Five Guys Is Down To Three Now

Meet Anthony Towles of Tyrone, PA.

Anthony was working at a Five Guys restaurant when a coworker claimed Anthony wasn’t working hard enough. Anthony did not appreciate this constructive criticism, and decided to do something about it.

Anthony Towles, 51, of Tyrone, is facing felony charges after police were called to Five Guys in Altoona and found the victim with a stab wound to their neck, mere inches from a carotid artery.

It’s literally a miracle no one has done this to Diego.

Police report that both the victim and Towles stated that they got into an argument over the victim telling him he wasn’t working hard enough. The two employees then made their way into the back parking lot behind the shopping center. The victim told police that at this point, Towles said “I’m going to kill you.”

Towles then related that he took a pen from his sock and swung it at the victim. Police noted that the victim had an inch long, rather deep cut to the left side of his head behind his ear, mere inches from a major artery.

See, I don’t get this. You’re in a restaurant with knives, a scalding hot stove, and enough cholesterol to kill ten men, but you attack the guy with a sock pen? Come on, Anthony, be better.