A Close Shave

San Diego Skyline

A San Diego man claims he was stabbed by a woman with a beard. There is no word whether the woman in question was Michelle Obama.

Police spokesman Robert Heims told Fox 5 San Diego that the 39-year-old victim, whose name has not been released, walked up to a group of people and asked for a cigarette. At that point, Heims said, the woman walked up to the victim and told him to get away from her things. She then stabbed him on the left side of his neck.

The victim was taken to a hospital and treated for non-life-threatening injuries. The suspect fled the scene, and is described as a white woman “with a beard”, weighing approximately 400 pounds and wearing a white T-shirt and jeans.

You know, the beard caught my interest – I can shave her beard while she can shave my back – but the 400 pounds sealed the deal. I am hereby volunteering to bail this woman out, on the condition she will make sweet, sweaty love to me in between quarterly-hour feedings.

*Hat Tip to TXNick, who ruined my appetite with this woman’s visual.