Red Light, Green Light, One, Two Glee!

Good news, everyone! The Netherlands’ Prime Minister has announced the lockdown will be lifted on Wednesday, so his citizens – and sex workers – can now go back to work.

(For the record, the photo above is Vica Kerekes, who is absolutely NOT a sex worker.)

Amsterdam’s Red Light District sex workers are getting ready to go back to work after the coronavirus lockdown.

They say they can’t wait to get back to business on July 1, a date that marks the end of a lockdown that began on March 12. But sex workers, who tend to be self-employed with little in the way of resources to fall back on, have suffered financially more than most.

Ladies, seriously, you could have called me. It’s not like I’m difficult to find!

In a small survey of the city’s sex workers, a little over half of respondents said they had applied for government support while they were unable to work. Of that 56%, only 13% said they had been offered help. Even those receiving the €1,050 monthly benefits struggle to make ends meet in a city where average rents are in the region of €1,000 a month.

All you had to do was say the word and I’d have evicted my family out of the house. If nothing else, it would have ensured my children learn how to survive on their own in this rough and tumble world. Plus, my new boarders would be good for releasing my, um, tension.

Deflate-Mate

Famke JanssenPolice work is often fun, dangerous, and bizarre – often simultaneously. No matter how awful the job seems, if nothing else, it is never dull. Police officers in Amsterdam found this out this week while responding to a call for a dead body.

Concerned neighbors called cops on Tuesday after spotting what they thought was a lingerie-clad woman standing, or even hanging, stationary at a window.

Officers rang the property’s buzzer and knocked on the door. But they feared the worst after failing to gain any response. So kicked their way in, expecting to find a dead body.

“In fact, they found a dead woman, but she was made of plastic and filled with air,” the police posted to Facebook, alongside a picture.

The officers “revived” the victim by pumping into it a few times.