office. (H/TMike AKA Proof)

So Chisholm is not only incompetent, but he’s also a racist. Good to know.