Leftist Hero Arrested For Assault

Deranged has-been actor Alec Baldwin was seen auditioning for a role in “The C*nt for Red October” Friday afternoon, after assaulting a man for daring to take a parking space Baldwin coveted.

An unidentified Baldwin relative was holding a parking spot for the actor’s hulking black Cadillac SUV on East 10th Street when another driver in a black Saab swooped in and took the spot away around 1:35 p.m. When the Saab driver hopped out to feed the meter, Baldwin went ballistic on him.

You may think swiping the space is a dick move, BUT I go by the time-honored axiom of “no savesies.”

“What do you think you’re doing!” Baldwin fumed, according to another witness, a construction worker who also declined to be named. “Alec was yelling ‘Shut the f–k up!’” the hardhat added.

Yelling escalating to shoving, and finally the tantrum-throwing thespian, 60, belted the victim, 49.

Baldwin was arrested for misdemeanor assault, and is sitting in a holding cell at the NYPD’s 6th Precinct station house in Greenwich Village.

That’s a shame. Maybe Alec can make a cameo in “Orange is the New Black” after this?

This Kid’s Gonna Fry

A British teenager was arrested after placing a French fry into a straw and shooting it a girl, striking her in the head. London can’t lock up Islamists, but French fry assaulters? They’re on the case.

A 13-year-old boy was charged with assault after he fired a McDonald’s chip through a straw and it hit a woman’s face.

The teenager, who cannot be named for legal reasons, allegedly used the straw to launch the chip at the woman’s head at a McDonald’s restaurant in the Broadway shopping centre in Hammersmith, west London. This then sparked a bust up between three of his friends and four young women which spilled outside.

The boy was then arrested despite his mother claiming he was aiming the chip at his friend.

In fairness, McDonald’s fries are the greatest in all the land. Wasting one should be a capital offense; preferably death by dipping into boiling oil.

School Of Shock

The School District of Philadelphia has always been plagued with accusations their public schools are violent, barren wastelands where learning takes a back seat to jackassery. The accusations are earned.

Anthious Boone, principal of the Fitler Academics Plus School, was overseeing dismissal when a fight broke out between Fitler students and pupils from various nearby Mastery Charter schools.

Boone waded into the fray to try to break it up, said Robin Cooper, president of Commonwealth Association of School Administrators Local 502. “They beat the crap out of him,” Cooper said. “They hit him in the face with a brick. They ganged up on him.”

Boone was rushed to an emergency room for his injuries and symptoms — blurry vision, an eye scratched and swollen almost shut, and a headache. He needed eight stitches. His glasses were ruined. His suit, shirt, and shoes were “a bloody mess,” Cooper said.

You would think this would be a wake up call for the city’s teachers and administrators. Instead, they have doubled down on the stupid.

Scott Gordon, CEO of Mastery Charter Schools, said the organization was “deeply upset” with the actions of some of its students. Based on video of the incident, Mastery officials were able to identify some of the attackers as their students, including three from Mastery’s disciplinary program.

“It’s particularly upsetting. These are students we are trying to support,” Gordon said. Students there have committed serious infractions and receive a range of help, including therapy and other services.

And this is why the violence not only persists, but thrives in Philadelphia public schools. There is no discipline, and when incidents like these occur, the “adults” in charge make excuses for the criminals.