You Must Ask Before Going Down Under

An Australian state has approved legislation demanding sexual partners must ask permission before “putting a shrimp on the barbie,” and receive a clear, verbal “yes” in response.

The new law states, in effect, that if you want to have sex you must ask for it clearly, and then hear a verbal “yes” back, under new reforms announced by the New South Wales (NSW) government in Australia.

The state, which is on the east coast of Australia, has placed sexual consent at the core of a strategy to battle sexual assault after a high-profile rape case seemed to show that the existing laws did not protect victims.

Under the package, which also seeks to protect against sexual harassment in the workplace, a $1 million advertising campaign will teach people how to “obtain a clear yes.” The campaign will target young adults in bars and clubs and via social media, with messages like “no means no” and “silence is not a yes.”

I cannot adequately describe how lucky I am to have grown up in the 80’s.

Look, I get the spirit behind the legislation, but in the end, it comes down to a he said/she said argument. Afterward, the woman can simply tell police she said no, and bam, the man is immediately jammed up. Unless Australia is demanding written consent or verbal videotaped consent, how can either party prove the sex was consensual?

That’ll Do, Pig. That’ll Do.

A drunken feral pig got into a brawl with a cow in Australia. Yeah, I never thought I would ever type those words, leet alone read them.

The belligerent porker went on a drunken bender after stealing and drinking three six-packs of beer that had been left out by campers at the DeGrey River campsite in Port Hedland, Australia.

In the predictable series of events that followed the animal went on to ransack rubbish bin bags to find some late-night snacks before starting a fight with an innocent eyewitness cow.

Following the boarish rampage the pig decided to swim out into the middle of a river before collapsing drunk under a tree and falling asleep.

Just like Teddy Kennedy; but with better manners and less odor.

Boiler Choom

jay-and-silent-bob-clerksThe election of Donald Trump has led to a boom for businesses, large and small. As a result, management can set or reset their prices without loss of capital. Some chose to lower their prices, while less scrupulous businessmen walked a different path.

Northern Territory Police said they received a call from a woman who complained her drug dealer had asked for more money for marijuana than usual.

“Completely offended, the woman demanded police investigate this ‘outrageous’ price hike,” police said.

Police encouraged any other residence looking to settle price disputes with their neighborhood drug dealers to contact them for help.

Later that day, the same woman called complaining the man she tried to rob fought back, giving her a bloody nose.

The Slowed Warrior

australian-speeding-ticket-wind-was-pushing-himFor those of you who think my True Detective Stories are made up out of whole cloth, I give you this story from Australia. Yes, teh stoopid exists even in the Land Down Under.

Police in Western Australia clearly thought one speeding driver was full of hot air after they heard his excuse on Monday. The explanation was simple: “The wind was pushing me”.

Unsurprisingly, officers were not convinced the Geraldton weather was capable of pushing the car up to 127 kilometres per hour on Edward Road, Bootenal.

Unless this clown is driving through Kansas during an active tornado, I sincerely doubt the wind is pushing him toward 79 miles per hour. Next time tell the officer a dingo was eating your baby.

SUV Visits The Water Down Under

suv-falls-off-barge-and-sinksAn SUV splashed onto the Australian scene last week after it was spotted diving for pearls.

A four-wheel drive has fallen off a barge heading to Fraser Island and sank.

No-one was inside at the time, but a group of backpackers on their way to the island for New Year’s Eve lost their mobile phones, bank cards, passports and other valuables when the rented vehicle rolled out between Inskip Point and Fraser Island, north of Brisbane, about 10:00am.

Backpacker Chloe Swift, who was on the barge as part of the same backpacker tagalong group, said it was a “really sad and scary start” to her Fraser Island trip.

“There were a lot of girls obviously crying. Their phones and everything are in the car that sunk,” she said.

If this had happened a decade ago, Steve Irwin may still be alive. You know, because he would have a place to hide from the stingrays. What, too soon?

No Rules, Just Fight

australian-man-punches-kangaroo

An Australian man has achieved internet fame after video surfaced of him punching a kangaroo in the face while trying to save his dog.

The man, who was pig hunting with his dog and several friends in rural New South Wales, saw that his hunting dog was being forced into a headlock by a large kangaroo. The man, reported to be Greig Tonkins, 34, rushed up to help his dog.

Startled, the kangaroo let go of the dog. But Tonkins—who told media that he wanted to scare off the kangaroo and give his dog a chance to retreat—punched the marsupial in the face.

“The guy’s very lucky because he could have been killed,” says Marco Festa-Bianchet, a National Geographic explorer who studies kangaroos and who is a biologist at Université de Sherbrooke in Quebec.

Contrary to popular belief, kangaroos don’t normally try to box, or punch, each other, says Festa-Bianchet. Instead, they prefer to balance on their strong tails and kick with their powerful back legs. “If the kangaroo had done that to the guy it could have disemboweled him,” says Festa-Bianchet.

The must-see video is below the fold. Trust me, it is high-larious.

Continue reading “No Rules, Just Fight”

Your Olympic Babe O’ The Day

Charlotte Caslick Australia Rugby

UPDATE: Congratulations to Charlotte and the Australian Women’s Rugby team for winning the gold!

Today is a combination Olympic Babe O’ The Day and Sunday Services. The subject is Charlotte Caslick, a rugby player from Australia.

Charlotte Caslick represents Australia in Sevens Rugby. Born in Brisbane, Queensland and playing for The Tribe, she debuted for Australia in May 2013. As of December 2015, she currently has 13 caps, racking up 31 tries in that period.

Charlotte was named in World Rugby’s 2014/15 Team of the Season after another stellar season and one of four players nominated for the 2015 World Sevens Player of the Year. Charlotte was also voted player of the tournament in the Australian Nationals. She has been named halfback of the year three years running.

I watched Caslick play yesterday as they destroyed Colombia, 53-0. She’s a pretty awesome player, and she possesses the qualities desired by the superficial man.

Charlotte Caslick Bikini

See what I mean? There are more photos below the fold.

Continue reading “Your Olympic Babe O’ The Day”

Mad Max: Gory Road

Sharon Heinrich Australia

Meet Sharon Heinrich. This lovely Aussie cyclist is hopping mad after a kangaroo kicked her off her bike and ruptured her breast implants.

A 45-year-old woman in southern Australia will now be undergoing surgery to replace her ruptured breast implants after being kicked by a kangaroo. Sharon Heinrich was biking through Clare Valley’s popular Riesling Trail with a friend when suddenly, a male kangaroo kicked both women off their bikes. The kangaroo then landed squarely on Heinrich and used her as a jumping board to leap off.

Surprisingly, Heinrich says that her implants may have actually saved her from serious injuries.

“They worked as air bags,” she said, adding that they helped cushion her impact on the ground. “We flew probably one-and-a-half meters after he hit us.” (H/T – Rick)

It’s nice to see Sharon refuse to let this tail burst her enthusiasm, especially after it went tits up.

By the way, let this be a lesson to flat-chested women everywhere; breast implants save lives!

Put Another Shrimp Sausage On Barbie

Genevieve LacazeWay back in 2006, I started a feature entitled “Your Olympic Babe O’ The Day.”

I continued that tradition ever since, and during my research, I learned the Olympic Games are basically an orgy with sporting events sprinkled throughout.

With the 2016 Summer Games being held in Brazil – Ground Zero for the Zika virus – many countries are doing what they can to protect their athletes.

Australian athletes at the Olympics in Rio de Janeiro will be supplied with condoms which manufacturers say will offer “near complete” antiviral protection against the Zika virus.

Starpharma said in a statement its lubricant showed near-complete antiviral protection against Zika in laboratory studies.

Other countries are taking precautions ahead of the games including the United States, which sends the biggest delegation to the Olympics.

Hear that Putin? The United States has the biggest delegation, and your gymnasts will thank us for it a few months from now.

Land Shark!

Shark Strapped To Car

The things you see when you’re out without your fishing pole.

Julie Wright had to do a double take when she saw the above car driving in a suburb known as Safety Bay in Western Australia, according to local news station 9 News. Then she and her son filmed it.

Josh O’Neil, the manager of the Perth & WA Fishing Reports group, told PerthNow that the dead animal appears to be a tiger shark, and The Guardian estimated it was about six and a half feet long.

The fisherman later got into an accident while texting and driving. Sadly, the shark didn’t make it.