What. In. The. Hell?

The New York City medical examiner has performed an autopsy on Jeffrey Epstein, and found multiple breaks in neck bones, occasionally found in homicides.

An autopsy found that financier Jeffrey Epstein sustained multiple breaks in his neck bones, according to two people familiar with the findings, deepening the mystery about the circumstances around his death.

Among the bones broken in Epstein’s neck was the hyoid bone, which in men is near the Adam’s apple. Such breaks can occur in those who hang themselves, particularly if they are older, according to forensics experts and studies on the subject. But they are more common in victims of homicide by strangulation, the experts said.

The office of New York City’s chief medical examiner, Barbara Sampson, completed an autopsy of Epstein’s body Sunday. But Sampson listed the cause of his death as pending. Sampson’s office did not comment on the injuries found in the autopsy.

I’m beginning to believe Epstein’s death is a 50/50 toss-up between suicide and homicide. There are too many coincidences and variables for this to be a straight suicide, but he atttempted suicide shortly after he arrived in prison, so…

Yeah, I got nothin’.

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Shot Officers Released From Hospital

All the Philly police officers shot yesterday have been released from the hospital. Similarly, my sister and my cousin’s wife – a nurse and a surgeon in North Philly – were also eventually released from work.

The piece of filth surrendered after midnight (EDT) with a little help from SWAT and tear gas.

You may remember when I mentioned protesters were gathering around the shooting scene last night. Apparently that story was absolutely true.

While Philadelphia police officers were dealing with a gunman who shot six of their own during a standoff at a home in the Nicetown-Tioga section, cops also had to deal with being taunted by some bystanders. CBS3’s Alexandria Hoff reports a crowd of people laughed and yelled at officers in the midst of gunfire during a standoff on Wednesday…

“I mentioned this at 10 and since I was harassed during that live shot, I’ll mention it here too. A major moment of disappointment this evening was watching a crowd of people taunt police officers, laughing and yelling at them in the midst of the gunfire. #PhiladelphiaShooting”

— Alexandria Hoff (@AlexandriaHoff) August 15, 2019

Apparently, many of the laughing, taunting protesters were from the block where the shootings occurred. If you just went numb from that mental image, consider the fact dozens and dozens of police officers raced toward gunfire at high speeds to stop an armed assailant from murdering innocent people. Six of those officers were shot, and three more injured.

These men and women would literally give their lives for yours and you shout at them? You laugh as the bullets rain down upon them? The irony here is those protesters probably don’t deserve police service, but we’re still going to race toward that next gunshots call.

Race and hatred may define them, but it does not define us; no matter what Barack Obama, Colin Kaepernick, or Cory Booker believe.

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Shots Fired At Philadelphia Police

Because I need this on my first say back from vacation.

We’re hearing reports of multiple shots fired at Philadelphia police in North Philadelphia. We believe one officer was injured, but we don’t know the particulars yet. SWAT is enroute to the location.

A Philadelphia police officer is being rushed to the hospital after he or she was shot in Nicetown-Tioga, officials said.

The shooting occurred around 4:30 p.m. Wednesday on 15th and Butler streets. Officials said the unidentified officer was shot at least once.

The officer was taken to the hospital. Officials have not yet revealed his or her condition. They also have not released details on what led to the shooting.

Just heard another officer has been shot. I’ll keep you posted.

You can see the live feed here.

UPDATE: The shooter surrendered at midnight after SWAT fired tear gas into the residence.

Boning Up On The Local Customs

Meet Danny Polaris of Berlin, Germany.

Danny had a hot date with a nurse recently, and he couldn’t have chosen a more appropriate profession.

Danny Polaris, who lives in Kreuzberg, Berlin, took a Viagra before a night out recently. When he went home with a nurse he met, he allowed his friend to inject a stimulant into his penis. He felt fine until two days later when he was rushed to hospital screaming in pain.

Danny was diagnosed with a priapism, which, if not treated, can cause permanent damage to the penis.

Meanwhile Danny’s friends have set up a GoFundMe page to pay for his recovery and rehabilitation costs.

They probably should have set up a DeBoneMe instead.

Don Accused Of Squeezing The Lemons

CNN’s least recognizable leftist media hack Don Lemon has been accused of sexual harassment/assault by a bartender in the Hamptons. Lemon, who is gay, allegedly probably assaulted the man at a bar.

Dustin Hice claims that Lemon attacked him at Sag Harbor dive bar Murf’s in July 2018. Hice, who was working as a bartender at another Hamptons watering hole, said he approached Lemon at the bar one night after recognizing him. Hice “tried to get Mr. Lemon’s attention and offered to buy Mr. Lemon a drink,” the suit claims. The CNN host declined, stating he was “just trying to have a good time.”

Later in the night, the suit says, Lemon approached Hice.

“Mr. Lemon, who was wearing a pair of shorts, sandals, and a t-shirt, put his hand down the front of his own shorts, and vigorously rubbed his genitalia, removed his hand and shoved his index and middle fingers in Plaintiff’s moustache and under Plaintiff’s nose,” the suit says.

Oh yeah, if you’ve ever seen Lemon hammered on New Year’s Eve, you know this is arguably his move.

Hice said Lemon repeatedly shoved his fingers in his face and asked, “Do you like pussy or dick?” Hice claims he left the bar “shocked and humiliated.” (H/TAOSHQ)

Ace made a terrific point which I wanted to include here. Lemon is always at the forefront of the “Believe All Accusers” line, so why should we believe Mr. Hice is lying? Personally, I believe Lemon is guilty, because, like Christine Blasey-Ford, Mr. Hice has no reason to lie.

You Can’t Spell Vapid Without ADPI

The Alpha Delta Pi sorority of the University of Central Florida – that is not them on the left – is in a heap of trouble after they were found committing a few many minor major infractions on campus.

Florida sorority Alpha Delta Pi has been suspended after allegations of its members posting an explicit photo, offering payment to complete schoolwork and swapping IDs to buy alcohol.

[O]n July 8, an unhappy Alpha Delta Pi (ADPi) member emailed complaints to Woody Joseph, the president of Fraternity & Sorority Life.

The member claimed that a photo of her sorority sister naked from the waist down and lying next to a toilet in a bar, was shared in a mass chat on the GroupMe app. She reported the photo to her chapter president because the student “couldn’t have given [consent] seeing how absolutely plastered she was,” but no action was taken.

Additionally through chats, wrote the member, sisters sold prescription drugs and swapped driver’s licenses in order to purchase alcohol. One message read, “Will send nudes and mula for a blonde ID,” and a member admitted she drove to work “blackout” drunk from the night before, a statement that was allegedly “liked” by the group president.

Full disclosure: I despise sororities more than I despise fraternities. My neighbor’s daughter is in a sorority, and the only thing she cares about new recruits is, and I quote, “Is she pretty?”

I’m sure UCF’s Alpha Delta Pi sisters are very attractive, which explains why they’re drunk all the time, cheating, and buying fake IDs.

Last One…

When I left for the Outer Banks, I was sitting pretty at 183 pounds. It’s still entirely too fat, but the gym and jogging is certainly helping. I jogged every morning in OBX, but the amount of ridiculously fantastic food was too much to bear.

This morning the scale said 186 pounds, but I’m thinking I’m heavier than that right now.

So why the round face? Well, we can thank Capt’n Frank’s Hot Dogs to start. After a round of miniature golf, we decided to do lunch. Mrs. Earp saw this establishment (at the right) and thought it was a good choice. Boy, was she right! The hot dogs were amazing, the soft drink refills were free, and the upstairs deck had a nice breeze and great views. I ordered a Mad Dog, which was a hot dog with chili and hot peppers. My god, it was phenomenal.

I did notice, however, many of the eateries in Kitty Hawk and Kill Devil Hills had some fairly odd names. To wit…

The story goes like this. The diner is only open for breakfast and lunch, and it’s usually packed. However, the locals would come in and sit drinking coffee for hours, clogging up the tables. The owner, Bob, finally had enough, and apparently told people to eat and get the hell out. Pretty funny.

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More Vacation Tales

Our other big adventure – besides miniature golf; I didn’t win any of the three games we played – was a trip to Jockey’s Ridge State Park in Nags Head.

The tallest living sand dune on the Atlantic coast is a premier location for kites, sightseeing and sunsets, with a view arcing from the ocean to Roanoke Sound. A visitor center with museum and 360-foot boardwalk with exhibits explain the dune’s ecology and are a gradual entry to the massive dune field.

The dunes are massive, as you can see above, and what the site doesn’t tell you is visitors can surf the dunes. Take Kyle, for example…

Kyle and Erik had an easier time hitting the slopes, but they were not fond of the return climb. I pulled Kevin and Julia down the dunes by dragging the board’s tether, but after five or six runs, my knee was completely shot. We wanted to stay and watch the sunset, but naturally, a huge storm came in and ruined the opportunity.

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Well, We’re Back From Vacation

It’s a rare occurrence when I return from vacation feeling truly rested and not the least bit annoyed about returning to work. A lot of that may have to due to the fact the Outer Banks is freakin’ epic! Most of today will be posts from vacation, so if that’s not your thing, You can skip past them.

The first big thing we experienced was the Wright Brothers National Memorial in Kill Devil Hills, North Carolina – the coolest town name evah.

(Oh, click the photos to embigggen.)

Most national parks bore kids to tears, but this was different. The park is not overly large, but it has a lot of history, and some great stories about Orville and Wilbur Wright and the men who helped them fly. The memorial (above) is at the top of the sand dune hill where the brothers launched their planes. Climbing to the top of the hill on the paved walkway was difficult enough in the heat – it became very steep the closer you came to the memorial – so I cannot imagine the men dragging the plane up and down the sand dune time after time.

The view from the top is impressive, however…

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Caption Contest Winners

The Prom Night Caption Contest is now over.

Top Five Entries:
5. She knows I’m gay. What’s with the stupid kiss and her making me gag? – Ronni
4. And at the very moment, Isabella told Johnny she’s a Democrat. – Barry D.
3. Jimmy got his morning blowjob, and just then he remembered he had asparagus the night before… – Sully
2. I am never coming out of my Mom’s basement again. – Ingineeer66

WINNER! – The moment Kevin realized that’s not a banana in her pocket. – Kevin