Bringin’ Home The Bacon

While trying to stay on Atkins, I occasionally get cravings for one food or another. Once in a while, I see an ad that drives me crazy with hunger; enter Burger King.

Burger King was always the winner when it came to a bacon cheeseburger, but it’s now upped its game with the Bacon King sandwich.

The delicious looking new offering is made up of two quarter pounder burgers and eight slices of bacon. Yes, you read that correctly – EIGHT. That’s an entire packet of bacon.

Eh, I mean, a packet of bacon is pretty good… for a start, I guess.


Caption Contest Winners

The Keep The Home Fires Burning Caption Contest is now over.

Top Three Entries:
3. Maybe trying to repair a furnace by watching a YouTube video wasn’t the best idea. – J-Dub
2. Note to self: a little less jalapeno in the “Three Alarm Chili”. – Mike

WINNER! – “No way in hell she’s kicking me out and keeping the house!” – Ronni50

Leftist Soros Operative Assaults Woman

A leftist reporter for the Soros-funded American Bridge PAC allegedly pushed a female Department of the Interior staffer to the floor while trying to acost Secretary Ryan Zinke. Hmm, it’s almost as if the #WarOnWomen is a staple of the Democrats.

U.S. Capitol Police have arrested a male Democratic operative for assaulting a female Interior Department communications official following a House budget hearing Thursday.

The assault happened after Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke finished testifying on the department’s 2019 budget proposal before the House Committee on Natural Resources. The suspect identified himself as a reporter with American Bridge and pushed a female Interior Department communications official to the floor, chasing after Zinke, The Daily Caller News Foundation learned.

Interior communications director Laura Rigas was “greatly alarmed and extremely irate that a female senior member of my DOI Communications team was physically assaulted today by a Democrat staffer from the PAC American Bridge,” she told Politico.

Why are Democrats always such angry, violent people who hate women? Oh well, at least this incident will be promoted at next year’s Academy Awards ceremony during the #Metoo segment.

Ready For Spillary!

Vanquished presidential candidate and sloppy drunkard Hillary Clinton earned a natural hat trick by falling for a third time in India.

Two days after a nasty fall in a hotel bathtub left Hillary Clinton with a broken wrist, the former Secretary of State was spotted making the best of a bad situation while continuing her tour of India.

Hillary was seen in Jaipur on Thursday where she appeared to be adopting an out-of-sight and out-of-mind approach to her recent injury by wearing a kurta that had been customized to make one sleeve longer than other.

To achieve this, the loose and flowing top was wrapped tightly around Hillary’s torso, transforming the once comfortable piece into a more constricting look complete with an empire-waist. That allowed Hillary enough extra fabric to cover her wrist with both her top and the shawl she wore while spending her day touring historic monuments alongside gal pal Huma Abedin.

She. Looks. Fabulous! I had no idea the fashion world unveiled a Slenderman line. Can you imagine what would have happened if this harpy won the presidency? The woman is obviously dealing with some severe health issues, slips and falls, and who knows what other maladies.

By the way, “gal pal” in this case is code for “longtime companion.”

The End Of An Era

After six productive years, a handful of all-star games, a few trophies, and a title appearance, Erik is officially retiring from soccer at the ripe old age of fourteen.

Erik has decided to play lacrosse (YES!) in high school, and considering how the high school runs “tryouts” – the teams are picked well beforehand – he wanted to spend his spring playing lax for his local club. The decision is bittersweet. During his first year, Erik was the kid who knelt down and picked the grass. Then, during a game, he was stung by a bee. After the tears stopped, he went on the field and completely took over the team. We’re convinced the bee was carrying steroids.

The kid once scored thirteen goals in a youth indoor soccer game (with one assist), and has always been a talented striker. He was the boy everyone said would be playing in college, and while he enjoyed lacrosse, he never really preferred it over soccer. I think he was swayed by the fact Kyle plays, and now that a few colleges have expressed interest in Kyle, Erik sees a future for himself.

Saturdays indoor finale was most likely his last, but he went out in style. Erik played harder than anyone on the floor, scored two goals, and played impressive defense. His team lost the game 11-3, but Erik made a statement during his exit.

It’s sad to see him not playing a sport he loves, but I have no doubt he will excel in lacrosse this spring, and for years to come.

Sunday Services

After posting the Joker last week (aka Heath Ledger), I decided to make a change and go with Catwoman this week (aka Anne Hathaway).

Anne Jacqueline Hathaway (born November 12, 1982) is an American actress and singer. One of the world’s highest-paid actresses in 2015, she has received multiple awards, including an Academy Award, a Golden Globe, and an Emmy. Her films have earned $6.4 billion, and she appeared in the Forbes Celebrity 100 in 2009.

Hathaway made her breakthrough as the protagonist in her debut film, the Disney comedy The Princess Diaries (2001). Hathaway made a transition to adult roles with the 2005 dramas Havoc and Brokeback Mountain. The comedy film The Devil Wears Prada (2006), in which she played an assistant to a fashion magazine editor, was her biggest commercial success to that point.

In 2012, Hathaway starred as Selina Kyle in her highest-grossing film The Dark Knight Rises, the final installment in The Dark Knight trilogy.

Hathaway is an actress, which means she is a leftist clown, but she is also plenty hot, which is the only reason she is getting play here. There are more photos below the fold…

Continue reading “Sunday Services”

The Photo Received A Bunch Of Likes

Utah police were alerted to a corpse after a local man decided to post a photo of the body on Facebook, instead of, you know, calling 911.

A now-deleted social media post on an Ogden community page prompted a slew of calls from concerned residents asking officers to investigate what turned out to be a man’s body in the city’s 21st Street Pond.

Officers pulled 51-year-old Tracy Rex Kunzler’s body from the pond, near 500 West and 17th Street, on Wednesday, though they were dispatched to the pond to investigate shortly after the person posted a photo to Facebook on Tuesday night, said Ogden Lt. Danielle Croyle.

The person apparently posted the photo to the group because he or she didn’t know whether the body was a mannequin, Croyle said.

As a law enforcement professional drone, I would like to say something which should already be common knowledge. If you believe there is even a miniscule chance that thing you see is a body, please call the police. We won’t be offended if the guess is wrong. In fact, we’ll be relieved.

Erin Go Braghless

Today is St. Patrick’s Day, arguably my least favorite holiday of the year. It’s chock full of Irish people and Irish wannabes, lousy drunks, and awful food. That said, there are ways you can celebrate without peeing your pants – or someone else’s.

Learn the History. I’m not going to avoid the fact that there are an increasing number of people who feel that non-Irish people celebrating St. Patrick’s Day is tantamount to cultural appropriation. I haven’t truly made up my mind on this and I have children whose 23andMe results indicate they are 74% Irish. For our family, comprised of last names like Milligan, Keating and Keane, this is a celebration of a real heritage and history.

As I mentioned, though, I do think it’s important (and respectful) to learn who St. Patrick actually was along with the history of why this day exists. I believe that learning the history and avoiding these mistakes and faux pas is important but I also think that, just like any other holiday, North America has adopted its own way of celebrating St. Patrick’s Day.

Yeah, by drinking too much, singing too poorly, and vomiting on your neighbor’s dog.

Dirty Barry

Barack Obama, the most effeminate president in American history, eliminated 500,000 criminals from the NICS background check system, effectively allowing the thugs to purchase firearms.

The Justice Department under Barack Obama directed the FBI to drop more than 500,000 names of fugitives with outstanding arrest warrants from the National Instant Criminal Background Check System, acting FBI deputy director David Bowdich testified Wednesday.

Fugitives from justice are barred from buying a firearm under federal law. But what is a fugitive from justice? That definition has been under debate by the FBI and the ATF.

According to The Washington Post, the FBI considered any person with an outstanding arrest warrant to be a fugitive. On the other hand, the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives defined a fugitive as someone who has an outstanding arrest warrant and has crossed state lines.

That disagreement was settled at the end of Obama’s second term, when the Justice Department’s Office of Legal Counsel sided with the ATF’s interpretation. (H/TAOSHQ)

Remember, we need common sense gun laws… to counteract for the 500,000 fugitives who may have legally purchased guns thanks to Barack Obama. As time passes, I’m sure we’ll see more reports of the Obama administration sabotaging the Trump presidency.