Lance Armstrong Hates The Police

A bicycle store founded by Lance Armstrong has decided to terminate their contract with the Austin, TX Police Department for sales and repairs of police bikes. The store decided their support for the Black Lives Matter terror group was more important than police officers.

According to social media posts from Austin’s Mellow Johnny’s Bike Shop, the business made the call to terminate the contract in light of the “current evaluation of community policing in Austin.”

The bike shop supplied bicycles and repairs for officers within the APD via a $314,000 contract inked in 2019.

Cool, sue the bike shop for breach of contract and put them out of business.

“In the context of the current evaluation of community policing in Austin, we have decided to no longer purchase, re-sell and service police-issue Trek bikes and accessories under a City of Austin RFP [Request For Proposal] the shop was previously awarded,” the statement said.

Look, Lance Armstrong – aka Mister Doping – and his garbage company have every right to refuse any customer for virtually any reason. Similarly, the Austin P.D. has the right to call out these anti-police cowards and shop somewhere else.

That said, I find it hilariously hypocritical that after excoriating the Austin P.D., Mellow Johnny’s had the balls to end their tirade with this little nugget.

The post from the bike shop noted, “We are not anti-police. We do believe our local police force will protect us from the very threats we are receiving right now.

Yeah, good luck with that, dickheads.

The irony here is the Austin police will likely rush to your location when you call 911, even after all your disgusting bile-filled rant. You know why? Because most police officers have more integrity than Lance Armstrong and his merry band of assholes.

I sincerely hope this decision puts you out of business.

You Can’t Spell Masterminds Without Ass

Meet Emily Clow of Austin, Texas. Emily was looking for a satisfying career, and after applying to a local marketing firm, she was “slut-shamed” by the company’s owner for the above photo. Lovely.

Emily Clow, a 24-year-old from Austin, Texas, recently applied for a marketing coordinator internship at Kickass Masterminds, an Austin-based marketing company founded and primarily run by women that says it is “hell-bent on helping entrepreneurs grow businesses faster than they could on their own.”

Clow says shortly after filling out an online application, she was prompted to follow the company’s Instagram account “for an advantage over other applicants.” When she did so, she says she was shocked to find a photo of herself in a swimsuit on the company’s story, along with a piece of unsolicited advice.

The very classy and totally professional Kickass Masterminds then scoured through Emily’s Instagram account before shaming her on social media.

“PSA (because I know some of you applicants are looking at this),” the company wrote over Clow’s photo. “Do not share your social media with a potential employer if this is the kind of content on it. I am looking for a potential marketer–not a bikini model.”

“Go on with your bad self and do whatever in private,” it added. “But this is not doing you any favors in finding a professional job.”

This must be why people say Austin is a garbage town. Naturally, the post went viral and Kickass Masterminds were destroyed so completely on social media that the owner deleted their Twitter account and made their Instagram account private. Wow, how very brave of you.

While we’re talking about professionalism, what professional job names itself “Kickass Masterminds?”

Her Device Was Nickels-Plated

Meet Dovie Nickels of Austin, Texas. This beautiful, totally sane woman decided she needed some excitement in her life… and between her legs.

Austin police arrested a semi-nude woman who was pleasuring herself at two street-level patios Tuesday afternoon on Congress Avenue in downtown Austin.

The woman, 26-year-old Dovie Nickels, has been charged with indecent exposure and was in Travis County Jail on Wednesday with bail set at $3,000.

Two officers, responding to a complaint from the JW Marriott Austin hotel, encountered Nickels across the street, sitting alone at a patio table at Second Bar + Kitchen in the 200 block of Congress Avenue. When an officer approached, she stopped moving her arms under the table and placed them on top of it. That’s when officers “observed that Nickels was not wearing any pants.”

Well, at least the officers stopped Dovie from continuing… oh wait…

Officers said she continued to masturbate even after she was handcuffed and placed in the back seat of a patrol vehicle.

Wow. So she’s incredibly horny and inconceivably flexible. Dovie would be the perfect woman if she didn’t have a face like a frying pan.

All My Leftists Ruin Texas

The leftists running Austin, Texas are considering changing the city’s name because, get this, Stephen F. Austin opposed banning slavery and said derogatory things about slaves. Oh my stars and garters!

Known as both the “father of Texas” and the namesake of the state’s capital, Stephen F. Austin carved out the early outlines of Texas among his many accomplishments. He also opposed an attempt by Mexico to ban slavery in the province of Tejas and said if slaves were freed, they would turn into “vagabonds, a nuisance and a menace.”

For that reason, the city of Austin’s Equity Office suggested renaming the city in a report about existing Confederate monuments that was published this week.

Also on the list of locales to possibly be renamed: Pease Park, the Bouldin Creek neighborhood, Barton Springs and 10 streets named for William Barton, the “Daniel Boone of Texas,” who was a slave owner.

Most of the greatest people in American history either owned slaves, or tacitly approved slavery. I realize this is an uncomfortable truth for leftists, but changing history to soothe your consciences will never change the facts. It’s high time we begin the amicable national divorce, and we can start by excommunicating leftists out of Texas.