Great Britain Goes Full Petard

Years from now, we’ll all be able to sit back and tell our relatives where we were when Great Britain destroyed itself. The trigger will apparently be the war crime of workplace handshakes.

It may seem harmless enough, but handshakes in the workplace could become a thing of the past under new physical contact rules being considered in the U.K., according to one human resources expert.

Kate Palmer, an associate director of advisory at the HR consultancy firm Peninsula, said employers in the U.K. may enact a complete ban on physical contact in order to avoid expensive sexual harassment suits.

“Does shaking someone’s hand go too far?” she told the U.K. Metro newspaper. “They may just say ‘no contact at all’ because there’s no grey area. It makes it simple, but it takes away affection, which in some ways is a sad thing,” she said.

I remember when people used to rip on Generation X, calling us slackers, etc. We just wanted to be left alone. We never tried to turn the world into a sterile, antisocial place where people upended a thousand years of rules and norms. Good night, Britain. You had a good run.