Wedding Splashers

As I mentioned previously, my sister got married on New Year’s Eve after a four-decade engagement. The ceremony was held in the banquet hall instead of a church – I think her husband Chris is one of those pagan non-Catholics – but it spared us an hour-plus long mass.

Allison is my only sister, and with two parents working mostly full-time, it was my responsibility to raise her. (She did wonders for my already non-existent social life.) I fed her, changed her diapers, and didn’t panic when she got a Skittle stuck up her nose.

True story.

Before the ceremony Mrs. Earp guilted me into seeing Allison in the dressing room. Me being me, I walked in and said, “Car is gassed and ready to take you to Texas.” When she gave me the evil eye, I said, “Hey, I would have appreciated a warning from you when your were twelve, but you said nothing.”

Already emotional – Dad died in 2013 and Mom in a home – she called me an a-hole, then said, come take a picture with me. One girl from the bridal party said, “Didn’t you just call him an a-hole?”

The ceremony was nice – and short, thank Vishnu – and I got to catch up with my uncles during the cocktail hour. Before you ask, I had one Captain and Coke, plus champagne at the toast. That’s it. My mom’s side of the family – pictured below – asked about my mom and all were very supportive. It was nice to have them there, because Chris’ family is huge.

The reception was fun, even though it was a room full of drunken millennials. Seriously, the bridal party was wasted before the introductions. I do give Allison props for inviting so many fine, primo hoors to the wedding. Most of them young, hot, and wearing dresses you would see in a strip club. My uncle kept nudging me and saying, “Do you see that?” Like I would somehow miss the woman wearing the dress which came up to her vagina!

Kyle and Erik left early for their respective New Year’s Eve parties – Allison gave them the okay – and we stayed until midnight before hightailing it home. I’m very happy for Allison and Chris; especially with the stress about mom. They both kept in good spirits, and had a wonderful time.