Selfish Man Impugns Upright Corporation

When I am stressed and feeling down, nothing warms my heart than stopping by my local Starbucks coffee shop. My favorite barista, Melanie, is a pansexual socialist working her way toward a master’s degree in womyn’s studies. She always makes my coffee how I like my women – black, bitter, and preferably fair trade. It truly pains me to see her company receiving negative press. Truly.

Just two weeks before Starbucks is set to close thousands of locations for “racial-bias education,” for its employees, the coffee company is once again facing scrutiny after a barista at a store in La CaƱada Flintridge, California, targeted a Hispanic customer with a racial slur.

Pedro, who asked not to be identified by his last name, ordered two coffees from the cafe and received his order with the word “beaner” on both cups in place of his name, he told NBC4’s sister station, Telemundo 52.

“It’s an offensive word used towards Latinos,” he said.

Actually Pedro, if that is your real name, “Beaner” describes the millions of Starbucks customers who simply adore their special coffee beans. I’m a beaner, and my friends are beaners. To attack a fine, upstanding corporation like Starbucks seems like a pathetic attempt at self-promotion. Frankly, it’s sad.

Please pay no mind to the Pedros of the world. Starbucks is a beacon of virtue in a less virtuous world.