Sunday Services

Today’s services center upon not only the hottest African-American woman of all time, but arguably one of the hottest women ever: Tyra Banks.

Tyra Lynne Banks (born December 4, 1973) is an American television personality, producer, actress, author, former model. Born in Inglewood, California, she began her career as a model at age 15, and was the first African American woman to be featured on the covers of GQ and the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, on which she appeared twice. She was a Victoria’s Secret Angel from 1997 to 2005. By the early 2000s, Banks was one of the world’s top-earning models.

The photo above is probably my favorite bikini shot ever; any model, any publication. I’ve posted it on my blogs many times before.

There are more photos below the fold…

Continue reading “Sunday Services”

So Mono Means One, And Rail Means Rail

One of the most underrated experiences of Walt Disney World is the monorail. Every time you step into one it is an adventure of sight, sound, and smells.

Last week, instead of being exposed to a nasty smelling Frenchman, Disney visitors were exposed to sparks and smoke.

The monorail at Walt Disney World was evacuated last Friday after it was forced to stop near Epcot Center.

Park visitor Jim Parker says he was standing underneath the train when a metal chunk fell from it and landed approximately 10 feet from him. It is still not clear what part of the monorail fell. Shields’ monorail car became so hot that passengers removed the emergency windows.

The Reedy Creek Fire Department was called to the scene.

Disney executives, ever the gracious hosts, rewarded the stranded passengers with the “It’s A Small World” soundtrack and free monorail rides for the entirety of their stay.

Open Range

For those of you who refuse to believe the dumbassery perpetrated by criminals in my True Detective Stories are embellished, I present this. Enjoy.

Seen here proving that maybe casing a joint prior to trying to rob it might not be such a bad idea, this is a dumbass burglar who rips a window panel off of a completely open carport to try to get inside. He then disappears for a moment while his brain comprehends what a stupid idiot he is, then skulks off, but not before half-assedly trying the front doorknob again. Sure he’s gotta know it’s still going to be locked from when he tried it 30 seconds ago, but he does it anyway, almost as if to kick himself in the nuts one last time before leaving empty-handed.

The sad part is he obviously got away with the “burglary,” and is now plotting a municipal park break-in.

That’s How He Trolls

President Trump trolled the mainstream media yet again. After allowing the media to salivate over the thought there may be tapes of his conversations with former FBI hack James Comey, the president admitted there were no such tapes yesterday.

My god, I simply love this man.

President Donald Trump on Thursday tweeted that he did not record his conversations with then-FBI Director James Comey, putting to rest one of the biggest lingering mysteries surrounding the drama between the president and the FBI head he later dismissed.

Trump tweeted in May, shortly after he fired the FBI boss, that Comey “better hope that there are no ‘tapes’” of their conversations.

Comey testified to Congress that the prospects of taped conversations between him and Trump spurred him to ask a confidant to alert the New York Times about the existence of the memos. The revelation provided more pressure on the Justice Department to appoint a special counsel to oversee the probe.

The media reactions to these two tweets gave me more joy than my wedding, the birth of my children, and the time I banged Milana Vayntrub (in my mind).

Weekend Caption Contest

The Crying Game Caption Contest
(Source: AP via Yahoo)

Caption this photo in the comments section. The winners will be posted Monday, June 26th.

Original Caption: Supporter Jan Yanes, center, cries as Democratic candidate for 6th congressional district Jon Ossoff concedes to Republican Karen Handel at his election night party in Atlanta, Tuesday, June 20, 2017. (Photo: David Goldman/AP)

Time Heels All Wounds

Meet Erica Kaitlyn Mize.

Erica is an aspiring young model who works at a Florida accounting firm. When she is not calculating figures, she is calculating how to eliminate her competition in local bikini contests.

Erica Kaitlyn Mize, 24, tangled with the victim last month during the Miss Sailfish Regatta Bikini Contest in Stuart on Florida’s Treasure Coast.

After the 11 bikini-clad contestants left the stage at Causeway Park, Mize tussled with the 23-year-old victim (who is the current girlfriend of Mize’s former boyfriend). The victim told cops that Mize warned her that “you should go to the gyno because you’re in for a rude awakening.”

The victim said that Mize “hit her on the head with her high heel shoes.”

Mize, cited for misdemeanor battery, was on probation at the time of her bikini contest collar. In mid-April, she was placed on probation for a year following a conviction for marijuana possession.

So will Erica’s employer give her the boot? Shoe betcha!

The Skin He’s In

NHL superstar Marian Hossa may have to retire from the sport because, get, this, he is apparently allergic to his hockey equipment.

The Chicago Blackhawks right wing will at least miss the 2017-18 season, as it was announced Wednesday that he’s suffering from a skin disorder, which is being caused by an allergic reaction to his own hockey equipment.

The 38-year-old Hossa has missed 46 games over the past six seasons, but said playing right now has to take a back seat.

“Due to the severe side effects associated with those medications, playing hockey is not possible for me during the upcoming 2017-18 season,” Hossa said. “While I am disappointed that I will not be able to play, I have to consider the severity of my condition and how the treatments have impacted my life both on and off the ice.”

That sucks so hard. Hossa is one of my favorite players, primarily because he hails from Slovakia. His loss would be a blow to the NHL in general, and the Blackhawks specifically.

Terrorism Is Always A Step Away

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the airport… A man attacked a Flint, Michigan police officer from behind with a knife, stabbing him several times while shouting “Allahu Ackbar.”

The media still cannot find a motive for the attack.

A Canadian man yelling ‘Allahu Akbar’ repeatedly stabbed the officer including in the neck at the airport on Wednesday morning. The saying is often shouted by Islamic terrorists before attacks or suicide bombings.

The police officer involved in the incident has been identified as Lieutenant Jeff Neville.

Neville was at his post at the top of a set of escalators at the airport Wednesday morning when he was attacked from behind with a knife similar to a Bowie knife.

The article goes on to say it is unclear why the Islamist was in Flint. Um, because Flint is in Michigan, home to Dearborn, America’s budding Caliphate.

Be wary of your surroundings, America. The fatwa has come to our shores.

Joe Doesn’t Give A Buck

There are few sports announcers I despise more than Fox’s Joe Buck. (Although Chris Berman gives him a run for the money.) This weekend, Buck’s idiocy caught up with him at the 18th hole of the U.S. Open.

Fox’s Joe Buck learned the hard way that golf broadcasters need to stay accurate even after the final hole.

As U.S. Open winner Brooks Koepka walked off the 18th green Sunday, he got a congratulatory kiss from a woman whom the announcer confidently identified as Koepka’s girlfriend, Becky Edwards, a former collegiate soccer player.

Only they broke up and the woman actually smooching Koepka was his current girlfriend, “Sharknado” franchise actress Jena Sims.

Close enough, eh, jackass? Your father must be turning over in his grave.

Oh, and not for nothing, but Brooks Koepka isn’t exactly a PGA superstar in the mold of Dustin Johnson or Tiger Woods. Yet he’s still landing crazy hot athletes like Becky Edwards and insanely gorgeous actresses like Jena Sims? Well done, sir. Well done.

Caught Pool Hopping

One of my proudest achievements is the fact I have never seen even one second of The Bachelor, so when I heard about an alleged sexual entanglement during production, my curiosity was piiqued.

Warner Bros. originally shut down production of the fourth season of the ABC reality series amid allegations of a sexual encounter between contestants DeMario Jackson, 30, and Corrine Olympios, 24. After launching an internal investigation with the assistance of an outside law firm, the studio confirmed the footage did not support claims of sexual misconduct by a cast member.

“Out of respect for the privacy interests of those involved, we do not intend to release the videotape of the incident.

Great, now I have completely lost interest in this story.

Production of the fourth season of the reality series was shut down amid allegations co-stars DeMario Jackson, 30, and Corinne Olympios, 24, engaged in questionable activity in a pool at the resort where filming took place. The cast had been sent home from Mexico as a result.

The rumor was Olympios and Jackson allegedly explored each other’s nether-regions with their mouths while they were in the pool, which was the style at the time. One has to wonder how much chlorine was necessary to sufficiently decontaminate the water. I’m guessing a metric ton.