Massage Parlor Rubs Cops The Wrong Way

An Austin, Texas business is facing stiff fines after failing to clean their pipes.

The property manager for Jade Massage Therapy LLC contacted investigators Feb. 7 to report suspected prostitution at the business.

The property manager “became aware of a problem when an industrial waste disposal unit connecting the property to city sewer services became clogged and destroyed by hundreds of condoms,” arrest affidavits state.

Police launched an investigation that found the business was being advertised on a website that often solicits prostitution services and officers conducted a weekslong stakeout that involved pulling over two customers who left the massage parlor.

Police work is a dirty job, but we will do whatever it takes to make sure someone goes to the pokey.

Members of the Austin Police Department Human Trafficking Unit and members of the Criminal Conspiracy Unit executed a search warrant at the business March 22 and found Juan Wang, who owns the business with her husband, Joseph Emery, in a room with a nude man.

Wait a minute; one of the owners is named Juan Wang? Oh, that’s rich!

Hot For Teacher

Haeli Wey

Meet Haeli Noelle Wey; a woman who must have the most commonly misspelled name in American history. Haeli is not only crazy-stupid fine, but she is also responsible for molding young minds. I assume she does the molding with her lesson plans and her va-jay-jay.

Haeli Noelle Wey, 28, had been communicating with one of the victims through social media since the beginning of the current school year. The arrest affidavit listed a series of texts between Wey and the victim that alleged she invited the victim on a hike then asked him to delete the conversation from his phone.

The alleged incident with the second student occurred during the summer. The affidavit reportedly states that Wey invited the victim to her home, where they had sex. The alleged relationship lasted several months and authorities were notified after the victim told their parents. (H/TAOSHQ)

I am always amazed by two things. First, how scorching hot these borderline pedo teachers always are, and second, how quickly these “victims” run to their parents afterward. Hey jackass, just because you’re tired of tappin’ dat ace, why would you ruin it for everyone else?

My Spanish teacher in high school was Miss Dwyer. She was probably in her mid-20’s when she taught me, and every time I walked into her room you could actually hear me get hard. I literally would have given my right arm to bang her, and if I ever had the opportunity, I would have taken that secret to the grave. I mean, I would smile every moment of every day, but I would say nothing.

As far as these idiot teenagers are concerned, I’d like to quote Samuel L. Jackson from Pulp Fiction, “Vincent, shut the f**k up!”