Florida Man Makes One Hell Of A Meth

Meet Thomas Eugene Colucci of Spring Hill, Flori-Duh.

Thomas was worried about the authenticity of his recently-purchased methamphetamine, so he called a professional to his home to see if the meth was legitimate.

Hernando County Sheriff’s deputies were dispatched to 1463 Mariner Boulevard in Spring Hill Thursday afternoon after a resident in the home called 9-1-1 to request that a deputy be dispatched to “test the methamphetamine” he had recently purchased.

Wow, and I thought Philly criminals were stupid.

Upon arrival, deputies met with Thomas Eugene Colucci. Colucci told deputies he had recently purchased methamphetamine from a male he met in a local bar, and after having used a bit of it, believed it was actually bath salts.

Colucci went on to tell deputies he was an experienced drug user, having used methamphetamine in the past, and “knew what it should feel like.” Colucci produced two small baggies, each containing a white crystal-like substance, and handed them over to the deputy. The substance Colucci had recently purchased did not provide the expected sensation, hence the call to 9-1-1. (H/T – Al)

The officer then tested the drugs, and declared, “That’s good sh*t.” Okay, not really. The deputy arrested Colucci and dragged him off to jail.

Twenty Years Gone

There is very little I can add concerning the September 11th attacks, because after twenty years there is nothing left to add. I would suggest we never forget and never forgive.

I guess there is one thing I could add; the Biden administration has not vetted any of the Afghanis who were lucky enough to get on a plane to America. The logical result of this debacle will likely lead to more terror attacks here and likely another massive 9/11 terror attack. I hope I am wrong, but I’m not.

Oklahoma: Trees Are Made Of Wood

Meet Blakelee Sands of Oklahoma City, OK. Blakelee wanted to go out for a night on the town, but unfortunately, she is only 18. Luckily, Blakelee took her trusty fake ID to the bar, with hilarious results.

Investigators say that Blakelee Sands sought admittance Tuesday evening to a bar in Edmond, a city outside Oklahoma City. But she was turned away by a bouncer who confiscated her phony Texas ID, which carried the name “McKamie Queen.”

All of the names in the world and this dolt settles on McKamie Queen? Holy crap, this chick is a dullard.

When her demands for the ID’s return were rejected by bar personnel, Sands (seen at right) made the mistake of dialing police.

Cops responding to the 911 call were met by Sands, who recounted the seizure of her ID and the bar’s refusal to return it. The teenager insisted that the ID was authentic and that she was, in fact, “McKamie Queen.” However, when officers ran a computer check on the license number on the “Queen” ID, it came back to a male Texas motorist.

Unfortunately for “McKamie,” giving a false ID to a police officer is a felony, so she’ll be spending some time in the pokey to think about what she did.

**The obscure title reference can be found here.

The Mark Of Zero

Meet Matthew Leatham of Port Richey, Flori-Duh.

Matthew wants to make his mark in the world, but instead of going to school and working hard, he got a Florida tattoo on his forehead and called 911 for a ride home.

Police said 22-year-old Matthew Leatham, of Port Richey, was arrested early Sunday morning (January 31) for his alleged behavior on the phone. A court complaint claims Leatham “cursed at the call taker during the call.”

Officials said they were able to find the 22-year-old easily thanks to his forehead tattoo.

Leatham was charged with misuse of the 911 system and possession of marijuana. He was booked into the Pasco County Jail. (H/TJim Lynch)

Not gonna lie; I loved him in Robocop.

Strike A Pose

Meet Seloni Khetarpal, 36, of Canton, Ohio. Seloni comes from a very wealthy family, but sadly, she suffers from Paris Hilton syndrome. That entitlement came back to bite her in the butt dial.

Seloni Khetarpal was arrested for disrupting public services after twice dialing the police emergency line and asking for cops to be dispatched to her family’s spacious Canton residence, which abuts the 18th hole at the Glenmoor Country Club.

According to a criminal complaint, Khetarpal called 911 demanding that cops come to her home since her parents had disconnected her cell service. An operator advised Khetarpal to “only call for police assistance for legitimate purposes.”

Despite the warning, a “belligerent” Khetarpal called 911 two hours later to again report her cell phone woes.

Khetarpal was subsequently arrested and booked into the Stark County jail, from which she was released on $2500 bond. Khetarpal, who is a licensed real estate salesperson, is scheduled for a February 27 preliminary hearing.

You know, Seloni’s parents could have tolerated her tantrums, but they chose another path. Good for them for dropping the hammer; maybe it’ll teach Seloni some humility.

911, What Is Your Emergency?

Meet Sylvia Shumaker of Largo, Florida.

Sylvia had a few questions about divorce proceedings and instead of calling a lawyer, she decided to call 911. Because Florida.

A Largo woman was arrested Friday for misusing 911 by calling and texting the number to make non-criminal complaints about her husband.

Police said Sylvia Shumaker, 69, used 911 multiple times via text and phone to ask for things like a counselor and how to file for divorce. Police responded to Shumaker’s residence early Friday morning around 1:50.

Shumaker was reportedly “highly intoxicated” when being questioned by police.

Now I’m no marital counselor, but without meeting Sylvia’s husband, I can unequivocally suggest he gleefully accept the divorce.

School Of Crock

Judy Sugar, a former teacher at Westchester, New York’s Mary McLeod Bethune Junior and Senior High School is suing the school district after she was dismissed for filing a police report of sexual assault.

On May 14, 2015, she claims a student “accosted” her, touching her legs and backside with his exposed penis as she bent over a microscope.

The head teacher at the school reportedly told Sugar that if she wanted to file a report, she could stop by Dobbs Ferry police headquarters on her way home instead of calling officers to the school. But Sugar said she was worried about the safety of other students and of other teachers, particularly the recently hired “young, attractive” music instructor with whom the student was in class. So she called the cops who said they would respond to the school immediately.

Upon hearing this, the complaint states, Thompson reportedly said, “You called the police?” Almost immediately after that, Thompson allegedly told the teacher to leave school grounds and that insinuated job was in jeopardy.

The school district claimed she’d violated their policy barring teachers from calling the police to report a crime on school grounds.

Can you imagine firing someone for reporting a sexual assault by a student which happened on school grounds? Apparently the #MeToo effort has not yet filtered down to New York.

What happens when a student walks in and tries to pull a Columbine? Is it okay to call 911 then? I sincerely hope Ms. Sugar wins her lawsuit, and bankrupts the entire school district.

Shock And Awesome


Remember when liberals described George W. Bush as a “warmonger” for invading Afghanistan after the 9/11 attacks? Turns out the former president’s actions decimated al Qaeda’s future plans.

According to one of the world’s most deadly and infamous terrorists, Khalid Sheik Mohammed, President George W. Bush wiped out plans for other imminent attacks by quickly invading Afghanistan after 9/11/2001.

According to a new book detailed by The Federalist and former Bush staffer Marc Thiessen, KSM admitted during enhanced interrogation the President’s swift “shock-and-awe” action not only thwarted plans for follow up attacks to 9/11, but changed Al Qaeda’s entire strategy.

Far from trying to draw us in, KSM said that al-Qaeda expected the United States to respond to 9/11 as we had the 1983 bombing of the Marine barracks in Beirut — when, KSM told Mitchell, the United States ‘turned tail and ran.’

‘Then he looked at me and said, ‘How was I supposed to know that cowboy George Bush would announce he wanted us ‘dead or alive’ and then invade Afghanistan to hunt us down?’’ Mitchell writes.

The article also notes President Three-Putt’s elimination of Gitmo interrogations, pullout of Iraq, and overall dismissive attitude has contributed to the escalation of attacks across the country and around the world.