Beverly Hills Ninja

The United States military is still smearing Al Qaeda thugs all over the ground in Syria, and they’re doing it with more panache than usual. Ladies, gentlemen, Daniel-san, I give you the Ninja Bomb.

The US-led coalition in Syria is believed to have used a “secret,” highly advanced missile filled with knives to take out two al Qaeda commanders in the country last weekend.

The weapon, dubbed the “ninja bomb,” fatally struck the two terrorist leaders — Jordanian Qassam ul-Urdini and Yemeni Bilal al-Sanaani — in their SUV as they traveled through northwestern Syria Sunday night.

But the modern projectile managed to leave the vehicle shockingly untouched in the attack. Video circulating from the scene appears to show the targeted SUV with a caved-in roof and damaged front windshield, with the blast leaving several of the vehicles’ tinted windows perfectly intact.

The 100-pound missile, formally the Hellfire R9X, doesn’t explode and instead relies on six knives that are stored inside and spring out moments before impact.

So apparently, the U.S. military is now less Black Hawk Down and more West Side Story.

He Went To Jared

Meet Jared Coburn. Jared really enjoys celebrating Independence Day; so much so he’s preparing his fireworks show… in mid-November. Oh, he’s also using terrorist-grade explosives.

An explosive chemical used to make bombs that the terrorist group al-Qaida has nicknamed the “mother of satan” was found in a home in Lake Helen on Tuesday afternoon, authorities said.

Acting on a tip, Lake Helen police went to 292 W. Pennsylvania Ave. at 3:30 p.m. where they found the chemical triacetone triperoxide, which is known as TATP. They also discovered other bomb-making materials, police Chief Mike Walker said.

“He tried to explain to us that he was making his own version of a firework,” Walker said.

Yeah, the awesome kind or fireworks which topple city blocks. Enjoy prison, jackass.

Al Qaeda To Lynch: Drop Dead

Loretta Lynch Terror Compassion And Love

Last week, Attorney General Loretta Lynch stated the key to defeating terrorism is to deploy compassion and love. In a truly shocking development, Al Qaeda rejected Lynch’s politically-correct bullshittery, and called upon its filthy minions to slaughter white Americans, to bypass the politically-correct backlash.

Lone wolf jihadists should target white Americans so no one mistakes their terror attacks for hate crimes unrelated to the cause of radical Islam, Al Qaeda writes in the latest edition of its online magazine.

Al Qaeda of the Arabian Peninsula (AQAP) called for more self-directed Muslim terrorists to kill in America. But the article, titled “Inspire guide: Orlando operation,” tells terrorists to “avoid targeting places and crowds where minorities are generally found” because if gays or Latinos appear to be the targets, “the federal government will be the one taking full responsibility.”

A caller to one of the talk radio shows – I think it was Rush Limbaugh’s program – brought this up last week, stating the Islamists are probably pissed off that the Obama administration is downplaying the terror angles. The caller’s point was these animals want the credit and they want people to know they are killing infidels in the name of Allah. The new Al Qaeda directive seems to confirm that hypothesis.