Fire In The Hole


Last night a concerned citizen calmly walked into our division’s parking lot, opened a patrol car’s gas tank, stuffed it with paper and lit said paper on fire. Thankfully, no bacon was cooked.

Officials say they found a vandalized radio patrol car in the parking lot of the 35th District headquarters around 8:30 p.m. Monday. The vehicle’s gas tank was opened and the cap was placed on the ground. Officials also found a burnt piece of paper sticking out of the gas tank.

While investigators say the paper had been previously lit, they don’t believe the vehicle ever caught fire.

So apparently we had a visit from either Anton Chigurh or the Black Lives Matter terrorist group.

My partner got stuck with the job, and we during our conversation we brought up three points. First, we’re damned lucky the gas tank didn’t explode. The patrol car was parked right next to the building, and officers would have been severely injured or killed. Second, we have gas pumps in the lot, so this incident could have been much, much worse. And finally, why the f**k do we not have surveillance cameras covering the building’s perimeter – rhetorical question, as the city won’t pay for them – and how the f**k does a guy walk right into the lot and tamper with a vehicle without anyone noticing?

It’s bad enough we have to worry about being attacked personally; now we have to worry about these animals sabotaging our vehicles.