True Detective Stories

Last June, I posted a TDS about a crybaby cop who works in my division. I referred to this dullard as Baby Huey, since he looks exactly like the cartoon character. Sadly, he acts like him, as well.

Baby Huey has a full two years on the job, and like most new officers, he believes he knows everything about policing. From what I’ve observed, I doubt he can tie his own shoes.

Baby Huey and his partner walked into the division around 2:30pm on Sunday. I was in the building since I always come in early to catch up on old jobs. The detective who was working the desk at the time was about to leave for the day, and when Baby Huey tried to give me his paperwork. Huey recovered a gun and needed it processed. I said, “Hold on to it. I don’t start until three, and none of my detectives are here yet.”

As I have a history with this fat tub of goo – he complained about me to my supervisors – I also added, “Leave the paperwork here, but take the gun and sit in the lobby until we’re ready for you.” Baby Huey let out a grunt, and waddled off…

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True Detective Stories

So, Saturday night was so much fun. My squad walked into work to find two domestic assault arrests, a body warrant arrest, a missing person report, a theft of an ATV, and other assorted nuisances.

I gave out five assignments in the first fifteen minutes, and since we were all very busy, I didn’t have the patience to deal with dullards.

Then Baby Huey came in.

Baby Huey is a very tall – I’d guess he’s about 6’6″ – chubby, black cop who has a crap-ton of time on this job; nearly a year and a half! Every time he brings in an arrest, it is a complete and utter clusterfrak. The paperwork isn’t done properly, or he’s missing forms, or he asks stupid questions that any casual Law & Order fan would know.

In short, he’s a dumbass; but he’s a dumbass who thinks he’s smart.

This time, Baby Huey came in with a narcotics arrest. Huey was making a car stop, saw the offender was wanted for a probation violation, and found crack cocaine and marijuana in his pockets. Baby Huey waddled to my desk and said, “I have a narcotics arrest.” I replied, “Why on Earth would you be locking up people for narcotics when the DA is arresting cops for doing their jobs?”

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